by Sue Brown
Ramon looked at Karen. They seemed to exchange a whole conversation with their eyebrows, but Ramon merely said, “Okay, that’s enough for now. If you think of anything else, call us.”
“Is Nate going to be all right?” Keenan asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Ramon got to his feet. “I’m going to call the hospital now and find out.” He walked into the kitchen and closed the door on his conversation. Keenan tried not to let that worry him more.
Karen slipped her notebook into her pocket and moved onto the sofa next to Keenan. “Nate means a lot to you, doesn’t he?”
He could have denied it, but Karen had always been able to read him like an open book. “Yeah. He does.”
“Why is this the first time I’m hearing that you’re serious about Gordon? You keep saying he’s a friend.”
Keenan sighed at the hurt note in her voice. “Because he’s not my boyfriend. At least, not officially. He still calls it hooking up.”
“You meet him for sex?”
“Sometimes.” Keenan struggled to hold back his embarrassment. He didn’t discuss his sex life with his family. “Mainly we go out.”
“So you date?”
“Kind of.” He could see by the look in her eyes that she didn’t understand. “Nate didn’t want anything official. I think he got hurt before, and he’s scared to get involved.”
Karen flapped her hand in dismissal. “If he didn’t want to get involved, you wouldn’t be seeing each other at every opportunity. Whatever he calls it, he’s your boyfriend.”
Keenan wished it were true. Then he thought about Nate again. “Ramon’s taking a long time talking to the hospital.”
“Have you ever dealt with hospitals? It’s like trying to get blood out of a stone.”
Keenan had had more than his fair share of dealing with hospitals, but he didn’t say that. Instead he focused on the creamy liquid in his mug and worried about the man lying miles away, until the kitchen door opened and Ramon came in. He had a broad smile on his face and the knot inside Keenan eased. He wouldn’t be smiling if it were bad news.
“Nate’s gonna be fine. He was damn lucky. The bullet missed everything major. They’re going to keep him in for a few days, but that’s just as a precaution.”
Tears stung the back of Keenan’s eyes, but he blinked rapidly, refusing to break down and cry. Nate was going to be all right. He was going to be fine.
His resolution failed when Karen gathered him in her arms and he buried his face in her neck.
“I could have lost him. I could have lost him, and I never told him how I felt about him.”
She made soothing noises, and he let go of what little control he had left, his tears soaking Karen’s neck. She held him for a long time and for once, he didn’t care.
Chapter 21
KEENAN YAWNED as he collapsed on his sofa. Exhaustion was like a freight train catching up with him. Between his shifts at the bar and sleepless nights worrying about Nate, he probably hadn’t averaged more than three hours sleep a night. He knew Nate was okay. Ramon had called him, Karen had called him, even Roxy had called twice to let him know. The only person he hadn’t heard from was Nate.
At first Roxy had told him they were restricting visitors to family so Nate didn’t get overtired. Nate’s parents and his other siblings and their families had flown in from Wyoming. There were a lot of people worried about him and not a lot of room for anyone else.
He understood. He’d been the one in the hospital bed, and the constant cycle of family visitors had been exhausting. He hadn’t even noticed his friends had stopped visiting until one day he realized it had been months since he’d seen them. Life had gone on and left him behind.
Keenan was almost asleep when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He dug it out to see Karen’s stern face glaring at him, and he stuck it on loudspeaker. “Hey, Kar-Kar.”
“Don’t call me that,” she said automatically. He only did it to wind her up. It worked like a charm.
Karen had called him every day since the shooting. As he usually spoke to her once a week, if that, he found the constant attention wearing.
“I’m fine,” he said around a yawn.
“Sure you are. When was the last time you slept?”
Keenan made a face. She knew him only too well.
“What do you want?”
“We’ve caught the shooter. Or rather, the shooter walked into the precinct with her lawyer to confess.”
Keenan gaped at the picture of Karen for a moment before he said, “You’re joking.”
“Not about this.”
“What happened? Who is she?”
“She is a teenage rich girl who snuck her parents’ weapon out of the house to show her friends. It went off ‘by accident.’” Karen made a derisive ‘Uh-huh,’ as she told Keenan. “But that’s the story and she’s sticking to it. She and her friends scared themselves stupid and took off when the gun went off. She hadn’t even realized someone had been hurt until she saw it on the news later that evening.”
“She came in to confess. That’s a good thing, right?”
“She can afford a good lawyer. Her parents are claiming she needed the gun because of Marissa Hickman. I doubt she’ll go to prison.” Karen didn’t sound impressed.
Keenan ranged from throwing away the key to feeling sorry for the kid. “Let’s hope she learns a lesson from this.”
“She’s learned what it’s like to be interviewed by some seriously pissed off cops. Senior cops at that. They don’t take kindly to one of their own being shot.”
“I can imagine.” Keenan would not have wanted to be in her shoes.
“Nate is one of the good guys. It’ll be good to have him back.”
“Yeah,” Keenan said softly.
“Which reminds me. He’s being discharged tomorrow. If you want to see him, his family has gone home. Roxy said go in the morning.”
“I can’t. I’ve got a shift.”
“I’m sure they’ll let you come in later.”
Keenan made a noncommittal noise. What if Nate didn’t want to see him? Had he asked to see Keenan or was this just their sisters interfering? Nate hadn’t called him once. Maybe that was it. Nate was bored with him. “I’ll see him when he gets home. Thanks for letting me know, Karen.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Karen asked, and now she sounded worried.
“I’m fine.” Keenan knuckled his eyes and tried not to yawn again. “Just haven’t slept well since the shooting.”
“Is it too much for you? Perhaps you ought to take a break for a while. Do you need to see a therapist?”
“Hanging up now.”
He disconnected before she suggested he move back in with their mom and dad. It was an old, old argument.
DAN FROWNED as Keenan entered Cowboys and Angels. “What are you doing here? I thought you were going to the hospital to visit Nate.”
“Uh, no. I have an early shift.”
“I know, but Ramon called and said you’d be late.” Dan nodded toward something Keenan couldn’t see. “Ariel’s covering this morning.”
Ariel popped up from behind the bar. “Did someone mention my name?”
“No.” Dan pushed her down. “Keep counting.”
“Can’t someone else do the inventory?” she whined.
Dan rolled his eyes at Keenan. “No.”
Keenan gritted his teeth. “Karen mentioned it, but I told her I’d be working.”
“Don’t you want to see Nate?”
“I can see him when he gets out of the hospital.”
“Am I missing something here?” Dan asked.
“I’m supposed to be bartending. The job I’m paid to do.” Keenan knew he sounded snappy and made an effort to moderate his tone. The last thing he wanted to do was annoy his boss.
Dan waved a hand. “Okay, take a deep breath. You’re going to have to get used to the fact that everyone interferes with everyone else’s business. It’s a way of l
ife around here. I don’t mind shifts changing if I have time to organize someone else. Count this one as a freebie because you dealt with Eddie’s bad mood. Ariel is here for slave labor.”
Ariel popped up again. “Oh no. You don’t get to use that term. It’s just plain wrong. How about you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours,” she said to Keenan.
He eyed her suspiciously. “What do you want me to do?”
Dan groaned loudly. “You shouldn’t have asked that. You should never ask that.”
Ariel ignored him. “I’m organizing another gay speed-dating evening, and a guy’s dropped out.”
“What do you want me to do?” Keenan asked again.
By now, Dan was knocking his head against the polished wooden bar. “You should have kept your mouth shut.”
Ariel beamed at Keenan. “Just be one of the daters. It’s easy enough. Dan’s done it. He’ll tell you.”
Keenan eyed his boss, who looked as though he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole. “But he’s married to your father.”
“All thanks to me,” Ariel said. She turned on Dan. “You can’t deny it. It was my event that made you both pull the stick out of your asses and admit you liked each other.”
Dan held up his hands. “Okay, okay. It helped. That’s all I’m saying.”
“It’s down to me,” Ariel mouthed in an exaggerated fashion to Keenan, who was doing his best not to laugh. “And Cris and Bennett. And Mikey and Ramon. All from the speed dating.”
“Bennett didn’t even go to the event,” Dan protested.
“But if Mikey hadn’t hit on Cris, he wouldn’t have met Bennett.”
It was all getting way too complicated for Keenan. “Okay, okay, I’ll do it. Just tell me where and when.”
“Excellent,” Ariel said.
Dan pushed her out of sight. “Go back to your inventory.” He beckoned to Keenan, who followed him to the other side of the room. Dan shoved his hands in his pockets and glowered at Keenan. “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” Keenan thought he was helping Gideon’s daughter. Was that something he wasn’t supposed to do?
“You and Nate.”
“What about me and Nate?”
“Look, this may be a joke to you—” Dan snapped.
Keenan took a step back. “Dan, I don’t know what you’re talking about. What joke?”
“You shouldn’t be going on this speed-dating event. That’s cheating on Nate.”
Whoa, had Dan got it wrong.
“I thought it was just meant to be helping Ariel,” Keenan protested. “I wouldn’t do anything. I’m just making up numbers.”
“You say that, but what will Nate think?” Dan’s eyes were steely.
As Keenan hadn’t spoken to Nate, how would he know? “He’ll probably find it funny.”
“You don’t know that.”
“No, I don’t. But as Nate refuses to call me anything more than a friend or a hookup, I think I can go speed dating for a night.”
“I—what?” The anger in Dan’s voice faded into obvious confusion.
“Nate doesn’t date. Nate only hooks up with guys.”
“But you’ve been ‘hooking up’”—Dan did air quotes—“for longer than most relationships last.”
“I think that’s an exaggeration,” Keenan said.
“But you’re still with Nate.”
Keenan sighed and scrubbed his fingers through his hair. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll help Ariel, and no one will care. What time do you want me to start my shift today?”
“Be in by two.” Dan looked at his watch. “You’ve got three hours to get to the hospital and back.”
“I—”
“Just go,” Dan said impatiently. “You saved his life. The least you can do is let the man thank you in person.”
Keenan nodded. “I’ll be back at two.”
“Make sure you are,” Dan said. “Or I’ll get you cleaning the lines.”
“Cleaning the lines?” Again?
Bradley, one of the other bartenders, hissed as he walked past. “You must have screwed up,” he said to Keenan. “He only gives that out as a punishment.”
“Been there, done that,” Keenan grimaced.
Dan shoved him toward the door. “Just get out of here.”
KEENAN HESITATED in the doorway of the hospital room. From the number of cards, flowers, and balloons, he’d have thought Nate had been in there for four months, not four days. On the nightstand he saw the hand-drawn card he’d sent in with Karen. It was the only card next to the bed.
Far from lying in bed, Nate sat on the side, pulling a faded moss-green T-shirt over his head. He wore sweats and white crew socks, and Keenan saw that a large white dressing marred the smooth, tanned skin. From the tentative way he moved, even these simple actions hurt. It didn’t matter. Nate was alive—gloriously virile and alive. He wanted to run his hands over Nate’s body to check for himself, but a knot eased in Keenan’s gut at the sight. Dan and Karen had been right, damn them. He’d needed to see Nate for himself.
“Hey,” Keenan said.
Nate looked over, smiled, and held out his hand. “Hey. Finally someone I want to see. Come over here. Are you okay being here? I thought I’d call you when I got home rather than you have to come here again.”
Keenan moved closer and took Nate’s warm hand. Nate curled his fingers around Keenan’s. “How are you feeling?”
“The doctors say I’ll live.” Nate touched his side tentatively. “Hurts like a bitch, but I was lucky. It went straight through, and it didn’t nick anything vital.”
Keenan sucked in a shaky breath. “You could have been killed.”
“Nah, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. That kid was lucky.”
Lucky was one way to describe it. Keenan had plenty of other ways, and none of them sounded as lightly amused as Nate’s.
“Karen says you’re getting out of here today.”
“Yup.” Nate beamed at him. “And I’m ready for our next hookup. Chinese food, wasn’t it?”
Keenan tugged his hand out of Nate’s.
“Kee? Keenan? What’s wrong?” Nate frowned as Keenan put some distance between them.
Even though each word was hard to force out, Keenan managed, “I can’t do this anymore, Nate.”
Nate frowned. “Do what?”
“Hook up.”
Keenan couldn’t lower the depth of feeling he had for Nate to a hookup. He loved Nate, had known it for weeks. He’d wanted to tell him as Nate lay bleeding, and he couldn’t.
“You don’t want to see me again?” Nate asked.
“I think we should stop.” His tone was steady, even as his heart was breaking inside.
Nate scrubbed through his hair. The happiness at seeing Keenan had drained away, leaving exhaustion and obvious confusion, and Keenan hated that he’d put that look there. “Want to tell me why?”
Keenan licked his lips. “We just want different things.”
“We do?”
“Yeah.” Keenan shoved his hands into his pockets. “I know it’s not what we agreed at the beginning, but I want more now. I don’t want another hookup.”
“You don’t want another hookup, or you don’t want another hookup with me?”
“I don’t want another hookup with you.”
“Is there someone else?” Keenan shook his head, and Nate’s expression eased a fraction. “So it’s over.”
Keenan closed his eyes, he couldn’t look at Nate while his heart shattered, and took in a deep breath. There. The words were out. “Yeah, it’s over.”
It was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, but it was the right thing. He wanted a relationship, a lover, and a friend. Nate had only ever wanted a friend to hook up with. He’d find another guy soon enough, while Keenan would take a long time to find someone else.
“I should thank you for what you did at the zoo.”
Keenan opened his eyes at Nate’s imper
sonal tone. Had he really meant that little to Nate? Nate stared at him; no expression in his hard eyes. If it hadn’t been for a tic in the side of his jaw, Keenan would have thought Nate completely unaffected.
“You’re welcome.” He swallowed hard. “I should go.”
Nate nodded and turned away. Keenan walked out of the room, his shoulders slumped and his head down. He headed toward the bank of elevators, praying he kept it together until he got home.
“Keenan?”
Keenan looked up to see Gideon walking toward him with a large teddy bear. “Hi, Gideon.”
“Is Nate all right? Dan said he was fine.” Gideon looked alarmed.
“He’s fine.”
“Why do you look like crap?”
Gideon was always blunt. He loomed over Keenan, the teddy bear tucked under one arm.
“We just broke up. Kind of.”
“Kind of? You either did or you didn’t.”
“You have to be going out to break up,” Keenan said bitterly.
Gideon grunted. “You stay here. I need to hand over the teddy, and then we’re going to talk.”
“I don’t think—”
“You don’t have to think. Stay there.”
“Woof.”
It was a pathetic attempt at humor, and Gideon didn’t even break out into a smile. He strode away, the bear’s legs flapping behind him. Keenan leaned his back against the wall and closed his eyes. Could this day get any worse?
Chapter 22
YES, YES it could.
The day could get much worse.
Keenan sat in the crowded hospital café, opposite the fierce regard of Gideon, who was like an advice columnist, that British chef who constantly cursed people out, and Keenan’s Granny Elma, all rolled up in a six-foot-five nightmare. He stared at Keenan as though he’d never seen anyone more pathetic.
“You dumped him?”
Keenan bristled under Gideon’s disbelieving regard. “Is that so unusual? You think someone like me is always the one being dumped?”