She looked up. “Nathan, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. I know what it is.”
My stomach clenched. “Know what it is? It’s not… it’s not something to do with your implants, is it?”
At first I thought she wasn’t going to react, then she nodded slowly. “It’s withdrawal,” she said in a soft tone.
I felt sick. That didn’t stop me from pressing my hands against the table, leaning close to her, and surveying her face for any sign of injury or illness. “I’ll take you to the med bay. That’s where they’re keeping the compound 78, right?”
She shook her head. “No, I don’t want you to do that.”
“Williams, you need that stuff to live,” I counseled in a strict tone.
“Nathan,” she said through a soft laugh, “I know that. I’m rationing myself,” she admitted.
“… Rationing yourself?”
“I can survive with a little less. The tremors don’t really bother me.”
“But why would you—” I stopped.
I knew the reason.
“Our current supplies are projected to last a year and a half. That sounds like a long time, but we still don’t know… if she’ll need more. The doctor’s currently doing tests, and it seems F’val was right – Alyssa is going to need more and more as time goes on.”
I couldn’t speak. I hadn’t been prepared for this frank conversation. A nauseating feeling swelled in my gut until I put down my spoon. “I’m sorry,” I said in a voice that barely registered above a whisper.
“It’s not your fault, Nathan. And this isn’t as bad as it seems. Like I said, a slight tremor isn’t much of a problem. Just don’t ask me to do any fine needlework.” She tried to grin.
I knew she was faking it, trying to convince me that she was okay with what was happening.
I could have pulled her up on it. I didn’t.
I smiled. “Why would I ask you to do any fine needlework? Williams, I’ve seen some of your drawings. To be blunt, you don’t have a lot of talent for art.”
She grinned now. “Look who’s talking, Shepherd – you’re about as artistic as a rock.”
I laughed. “Fair call.”
We both went back to our meal, and every few seconds I looked up to check on her, my gaze locking on her hand. She’d go a few minutes before another tremble. It was slight, but it was there, and it was enough to remind me of how horrible her situation was. I resolved then and there to do something about it. To stop the Farsight Program and reverse its effects.
No matter what it took.
…
Alyssa Nightingale
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Williams questioned as she sat against the table beside me, her arms crossed and a pensive look crumpling her features. “Do you honestly think we have a chance?”
I shrugged. “I hope we have a chance,” I said, honestly.
Williams let out a short laugh. It wasn’t harsh and it wasn’t judgmental.
Maybe it was the mere fact Williams had saved my life twice, but I’d warmed to her. Naturally. She was the first friend I’d had in years.
I felt I could trust her, too. Felt that she could understand me. She was probably the only person on this ship who could truly understand me. Except maybe for Shepherd.
Shepherd. Despite the situation, my mind returned to him once more. I even found my foot tapping against the floor as I thought of him.
If he hadn’t been so persistent in finding out my secret, I wouldn’t be here right now, would I? I’d be back with Professor Axis.
A cold shiver raced down my back just as a warm spark of something flared in my heart.
“What are you thinking about?” Williams asked.
I looked up to see her brow crumple.
“Never mind,” I said quickly. “I should be thinking about our mission.”
“He’s a good man,” she suddenly said out of nowhere.
I couldn’t control myself, and my gaze jerked up to her. “What?” I asked through a dry mouth.
“Shepherd. You were thinking about Shepherd, weren’t you?”
“How do you—” I cleared my throat abruptly.
She laughed. A low, light move. “I’m not clairvoyant or anything. I just… I guess I have a talent for observing people. But you were thinking about him, weren’t you?”
Maybe there was a challenge behind her words and her gaze, maybe there wasn’t.
I blinked my eyes closed, practically wincing, then I took a sharp breath. “Okay, I was. What of it?”
“It must be confusing for you.”
“Sorry?”
“Everything that’s going on for you right now must be confusing. But you can trust us. Me and Shepherd. He may have only just joined the resistance and learnt about telekinetic warriors, but you can trust him.”
Her sudden admission floored me. I made no attempt to control my expression, made no attempt to still my suddenly hammering heart.
“I know it’s hard to learn to trust again. Believe me,” she admitted as she brought a slightly trembling hand up and hooked her loose fringe behind her ears. “But if you give it time, it will happen naturally.”
Maybe I should have changed the subject, diverted her attention somehow – I didn’t. Instead I nodded.
I just nodded.
Again she let out the softest of laughs. “You know, I’ll admit, when I first met you, I thought you were really irritating.”
One of my eyebrows crumpled down as the other stiffened into an arch. “Really?”
“You always kept to yourself and seemed so cold. And then when Shepherd developed an interest in you…” she trailed off and shrugged.
… Developed an interest in me?
My chest tensed, my shoulders shifting down, an uneasy feeling swelling in my gut.
Finally Williams looked up. “None of that matters anymore. What matters is finally stopping the Farsight Program and putting an end to the Star Forces’ tyranny.” Her demeanor changed instantly. She got the anger and determination back.
I could have shifted the conversation back to how Shepherd felt about me, but I didn’t. Instead I nodded. It was low, it was respectful, and I hoped it promised her I would do everything to fulfil this mission.
“Okay, enough chat, not that I can order you around anymore considering we’re both lieutenants. Anyhow, we need to figure out how we are going to get aboard the Miracle. From memory, she has three backup shield generators. Even if the Ra’xon were to take her on head-to-head, it would take us too long to whittle our way through the Miracle’s shields. She’d be able to call for backup. We need to find a way to punch through her defenses before she can get a message off.”
“I’ve been thinking about that too.” I shifted forward, pressing my elbows into the polished table and steepling my fingers together. “The Miracle’s backup shield won’t work if she’s taking something on board.”
“What?”
I pressed forward along the table, locking my determined gaze on Williams as she still leaned there, arms crumpled in front of her chest. I let a tense second pass, and I took a breath. “We need to lure the Miracle in with a prize so tempting it will turn off its shields and take that same thing aboard.”
I watched Williams shiver.
“When the Miracle’s defenses are down, when its main hangar bay is open, then we’ll attack. The Ra’xon is big, don’t get me wrong, but if we’re clever, will be able to hide her long enough to make that sneak attack.”
Williams swallowed, the move hard as it pressed against her tight collar. “What exactly are we going to lure the Miracle with?” her voice was so low it was hard to pick up.
I let my hands clench, felt my fingers push hard into my palms, then I released them. I took another tight breath. “Me,” I said simply, surprised I could actually keep my voice even.
I saw Williams twitch. “You’re out of your mind.”
I shook my head, hair slicing across my cheeks. Though everyone n
ow knew I was Alyssa Nightingale, I still hadn’t changed my appearance. It felt… wrong. If I went back to the way I’d once looked, I’d go back to the way I’d felt too. The way I’d felt for those three long years as Professor Axis had trained me.
That thought gave me the determination I needed to nod. “It’s not mad, and it will work. Think about it. Professor Axis will be so greedy to get me back, he won’t think twice about his ship’s defenses. He’s the most arrogant man I’ve ever met.”
Williams kept shaking her head, from left to right, more and more strands of hair falling from her bun. “No, that’s suicide. I won’t let you do it. I won’t let you go back there.”
“It won’t be forever. The Ra’xon will be just around the corner.”
She looked at me, true horror shifting through her gaze. “This is just too risky.”
“I honestly don’t see what other option we have. We have to find some way to lower their defenses, to get them to open their primary docking bay. And the only way to do that is if they’re taking something on board.”
“No.”
“Yes.” I flattened my palm onto the table. “But don’t worry, I don’t intend to be going alone.”
“What?” Her brow scrunched up. “Shepherd is going to come with me.”
“Excuse me?”
“Think about it. It’s not like I can just show up. We need someone to take me in. Someone believable. Shepherd is the son of the Admiral. Before a few weeks ago, he’d never even heard of the resistance. He’d been on the straight and narrow, on a clear career path to the Admiralty.”
“This is way too risky.” Williams brought a hand up and anchored her thumb against her cheek as she massaged her brow with her fingers.
“But it will work.”
“No it won’t. Remember, F’val has already told the Star Forces everything. They’ll know that Shepherd joined the resistance.”
“Or at least, that he appeared to join the resistance. Think about it – he’s the decorated son of a decorated Admiral. If there’s anyone less likely to join the resistance, it’s him. As long as he gives them something they want – me – they aren’t going to question his story.”
Williams continued to shake her head, albeit with less determination. “I still think this is too risky. There has to be some other way.”
“Okay, we’ll look for one. But we need to keep this as a backup plan. I’m not going to let the Miracle go.”
Williams held my gaze. She nodded. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes, too. But…” she trailed off.
“This isn’t meant to be easy. It’s going to be the hardest thing we’ve ever done in our lives.” I warned, meaning every word.
Chapter 7
Lieutenant Commander Nathan Shepherd
“No, that’s crazy. There’s no way we’re going to do that,” I said as I faced off against Williams and Alyssa. “How could you even suggest that, Alyssa?”
She didn’t meet my gaze. Instead, with her arms locked firmly in front of her chest, she angled her head towards the far wall.
“Alyssa?” I pressed.
“If we want to win, we have to be willing to risk.”
“Your life?” I said through a hiss, heart thundering away in my chest.
“Yes, I’m willing to risk my life.”
“Well I’m not,” I said before I realized what I was saying.
Out of the corner of her eye, Williams looked at me.
I tried to ignore her. I took a quick step forward. We were standing in one of the empty discussion rooms. Behind us was a wall of windows, space streaking past with lines of white and yellow stars. My quick footfall crushed the soft carpet as I took yet another step towards her. I tried to tip my head down, tried to capture her attention, but she was concertedly not looking my way. “Alyssa. Alyssa?”
Finally she looked up. “This plan will work.”
“No, this plan could work, if we are extremely lucky. But we can’t afford to count on luck.” My stomach churned as I tried but appeared to fail to get her to understand my point.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Lady Argoza’s words struck me.
How much did I really know about Alyssa?
… Could I honestly trust her?
Could this… could this all be an attempt to return to the Miracle? Could she honestly be a double agent?
No, I told myself firmly. That’s impossible. If I hadn’t intervened with F’val, he would have taken Alyssa back. And she’d done everything she could to protect the resistance.
So this was something else.
This was revenge. She wasn’t seeing clearly because she couldn’t see past the destruction of the Miracle.
I felt myself swallowing.
“Nathan, I don’t want to admit this, but she is right – it could work.”
“Could,” I repeated again, voice shaking so badly it felt like the word would break like glass.
Alyssa looked at me sharply. “I thought you understood?”
“Understood what?” A sinking feeling descended through my stomach.
“How important it is to attack now. While we have the chance.”
I swallowed again, mouth getting steadily drier. “I do understand. But this… it’s suicide.”
“Standing still is suicide too. There’s a chance this could work. If we’re smart, we plan ahead, and we’re willing to risk things.”
I shook my head, drawing on all my years of training as an officer. I looked up at her sharply too, brows crumpling over my eyes. “No. We’re not going to do this,” I decided.
“Then what are we going to do? Wait for the spies on the Ra’xon to try to destroy us again? Because I guarantee you, there’ll be more double agents onboard. You give them long enough, they’ll hand us back to the Star Forces.”
My jaw stiffened. Tension shifted down my shoulders and into my arms until all I wanted to do was clench my hands into fists and strike the wall.
“I didn’t want to believe Argoza, but this is about revenge, isn’t it?” I asked before I could stop myself.
I watched her pale, watched her once open face crumpled with suspicion.
That look, that look felt like it stabbed right through my chest. But I wasn’t going to back down.
“Don’t you appreciate how important you are? We can’t simply deliver you back to the Miracle.”
“This isn’t about me,” she roared, voice punching through the room, “this is about doing something. Finally. I’m sick of running.” Her voice shook with such obvious emotion it was impossible to ignore.
I swallowed again. I was starting to realize she was even more fragile than I’d once suspected.
As she should be, considering what had happened to her.
But sometimes, when she looked up at me, gaze full of defiance, it was tempting to believe she was so much stronger.
I brought a hand up and pinched the bridge of my nose before letting my fingers drop. “Our next move may be our last move unless we’re careful.”
“Nathan,” Williams shifted forward, “I don’t want to believe this anymore than you do, but I’ve looked through the alternatives, and I don’t think anything else will work. Considering your stature as Admiral Shepherd’s son, I honestly do think it is believable for you to turn against the resistance and take Alyssa in.”
I curled a hand into a fist. It was so tight I thought the fingers would punch right through the bone to the other side. I shook my head.
Williams ignored me. “We need something, Nathan. And you’re it.”
“So what? You want me to deliver Alyssa back to the Miracle? Back to the place where…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. Didn’t have the right. I didn’t know exactly what had happened to them, but it felt wrong to qualify their horrors with mere words.
“You won’t be alone. The Ra’xon will be at hand. And so will Alyssa. You’ll have to convince the Miracle that you’ve drugged her and she’ll be no threat. But she’ll be fine and ready to
act when we give the word.” Williams took another soft step towards me.
I wanted to back away. Suddenly it felt as if I was being pinned into a corner. My gaze jerked between both of them until I turned and stared out the window.
I let out a swearword. Wincing, I opened my eyes. “And what if they don’t believe me? What if they don’t believe that I turned against the resistance? What if they don’t believe I drugged Alyssa?”
“You’re Nathan Shepherd,” Williams said through a smile, “isn’t there nothing you can’t do?”
I let out a frustrated snap of a laugh.
Then I considered her words, and, more importantly, the plan.
… Could it work?
Was it brazen? Was it mere revenge?
Or was it, quite possibly, the only decisive move we could take?
Maybe they could tell that I was softening, because Williams shifted towards me again. “Ask the Captain. It will be her decision in the end, but she’ll be more receptive if it comes from you.”
I looked at her warily. Then I let my gaze shift towards Alyssa.
She was staring at me, but thank God the suspicion was gone. There was something else flickering in her gaze. I couldn’t tell what it was, didn’t know enough about her to predict what she was thinking.
Before I knew it, I realized I’d been staring at her for far too long.
I cleared my throat. “… Okay.”
Christ, had I actually just agreed to do this?
Williams smiled, the move bursting across her face. “You won’t regret this. We’ll make sure this works.”
It took me a long time to nod.
“I believe in you,” Alyssa suddenly said.
The comment came out of nowhere.
I shook my head, cheeks paling. “What?”
Though she appeared uncomfortable, she took a steeling breath. “I believe in you,” she repeated clearly.
Williams grinned as if it was a private joke.
My head snapped from side-to-side as I stared between them. “What is this?”
“It’s nothing. It’s me… learning to trust again. And I believe in you, Lieutenant Commander Nathan Shepherd. If I didn’t, we wouldn’t be doing this. If I didn’t know I could trust you, there’d be no way I would let you take me back aboard the Miracle,” she spoke haltingly and carefully. “But I trust you. I know what you’re capable of. And together with the help of the Ra’xon, I know we can do this.”
The Crucible- The Complete Series Page 39