by Sarah Banks
They arrived to the party with neighbors of Aunt Susan’s but it was David who ended up taking them home. Kate sat in the front of the wagon next to her broodingly silent ex-fiancé as Aunt Susan insisted on sitting in the wagon bed with the children. She doted over them like her very own grandchildren. Lee and Olive had taken to Aunt Susan just as quickly and Kate worried how they might react if she did decide to marry someone else and move out of her house or even Noah altogether. The children had already experienced enough upheaval, but they couldn’t live with Aunt Susan forever.
The first half of the drive she and David sat quietly side by side. The occasional snippet of conversation and laughter came from the back of the wagon between Aunt Susan and the children but Kate couldn’t make out more than a word or two.
Halfway to town, David said in a low voice, “Leander’s asked my permission to court you.”
Kate whipped her head toward him so quickly she felt her neck crack. He had leaned slightly toward her, probably with the intention of keeping their conversation private but he hadn’t taken his eyes from the road. She could feel the heat of his arm pressed against her, even through his jacket as well as smell the lovely scent of his cologne. She fought the urge to close her eyes and inhale. Instead she asked, “Pardon me?”
He glanced at her. “Leander’s asked my permission to court you,” he repeated. His features were tight in the moonlight.
Kate straightened her back, breaking the contact of their arms and asked louder than she meant to, “And why would he do that?”
He glanced at her again, this time uneasily, as if he sensed the irritation in her tone. “What do you mean?”
She forced herself to lower her voice. She didn’t need Aunt Susan to know that Leander was interested in courting her. If she got wind of it, the wedding would be planned before the week’s end. “Why would he ask you for permission to court me?”
“I don’t know. Probably because you traveled to Noah with the intention of marrying me.”
Kate gave a dry laugh. As if she needed to be reminded that he rejected her. Twice now, or did him not asking her to dance or barely even looking in her direction tonight count as a third?
“What’s the matter?” He asked. Transferring the reins to one hand, he turned to look at her.
“Nothing!” She insisted too loudly to be convincing and looked away from the confusion in his dark eyes and the frown that pulled at his lips, lips that she had kissed almost two weeks ago.
“Everything okay up there?” Susan called, concern lightly lacing her voice.
“Fine!” They insisted at the same time.
They were quiet for a few minutes. Kate tried to steady her breathing when what she really wanted was to lash out in hurt and anger. Yes, he had every right to refuse to marry her. She said she had no children and instead brought two with her. It changed the circumstances they had discussed in their letters. But being faced with his rejection on a regular basis was beginning to get to her. And by living with his aunt, it would continue to happen. But to have Leander ask him if he could court her, as if David had any say in the matter, even if she was originally supposed to marry him, it was just too much.
“He doesn’t want to marry me anyway,” she said finally with a sigh.
David scratched his chin and she shivered at the sound of the bristly hair against his fingernails. He shot her a look of confusion. “I don’t think he’d ask me to court you if that wasn’t where he was headed.”
Kate shrugged. “You’re his best friend. You should know.”
“Know what?”
“He’s in love with someone, and it isn’t me.”
“He is? Who?”
“I don’t know.”
“But he told you this?” He asked slowly.
“No.”
“Then how do you know?”
“I just do.”
David stared at her a moment before he threw back his head and laughed, a deep-throated laugh that sent another shiver through her. He looked at her. “You’re driving me crazy,” he said, knocking off his hat and running a hand through his hair.
That made her laugh too. “I didn’t know him before obviously, but it seems to me that he’s often distant and well, sort of…wounded. I don’t know what happened in California, but I think there was a woman.”
“You think he’s still hung up on the sister of the man he shared the gold claim with?”
She shrugged again. “I have no idea. I just have this feeling that he was badly hurt.”
David was quiet for a few minutes more. “Maybe,” he finally admitted.
She wondered if he felt the same distance in Leander, even when he was right next to you, or saw the pain that sometimes flashed in his eyes.
They had just turned onto Aunt Susan’s street when he asked, “So, you wouldn’t marry him if he asked you?”
“No! Why do you care anyway?”
“I don’t—,” he said, before stopping himself.
Kate felt a physical jerk of pain in her chest. She quickly looked away in case the heartache was visible in her eyes. He had just been about to say he didn’t care. Why did those words have the power to hurt her so badly?
“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded,” he said softly as he stopped the wagon in front of Aunt Susan’s house.
“Yes you did. You don’t want to marry me. I get it. I’ve heard it over and over. You don’t have to tell me again. But you have no responsibility toward me whatsoever David. It’s not up to you to give permission to anyone to court me. Do me a favor, if ever again anyone should ask, send them my way or rather tell them the truth, it’s none of your business.”
She hopped down from the wagon without assistance and went around to help the children out. His long legs beat her to the back of the wagon and he gently brushed her aside. He lifted both of the children out with ease, handing her Olive, before helping his aunt down.
“Are you staying for dessert David?” Aunt Susan asked, her concerned gaze darting back and forth between her and her nephew.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.” There was something in his voice but Kate refused to let herself look at him and she tightened her arms around the sleepy Olive. Instead she focused on Lee who was staring at the pie so hard, Kate hoped he didn’t strain his eyes. There were no finger holes in it, but there were pieces of the crust missing, not to mention little crumbs of pastry around his lips. Kate decided to ignore it. She was tired. She just wanted this night to be over.
“Come along Lee,” she said, taking the stairs to the porch. “It’s getting late. Pie. Then bed.”
Lee followed.
“We’ll see you next Sunday then David,” Aunt Susan said, before following Kate.
“Of course.”
Kate could feel his eyes on her as she climbed the porch steps. It felt like he was trying to get her to look back at him but she continued to ignore him and went inside.
∞∞∞
Kate and Susan put the children to bed together. Lee insisted Aunt Susan did the voices better in the story and Kate had to agree as she sat next to the bed. She listened to her read aloud as the children drifted off to sleep rather quickly, as it was far past their usual bedtime and they had had a full day. It was too bad Aunt Susan wasn’t blessed with children of her own, she was absolutely wonderful with them. She would have made a perfect mother, she was so patient, loving and intuitive with them.
Tucking the covers around them more tightly and pressing a kiss to each of their foreheads, Kate followed Susan out, leaving the door cracked and headed to the kitchen to clean-up. She felt Susan’s hand on her arm as she steered her from the kitchen counter to the table, pushing her into a chair.
“Is everything okay between you and David?”
“Of course,” Kate said, avoiding the woman’s eyes.
“It sounded like you and he were arguing.”
“Not really,” Kate hedged, tracing a thick grain in the wood of the tabletop.
&n
bsp; When Kate finally looked up, she saw Aunt Susan raise her brow.
Kate sighed and debated whether or not she wanted to keep it under her hat about Leander asking to court her. Ultimately she decided not to keep secrets, Susan had been nothing but kind and giving to Kate and the children and Kate owed her more than she could ever pay back. Plus Aunt Susan intended to fix her up with Leander anyhow, so it was best they get it out of the way now.
“David told me that Leander asked his permission to court me.”
Susan gripped her hand tightly. “That’s wonderful!”
“No, it’s not wonderful. I have no interest in Leander, not in that way. He may be more handsome than any man has a right to be, but I only consider him a good friend. That’s all,” she said firmly. “I don’t feel,” her fingers flexed within Susan’s hand, “what I think I should feel for a potential husband. And I know you don’t agree with me, but I’ve made up my mind. I’ve decided not to marry. Not Leander. Not anyone. I haven’t yet decided if I’ll be staying in Noah. The kids really seem to like it here and I do too. I know I haven’t had much luck so far but I’m going to find a job and—”
“You’re wrong,” Susan said.
Kate shook her head. “I knew you were going to say that.” She stood and tried to pull her hand from Susan’s, but Susan wouldn’t let go.
“Let me finish. Please.”
Kate reluctantly sat back down.
“I don’t mean that you’re wrong about what you want. Just that you’re wrong about what I think. People have asked me plenty of times over the years why I haven’t remarried. Have you ever wondered why I haven’t?”
“No, I know why. Because you were so in love with your husband.” Kate wished that she had the same.
“Yes, that’s true. But it’s more than that. I never met anyone else that felt right to me. My husband felt right. I knew I wanted to marry him the day I met him. He didn’t propose to me until six months later. The first thing I said was yes, of course. The second, I love you. The third, why did you wait so long to ask me?”
Kate laughed.
“So if you don’t feel Leander’s the one for you, or marrying anybody else, then you’re right, it’s not.”
“Thank you for understanding,” Kate whispered.
“I’m sorry if I’ve pressured you.”
“You haven’t…much. It’s just that I’m still figuring everything out. I’m appreciative of your help and support more than I can say.”
“You’re welcome to stay here forever Kate. You and the kids. I would love to have you.”
Kate gave her a wobbly smile. “Thank you, but I don’t think I can.”
“Why not? Because of David?”
Dare she tell her how she felt about David? That he had rejected her more than once. How they shared an embrace and a kiss that still caused her to blush when she thought about it weeks later. That the affection she developed from their correspondence had turned into even more on her part, despite his rejection.
Kate buried her face in her hands. “I’m in love with him.”
“Oh, my dear,” Susan exclaimed softly.
“But he doesn’t want me. Not the way things are now.”
“Maybe we can change his mind.”
Kate pulled her hands away from her face. “No!” Her refusal was so loud she hoped she hadn’t woken up the children. She lowered her voice, “No, that’s the last thing I want, for him to be pressured to change his mind. It would ultimately make him unhappy and I care about him too much for that. As much as I want to stay here, I realize now that I can’t. We all need to move on and we can’t do that the way things are now. So come Monday I’m buying a newspaper and I am going to find a job, but away from Noah.”
Chapter Eight
When Leander stopped by midweek after work to ask her to a picnic Saturday afternoon, Kate almost refused, until he invited the kids along. She reluctantly agreed but only because Lee had overheard the invitation and would have been crushed if she had said no. He idolized Leander.
So she found herself trudging up a mountainside mid-afternoon on Saturday. The mountain had looked like just a hill from a distance but when Leander had parked the wagon, she realized just how steep it really was. Lee was several yards ahead of her although she reminded him regularly to take care. Olive was on Leander’s back but despite the added weight he wasn’t gasping for breath like she was.
“You want to take a break?” He asked, turning back to her with a gentle smile.
She shook her head, not enough breath to answer.
“Then at least let me take the basket,” he insisted.
Susan had packed an early supper for them. Kate had insisted on holding it at first since he was carrying Olive but now gratefully handed it over to him. Shedding the extra weight of the full basket helped. She followed him the rest of the way up until the top flattened out. The view was stunning. You could see in every direction and there were just enough clouds in the sky promising a spectacular sunset. She lay out a blanket and then set out the food and they all ate like it was their only meal of the day. Something about the fresh air, sunshine and walking up the side of a mountain for the past hour brought out their appetites.
“Why don’t you and your sister see how many different flowers you can find?” Leander asked Lee, once the containers of food and drink had been demolished.
Lee made a face. “I’d rather see how many different bugs I can find.”
“Fair enough,” Leander said with a smile. He handed them two now-empty sacks, one for flowers, one for bugs and sent them along. “Not too far. Mind the edge and watch your sister.”
Kate was nervous to let them go off on their own. It turned out they didn’t have to go far at all to find “some really good bugs” as Lee exclaimed when he turned over a big rock. She shuddered. They were however out of earshot and she wondered if this was when Leander would ask to court her.
She didn’t have to wonder long.
Leander cleared his throat. He was nervous, she realized, which she found charming. So was she, but for different reasons. She discreetly rubbed her sweating palms down her skirt. She never wanted to hurt anyone’s feelings, especially his, but she had to be honest. She didn’t know what the future held for her, but she knew it wasn’t as Leander’s wife.
“I spoke with David,” he began, and then reached for her hand.
“Yes, I know,” she replied softly.
He raised his eyebrows.
Kate took a deep breath and gently pulled her hand from his.
He gave her a crooked smile. “I suppose that’s my answer.”
“I’m sorry Leander.”
He looked away and nodded. The sun was getting close to setting. The clouds were starting to turn a soft shade of gold.
“I would be a good father to those kids,” he said, watching Lee flip over another rock and Olive squeal with glee at the many-legged creatures it revealed, from a safe distance that is.
“You would be a tremendous father,” she agreed.
He looked at her. “But that’s not enough to change your mind?”
“No. I’m happier than I can say that we’re friends, but I don’t love you Leander, not like that.”
He nodded and was silent for a long moment before he finally said, “I understand.”
They watched the children for a few more minutes in thoughtful silence before he turned back to her. “You know, I was surprised that David didn’t deny my request to court you flat out.”
“And why would he do that?” She asked, her throat all of the sudden feeling dry despite the lemonade she had drank only minutes ago.
He gave her a look. “It’s obvious despite his actions that he still wants you.”
“You’re wrong.”
“And I think you still want him.”
That she couldn’t deny. She looked down at her lap. “I’m a fool,” she admitted in a whisper.
This time he grasped her hand and wouldn’t let go.
“No, you’re not,” he said firmly.
She smiled gratefully.
“We can still be friends?” He asked.
“I would be sad if we weren’t,” she replied, giving his hand a squeeze before pulling away.
He nodded.
“What about you Leander?” She asked softly.
He gave her a curious look. “What about me?”
“Why ask after courting me when it’s obvious there’s someone else you really want?”
A myriad of expressions crossed his face. Surprise, followed quickly by sadness, then replaced with a mischievous mask. He jumped to his feet. “We’d better get this stuff packed up. Once the sun sets, we have less than an hour to get down the hill before it gets completely dark.”
He neatly sidestepped her question and Kate let him get away with it. Together they cleaned up the remnants of their picnic except for the blanket.
Olive ran over and presented her with a few wildflowers that had her pulling the shy girl into a tight hug. Then she had to suffer through Lee showing off his bug collection which unfortunately were not dead. One creepy crawly landed on her leg and Kate jumped up with a scream, shaking out her skirts.
Leander tried to help but he was too busy laughing to be of much use. Olive jumped around and screamed mimicking Kate and soon all four of them were laughing.
After that, once Kate was absolutely certain there were no bugs anywhere on her person, they quietly watched the sun set and it was one of the most beautiful things she had ever witnessed. She wished it was David standing beside her with the children. But Leander was nice too. She was grateful for his friendship at a time when she needed it most.
When it was time to leave they shared a look as he put Olive on his back and picked up the much lighter picnic basket. “Is it okay if I still come by on the occasional Sunday?” He asked.
“I insist. Besides, you owe me another poker lesson. I lost to Lee last night!” She turned to trail after Lee who was already a couple dozen steps ahead, heading down the hill. She was followed by the sound of Leander’s laughter.
∞∞∞