by Lilly Wilder
For the time being though, it seemed as though these strange men were keeping their word. I wasn’t feeling the effects of a hangover either, which was strange. My head throbbed, but it was more from tiredness than anything else. It had been a whirlwind of a day and the Honey Pot seemed to be so far away. Would I ever see it again? Would I ever see the light of day? It was so cruel to leave me waiting here, festering, with the torment of my own mind, trying to figure out their intentions. Aside from the obvious I had no idea what they wanted from me. I’d heard lots of horror stories about human trafficking. I was probably the kind of girl they liked to prey on the most; I had no family, no ties. Barely anyone would miss me. I would just be one of those forgotten, missing people, the kind you hear about all the time. People look into it, they’re captivated by the mystery for a little while but eventually they lose interest because their own life takes over. It’s always the same way, and in the end these people just become a name lost in the ether. The essence of the life is lost, the very meaning is taken away.
I ran through old show tunes in my mind to try and stop myself from going crazy. I had no way to tell the time, as it seemed perennially dark through the window. All I could do was wait for one of them to come and see me. My destiny was in their hands.
*
I could feel myself falling asleep. My head drooped as though it was pulled by invisible weights. The bed, as lumpy and uncomfortable as it was, seemed inviting. I was beginning to get hungry and thirsty again. I walked around the room in an effort to keep my muscles moving and the blood flowing, although the room seemed to get smaller all the time. I picked up the blanket and placed it on the floor, and then I lay with my back flat against the surface. I stretched my lithe body and tried to still my mind, using the calming techniques of yoga to steady my rampant nerves. It was easy to relax in a calming environment with scented candles and meditative music playing in the background, far harder in a dark room where danger lurked behind the door.
Then, it opened. Jack was standing there. Matt was behind him.
“Ah, good, she’s had the drink,” he muttered, then he turned to me directly. “How are you feeling?” He spoke a little more loudly than usual, in the same manner as one would talk to an older relative who was hard of hearing.
“Don’t worry Matt, I’ll take care of this,” Jack said, before I could reply. Jack stepped into the room and leaned down, picking up the cup, and then handing it to Matt. Matt seemed perturbed, but he didn’t vocalize his dissatisfaction.
“Are you sure you want to be left alone?” Matt asked. Jack smirked and turned to the other man.
“Don’t worry, you’ll get your chance to be alone with her.”
Something about the way he said it made my skin crawl. I sat bolt upright and pulled the hair away from my face, trying to show even a hint of defiance. Matt closed the door and I was left alone with Jack.
He wore a leather jacket that hung slack over his shoulders. His body was slight, but he still had a good build, he had just looked more slender when compared to the bulky form of Buck. Jack pursed his lips and took a few steps into the room, but he maintained some distance from me. He studied me carefully, resting his chin against his hand. His boots were heavy, and they thudded whenever he walked. His gaze was piercing and I summoned the courage to lift my gaze to meet his. I remembered the brief flash of gold that had greeted me when I had awakened midway through the ride, but there was no trace of gold in his eyes now and I decided it must have been a trick of the mind.
The air around me simmered with tension and I vowed that I wasn’t going to speak first, but Jack waited and waited, he stared and stared, and eventually the pressure made me crack. The palpable tension was unbearable.
“What do you want with me?” I asked, hoping that this time he would offer me an answer. My head dropped as I asked the question and the words fell out of my mouth without much force. I put on the air of a defeated woman. It wasn’t too far from the truth. I only lifted my eyes to see if there was some hint of an expression flickering over his face, but there was nothing I could glean from him.
“Everything will become clear in time. But first I want to make sure that you’re okay. Are you feeling well?” he asked.
“About as well as I can be considering the circumstances. Why won’t you tell me what you want with me? You can’t just bring me here without permission. Why have you kidnapped me?!” I asked, the words coming out in a flurry. Jack studied me for a few moments more. I had no idea why he was being this mysterious. Fear mixed with anger and I felt just as I had done in all those auditions in my youth; as though my destiny lay in the hands of other people. I had always hated that feeling, the feeling of powerlessness. It was perhaps the worst feeling in the world. I had always wanted my life to be my own, to be the arbiter of my own destiny.
I realized then that it could never be the case. First it was my mother, now it was these men. But then again, could I really blame them? What had I done with my life that was so great? At least they had a plan for me, or so I assumed. Mom certainly did. I had no idea. I was just drifting along. Maybe they could sense this. Maybe that’s why they took me. I’d seen a few true crime things; people always said that kidnappers chose their victims carefully. I had nobody who was particularly going to miss me. I didn’t have a big impact on the world. I was practically nothing, an empty shell. I swallowed my fear. It didn’t take much of an appearance to seem demure and submissive. I bowed my head, allowing my hair to fall around me like a veil. My hands trembled.
“Come for a walk with me,” he said. His voice was soft, but there was something in the way he said it that suggested I didn’t have a choice. No matter how gentle they might have seemed or how much they said they were going to take care of me, I had to remember that I was their prisoner, and like any good prisoner I was going to try to escape.
*
I followed him out of the door. I was quite frankly surprised that he didn’t put a leash on me, or at least some handcuffs. He must have been that confident that he could handle me if I tried to escape. Well, I wasn’t going to try to escape just yet. That was perhaps the worst thing I could have done. I needed to get them comfortable, to lull them into a false sense of security. Only then could I hope to escape. I had to keep my wits about me, and observe as much as I could. Unfortunately, it didn’t help that the place was dark. Jack led me down a dark corridor. I could hear sounds coming from other parts of the building; murmurs of conversation and some music playing. There was also the roar of a motorcycle as well, fading as the rider drove off into the distance.
Another door opened, this one to the outside world. The night was dappled with moonlight. The air was fresh and cool. It couldn’t have been too long until dawn rose. The fading night was beautiful and ethereal. Shadows danced and the leaves of trees fluttered as the night breeze wafted by. Owls hooted and deep in the distance a wolf howled. Jack’s ears pricked up and his gaze drifted towards the origin of the noise. I didn’t pick up on the significance of that at the time.
The grass was covered in dew. The forest was a place of mystery, stretching out for miles all around. It was an easy place to lose oneself in, and I was starting to get an idea of how I might escape. I turned around to see the back of the building. It was low and wide, with a slanted roof. A long road stretched out in front of it, leading to eternity on either side. There were no twinkling lights of a city; a sight that I had grown used to. Out here it felt as though we were the only people in the world, in the only place that existed. It was easy to feel lost.
We walked about halfway between the building and the edge of the forest. Fear clutched my heart as it felt as though we were marching towards my doom, but then Jack stopped abruptly and lifted his head to the moon with a reverent gaze, in silent worship. I wasn’t sure how I should act or what I should say, so I remained quiet until he spoke.
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” he eventually said. He closed his eyes and smi
led.
“Yes, she is.” I couldn’t deny that the moon looked even more impressive than usual, as did the stars. I was used to living in the city, so they were always hidden behind the bright neon lights that twinkled in a city that never really slept. The moon was just a part of the scenery, a pale dot in the background, receding behind the flashing lights, promising fame and fortune, capturing attention away from what was truly beautiful in the world. But out here the moon and the stars had no equal. They glittered with resplendent beauty against the inky backdrop of the night sky and it was easy to believe that miracles could happen.
“I was told a story when I was a child, that the moon was once a woman who wanted to be near the sun. One day she leapt up from her home, leaving her village and her family behind, and she became the moon, for of course the sun was too warm to get close to. I used to try it myself. One day I jumped from the top of my home. I broke my leg,” he laughed dryly. “My mother scolded me and told me to never listen to stories again, but ever since that day I’ve wondered if there’s a way to touch the moon.”
“That’s a lovely story,” I lied. I didn’t particularly care about his childhood, his mother, or the goddamned moon. It had become quite clear to me that he wasn’t going to listen to my demands, so there was no use in begging him to tell me what he wanted with me. He would tell me in his own time, or not at all, and I just had to live with that. But I was already tracing a path with my eyes, looking to the forest and thinking about where it might lead. As I peered into the darkness I was thankful for the brightness of the moon as it highlighted certain landmarks, like a mountain to the right of me. The jagged peak cut out some of the stars and I thought that would make a good direction for my escape. I could almost see myself running through the forest, losing myself in the darkness as I escaped this most dangerous situation. There was an urge in my heart to do so then, but my feet were rooted to the spot. My skin crawled as I thought of the way Jack’s hands would pull me back and throw me to the ground, how even though the grass was soft and wet it might as well have been daggers stabbing into me.
“After that Mom told me that the only way to touch the moon was through a song. Do you believe in magic Trish?” he asked.
“Magic? I…I can’t say that I do.”
“Really? You should…you conjured magic over the entire bar with your song. Magic doesn’t have to be from witches and wizards and all those sorts of things. It’s deeper than that, more personal. It happens when you expose your soul to others. They see something pure, something vibrant and alive, and they respond to that. When you sang every single person in that bar was transfixed by you, spellbound. Hearing you sing was as beautiful as seeing the moon like this.”
His words were beautiful, and if he had spoken like this at the bar I may well have gone home with him and given him whatever he wanted, but he had already taken me away by force, ripped me from the night without mercy. I wasn’t going to let him get away with doing everything he wanted. When I replied there was cold steel in my voice.
“That might well be true, but that doesn’t help me at the moment. What is this place? What do you want with me?” I asked again, tiring of his musings on magic and the moon. It seemed crazy, and the more he spoke the more I wondered if this was some kind of dangerous cult. There were moments when he didn’t seem to be making any sense. It was as though he saw the world in a different way than anyone else and I wasn’t entirely sure how to handle it. I glanced down to make sure that he wasn’t holding a knife or other weapon in his hands. I was afraid that I might be a sacrifice to the moon.
He turned his head. There was a strange look in his eyes, and once again I was reminded of that moment when I had seen gold in them. Was that just a trick of the mind or was there something more? I was so tired and my mind was strung out. It was easy for me to believe in the dangers of the world. In a place like this the impossible seemed more believable and things like magic rose from the ground, seeping into every pore, until daylight would come again and wash it away in its brilliant light.
“I want you for your song Trish, for your song and for everything that means,” he said.
I frowned. That still didn’t make any sense. He turned away from me and it seemed to be the only answer he was going to give.
“And what is this place?”
“We’re a motorcycle club. We’re small, but it means a lot to us.”
“A motorcycle club?” I asked skeptically, folding my arms across my chest. Jack wasn’t what I expected. He seemed aloof, almost as though he wasn’t really there. “And do you make a habit of kidnapping innocent young women?”
“No, we don’t. Just you,” he said.
His words took me by surprise. My breath caught in my throat and I wasn’t quite sure what to say about that. I didn’t think there was anything special about me. My hackles rose and my skin prickled with unease. I shifted my weight between my feet and furrowed my brow even deeper, wanting to snap at him, wanting to lash out in anger. He was so sure of himself, so confident that I wouldn’t dare do anything against him, that he wasn’t even worried that I might escape. And what was so special about me anyway; that I was vulnerable? That I had no family? That I was practically alone in this world without any direction or purpose? Those things didn’t make me special…they made me a failure.
“And what if I just ran away right now? What if I fled into the darkness and disappeared into the forest? You might think you’re stronger and faster than me, but you have no idea. You don’t have your bike here and you don’t have your cronies. Maybe I could have a chance,” I dared to express the idea of a challenge and instantly his hand shot out to grip my arm, so tight that it left bruises. His eyes flashed with anger.
“Try it,” he growled. There was such animal intensity in his voice that I could barely think straight. All thoughts of challenging him disappeared from my mind as I knew he wasn’t going to let me go. I pulled my arm away.
“Get your hands off me!” I cried. I stepped away a few paces, retreating back to the building we had just left. I nursed my arm. Pain throbbed and a hopeless feeling entered my heart. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but I dreaded what they might do to me.
Jack turned back to the moon.
“Your place is here with us now. It has been decided. Go and rest. You shall learn more tomorrow.”
“Decided? By who? By what? I haven’t decided!”
“Go and rest,” he said again, a growling undercurrent in his voice once again. I stared at him, wondering for a moment what would happen if I did lash out at him and claw at his eyes, if I slashed with my nails and tried to run away. The air was open and the night was all mine, but fear cowed me and gripped me completely. My hand trembled. It was as though an invisible force put pressure on my hand and would not allow me to lift it up. I was trapped completely, unable to strike out at him, or at my freedom.
I felt like a failure, just as I had done so many times at the auditions. I slunk away back to my prison, back to the only building in sight. Jack spoke with such certainty and threat. I knew that, somehow, even if I tried to escape he would hunt me down and find me. Even if I made it into the depths of the forest or to the summit of the mountain, he would be there, knowing my every move before I made it. A small sob erupted in my throat as I returned to my prison. My shoulders slumped. I had the air of a defeated woman. I was still so tired. I had never thought of myself as one to surrender so easily, but it was a habit that I had adopted in life. It had taken everything I had to break free of Mom’s control and that was a process that had taken years.
It wasn’t so easy to escape as you might think. I had no idea where to go or even in which part of the country I was in. I wanted to flee, but there was something inside holding me back, and every time I did I saw Jack’s eyes flashing inside my mind. In the depths of his gaze I saw the control he had over me, the utter certainty that I would never do anything to disobey him and it was so overwhelming I found it
impossible to resist.
Perhaps there was magic in the world after all. Perhaps he had cast a spell on me. They had given me an elixir that had cleared my mind, but what else had it done? The world was a dark place and I was but a single soul, adrift and alone with nobody to turn to. I certainly wasn’t going to get any sympathy from Jack. I turned to the stars before I went back into the building and wished that Mom was still around. Say what you like about her, but she was fierce and she wouldn’t have allowed anyone to treat me this way.
I took a final look at Jack before I went inside. He was standing there, as still as a statue, staring up at the moon as though it was a goddess. It was a foolish story, I thought, and I didn’t much care for what he said about singing. My voice wasn’t anything special. He had some idea that I was special, that I was more than I actually was. How could he know these things when I didn’t even know them myself?
I shook my head as I returned inside. I felt certain that they must have taken the wrong person. If they were looking for someone special then they hadn’t chosen well in me. Perhaps I’d get lucky and they’d realize their mistake before too long and return me to the sorry excuse I had for a life.
I sometimes wondered what would have happened had I continued on the path Mom wanted for me. If I had managed to overcome my anxiety, and not let myself get so bothered by the pain of performing or the expectations and demands of the lifestyle, could I have actually made it? I doubt I would have become anyone famous, but I might have carved out a niche for myself, a comfortable life where I didn’t have to worry about anything. It was easy to think about a better life after I had been kidnapped though. In fact I’m not sure that the magnitude of what had happened had sunk in yet. All I could think about was a parallel version of my life, one that was better in every respect. To be honest it didn’t take much imagination, considering that it couldn’t get much worse. All the decisions I had made had led me to this point, and I dreaded to think what the decisions I would make in the future would lead me to. I had my hand on the door to the building. I closed my eyes. A tear squeezed through my eyelids and trickled out. I could have walked away, maybe I should have, but I was filled with fear that it could mean my death. The way that Jack had hissed at me…I couldn’t deny his power. They had already succeeded in kidnapping me once and I had no doubt they would find me again. He was so confident, that he was willing to let me walk away by myself without an escort. I got the sense that he wasn’t the type to misplace his confidence. I still wanted to escape but I would have to wait and bide my time. I couldn’t risk angering them when there was still so much that was uncertain. I had escaped their wrath so far, but I couldn’t be sure they wouldn’t kill me.