by Kelly Moore
“I wasn’t planning on telling you tonight.” She scowls at Noah.
“What? I’m excited.” He shrugs.
“Okay, if she’s not going to tell me, then you need to spill it, mister.” I point at Noah.
“All right! I’ll tell you.” She pulls out a chair and sits close to Noah. “We”—she places her hand on his—“are going to have a baby.”
“That’s great news. Why wouldn’t you want to share that with me?”
“Well, it was totally unexpected, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it at first…and I know you and Silas tried for years.” She lifts one shoulder up.
“That has nothing to do with you and Noah having a baby. I get to be Auntie Liv again.” I pick up my water glass to cheer them.
“See, I told you she’d be happy for us.” Noah kisses the back of her hand.
“What do Brody and Brady think about it?”
“They are thrilled to death about having another brother.”
“Wait. How far along are you?”
“Sixteen weeks. I had no idea I was pregnant. I felt a little under the weather, so I went for a checkup. Shocker!” She snorts.
“There is one other thing.” Noah looks at his wife seriously.
“You’re scaring me. Is there something wrong?” I rest my elbows on the table.
“We were wondering…” She bites her lip.
“Wondering what?” I’m so curious now.
“If we could name him Silas?” Noah finally breaks the silence.
“I would love that. It would be the second child named after my husband,” I add.
“What? Silas had a son?” Charlie lets go of Noah’s hand and leans toward me.
“No,” I half laugh, “but that’s what I thought at first.
Over dinner, I tell them the story of the village and all Silas had done for them. Noah agrees that the outdoor center will continue whatever Silas had set up for them.
Noah leaves to go watch television when dinner is done, and Charlie and I work on cleaning up.
“You look happy,” Charlie says and flicks water at me from the dishwater.
“I’m getting there.”
“Did you finish your book?”
“I did, and I found my happy ending.”
“That’s great,” she says as she hands me a dish to rinse off. “But there is more, isn’t there?” she whispers and looks over her shoulder to make sure Noah hasn’t come back into the room.
“Maybe.” I giggle.
“I knew you were holding out on me! Did you meet someone?”
“He’s a friend of Silas’s. His name is Clay Dunn, and he and Silas had gone on several adventures together.”
“Did you do the dirty in the tent?” She bumps me with her hip.
“God no! Nothing like that. We kissed.”
“It’s a start.” She snickers. “What’s he like?”
“We’re just friends, but he’s a lot like Silas. A little older, but his heart belongs to the great outdoors.”
“So you don’t think anything will ever come of it?”
“No, but it made me realize how much I miss being a partner with someone, and maybe one day, I’ll fall in love again. It’s too soon, but it gave me hope for the future.”
“I’m so glad to hear it, sweetie.”
“And, I’m so glad there is going to be another baby around here. Life really does go on…even when you don’t want it to.”
“But you want it to now, right?” Worry covers her face when she looks at me.
“Yes, I finally do.”
Noah comes back in the kitchen. “You two done gossiping yet?”
“Who us?” Charlie looks at me and bats her eyes.
“We’ve planned world domination while you were out of the room,” I tease him.
“I wouldn’t put it past the two of you.” He points his finger back and forth at the two of us.
“Did you have something in mind?” Charlie wraps her arms around his waist.
“Well, we did plan an evening alone.” He rocks his hips into her.
“I’m out of here!” I push myself off the edge of the counter I was leaning on.
“Noah! That was rude.” Charlie smacks him in the chest.
“It would be ruder if she saw me strip my wife down naked and bend her over the bar.”
I cover my ears. “Oh my god, Noah, I didn’t just hear that.” I march past them, laughing.
Over the next couple of days, I work on setting up fund-raisers for the village, and I get all my notes together for my travel issue on New Zealand. I place them in my bag along with my finished romance manuscript, then head out to see my editor.
Her office is located inside a building that houses the publisher she works for in downtown St. Petersburg.
“Hey, Jane,” I say, walking into her office.
She gets up from behind her chair and hugs me. “It’s so good to see you working again,” she says.
“It feels good to be back.”
She returns to the chair behind her desk, and I sit across from her. “I have something different I want to show you.” I pull out my romance novel. “I want your opinion on it before I try to market it to the publisher.”
She takes the file from me and starts flipping through the pages. “Romance, huh?”
“Yeah.” I squirm in my seat. “It’s a love story…mine and Silas’s, except, I changed the ending.”
She looks up and has an almost-sad smile on her face. “I would love to read this. I know how much you and Silas loved one another.”
“Thanks. I also have the next book in my series ready for you to review.”
“You’ve been a busy lady.” She takes the other file from me.
“I’ve had lots of time on my hands.”
She reaches in her top drawer and pulls out a thumb drive. “I guess I’m supposed to give you this, according to Silas’s instructions.”
I take it from her, tuck it in my bag, and stand. “Let me know when you’ve looked over my work.”
“I’m going to plan on it being amazing and go ahead and edit it for you,” she says and rises from her chair. “I’ll get your series done first and then work on this one for you.”
“Thank you, Jane.”
That’s the first errand done today, two more to go. I head over to the car dealership that sold me my Ferrari. Silas was right; I need his truck more than I need this car. I look over at the passenger seat and smile, thinking about us having sex in here. It’s a good memory, but another part of me moving on.
The salesman makes all the arrangements to list it for me and gives me a ride home.
One more task.
I unlock the door and go directly to the mantel that houses the kayak and take it down. “It’s time, Silas.” I kiss the top of it and head over to Charlie and Noah’s.
“Hey, are you guys home?”
“Hi, Aunt Olivia,” Brody and Brady shout over their video game.
“Where are your mom and dad?”
“They’re out back on the porch.”
“Isn’t that the kayak that Uncle Silas’s ashes are in?” Brady points and frowns.
I set it down on the coffee table and sit between them. “Yes, it is. He wanted to be put in the gulf, and it’s time I set him free.”
They both lean their heads on my shoulder. ‘’I miss him.” Brody sniffs.
“Me too,” Brady says.
“He loved you boys.” I kiss the top of their heads. “Do you want to come watch me release him?”
Both of them shake their heads. “It will only make me sadder,” Brady admits.
“It’ okay. I understand.” I stand. “Just remember all the good times you had with him and that he loved you.” I pick up the kayak and head to their back porch.
Chapter 11
Noah opens the French door when he sees me “Are you guys busy?” I lift the kayak in the air to show them.
“No,” Noah answers. “Are you sur
e you’re ready for this?”
“Not really, but I think it’s time.”
Noah takes the kayak, and Charlie wraps her arm around my shoulder. We walk down the sandy beach to the water.
Noah places it on the beach where the water meets the sand. “I thought maybe you wanted to say something to him first.” He takes Charlie’s hand, and they walk a few feet back, giving me some space.
I sit in the sand next to it. “I love you, Silas. I have since the day I met you, and god knows how much I miss you. I thought we would grow old together in the house, sitting on the back porch watching the sunsets. When you died, I not only lost my husband but my best friend and lover. I was frozen in time and wanted nothing more than to join you.”
“When I got your first video, I clung to it. It shattered me, but I needed it as much as I needed air to breathe. I counted on them.” I wipe back a tear.
“Now, I have one in my purse, and I don’t want to play it. I know in my heart it’s the last one, and the last time I’ll ever see your face or hear your voice again, and it terrifies me. But, at the same time, you taught me that life will go on, and I’m trying really hard to make that happen. I started writing my series again, and I have several trips planned. I even finished that damn romance book. It took me forever, because it’s our story, and it didn’t end the way I wanted it to. I changed the ending to the ending I wanted. You never got sick, and we traveled. We went back to that village, the one that you kept from me. I don’t know why you didn’t share it with me, but I’m so proud of you for helping them. I’m sure you had your reasons.
“Anyway, in the book, we went back and adopted a few of the children who were orphans, and we brought them home. They became our family, and Brady and Brody adored them. One big, happy family.
“If I had one regret, it’s that I never gave you a child. You would’ve been such a good father. I feel like you gave me everything, and I gave you nothing. You even gave up your life for me.”
Noah sits beside me. “You know none of that is true, right? He loved you more than his job. You gave him both worlds. He still got to go on his adventures and have you. He was one happy man. And, as far as kids go, I remember him at first being very sad about it, but he knew his sadness would only make things worse for you. He said you were his world, and he needed nothing more, and he had no regrets.”
I lean my head on his shoulder. “Thank you, Noah.”
“Hey, what about me?” Charlie sinks down in the sand and wraps her arms around me.
“Thanks for being my friend and putting up with me. I know I’ve been a downer for a while, and you’ve never complained.”
“You’re my best friend, and that’s what we do for one another.”
The three of us stand and slide the kayak into the water, pushing it out beyond the first break. We hold hands and watch it drift over a wave. Suddenly, I can’t breathe. Silas is in the kayak, and I don’t want him to go.
“No!” I scream and break free of them and splash into the water. It’s drifted further out, and I’m frantic to get to it. A hand reaches around me and pulls me back.
“You have to let him go, Liv.” Charlie’s voice is in my ear.
“I can’t!” I cry.
“Breathe, sweetie. You got this. This is Silas’s wish, and you said you’d do anything for him. Do it for him and let go.”
I feel like all the air has left my body, and I become limp in her arms. Every tear I cry drains me, and I finally let go.
“I love you, Silas,” I yell into the wind. She stands and watches with me until I can no longer see it in the water.
“Let’s get you inside.” Charlie pulls me from the water. I look up to see Noah’s eyes filled with tears. I’m not sure if he’s crying for Silas or for me. “I got her. She’ll be okay now,” Charlie tells him as we walk past him.
She walks me up to my back porch, through the house and up to the master bathroom. She opens the glass shower door and turns on the water. “Peel out of those clothes, sweetie. I’ll get some towels.”
“He’s really gone now, isn’t he? I can’t feel him in here anymore.”
“Silas will always live in your heart and in ours.”
I strip out of my clothes and step under the stream of hot water. I tell myself that I’ve cried my last tear but I’m afraid the ache in my heart for him will always remain. Time may ease my pain, but I will never forget him or the love he made me feel.
I wash off the sand from the beach, and Charlie hands me a towel and my robe. “I’m so tired,” I tell her.
She pulls back the blanket on my bed, and I get in and curl up on Silas’s side.
“Sleep, sweetie,” I hear her say and turn off the light.
I don’t wake until almost noon the next day. It’s been forever since I slept that well, and it’s the first time I didn’t dream about Silas.
I pull my robe tight and walk downstairs to look for Murphy. I’m sure he’s got to pee by now.
Charlie is sitting at the bar top, reading the newspaper.
“Did you stay here all night?” She jumps at the sound of my voice.
“Yeah, I wanted to make sure you were okay. There’s coffee made.” She points to the coffee pot.
“Where’s Murphy?”
“Noah took him to work with him.”
“He’s a good man,” I say, pulling down a mug.
“I know. I’m one lucky lady.” She rubs her belly.
“How are you feeling?”
“Pregnant.” She grins. “And a little worried.”
“About the baby?”
“Yeah. I’m thirty-eight years old and wasn’t expecting to start over. The boys only have a few more years at home, and I thought Noah and I would be able to travel.”
“Well, Auntie Olivia is always available to babysit.” I sit next to her. “How does Noah really feel about it?”
“He’s so in love with this baby already. He reads to him every night, and he’s constantly bringing home clothes for him from the outdoor store. I swear the child is going to look like a lumberjack.” She giggles.
“Silas,” I say and smile. “I, for one, can’t wait to meet this little fellow.” I rub her tiny baby bump.
“You know, you could adopt, and we could raise them together.”
“No I couldn’t.” I laugh.
“Seriously, you could.”
“I don’t want to raise a child on my own.”
“Noah and I would help you.”
“I think I have some more healing to do before I’d even consider the possibility, if ever.”
“You’d make a great mom.”
“I need to get back to being Olivia, except I’m not sure I’m really her anymore without Silas.”
“Well, you’re trying. You’ve started working again, and now you’re going to be a best-selling romance author.”
“I highly doubt that, but Silas forced me to take a chance on something I had always wanted to do.”
I get up and grab my purse and take out the thumb drive. “I have one more to watch.”
“How do you know it’s the last one?”
“I can feel it in my bones.”
“Do you want to watch it together?”
I open a drawer and place it inside. “One day I’ll watch it, but not yet.”
“What’s next on your agenda?”
“I’m going to work on the next book in my travel series, so that means I’m going to take another trip.”
“Where to this time?”
“Someplace that Silas and I have never been.”
“Where’s that?”
“Thailand. I’m going to have Noah set it up for me and tag along on one of the medical missions. Maybe I’ll find someone to help like Silas did in the village. I could carry on his mission in his memory.”
“I think that’s a great idea, but I don’t like the thought of you traveling alone.”
“That’s how I want it right now. Part of that finding mysel
f agenda.” I laugh.
“When are you going?”
“Next month. I want to be back here for the one-year anniversary of Silas’s death. I’m going to throw him a party.”
“I can’t believe it’s almost been a year.”
“Me either, but we’re going to celebrate his life like he wanted, and then not long after that, we’ll be celebrating a new life.”
“Gah. I have too much to do to get ready. I gave everything away years ago.”
“I can help decorate the nursery and plan a baby shower for you.”
“Baby showers aren’t really my thing, but I’d love help with the nursery.”
“Count me in.”
Chapter 12
Thailand is stunning. It’s greener and more mountainous than I ever thought it would be. I’ve learned so much being on a medical mission rather than an adventure tour. The doctors and nurses have taught me little things, like how to dress a wound and check for infection. It’s not much, but I’ve loved every minute of it.
We’ve been in a remote village located deep in the mountains. The crew I’m with come here every year to help them with supplies and any minor surgeries they need. I totally get why Silas loved helping his village.
The one thing that’s been hard for me is the lack of a shower. I feel gross and dirty all the time. Water has to be hauled in and stored in gallons, so they ration it for necessity. Evidently, bathing every day is not a priority.
What seems funny to me, is how happy these people are with basically nothing. The children are all sweet and well-behaved, and thanks to the different missions, they seem to be well educated too. I almost feel guilty for the things I have. They live in shacks, with cots, and usually at least six family members per hut.
I finish writing my notes on the trip and get dressed. This is our last week here, and I’d like to do a little exploring. I pull on my boots and tie up my hair in a pony, then throw on my hat.
As I head out the door, I see a group of tourists coming into the village, and I’m shocked when I hear a familiar voice.
“Clay!” I call out.
He does a double take and leaves this group and runs over to me.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he asks as he swings me around in a hug.