by Hugo Damas
She snorted. “…your name’s Hugo?”
“Hugo Martins,” he announced. “Acrobat, contortionist, clown, whatever pop needed me to be.”
“That’s a really unremarkable name,” she reiterated, apparently with the intention to tease him.
“Well, that’s what happens when you name people before you know them,” Hugo said with a wink, even though she couldn’t see it. “Anyway… yes, pop was a man of achievement. Of… schedules.” The Circus Freak was doing a bridge with his body, bending his back as much as he could, which was a tad challenging with only one arm. “That was boring, it’s part of why I left.”
“So you were in a circus?” Her voice asked from outside, “an actual circus?”
“Oh yes! Circus Round-The-World.”
“Oh wow, really? I’ve actually been to that one more than a few times. I think I might’ve made my first kill there.”
The Circus Freak laughed at that. “Doesn’t surprise me. Great performances, huh?”
“Oh, amazing performances,” she answered, sincerely. “The things they are able to do there, oof. Were you performing under a different name? Wearing a different costume? I should remember you.”
Without really questioning it, very naturally so, the Circus Freak ignored the questions. “Yeah, pop runs a tight ship. You either deliver or you’re out in the water, we needed to come up with new acts every few months, it was rough on the others.”
“But not on you, huh?”
“Oh, I was born different,” Hugo gloated, grinning at himself. “Pop’s special attraction!”
“Awww, did mean old daddy hurt poor widdle Hugo?”
The Circus Freak snorted and laughed. “Dad? Pop wasn’t my dad,” he said, performing another handstand, “n’ he couldn’t hurt me either. Unless he starved me. Man, I hated to be starved.” It was different doing it with one hand only, but he was getting used to it.
Not enough, however, he slipped and fell. “Ouf!”
“Hey! What’re you doing, don’t break my stuff!”
He giggled. “Oh reaaallly? Which stuff can’t I break?”
“Any of it,” she protested.
The Circus Freak cackled maniacally.
“ANY OF IT!” She yelled back, trying to control her laughter. “I’ll skin yer butt, I swear!”
The Circus Freak was sent into a fit of laughter. He rolled around a bit, getting it out of his system, beyond happy with how funny and scared she had sounded.
When he settled and calmed down, the Circus Freak gave another attempt at hand standing. “Sorry! I’m still getting used to some o’ this stuff. I used to have another arm, ya know?”
Hugo was also trying to get used to talking to her. He had never talked straight with someone for so long, why didn’t he feel like mocking her? Creeping her out? Being nonsensical?
What was going on?
“So daddy starved ya, then?” she asked.
“Oh, just sometimes,” the Circus Freak said. “I was very good at keeping him happy. Well, at not making him more unhappy -- he wasn’t really happy, not ever. Part of why I left.”
“Were there many parts to why you left, then?” She asked, amused.
“A big group of tiny ones punctuated by one big one: like an exclamation point!” Hugo told her, suggestively.
“Lemme guess,” she called, “the big one was that you just felt like it?”
The Circus Freak cackled, sincerely happy that she had guessed it. “Exactly! Boy, you catch on fast!”
“Catch? Heh, I’ve been living it. Is your story gonna get interesting any time soon?”
“Well, there was that time I got a kid killed,” the Circus Freak mentioned.
“Oh?” She said, with sudden interest.
“I didn’t know other people couldn’t turn their heads around, I didn’t know a lot back then since Pop was never big on education. He took the kid and held him in front of the wild cat’s cage until it nabbed him. Then he blamed it on the parents not watching him.”
“Wait a second.” She seemed to be processing the information. “Did you break a child’s neck?”
“Well don’t make it sound like such a monstrous thing,” the Circus Freak giggled, wanting to be off-putting and freaky. “He asked me to do it! I was a child too, ya know?”
“Talk about your misunderstandings,” she said, a bit nervously. “What else did you need to learn by…experimentation?”
The Circus Freak nimbly rolled forward and stood straight, and then started doing squats.
“Oh, not that much. How money works, that there’s people washing clothes for you! And cut your hair, too -- that’s really weird!”
“…you’re serious?” She seemed, finally, to be taken aback. And as much as he had been feeling a bit out of place, he immediately eased back into his comfort zone. That tone of voice, the confusion, the perplexing inflection, it all as if satiated a big need, and asked for more.
“Oh, yeah,” Hugo said, licking his lips. “I don’t really like how money works, I prefer to not use it.”
“You don’t use money? How do you eat?” She asked.
“I get food. What do you mean, how do I eat? You grab the food, you put it in your mouth, and then you kind move each end to chew--”
“Alright alright!” She audibly rolled her eyes. “I guess you are the Circus Freak, should be obvious that you’re stealing.”
He finished the squats and sat down, bringing a leg over his head.
“Sure.” The Circus Freak pulled the leg, forcing it to be placed behind his neck. “Anyways, there was this time I tamed a…a…what was its name?”
Without really thinking about it, the Circus Freak continued to talk while he exercised away all of the consequences from the lack of practice of the past couple of days. He told her about how great of a circus attraction he was, about how Pop forced him to strictly obey every kind of schedule, enforcing a level of control that eventually drove him crazy.
“You know, sometimes you’re in a situation, and you see people react and you’re like this is it!”
“Oh, I know the feeling,” she agreed, a bit too mysteriously.
Hugo was jabbing at the air to practice his thrusting speed and accuracy.
“For me, it was right then, when people saw me standing up with my arm completely out of my socket, and they saw my lack of reaction. And they looked…”
“Freaked out?”
“It just made me feel amazing,” the Circus Freak said with a shiver and hugged himself. “I seriously -- just thinkin’ about it! Oh!”
She chuckled.
“But Pop wouldn’t have it. Circus goers, he said, they’re supposed to be wowed. Things are supposed to be fantastic, near supernatural, not scary and the stuff of nightmares.”
“He called you the stuff of nightmares?”
The Circus Freak grinned proudly. “Ooooh…if ever he was right about something! Anyway, I left soon after that.”
Hugo was still wondering why he was talking to that woman. But even thinking about it was worrying since he wasn’t one to look at himself, or to second-guess what he did. To question his motives or to doubt his feelings was something the Circus Freak never did.
Or to not know what they are. Hugo looked down and mentally threatened his organs, you think I need you? Start making sense or I’m getting rid of all of you.
“Can’t really imagine a life where I can’t scare people half to death,” Hugo said, unable to stop himself.
“It’s a good thing you’re good at it, then,” she stated.
“Hah.” Hugo balanced on one foot while wobbling around, challenging his balance, “Truly, I was born for it!”
It was really odd that he wanted to know. “Hey, what was your name, again?” He had never cared to know the name of the king he had just robbed. He didn’t know the name of the people he was helping at Shadow Conclave.
Weird that he wanted to know hers.
“Minali,” she stated, a bit a
wkwardly. “We’ve been riding together for two days, I hadn’t given you my name?”
“I didn’t ask.” The Circus Freak had grabbed onto one of the beams holding the roof of the carriage sturdy and was pulling himself up and down with his arm. It bothered him how he couldn’t help but have one shoulder a lot more defined than the other one, but not so much that he would care to try and compensate. Still, he had a few exercises he did with his stump that seemed to help.
“Ooo! Wanna hear about how I started a gang war??” Hugo asked.
“What?” Minali chuckled. “Of course, tell me.”
The summary was that he had freaked out a gang boss during a meet between gangs, to the point where he shrieked. He was embarrassed, and he didn’t want anyone from the rival gang to know, so he killed everyone present, and that triggered a war that lasted for a couple of years.
The Circus Freak had a lot more fun telling it than experiencing it, though. Meanwhile, he placed the stump that used to be his arm against the wall and put force into it. It wasn’t much of an arm anymore, but it was still there, it had to work. The sleeve, as ever, hung down and flapped with his every movement.
The Circus Freak and Minali talked for the entire duration of the trip. By the time he realized there was a lot of noise surrounding him, he was running very short on stories to tell. Or the ones he wanted to tell, anyway.
“Are we here?” Hugo asked.
“Beermingbam,” Minali replied with a snicker. “Funniest name, foggiest city, the industrial capital of Britthan and a pretty good place to do commerce.”
“Alright! I guess this is where we part ways,” Hugo said, flinging open the carriage doors.
“What? Just like that?” Minali asked, reflexively slowing down.
He glanced back with a grin, catching sight of her eyes as she also looked back through what little room there was in the small front window. Outside of when he had asked for a rise, that was the first time they properly looked at each other.
“Did you expect any different?” Hugo sure did.
“Yes?” Minali said, expectantly
“Like what?” Hugo asked.
She rolled her eyes, and looked away. Her dark neck covered the little window. “Never mind, get on with your business.”
Hugo grinned wider and jumped, pulling himself up onto the cart with a one arm pull. In swift movements, he rolled twice across the roof of the thing and looked at her from above.
Minali looked up, gaping slightly.
“How…?” The carriage wrested into a stop, but he held strong.
“Born to,” the Circus Freak reminded her.
“You only have one arm--”
Hugo grabbed the ledge with that one arm and lowered himself upside down to face her very closely, holding an intimidating expression. “Oh oh, the things I can still do with this arm, Minali.” He closed his eyes and grinned, giving her his scary face. His legs were in the air, he was holding himself leveled with one arm alone, although it was stretched, so there was a lot of credit to be given to bones alone.
Regardless, he must have smiled invitingly instead of grinning threateningly, somehow, because hands grasped each side of his head and lips sunk into his own.
Now, the Circus Freak didn’t immediately know it because he had never experienced the sensation. He had never been kissed anywhere.
When Hugo opened his eyes, which were bulged from the realization of what was happening, well, for the very first time in his entire life, Hugo Martins freaked out.
“WAAH!!”
His grip failed, and the Circus Freak fell hard on the front of the tractor machine Minali owned and had been using to pull the carriage. He tumbled across the floor, standing up as quickly as he could, fully alert and shocked out of his mind.
Minali looked completely surprised as well. “I’m…I’m sorry, I thought you--”
The Circus Freak looked around, noticing people around him. There were crowds. He hadn’t noticed when he had gone to mess with her and scare her a little bit, or he hadn’t cared. But they had noticed him, and even more so now. They had seen what happened, and a few were snickering.
“Did I read that wrong?” Minali asked, apologetically. “I’ve just really enjoyed our talki--”
The Circus Freak glared back at her with such brusqueness that it startled her. He felt gripped by something he had never felt before.
His breathing went faulty, and he did what his instincts were telling him to do since they were fully convinced in their interpretation of what was happening with his nervous system, which was that he was very clearly about to die.
They got him running. He sped away from a bemused and regretting “wait!” and ran with astounding speed.
Before Minali could revive the engine of her tractor machine, he was already on a different block and out of sight. Before any spectator had the gall to throw a comment that would likely send him on a beating spree, he bounced off the far wall of an alley, ejecting out of sight and hearing.
Once there, in that alley, Hugo grabbed at his chest.
WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!
The Circus Freak had never felt pain. He had never felt anything so strong. He knew amusement and entertainment and fun, but whatever was going on was painful. Extremely so.
A part of him was trying to convince him it was good but he knew, in the deepest recesses of who he was, that it was not good. Pain was never good. That’s what hunger had taught him keenly and repeatedly.
Whatever was happening was related to the curiosity he had felt towards Minali. He knew.
Hugo had been too talkative, he had been too patient a listener. No screams, no rudeness. Enjoyment. He had felt enjoyment? But how, she wasn’t freaked out at all by him, so how could he have enjoyed her?
Hugo pictured that face, which he had seen for only a total of one minute, even though they had spent days together. The dark wearied face of a traveler old enough to have mothered many children, framed by glistening black hair that swallowed most of her head, looking back at him with eyes beaming with more life than any child Hugo had ever--
His mind reeled. Beaming?!
Why? Why was that happening? What was happening?
Hugo looked out at the exit of the alley and considered killing her. Imagining that reality, however, sunk his insides into new depths of pain.
The Circus Freak ravenously screamed. “OOOOWWW!”
Hugo punched his chest but, as usual, didn’t feel anything. He pinched himself, he pressed teeth on his finger until it bled. Nothing. Yet clearly, his chest was hurting. From the inside.
WHAT IS THIS?!? His mind screamed: his authentic self. Could he bleed it out? Lots of diseases could cause internal…disease!
Hugo remembered he had once had a pain in his intestines. Sickness could make him hurt, it was just rare for him to get sick. He started to calm down.
Sickness…some kind of fever, Hugo told himself. Some kind of disease.
He breathed out, visibly and near-immediately calming down. Okay.
The Circus Freak was just sick with something. The lady from the Shadow Conclave, she was a magician. Maybe she could help him.
I freaked them out last time, right? I don’t want to get predictable and just do the same thing, right?
The Circus Freak shook his head at himself. Then he looked up and tried to see beyond the industrial fog that was above and around him. He couldn’t, but that was okay, the gesture alone helped.
“Yeah, I’ll go talk to her instead,” Hugo said, massaging his chest. He was annoyed at how little effect his words had over the organs inside him. “She has to help me.”
* * *
It wasn’t hard to infiltrate the Tech Guild’s home base, the impressive metallic tower that was still wide enough to be considered a square. Hugo assumed it was because he was expected and given free reign around the base.
Finding the old magic lady was also easy.
The Circus Freak found the Head Enchanter of the Magni si
tting down at a desk. Well, more like a stool she had convinced to be a desk just because it was taller than the metallic box she was sitting on. She was facing the door, which he understood, he also didn’t like having his back to entrances.
Lady didn’t look comfortable at all.
“Hey, lady,” Hugo called.
She didn’t particularly react, which surprised him. She seemed to be engrossed in whatever she was writing. He moved inside and waved his hand in front of her face. “Helllloooo?”
“Yes, I see you, Hugo,” Eliza casually stated, “I need a minute.”
“You didn’t react when I shouted,” the Circus Freak whined.
“Have you noticed how noise is particularly loud and constant in this place?” She didn’t look away from the piece of paper she seemed to be writing on. “I need a minute.”
“Why’re you here, then? Why not do your disappeary thing from home?” Hugo asked.
She took a breath, and then answered. “It is impossible for me to cover such a distance without multiple castings, and that would exhaust me too much.”
“Really? The Sorcerer woman did it a lot, I saw it,” Hugo argued.
“She was younger and much more powerful,” Eliza stated, showing a bit of impatience. “No one will ever know how much easier this war would have gone if she was alive to help us.”
“Yeah, super serious loss,” Hugo said, and he tried sounding like he actually cared. “Look, I need your help.”
“A minute,” Eliza asked again.
“It’s been a minute!” Hugo yelled, waving his arms. He sounded a lot more impatient than he was, or at least, more than he thought he was.
The Head Enchanter of the Magni finally looked up at him. “I did not know you were capable of rational dialog,” she said, curious.
“Me neither,” the Circus Freak complained. “Fix it, please!”
Eliza kept her expression placid. “Fix what? Your newfound capacity to hold a regular back-and-forth with another person? I would not count it as a bad development, personally.”
“It hurts, okay?” He grabbed at his chest, glancing at the door in hesitation, fearing that maybe someone could hear.