by Amelia Grey
There were more whispers and murmurings from the crowd. Brina tried not to pay attention, but it was difficult not to hear some of them.
“What are they going to do now?”
“I think she handled him quite well.”
“It’s about time someone did. His family never could.”
“A lovely lady like her shouldn’t have to put up with such a scoundrel.”
“I’ll be at White’s first thing in the morning, and I’m putting my money on Mrs. Feld.”
“I believe I will too.”
Tension and frustration shook through her, but she kept walking.
“You were quite spectacular just now, Mrs. Feld,” he said with guarded praise.
Yes, she was, but she’d be the talk of the gossip sheets tomorrow. More ladies would flood her with flowers, sweets, and kind words next week, but this man was making her feel like smiling with his high praise. Her impossible demands had been a shock to him. They were to her. There was no way he could adhere to one of them, let alone all of them. It was startling to think she had the courage to tell him no women.
Where had that idea even come from?
He was perturbed by it, but so far, obviously not deterred.
“What else do we need to settle?” Blacknight grumbled, as they moved farther away from the thick of the crowd. “I think I’ve already agreed to give up every sin known to man.”
“You have some nerve being peeved with me,” she countered. “After your actions.”
“If I’m remembering correctly, Mrs. Feld, you were the one who did most of the talking tonight. All I wanted was a dance.”
“I was referring to you involving me in your scandalous wager in the first place. Not the conditions I attached to it.”
“Of which you said you had another. I can hardly wait to hear what the next one is.”
Brina glanced over at him. She had really gotten to him with her unprecedented requirements. That pleased her. Much as she would like to deny it, he was immensely compelling when upset with her.
“The one I haven’t stated is the most important.”
“Maybe to you,” he mumbled and picked up a filled glass from a server who passed by.
The orchestra returned playing, and the people continued talking in their hushed whispers as they dispersed. She had no doubt who they whispered about. But she couldn’t worry about that right now. She had to finish what she’d started.
They stopped in a corner, and he handed her the champagne. “I don’t know what else you could want from me.”
“Humility would be nice,” she answered.
“That might prove as difficult as giving up an afternoon game of cards is going to be.”
“Which is why I’m certain in the end, I will win this wager. However, let’s look at the facts. If you should somehow miraculously win, you would get me and the money from the gentlemen’s wagers you placed at White’s. I’ve been told it’s considerable.”
He nodded confidently. “After tonight, it could quite possibly reach to the stars.”
She shrugged as if it hardly mattered but actually concurred. “I have the conditions set forth for you, but we need to talk about what I get if you lose.”
“An earl for a husband,” he answered quickly and without an ounce of boasting.
She scoffed. “What possible value could there be for me in something I don’t want?”
His head tilted in question for a moment before a flicker of admiration sparked in his expression. “I agree. You should be entitled to something of your choosing if you win. What do you want from me?”
“Nothing,” she whispered softly, knowing it to be true.
His eyebrows quirked upward as he considered her question. “No. It’s only fair you receive something I can give you.”
When he said that, she remembered the kiss he’d given her as a thank-you. Her heartbeat quickened. He’d held her so tightly, she felt treasured, kissed so briefly but so thoroughly, she couldn’t erase it from her memory.
Heat flushed her cheeks.
To cover the sudden, unbidden sensations, she quickly said, “Since from the beginning you made this wager a public one, we will end it the same way. I want everyone to hear your apology when you lose.”
“What else?”
Brina blinked. “Nothing else.”
“You have almost half a dozen conditions for me to follow in the next four weeks. Surely you want more than an I’m sorry if you win. Money? Jewels? Land? There must be something.”
“No. No, I don’t,” she said earnestly. “Money or land? What kind of person do you think I am?”
He leaned back to study her. His expression turned gentle, almost comforting, and he slowly nodded. “A good one. I know you wouldn’t ask anything for yourself, but I thought you might ask something for your school or the sisters.”
She appreciated he realized he’d misjudged her motives and had no trouble admitting it. The boarding school was well-funded. She could have asked him for money to aid the sisters’ work at Pilwillow Crossings. They could always use more donations. But being benevolent to a charitable organization would be too easy for him. It would require nothing of him but giving money.
He needed to do something that would be difficult for him.
Only one thing would do.
“I want nothing from you other than a public apology for getting me mixed up in this terrible scheme of yours and upsetting my life without any care for what it would do to me or how it would make me feel to be a part of your questionable behavior.”
It might seem unimportant or perhaps even unnecessary to him or others, but it was important to her. Instead of the peaceful life of serving others she’d expected to live when she returned from France, she now had to train a man on proper behavior befitting an earl and head of his family. And knowing how to say I was wrong and I’m sorry were two of the first things he needed to learn.
Besides, she had a feeling that to this gambling man, losing a wager—to a lady—and then having to apologize wouldn’t come easy.
No matter that right now he thought it would be easy to do.
“You have my word,” he said with an unusual tenderness.
His expression was gentle and his promise heartfelt and nourishing after the battle they’d had. One she felt she had won—at least for now.
“If that’s all you want, I’ll do the grandest of apologies,” he added. “Instead of the banns to announce our forthcoming marriage, I’ll take out an ad in the Times and all the newsprints proclaiming the errors of my ways and your victory. Would that make you happy, Mrs. Feld?”
She drew in a heavy breath. “I don’t need anything so ostentatious. At midnight, the last ball of the Season, a simple apology will do.”
“If I fail and you win, I will comply.” He folded his arms across his chest. “If I refrain from all you have dictated, at midnight, the last ball of the Season, you will agree to accept my proposal of marriage.”
Brina swallowed hard. Suddenly she didn’t want to agree. Fear he might somehow win pounded in her chest. It had been easy when they were dancing and their hands touching to play tit-for-tat with their words. But now, this was serious.
Could she go back on her word?
“Do we have a bargain, Mrs. Feld?”
She willed herself to be calm once again and remember she had proof of his rogue ways and had to believe with all confidence he could not change them for her. “Yes.”
He answered with a nod. “I assume you know the stipulations you’ve placed on this arrangement of ours means we’ll be spending a lot of time together.”
Brina felt a twinge of unease. A lot? That was something she hadn’t thought about. “Even though I’m committed to try, I’m not sure how much time I can devote to helping you in your endeavor to change your ways.”
“It’s not only that. You’ll want to be with me as much as possible to make sure I don’t swear, take a drink, or—”
She sudde
nly cleared her throat and he paused.
“Commit any other offense that would keep me from upholding my end of the bargain and winning your hand.”
A humorous light shone in his eyes, and despite her best effort she warmed to it. It should infuriate her, but now that their connection was set, she found his easygoing manner charming and tempting her to go along. This entire affair should have her feeling wretched. She didn’t want a man in her life. In any capacity.
“I have other commitments, my lord. People who depend on me for certain things. I cannot be constantly watching to make sure your behavior is acceptable, and I don’t believe I need to. Different people heard portions of our exchange tonight. By tomorrow everyone will put together the bits and pieces they heard and the terms of our agreement will be known.”
She stopped and drew in a deep breath, wondering if she could handle the scandal of it. “Anyway,” she added. “You will have a thousand eyes watching you. If you step out of line once, someone will see or hear, and I have no doubt they will let me know if you stray.”
“I have no doubt of that either, but just in case, I’ll be over tomorrow afternoon and we’ll ride in the park.”
Tomorrow?
Tension caused by what she’d done coiled inside her once more. “We certainly don’t have to start this charade that soon. No reason to hurry with anything.”
“I want to.” He stepped closer to her once again and lowered his voice. “You have much to teach me, Mrs. Feld, and I am eager to learn.”
His closeness always filled her with a shiver of desire and made Brina wonder if it would really be the other way around. She had unwittingly given Lord Blacknight a reason and a way to pursue her in front of everyone.
And he had just started.
A faint gleam of humor shone in his eyes. “No time to waste. If I’m going to have to live without a game of cards, no drinking, and other things of a nature too primal for a gentleman to mention in your presence, you will have to live with seeing me. Often.”
“Oh, you are a beast,” she exclaimed in a frustrated tone. “Because you will be suffering, you want me to as well.”
He gave her such a charming grin, her displeasure over the entire affair almost faded away. Brina had no idea exactly what she’d gotten herself into. Yet, much to her chagrin, apprehension and anticipation twisted together inside her, troubling her even more.
“All right,” she said, feeling somewhat like she’d agreed to a prison sentence. “If you insist, half past two for a ride in the park will be fine.”
“There’s one thing I should remind you of before we seal this,” he said. “I always play to win.”
Her chin lifted. “And you should know, I’ve never put a wager on anything in my life—I wouldn’t be doing it now if I had any concern about losing.”
“I will take no mercy on you because you are a lady.”
“I would be affronted if you tried.” She took a sip of champagne, looked at him, and smiled. “Oh, my, this tastes so wonderful. Cooling after such heated talk.”
He gave her a twisted grin. “You are a delight when you’re being wicked, Mrs. Feld.”
She took another sip and it went down hard and ended with a heavy breath. “This is madness. I can’t believe I’m going to be spending time with you when I could be doing something to help someone in true need. I have important things to do during the day. Taking jolly rides around the parks with you wasn’t in my schedule.” She stopped. Her gaze froze onto his. “Why did you get me mixed up in this? I was just beginning to get my life—” She bit off the words and ended with an exasperated sigh.
His expression softened, and he leaned toward her in a concerned way. “You were beginning to do what?”
Warmed by his sincere tone, her earlier confidence evaporated in an instant and in its place was the crushing need to be held against his strong chest and comforted. Blacknight was offering her the opportunity to share her heartache with him. And strange as it was, for a moment she wanted nothing more than to do that.
But no. She couldn’t. Ever.
She wasn’t going to pour out her heart to him about how she’d struggled since her husband died. First with the denial, then shock, and later the overwhelming anger that nearly destroyed her. Oh, the anger had been so difficult to deal with. She hadn’t even shared her deepest feelings with Julia and Adeline. It was too horrible for anyone to know.
Brina took a step back from the earl. “Nothing,” she said cautiously, displeased she’d allowed some of her inner struggles to show to the earl. “Nothing at all. Why are you looking at me so intensely?”
“I was making sure you are all right and—”
“And what?” she insisted, keeping her gaze directly on his.
“Thinking I might need a list of words that you believe are swears, curses, and cusses. You know, just so I’m safe. Everyone has their own ideas about words that are acceptable.”
“Oh, yes.” She relaxed and smiled. “I suppose I did get a little carried away with that one. I meant only—”
His brow rose. He wasn’t going to let this pass. “I’m listening.”
“Only the supremely coarse ones.”
“Good.” He gave her a bit of a smile. “That, I’m certain I can manage.”
“Can you?” She sighed and shook her head. “I’ve never been one to wish ill-fortune on anyone, my lord, but so we’re clear, you can’t be safe.” Her words were calmly spoken. “I’m not happy about this bargain we have struck. But know this, I don’t believe you can change, and I am committed to remaining a widow. In a way it seems unfair to you to go through with this.”
His determined expression slowly relaxed and his lips formed a half smile. “Maybe I forgot to tell you, I always win.”
The earl caressed her face with his gaze so intently, it was as if he were caressing her skin with his fingers. The air around them seemed to crackle with words that weren’t being said and feelings that weren’t being expressed.
“Not this time,” she asserted, handed him her glass, and walked away.
Chapter 8
As soon as Brina had awakened and remembered the earl was taking her for a ride, she felt a humming of excitement deep in her chest. At the time, she’d immediately put the sensation down to the chill in her room. Later she told herself it was common nerves. When it continued, she realized it was because she was annoyed with herself for becoming overwrought at the ball and had started making all those demands on him, and that she’d actually told him she would marry him if he complied.
She didn’t know what emotion had taken hold and caused her to literally put herself at such a high risk. That was certainly reason enough to give her a case of the jitters, but she shouldn’t still be experiencing the troubling stirs. By the time summer arrived, she’d be twenty-five. Plenty old enough not to allow a rake like Blacknight make her feel as if she were a young belle getting her first ride in a landau with a handsome gentleman.
It wasn’t the best day for a ride in St. James’s Park, but Brina would manage. Skies were gray and the air was downright cold for mid-spring. A gusty strong wind had whistled around the corner of the house all morning. Two days ago she’d heard birds chirping and the sun blazed hot on her cheeks when she was in the garden. Now, spring had seemed to disappear overnight and left a winter’s day in its place.
Brina prepared for her outing with the earl by donning a thick fabric chemise, a heavy forest-green carriage dress with matching velvet pelisse, and fine woolen stockings. At the last moment, she changed from a low-heeled pump to her most comfortable pair of walking boots in case they decided to stop the carriage and take a stroll.
“Should I go up to your room and fetch your black cape, Mrs. Feld?” the housekeeper asked, handing her the wide-brimmed bonnet banded with satin ribbon.
“No, I should be fine. I don’t expect to be out of the house long this afternoon.”
Brina knew if she were too cold, it would be a good reason to cu
t short her excursion with Blacknight. She wouldn’t admit to actually planning it, but a shiver or two from her should make him recognize her discomfort and suggest the need to return home.
After tying a bow under her chin, she started pulling on her gloves, wanting to be ready when the earl arrived. There was no reason to prolong their time together by inviting him inside and offering tea. It would have been a proper thing to do, and necessary if she’d still been living at her parents’ house. They would have insisted on saying hello to the new earl. Though Brina was quite sure they wouldn’t be pleased Lord Blacknight had placed a wager at White’s stating she would accept his proposal by the end of the Season. Hopefully they wouldn’t know until it was all over. By now, her parents should be safely ensconced at her aunt’s estate in Northumberland and far away from all the gossip.
Brina adored her mother and father. They had always been good to her, but she was glad she no longer had to depend on their unwavering support. After Stewart’s death she needed them close.
And not without good reason. The shock of losing her husband and the denial that persisted far too long had provoked unhealthy emotions she was still trying to recover from.
A stirring from the past teased Brina’s mind as she tightened the gloves around her fingers. She tried to brush the unwanted memories away, but they lingered like cold morning fog on a gray day.
For a time, Brina thought she might be going insane. Perhaps she even had a little. For a while.
She’d loved her husband and considered it an act of faithfulness and honor to refuse to believe he was dead. After all, they’d only been married three months when she was told the sea had taken him. There were reports he’d saved the lives of several people by helping them grab onto pieces of wreckage. He was young, strong. Surely, he’d saved himself too. He had to be somewhere. Injured perhaps and hadn’t been found. Days turned into weeks. Months passed. He didn’t return.
Brina finally had to accept he wasn’t coming back.
He was dead, and she had stopped living. She couldn’t cope with the deep, pulsing sadness of losing him.
But then, when she felt she couldn’t bear the pain and anger of loss any longer, she met Julia and Adeline that sad day at a square near the docks at London’s Harbor. It wasn’t a place widows of Society should ever find themselves, nevertheless it was where the few personal belongings that had been recovered from the sinking of the Salty Dove had been displayed. The items were lined up in rows, available for family members who wanted to look through and retrieve loved ones’ final possessions.