by Chase, T. A.
with that, but I’ve seen you with Peter. Not just since the accident, when you never left his side until he woke.” Les didn’t look at him, just moved his gaze to the hospital.
“I couldn’t leave him alone, Les. I was so afraid he wouldn’t wake up.” Chaz could feel
the tremors rack his body, and he knew it was only a matter of minutes before he fell apart completely.
Les nodded. “I know. That’s why I’m giving you this chance, Chaz O’Brien. This one
chance to fix what’s wrong in your life, and earn the possibility of winning Peter back. That
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man up there loves you very much, but he doesn’t have the strength to heal and take care of you at the same time.”
Chaz’s sigh was interrupted by a sob. “I know. That’s why I left when he asked me. I’m
not good enough for him, and I’ve accepted that. I’m surprised we lasted as long as we did.
From the first moment we met, I really thought Peter would come to his senses and break it off with me. I mean, all of you could see how bad I was, yet he continued to believe in me.
He trusted me not to hurt him, and I did in the worse possible way.”
He jumped when Les patted him on the shoulder.
“As long as you’re willing to change the direction you’re taking on this path, then I’m
willing to give you a second chance. You’re a good man, Chaz, who needs a little help and hope. I’ll give you both for now.”
“All right,” Chaz said, throwing his shoulders back and holding his head high. “Tell me
where I need to go, and I’ll do everything I need to do to make myself worthy of being in the same room with Peter. I love him more than I love bullfighting. If I can only get one back, I want it to be him.”
Les squeezed his shoulder, then stepped back. “There’s a taxi waiting to drive you to
the airport, where my jet is ready to go. You’ll fly to a private rehab centre and check
yourself in. They have a room ready for you. I’ll talk to your bosses, and see what we can do about salvaging your job.”
Chaz checked to make sure he had his wallet and phone. “Will I be allowed phone calls
or visitors?”
“I’m not sure, but the one stipulation I’m making is that you don’t try to contact Peter
the entire time you’re at the centre. It’s important for both of you to heal without the baggage of the past. I’ll get a hold of Matthew, and let him know where you are. He will be the liaison between us. Only when I think the time is right will I tell you how to get a hold of Peter. Do we have a deal?”
Les held out his hand, and Chaz stared at it for a moment. Once he shook Les’ hand, the
deal would be sealed, ensuring Chaz couldn’t go back on his word. Not that Chaz wanted to do so or anything like that, but he knew this journey might be the hardest he’d ever taken before. Yet he’d have Matthew, and, for now, that had to be enough. He could keep the
possibility of eventually getting to see Peter again as a goal to motivate him, though he understood getting clean had to be the ultimate prize.
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He shook Les’ hand. “We have a deal. I’m going to get it right this time, Les. I want my
life back. If this is the only way for me to do it, then I welcome the challenge.”
“Good. Follow me. The taxi is around front.”
They walked to the front of the hospital where a taxi idled at the kerb. Les opened the
back door, and Chaz slid in. There wasn’t any time for doubt or second-guessing. He had to do this for himself first, and all those he loved second.
“I’ll send some of your clothes to you at the centre.” Les smiled. “You’re doing the right thing, Chaz. Trust me, this will all work out in the end.”
Chaz wasn’t totally convinced it would. What if Peter never wanted to talk to or see
him again? What if he couldn’t get his job back? Chaz let Les shut the door before he leaned his head against the window.
As the hospital slowly disappeared from view, Chaz pressed his hand to the glass.
“Goodbye, Peter. I love you. Hopefully we’ll both be healed when I see you next.”
* * * *
Les strolled into the cafeteria before spotting Tony, Brody and Randy sitting at a table
near the window. After buying a cup of coffee, he joined them. He touched Randy’s hand,
and smiled at the others.
“Did he agree?” Randy asked, reaching out to stroke his fingers over Les’ hand.
“Yes. He’s on his way to the airport where Thompson will take charge of him. They’ll
fly to the centre today, and hopefully things will turn out all right.”
“I can’t believe you’re going to all this trouble for a man who doesn’t deserve our help.”
Tony glared at Les.
“First of all, who’s with Peter?” Les glanced at them.
“Yancey volunteered to take the first shift. I think he figured out we needed to talk.
Derek and Max will arrive this afternoon as well. I told them they could stay with us.” Randy took a sip of his coffee.
“Les, why are you paying for his rehab? Why didn’t you just tell him never to show his
face around here again? I have to see Chaz’s boss and tell him what happened here.” Tony
fidgeted with his mug.
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Les’ smile was soft as he looked at Tony. “I’m doing this because they love each other,
and I believe love deserves a second chance. Chaz needs help, Tony. What kind of man
would I be if I turned my back on him? If I don’t offer him a hand, he could end up worse off than he is now. Living on the streets and dying of an overdose or murdered by some other
druggie. I refuse to let that happen to a man I consider a friend.”
Tony ducked his head, and Brody ran his hand down Tony’s back.
“For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing the right thing, Les. We might think Peter
needs to stay as far away from Chaz as possible, but I’ve seen how they look at each other.
It’s how I look at Tony, or how Randy looks at you. What they have is true love, and it
doesn’t die easily, if ever.” Brody shrugged when Tony glanced at him. “Sorry, babe. I really believe Les’ plan is the right one.”
“I told Chaz to go to the centre, and that I’d talk to his boss about his job. Once he’s
released from rehab, he has to stay clean for at least another six months before I’ll even consider letting him close to Peter. Once he convinces me he’s turned his life around, and if he’s still interested in seeing Peter, I’ll let him.” Les pursed his lips for a moment before going on. “I hate playing God like this, but, while I might believe Chaz and Peter belong together, I’m not willing to risk Peter getting hurt again. That’s why Chaz has to prove he’s clean.”
Tony sighed. “I won’t say anything about this to Peter or anyone else. It’s your decision and, since I respect you, I should trust that you know what you’re doing. Also, you’re right.
Peter loves Chaz, and I’m sure Chaz loves him. It just pisses me off that he would work
events stoned like that. Didn’t he know how dangerous it was?”
“He did know, but he also knew how dangerous it would be for them if he wasn’t there.
Even stoned and injured, Chaz is one of the best bullfighters out there.” Les leaned over to tap Tony’s hand, bringing Tony’s gaze to his. “You have every right to be pissed off, Tony.
We all do for various reasons, but we can’t allow our anger to interfere with Peter’s recovery.
When you get home, rant and rave all you want. Kick the wall or throw things. Hell, get in
a fight with Brody. Just try to control your anger when you’re around Peter to begin with.”
Tony nodded. “I get it. He needs us to support him, and it’s not support if I rag on his
boyfriend all the time.”
“Right.” Randy checked his watch. “I have to get back to the ranch.”
“So do we.” Brody stood.
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“Can Yancey stay with Peter the rest of the afternoon? I can be back here around five for dinner.” Les glanced at Tony and Brody.
“Yes. He has to study for finals, and he’ll have fewer distractions here.” Brody shook
his head. “I can’t believe he’ll be graduating in a few months.”
“Has he decided what to do afterwards?” Les asked as they made their way to the
elevator.
“I don’t know. He’s kept things close to the vest, though I’m thinking he might be
heading back east.” Brody shot Tony a knowing glance.
“Of course he is. That’s where Juan is, and I could tell over the summer that Yancey had
decided it was time. I have no objections to them getting together now. They’ve made their own ways in the world, and lived their own lives. If they still love each other, then more power to them.” Tony chuckled.
“Not that either of them need our permission to do anything anymore.” Brody snorted.
The rest of them joined in with Tony’s laughter as they got on the elevator to go up to
Peter’s floor. Les and the rest said goodbye to Yancey, and Les let the younger man know he would be back around five to stay for the rest of visiting hours.
* * * *
Later that night, after Les had returned home and he and Randy were in bed and
cuddling, Randy asked him, “Do you think this will work?”
Les shrugged. “I have no idea. I saw how devastated Chaz was when he saw Peter in
that hospital bed. It was how I thought I’d look if it was you.”
“So that means he’ll do the work and listen to what you say. Do you think he’ll come
back for Peter when he’s clean?” Randy traced a pattern on Les’ chest.
“Yes, I do. He might not be able to get his job back, and, to be honest, I don’t think he’ll care about that anymore. If he can’t be a bullfighter, then he’ll deal with that. But not having Peter in his life would be the worst thing in the world for him,” Les said, covering Randy’s hand with his.
“I think losing the person I love would be the end of the world for me, and for any
other person I know.”
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Feeling the same way was the reason why Les was doing everything in his power to fix
the relationship between Chaz and Peter.
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Chapter Thirteen
Peter sat in his office at Derek’s ranch, staring at the computer screen. He flexed his left hand, wincing at the slight twinge of pain. He’d thought that, after a year and extensive physical therapy, his hand would be better than it was, but everyone kept telling him it
would take time. At least the doctors had said he would regain full movement in it.
He pushed away from his desk before standing. While walking over to the window, he
thought about how different his life was. Shortly after being released from hospital, Peter had talked with Les, and decided to move down to Austin. One of Les’ companies was
headquartered there, giving Peter a place of employment. Derek and Max had opened their
home to him, which had given him a place to live.
It was a way of starting over for him. A way to heal and begin again, somewhere away
from the memories of Chaz. So once again Peter had packed his things and left home,
travelling to a new state and running from a broken heart.
He reached the windows, then stared out over the side yard where the ranch hands
wandered from the barns to the corrals. He saw a van pull up next to the guesthouse, and he wondered if there was a new band coming to record at Derek’s studio. Peter didn’t
remember hearing about that, but he admitted to himself that sometimes he mentally drifted away from conversations.
Max strolled by, a bright smile on his face, and Peter looked to see whether Derek was
out there with him. Max only looked that happy when Derek was around. Sure enough, the
retired singer stood in the middle of the pathway. Max caught the man up in a big hug before placing a kiss on his lips.
None of the people milling around paid them any attention. Of course, the sight of
those two kissing was a common occurrence at the St Martin ranch. Max never hired anyone
who had a problem with who he loved, and Derek did the same with all the people he hired
for his music company.
Peter found he liked living in Austin, or, rather, twenty miles out of Austin proper. He
could drive in to the downtown building when he needed to, but he could tele-commute
from the ranch if he didn’t want to drive anywhere that day. The best of both worlds. He was
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still in charge of Les’ ranch finances and he’d taken over the accounting for both the ranch and the company Derek owned.
All in all, Peter had a good life and he couldn’t complain about anything. He had a job,
his health, and friends who cared about him. Wasn’t that the most important thing? To have people in the world who would notice if he was gone?
Maybe it was, but Peter couldn’t help thinking there was something missing in his life.
Not something. Someone. And he knew exactly who it was. The same person whose face he
saw every night when he closed his eyes. He missed Chaz, even after a year, and he wasn’t sure how long it would take before he forgot how Chaz smelt or the feel of his lips on Peter’s.
Peter remembered how it felt to laugh with Chaz, to just snuggle on the couch and
watch movies. He missed having someone in his bed. All of his emotions were usually under control, but in moments like this, where he watched Derek and Max kiss, sadness and
wishful thinking washed over him.
What would his life be like if Chaz had kicked the drugs and chosen him over them?
Would he be happy, or would their relationship have burned itself out long before now? He didn’t know, and Chaz’s disappearance meant he’d never find out.
Peter wandered back to his desk before sitting in his chair. He propped his elbows on
the arms before resting his chin on his hands. He didn’t see the computer screen in front of him. He saw the last image he had of Chaz. His lover had stood there with tears running
down his cheeks, agreeing to stay away from him and that he’d never been good enough for
Peter. All of Peter’s words had been said in anger and pain, but he’d had no chance to take them back. Chaz had disappeared without giving Peter a chance to apologise.
He closed his eyes and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Why was he fixating on
Chaz? It was apparent that the man wanted nothing to do with him. Actually, it looked like Chaz wanted nothing to do with anything from his old life. Recently, Tony had checked the PBR schedule to see if Chaz was working any of the events, and all Tony had said he could find out was that Chaz had taken time off for personal reasons. No one would tell Tony
anything else. Peter had been shocked to hear that. He’d never thought Chaz would give up being a bullfighter. Hell, it was the whole reason why Chaz had started taking the painkillers to begin with.
And since that day in the hospital, it seemed like Chaz had dropped off the face of the
earth. Yet wh
en Peter had called Chaz’s brother, Matthew, to make sure that Chaz was all
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right, Matthew had told him not to worry about Chaz, just to focus on healing himself. He’d only talked to Matthew that once, yet Peter wished they could have chatted longer.
The doorbell rang, and Peter considered getting up to answer the front door, but
decided that Janice, Derek’s housekeeper, would probably get there before he could. Taking another deep breath, Peter straightened before clicking his mouse to bring up the
spreadsheets he’d been working on. He needed to get three more done before he could call it a day. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do tonight, but he knew he wouldn’t be
intruding on Max and Derek. He certainly didn’t want to force his mood on them.
A knock on his office door surprised him. Most of the people who lived on the ranch
didn’t bother knocking—they’d just walk in. Even Janice did, though it had taken her a
month or two before she was comfortable enough with him to do that.
“Come on in,” he called.
Max pushed the door open before walking in. He looked so serious, Peter worried that
someone had died.
“Is everyone all right?” He jumped to his feet, ready to grab his keys and head to
wherever he needed to be.
“They’re all fine,” Max reassured him before waving him over to the couch on the
opposite wall of his office.
Peter went over to join Max as the man sat. Max stared at him, obviously trying to
decide how to tell him something.
“What’s wrong? Why do you look so serious?” Peter wanted to fidget with his shirt.
Max patted Peter’s hand. “Nothing’s wrong. Someone’s here to see you. I’m just not
sure if you should talk to him. It might not be the best thing for you, even though Les thinks it is.”
Peter frowned. “Well, if Les says it’s okay, then I’m sure it will be. He wouldn’t do