Any World That I'm Welcome To

by Tymber Dalton

  As Neil got their dinners on the table and Dex slowly wheeled himself over, he looked up at Neil. “Thank you. For everything.”

  Neil patted his shoulder. “We can do this. We’re a team. Team Tamsin. If we lean on each other, we can and will do this.”

  Dex nodded.

  * * * *

  Some days were easier than others. Dex knew that getting himself fully healed so he could return to work and participate fully in Tamsin’s care was a priority, but at least he used his time off to spend as much time at Tamsin’s side as he could.

  Once he could drive again and was able to get around with crutches, he was spending every possible moment with Tamsin and didn’t need friends to stay with him at the house during the day.

  Tamsin came through the second operation fine. After four days, they decided to wean her off the ventilator. The doctors went out of their way to caution the men that she might not be able to breathe on her own, to not get their hopes up when they brought her out of the medically induced coma.

  Yet, after several hours of slowly stepping her down, she was soon breathing on her own. And while she’d opened her eyes and blinked, she didn’t really…respond. Although sometimes during the following days she would turn her head when Neil or Dex spoke to her, twice squeezing Neil’s hand on command.

  Except they couldn’t get her to reproduce the motions with any degree of accuracy.

  Fifty-two days after being rushed into the Proctor-Collins ER on an ambulance gurney while fighting for her life, Tamsin was wheeled out of the hospital and into a private ambulance for the transfer to the rehab center.

  Neil drove and followed them while Dex rode in the ambulance with her.

  Fortunately, Dex didn’t remember very much about his own ambulance ride that night. He’d been in too much pain and too worried about Tamsin, then had been rushed into surgery almost immediately upon arrival at the hospital.

  Today, Tamsin’s eyes were open and she stared into space. He tried to mentally will her to look out the window, or at him. Anything. To respond to something.

  Dex had spent many nights sitting up with her and trying to get her to look his way, or blink, or squeeze his hand.

  Sometimes she did, just enough to get his hopes up before he couldn’t get her to reproduce whatever she’d done.

  She’d been classified as being in a “minimally conscious state,” even though she clocked in at the lowest end of it. Dex strongly suspected that was due in no small part to him and Neil heavily petitioning the doctors to take every tiny and questionable response and movement she made into account.

  The staff no doubt wanted her out of their hospital so they could be rid of Dex, Neil, and the endless parade of devoted friends who would sit with Tamsin and faithfully report every little thing they noticed. Dex had even started keeping a spiral notebook and pen at her bedside for anyone to note those kinds of movements and responses.

  She didn’t need a ventilator. She responded to pain. If her lips were touched with a moistened swab, she’d lick them and try to swallow.

  They wouldn’t try her with food, though, or full mouthfuls of liquid, out of fear she might aspirate them. She had the feeding tube for hydration and nutrition.

  Once they had her settled in at the rehab facility, the schedule of visitation would start all over again.

  As would a new cycle of the two men trying to keep their hopes alive that she would come home to them in some way resembling their old Tamsin.

  At this point, Dex would be happy just to have her home with them, period. As long as she was alive, that’s all he cared about.

  * * * *

  Neil stared at the wall of clear, heavy plastic sheeting draped over the entryway to what had been his pool bath. Still was his pool bath, but now it was also an active construction zone.

  He’d moved Tam’s guitars, keyboard, and other instruments from the living room to her bedroom for now to protect them from dust and from possibly being damaged during the construction process.

  Seth was supervising the modifications.

  Work had ended for the day, but already Neil could see how quickly this was coming together. He hadn’t waited for the insurance to approve it and decided to finance it himself despite Dex’s objections to him shouldering the cost alone.

  Neil didn’t care.

  They’d put in a roll-in shower with a wet floor, handrails and other safety features for when Tamsin could manage on her own, as well as an overhead lift system to transfer her from bed to the bathroom without killing their backs.

  It also meant less chance of accidentally dropping her and injuring her. The toilet was new, a taller one, with safety rails. Just in case…

  Just in case.

  She’d been in the rehab facility for almost five weeks. It felt more like a year than just a little over three months since the accident. There’d been tiny improvements in her condition since her transfer to the rehab facility, but no gigantic, magic a-ha moment that would give them an abundance of hope.

  Neil heard Dex’s car in the driveway but didn’t move when the man walked in.

  “Hey.” Dex closed the front door behind him.

  “Hey.”

  Dex walked over. “Wow. They’re really making progress.”

  “Yeah. Seth said we’ll be ready for the final inspection on Tuesday.”

  Dex laid a hand on Neil’s shoulder. “You know she’s going to kick your ass for spending this much money on her, right?”

  Neil caught the teasing tone in Dex’s voice and forced a smile for his friend. “I hope so. I’ll gladly take an ass chewing or an ass kicking from her.”

  Dex squeezed his shoulder but didn’t move his hand. “Want me to cook dinner tonight?”

  “Please.” Neil sighed. “How is our girl?”

  “They got her hand and feet splints in today. And when we were watching The Big Bang Theory, she turned toward the TV when it came on. Leah told me she did that for her yesterday, too.”

  They’d cut down on the night visitors, especially since Tamsin seemed to be settling into a somewhat normal circadian rhythm, eyes mostly open during the day, and closed at night, indicating sleep. Now if someone visited at night, it was usually Dex or Neil.

  Neil knew Dex worried about him, about having really high hopes and pinning a recovery on the goalpost of bringing her home.

  He wasn’t an idiot. He knew the odds were slowly turning against their favor, but he was far from giving up.

  If nothing else, having Tamsin home meant one huge worry off his plate. The facility she was in was a good one, and he’d had Ed check them out thoroughly. They were on the pricey side, Neil digging into his own savings to pick up some extra expenses not yet covered by insurance or Medicaid.

  Except she wasn’t home.

  Control freak? Absolutely.

  He’d freely admit it.

  He wanted their baby brat with them.

  He knew Dex wanted to say something else and waited him out. Neil was all talked out today from an exhausting series of client appointments that had left him barely able to keep a professional façade in place.

  Dex squeezed his shoulder again before releasing him. “I’m not sure what to say to make you feel better.”

  * * * *

  Dex worried about Neil. He’d lost several pounds and was starting to look a little gaunt around his cheeks. Dex knew Neil wasn’t sleeping well, because there were many times he awakened before dawn and when he went to use the bathroom, stopping by the front windows to take a look out them showed Neil’s car gone.

  “You don’t have to try to make me feel better,” Neil quietly said. “I know you’re dealing with this the best you can.”

  “But we’re a team. That’s what you said. We’re in this together. I need you to let me in. You took care of me. Now it’s time to let me take care of you.”

  Especially since Dex couldn’t return to work yet. The doctors said it’d be several weeks at the earliest before they’d
even think about clearing him. Even then, he might be on light duty for a while.

  So he’d taken over all the house chores, easing Neil’s burden as much as possible.

  It broke his heart when he spotted the tears in Neil’s blue eyes. “I just want her home,” he whispered.

  Dex engulfed him in a hug. “I know, buddy. Me, too. We’ll get her home, but if you kill yourself in the process, how’s that going to help anyone?”

  “Am I doing the right thing? Did I do right by her?”

  “Absolutely you did. Do you think I would have gone along with something I didn’t think was right?” Not that he could have done much about it except protest. Neil was the final authority, legally, on Tamsin’s care.

  Except…Neil had asked Dex every step of the way, refusing to proceed unless they were in full agreement. So far, they had been.

  On everything.

  “Promise me you’ll stop me if I fuck up.”

  “I will. Absolutely. Look, go get your shower. I’ll bring you a beer and get dinner started.”

  “I wanted to go see her tonight.”

  “You were there at damn daybreak,” Dex finally said. “Don’t think I don’t know that. Now, you need to relax. You haven’t missed a day visiting her in over two weeks, and I was there most of today. Okay? I’m going to go Dom on your ass if you don’t relax and take tonight off.”

  Dex held his breath, waiting.

  Neil finally let out a tearful chuckle before ending their hug so he could wipe at his eyes. “Okay. Deal.”

  “Go on. I’ll bring the beer in to you.”

  “Thanks.” Neil leaned in and pecked him on the cheek, then froze. “I—”

  “It’s okay, you big goofball.” Dex made a big deal about grabbing Neil by the head and planting one on his lips, finally dragging a smile out of the other man. “There. We’re even.”

  Neil’s blue eyes searched his. “You trying to seduce me, Princess?”

  Now it was Dex’s turn to nearly start crying. Neil hadn’t called him that since…before.

  “Don’t tempt me too much, buddy. Remember, you are my hall-pass fuck. Now go get your shower.” He smacked Neil hard on the ass before heading for the kitchen, relieved to hear the other man’s laughter following him.

  Crisis averted.

  * * * *

  The next Thursday afternoon, Neil sat and listened as Dex handled the talking. He wasn’t exactly a car guy. Dex knew more about that than he did. The van they were looking at buying from the company who specialized in modified vehicles was used, but low mileage and in good condition. With a raised roof, it would be more comfortable for them while getting Tamsin’s custom wheelchair loaded and unloaded.

  The bathroom renovation was complete. Buying their own van was the last step for Neil to feel really comfortable getting Tamsin home. Yes, they could call an ambulance transport to pick her up for appointments, but then they were at someone else’s mercy.

  What if he and Dex decided they wanted to take her somewhere? Like the beach?

  They needed their own way to transport her.

  Neil wanted to make sure they could completely take care of her. They had the nursing staff lined up through the home health care company. They had a hospital bed and all the medical equipment they’d need for her ready to deliver next week.

  Neil desperately tried not to think in terms of her improving enough to be independent, because there wasn’t yet any evidence of that.

  But he had hope.

  Lots of hope.

  It was about all he had.

  Once the paperwork was completed—after Dex had managed to haggle the price down a little—they headed home with Dex driving the van. As exhausted as Neil felt, he didn’t want to tackle learning how to drive it that late in the day. He was used to driving a car, not a big vehicle.

  Thankfully, Dex had not only not given him any grief about it, he’d promised to take Neil out that weekend and teach him how to drive it.

  They were on track to bring Tamsin home next Wednesday, as long as nothing changed in the interim.

  Her doctors and care providers had all signed off on it, the home health care company had added her as a client, and now they just needed to get the equipment delivered.

  Neil and Dex had already rearranged the living room to fit her bed.

  She would come…home.

  Neil didn’t want to get his hopes up too much until they wheeled her through the door. There could still be an insurance snafu or something that held up her discharge from the rehab center.

  When they parked in the driveway, Neil spotted a tree branch he’d need to have trimmed to make more room to turn the van around. As he stood there, staring up at it, Dex walked over.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He pointed up.

  “Oh, I can get that.”

  “No, you can’t.”

  “Sure I can. I can bring out the ladder and—”

  “No!” Neil didn’t realize he’d nearly screamed it until he saw Dex’s eyebrow arch.

  Dex stepped in front of him, cradling his face in his hands and staring him in the eyes. “Listen to me,” Dex quietly said. “You listening?”

  Neil nodded.

  “I’m not fragile. I’ll be going back to work soon. Getting on a ladder won’t kill me, I promise. I’ll be doing that at work anyway.”

  Neil swallowed but didn’t say anything. In a way, he felt terrified for Dex to go back to work.

  “I can’t do this without you.”

  “I know you can’t, buddy. I’m not going anywhere. But maybe you need to talk to Doyle. You haven’t talked to him in a couple of weeks, have you?”

  “No.”

  Dex pulled him in and kissed his forehead. They’d kind of fallen into the habit of doing that over the past couple of days. “Please, for me? Talk to Doyle.”

  “Okay.”

  “Thank you. Now let’s go inside and make dinner.”

  As Neil followed Dex inside, it struck him how…normal this new reality felt in some ways. How…familiar.

  There were bright spots, like this.

  It’ll be so much better when she’s home with us.

  Chapter Eleven

  Neil had taken three days off ahead of the weekend to give him five days home with Tamsin. He wanted to be there to bring her home and make sure everything was perfect. Plus, he’d have time to rectify any issues without being jammed up against a weekend and people not being in their offices to fix things that might go awry.

  Their first day nurse, Martina, parked her car at their house and rode with them to the rehab facility in the van. Neil drove them. He knew he’d have to get used to driving the large van, but he still wasn’t comfortable doing it despite Dex patiently working with him. Today wasn’t the first time he’d driven it, but he felt far more nervous now.

  Because they were getting Tamsin.

  Bringing her home, where she belonged.

  With them.

  “You’ve got this, buddy,” Dex gently said when Neil had pulled to a stop for a red light and wiped his palms on his jeans. “You’re doing great.”

  “I’m scared.”

  “You’re fine.”

  “I’m scared about bringing her home.” Neil looked at him. “What if we screw this up?”

  “We’re not going to screw this up. We’ve got a plan in place, we’ve got a great team of nurses, we have the house set up. Plus, she’ll be with us. We’ll see her all the time. We’ll know she’s getting good care. You and I will finally be able to get a good night’s sleep not worrying about her. It’ll be less stressful on us, because we can walk ten feet and sit down with her.”

  Neil wasn’t only worried about her, but about Dex, too. “You can’t do too much and hurt yourself again.”

  “My leg’s okay. I can walk on it now.”

  “Your back. You need to heal up so you can go back to work.”

  “I’ll be going back to work in a couple of weeks.” He laid
a hand on Neil’s arm. “We talked about this. We’ve got this. We have everything we need for her. We have the lift system, her wheelchair, the bed—everything.”

  Neil nodded and slowly let up on the brake as the light turned green. “And we’re in agreement that when we’re around her, we always talk like she can hear every word. Make sure that everyone around her knows that. Right?”

  “Absolutely.”

  It took them a couple of hours to go through everything with the staff and nurses at the rehab facility, process the discharge paperwork, prescriptions, get doctor appointments scheduled, arrange the home therapy schedule—it was a dizzying amount of information to process. Thankfully they had Martina with them to help, and Dexter had the presence of mind when he was discharged from the hospital to start a binder for all of Tamsin’s information.

  It became their bible for taking care of her.

  Neil let Dex take charge of that part, now doubting himself, barely able to process everything. Had he messed up? He could have told the doctor in the ER about her DNR. Dex knew she had one and never questioned Neil about it. Hell, Ed had been sitting right there with him in that consult room that first night when the doctor tried to get him to sign the organ donor paperwork.

  And Ed hadn’t stopped him when he ripped up the papers, either.

  Had he sentenced his best friend to an imprisoned life he knew she didn’t want?

  Or was he being ableist and overthinking this and had absolutely done the right thing asking for everything to be done to save her life?

  Water under the bridge now. He knew he needed to stop obsessing over it. She was alive, and she was coming home, to them.

  I’m so sorry, baby. I made the best decision I could. I couldn’t bear to let you go. Especially not like this.

  * * * *

  Dex knew the side of Neil that most people saw was the thorough, put-together expert full of self-confidence that never swayed into arrogance.

  Only he—and Tamsin—ever saw the raging anxiety that sometimes overcame the man. Not to a clinical level, but in situations like this where Neil doubted himself and sailed in uncharted territories.