by Amelia Grey
“Yes,” she whispered.
This was what she’d wanted. To be held tightly, kissed thoroughly. Her head fell back, and his lips moved over her jawline, down her neck, and back to her lips. His hands caressed all around her shoulders, past her nape to where his fingers slid into the back of her hair. He held her head steady as he deepened the kiss.
Flames of passion flared between them. His mouth sought hers over and over again with ever-increasing pressure and pleasure. His hands molded over the contours of her back, her waist, and around to gently, but firmly caress her breasts.
Brina shivered slightly and murmured another soft, “Yes.”
She clung to him as if some unknown force were trying to rip him away from her arms. This was the kind of devouring passion she wanted, and she gloried in the way it made her heart thunder in her chest and her head light. She took in the tension and urgency in his embrace and welcomed it, returned it.
Always, when she was in his arms, she came alive. Yet, all too soon his hands stilled, his kisses turned to short, parting pecks.
He lifted his head and stared at her with passion blazing in his eyes. “You have a decision to make,” he whispered on a deep, aching gasp.
Her breaths were labored and as short as his. An ache filled her chest and squeezed her abdomen.
“Do we continue this upstairs or go for a ride?” she managed to ask past a thick throat.
Inhaling deeply, he shook his head. “Whether you will release me from the promise of no women.”
No women?
Brina stiffened. She wasn’t sure she believed what she heard him say. “You are still going to hold me to that knowing we both want to be together right now in the privacy of my home?”
He bent his head again and placed his cool lips to the base of her throat and trailed soft, moist kisses all the way up to her lips, where he gave her a few more sweet kisses before whispering, “You’re the one I want. I’m trying to win your hand in marriage, Brina. Not just the afternoon in your bed. I must have the release from you.”
There was no reason for it to, but his bluntness stung. She had invited him upstairs and he was declining. And making it her fault! Pushing out of his arms, she stepped away and huffed a breath of exasperation.
“That is a terrible thing to say to me,” she said, tugging on the waistband of her dress as if somehow that would make her feel better.
“It was respectful and true,” he argued with no anger in his expression.
“How dare you make no distinction between a paid woman—a mistress—and a lady.”
He leaned in close to her. His gaze felt like a brush of velvet across her cheek. It was tantalizing. “I know the difference, Brina. It is you who must make the distinction. I will abide by your answer.”
Her chest heaved. Drat the man. He was right. She hadn’t made anything clear when she said no women. At the time, she didn’t even know she was going to say it, much less try to qualify it.
“No bets are off between us, my lord,” she issued firmly. “Our bargain stands as is. You best get busy if you are going to have more than half of those bags of tea finished by the time I am ready to ride.”
Brina turned and headed for the stairs. She didn’t mind the soft rumble of a masculine chuckle that drifted from behind her. The more she was around the earl, the more she liked him—no, no. It was more than mere like she felt for the earl. She liked several men, including Mr. Inwood.
She wanted Lord Blacknight in the most intimate way.
It made her vulnerable. It made deeper feelings for him grow and fill her with longing she didn’t need but couldn’t deny. She’d known she would have to endure his courtship when she made her bargain with him. What she hadn’t expected was that she would find herself looking forward to it.
And why hadn’t the rake taken a drink or picked up a deck? His willpower was far exceeding her expectations. She never anticipated him to last this long. Surely he would give in to temptation soon.
Chapter 18
It had been a good day and a long time since Julia had accompanied Brina to Pilwillow Crossings. As was expected, the two didn’t spend as much time together since Julia had married last year.
“We’ll see you back here in an hour,” Brina waved and called up to the driver as the two friends stepped out of the carriage and stood on the pavement in front of Brina’s parents’ house in Mayfair.
The landau rolled away at a jaunty clip, and she turned back to Julia and said, “A few days ago I was remembering when I first started going to the abbey. Before you knew. The ride home used to seem so long. I was always afraid someone would see me there and tell Mama where I’d been. Now, everyone knows I go once a week. Mama still doesn’t want me to go, but like everyone else in the ton, she remains quiet.”
Ladies of Society were encouraged to be benevolent to such organizations as abbeys, orphanages, and hospitals, but heaven forbid they ever be seen at one of the places. What others thought about her charity work no longer bothered Brina.
“I think it’s because you go about it so quietly and you don’t impose your will on anyone else,” Julia said with a reminiscing smile. “Memories of the times I went with you last year will be with me forever. It was good to see the sisters today. There was a time I truly worried you would decide to give up your life with us and join their order.”
“I came close, didn’t I?”
Julia nodded.
“It’s good they didn’t want me. What I do now is more manageable than joining them would have been. Thank you for wanting to go with me today to deliver the tea and bandages.”
“It was my pleasure to see Sister Francine again. Besides, I wanted to spend some time alone with you so I could see how you are really doing. We talk at parties, but we’re often interrupted and there’s always the worry someone will overhear us. How are things going with you and Blacknight?”
Hearing the earl’s name swelled Brina’s chest and made her abdomen tighten and tremble with a heavenly feeling. Brina looked up at the sky and breathed in deeply. Puffy white clouds dotted the azure blue. The air was cool but still. The neighborhood was quiet, and now that the landau was out of sight, there were no carriage wheels or voices to be heard along the street or in the distance.
“I kept thinking you would say something about him today,” Julia continued when Brina remained silent. “Did I make you uncomfortable by mentioning him?”
“How could I feel uncomfortable on such a beautiful day? I haven’t said anything because you haven’t asked about him.”
Julia pursed her lips and seemed to think on that before answering, “True. I kept hoping you would so you wouldn’t think I was prying.”
“Ha!” Brina said with a laugh. “When has that ever bothered you, my dear friend?”
“Always,” Julia said with a knowing shrug. “I know you’re a very private person, and I do respect that. At times. But not today,” she added with a deliberate smile.
“You know I would never think you were prying. Only anxious for me.”
“Good. I am. So tell me about him.”
Brina looked up at the sky again as the turmoil of what was happening between her and the earl weighed on her. Her time with him was always exhilarating. All of it. “He continues to astound me,” she admitted. “And probably everyone with his lack of appropriateness at times.”
“Well, I’m not one to throw stones. As you know, Garrett forsook the role of a gentleman at one time.”
“I remember. When Blacknight told me he disliked the tediousness of long, sit-down dinners such as the one at the Duke of Middlecastle’s house, I said he must give one himself.”
Julia’s eyes widened with surprise. “You didn’t.”
Brina laughed. “I did. The date’s been set and I’m working on the guest list. Hopefully, it will smooth over some of the feathers he ruffled for not responding to the duchess’s dinner party and then attending.”
“This was a clever idea, Brina. An
d it will be good for the earl to do this.”
“I’m not sure how clever it was. Though his sister will be his hostess, I am doing all of the planning, which, of course, takes time.”
“Are you seeing him often?”
Curls of pleasure tumbled in Brina’s stomach. “I saw him briefly last night at the Windhams’ party, and a couple of days ago we went for a ride in the park.”
“Hmm. Carriage or horse?”
“Horse,” Brina said and started slowly walking up the stone path that led to her parents’ front door. “I don’t remember enjoying riding so much. I’m glad he reintroduced me to it. There’s something peaceful and comforting about it. The animal is warm, gentle, and very easy to guide.”
“And what about the earl? Is he all those things? Comforting, gentle, and easy to guide?”
Brina stopped. “Not in the least,” she answered quickly, but frowned when she immediately remembered the gentle touch of his fingers against her cheek, the tenderness of soft kisses, and the caress of his hands on her breasts. Every time she had such thoughts, she wanted to be with him. “Well, he is gentle,” she corrected. And eager and passionate too. “But no, he’s not comforting because he disturbs me greatly. Continuously. In many ways. And he certainly isn’t easy to guide—as everyone knows.”
“Sometimes a man can disturb you in a good way. Does he do that?”
“Yes,” Brina said casually and walked up to the door. She opened her reticule and took out the key. She squeezed it into her palm as they stood under the overhang of the small portico. It had been a long time since she’d talked so honestly with Julia, and it felt good. “His kisses make me tingle all the way down to my toes,” she admitted freely.
“Oh,” Julia whispered softly, clearly not expecting such a heartfelt answer from her. “I had wondered if the two of you were—kissing.”
“How could we not. I admitted the attraction was there from the beginning. It’s so hard for me to understand. I’ve always been so adamant, no man would ever interest me again. I truly believed that, and for five years no one has. Now, I’m interested. Not for marriage, of course, but kisses and touches and all the rest of it. I can’t explain to you how good it feels to be that close to someone again. To be hugged so tightly, touched passionately, and feel so wanted. No, more than that. He makes me feel treasured. I could have kept kissing him forever.” She stopped and laughed at herself. “What am I saying? I don’t have to explain any of this. You know what I’m talking about.”
Julia nodded understandingly. “Have you done more than kiss?”
“Not really.” Brina struggled with her thoughts. “Not because I’m not willing. He isn’t.”
Julia frowned in disbelief. “You can’t mean that?”
“It’s true.” It had happened more than once, but no need to tell that. “He reminded me that I had made him promise there would be no women, and he included me in that promise.”
Julia twisted her lips around a couple of times, trying not to smile. “He’s making you suffer from your own rule?”
“Yes,” she exclaimed softly. “When I was in his arms, I wasn’t even thinking about our bargain. It was the farthest thing from my mind. Only loving how utterly wonderful he was making me feel. But, of course, that’s not the only reason he disturbs me. It’s getting closer to the end of the Season, and I haven’t heard one slip of gossip from anyone accusing him of gambling, drinking, or anything else. That night at the ball when I was making all those demands, I truly didn’t believe he could make it through the night without a glass of wine or a card in his hands.”
“Garrett hasn’t heard anything either. I’ve queried him about what gossip is making the rounds in the clubs. He said Blacknight has been seen in the evenings, but he only talks with friends and watches others play their cards or billiards. If a man’s not going to drink or gamble, there isn’t much reason for him to spend a lot of time at the clubs. The problem is that you don’t know what he might be doing in the privacy of his home. Who’s to say he’s not emptying the decanter every night?”
“You’re right, of course,” Brina said, with some ambivalence. He could be doing that, but it didn’t feel right to Brina that he might be cheating in private. “I can’t accuse him unless someone comes forward with proof they’ve seen or heard of him breaking our bargain. And believe me, I know men have tried to catch him in the act. Imagine someone watching your every step.”
Brina inserted the key, the lock gave way, and she pushed open the door and stepped inside. The house was cold and quiet as a mouse creeping across a floor. For a moment, she missed her mother and wished she’d been there to greet them. She shook off the soft feeling of love and placed her reticule on the side table.
“My riding boots are in the wardrobe upstairs. I’ll get those first. My mother’s easel and painting supplies are in—”
Brina heard footsteps and, at the same time, saw the shadow of a man coming down the corridor. Startled, she spun to see Harper walking toward them with his lively step, happy and jovial as usual.
“Merciful heavens, Harper. I didn’t know anyone was in the house. You frightened me.”
“I didn’t know I was in a frightful state, dear cousin. I’m sorry about that. Must be the wind.” He brushed a hand through his hair and rearranged it. “Is that better? Such a lovely surprise to see you.”
“What are you doing here?” Brina asked, trying to calm her racing heart.
He seemed momentarily at a loss but then spoke up to say, “I stopped by to check on the house and make sure everything was all right.” He grabbed his cloak and swung it over his shoulders and fastened the hook at the neck before reaching down to give her the usual kisses on both cheeks. “Your father asked before he left.”
Brina tried not to overreact, but it was difficult not to be more than a little surprised by his presence. “I do remember he asked you to check on me, but not that he’d asked you to check the house.”
“Didn’t I tell you?” he queried, putting his finger to his chin and striking a thoughtful pose. “You’re sure? I thought I told you.”
“No.” And it seemed rather strange for her father to worry about the house. They lived in the safest section of Mayfair.
“I’m sorry.” He guffawed. “I didn’t make it clear he wanted me to look in on you and the house. Is there a problem? I don’t have to come over, you know. If there—”
“No, there’s no problem. I’m glad that I understand now. Please, yes, do whatever Papa asked you to do.”
Harper nodded, then turning to Julia said, “How are you, Mrs. Stockton? Lovely to see you again.”
“I’m good, Harper,” Julia replied. “It’s nice to see you too. Did you find anything amiss?”
“Missing? No, no. Or did you say amiss? I didn’t look specifically.” He turned back to Brina and gave her a nervous smile. “I checked all the windows and the doors. They were locked. Everything seemed to be in order. You don’t have to bother to do that now if you don’t want to.”
Brina tried not to worry about Harper’s strange behavior, but he had her wondering if all he said was true. She’d never seen him act nervous and on edge. Just as a few days ago she’d never seen him so angry over a ride in a fast curricle. What was happening to him? “I hadn’t planned to check and make sure the windows were secure. I only came by to pick up my riding boots and some other things I need.”
“Well, I’ll not stay and hinder you. I’m sure you want to get right to it, so I’ll be on my way.”
“Wait. Before you go, there’s something I’d like to ask you about, if you have time.”
Harper looked at the front door and said, “Yes, of course. Anything.”
“Why don’t I go up to your room and look through your wardrobe for your boots while you two talk?”
“Thank you, Julia,” Brina said, and waited until she was at the top of the stairs before turning back to Harper. Zane hadn’t wanted her to say anything but things were at the
point she felt she must and not worry about a young man’s privacy.
“Since you are here and we have the time, I thought I’d ask you about Lord Blacknight’s cousin, Mr. Browning.”
Harper clasped his hands behind his back and kept silent. As if waiting for her to say more.
“I was wondering if perhaps you’d seen him in the past several days.”
“Yes, of course.”
That was easy. “The earl and his family have been concerned about him because they don’t know his whereabouts. They hesitate to ask because they don’t want him to think they are checking up on him. I thought perhaps you might know something.”
“If that is all it is, I can put his lordship’s and the family’s minds at ease. He has been staying with me. I wasn’t aware he hadn’t sent a note around to let his family know he was with a friend.”
Brina didn’t know why, but she felt the need to add, “And he’s fine? I mean, he hasn’t been seen playing or drinking at any of the clubs, or that is, not as of last when I spoke to Blacknight at a party.”
“Robert and I don’t always go to the same parties or clubs as the earl,” he said with an edge to his voice. “We’re not in the same class with our skills or our money.”
There was a bit of jealousy in that remark that startled her, but she let it pass. “All right. I’ll tell him that Mr. Browning is well and staying with you.”
Harper started shaking his head and his expression grew serious. She was beginning to wonder if this kind of behavior was the reason her father had asked her to keep up with him.
“I don’t want you to tell Lord Blacknight you spoke with me about any of this, Brina. I’ll see that Robert sends a note to his father or the earl that he is with a friend and all is fine. Let it stand. This isn’t something that should involve you.”
But it did because of Harper. “Why shouldn’t they know he’s with you?” she questioned, not appreciating his reticence on this subject. “You are quite acceptable.”
“You’ve always been like an older sister to me, haven’t you?” He smiled sweetly and suddenly seemed the Harper she knew. “And because you are, I will tell you the truth of it all. This mustn’t go any further. Promise?”