by Lilly Wilder
“I hope you’re right,” I squeezed his palm to try and make more of an impression on him, and then I rose from the couch and pressed my hand against the wall. “I just feel like I’m losing my mind in here. There’s so much to take in. I want to understand all of this, but I can’t concentrate. I dread going back to that cell, Matt,” I turned to him with desperation in my eyes, “please can we go for a walk first? I enjoyed being outside with Jack last night, but it was so dark I didn’t get to appreciate the surroundings properly. I just…it would calm me to be out in nature, to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin and the grass underneath my feet.”
Matt shifted his gaze away, unsure of my request. He stroked his chin. “I don’t know…” he said.
“I promise I’ll be good,” I smiled sweetly, “and you’ll be there. I know that nothing will happen while you’re there.” I knew that Matt wouldn’t pull me back like Jack did. Taking advantage of Matt’s kindness was the only weapon I had in my arsenal. “Just for a little while, just so I get a better grip of my sanity. You don’t know what it’s like to go through all this…” I said.
The tug on his heart strings seemed to work.
“Okay, but just for a little while, just so you can get some exercise,” he said. “But don’t stray too far and don’t try anything,” he jabbed a finger towards me and I nodded obediently, but his words did not carry the same hissing threat that Jack’s had. My eyes gleamed as I followed him outside, because I knew I had a chance to escape this awful hell.
Chapter Six
Bathed in sunlight, the world was even more beautiful than it had been at night. The green meadow stretched out all around us, leading to a lush forest. The trees beckoned with their tempting shade and the branches swayed in the breeze, the leaves whispering for us to join them. The blue sky was dotted with wispy clouds, but these weren’t enough to block out the sun, which burned with a radiant light. Beyond the trees were red mountains, their summits jagged and harsh, turning to grey as they rose up, pointing to the heavens. Birds soared above and I envied them their freedom. The long road stretched out with not a soul upon it. The Howlers had chosen a fine spot for their motorcycle club. It was far away from anything and anyone, a forgotten part of the world where secrets could easily be kept.
When I commented on this, Matt looked rueful.
“There was a town a few miles that way,” he pointed to the road that seemed to stretch to nowhere, “that was where the Howlers lived along with the rest of the folk, but over time it’s become a ghost town. People have moved to the city. There wasn’t much left for them out here once the world changed and things got all modern and evolved,” there was evident disdain in his voice. “Now we just all stay in the clubhouse.”
“Sounds like it could get crowded.”
Matt shrugged. “It’s okay. If we ever need alone time we can ride. When we’re on a bike the whole world is open to us,” he said.
“As long as you have a road ahead of you,” I replied, smirking. Matt tilted his head and nodded. The way they lived was far from the way I was used to living. They were a small group, a relic of a time that didn’t fit into the modern way of the world. It was no wonder that their numbers had dwindled since people had moved on to bigger and better things, easier things. A place like this was a place lost to time, and it attracted people with a certain worldview, or people who had nothing waiting for them elsewhere. They were outcasts and, in a way, I thought that, actually, I might fit in quite nicely.
But I wasn’t going to be anyone’s breeding pet.
I suppose I could imagine well how such an idea might take place. Out here, far from the world it was easy to believe that they were above the law and that the normal rules of the world didn’t apply to them. They could come up with their own schemes and their own plans. I imagined there was much frustration from the fact that their numbers had dwindled, and if recruiting didn’t work, then what other way was there to get new members other than having their own? I doubted that I was the last girl they’d try this with. I guessed I was the test run. Maybe they’d overhead me talking to Rachel about my Mom and realized that I had nothing in the world, so I was an easy target. I was so distraught that night I probably didn’t realize that they were close to me, listening and stalking, waiting for that moment to strike. It was a crazed world and it was scary to think that people could be brought to this way of thinking when they were so far removed from anything normal. I’d seen a lot of crazy things in life, and at that point I knew that if I made it out of there alive I’d have a damned good story to tell.
I started walking towards the forest, testing Matt’s reaction.
“Hey, where are you going?” he cried out. I stopped, but I didn’t turn around. I merely twisted my head and tossed a gaze over my shoulder, my eyes barely visible through my veil of hair.
“I was heading to the forest, for a stroll,” I said.
“No, we’d better stay close to the clubhouse. I don’t think it’s a good idea to go too far. You just needed a short walk. There’s plenty of space here.” He gestured around at the meadow and he was right, but there wasn’t enough cover for me to hide in and there weren’t shadows that would allow my escape. I started walking towards the forest, taking small strides to ensure that he didn’t react hastily.
“I need to get out of the sun. The forest will offer some shade. I’ll only go to the edge. The plants look more interesting there anyway. I was hoping that you could teach me something about them. I’ve never been interested in flowers,” I said. “How did your Mom teach you?”
Playing on his interest worked, as he skipped up to me and warned me that we’d only be going to the edge. I smirked, as my plan was coming to fruition. I needed to get away from the prying eyes of the clubhouse and then make my move. If I got into the forest then I was one step closer to home or, frankly, anywhere away from here. I didn’t care where I ended up, just as long as it was far away from this crazy place.
“She used to bring me out here and she taught me about how different herbs and plants go together. So one might be harmful when it is by itself, but paired with something else it has a different effect entirely. Some are used to treat wounds, some can induce sleep, some are nourishing. The natural world gives us a lot and we don’t use it to its full potential. The knowledge that has been passed down to me is valuable and there’s a danger of it getting lost. The way the world is now…people don’t have the time or patience to learn skills like these. It’s an art, and I’m not bragging by saying that.”
“I’m sure you’re not,” I said, and I got him to pick out a few things. We reached the edge of the forest. He was happily chatting away. I glanced over my shoulder as the clubhouse receded into the distance and I was glad that nobody had noticed our absence or, if they had, they had enough confidence in Matt to handle me. The shadows touched our bodies and the air grew cooler. Now that we were out of the sun my skin prickled as the temperature changed. Green light bathed us as the leaves shielded us from the sun and the world smelled earthy and genuine.
“What was she like, your Mom?” I asked, as we walked deeper and deeper into the woods, betraying his intention to keep to the edge. The shadows enveloped us and I had him alone, so I felt more confident of succeeding in my goals. He picked up a few flowers here and there, or pointed out an herb and told me about it. I filed away the information for later, but I was mostly concerned with getting my bearings and looking for the best way out. Thankfully there were a lot of fallen branches on the ground and I just had to wait for the right moment, and it had to be right. If I acted at the wrong time it would ruin any chance I had of escaping. Matt would never trust me again and I’d never be allowed out on a walk in the forest.
“Oh she was wonderful, so kind and caring. Dad was away a lot so she brought me up mostly by herself. But she taught me all about the world and what it meant to be a part of the balance. She said that everything had a purpose in the world, even if it was really
small, and that one day I’d find my purpose. The knowledge of these plants had been passed down for generations and I was happy to learn. Sometimes we’d spend entire weeks camping out here, learning all about the natural world. People thought we were strange, but we were happy.”
“It sounds peaceful, and nice that you were so close,” I said, feeling a little envious that he had such a close relationship with his Mom when mine had been so fractious. “What made you want to join the MC then? Didn’t you want to take this knowledge elsewhere? Maybe you could have started your own school and taught others, spread the knowledge a bit?”
A rueful look came upon his face.
“I couldn’t leave the MC. It’s in my blood. As much as the world has moved on, I couldn’t leave. It’s my destiny.”
“You sound like you believe all that stuff,” I folded my arms across my chest.
“You will too, once you understand everything. It’s…there’s something bigger out there than all of us and it binds us together. It sets us on a path and we have to do our best to keep to that. There’s a chain that remains unbroken between all that live, and we are but links. The only purpose we have in life is to ensure that the chain continues.”
“Did your mother teach you that?”
“No, my father did, actually.”
“Even though he was away a lot?”
“He came back when he could and he was away on important business. Did you know your father?” Matt asked pointedly. Breath caught in my throat, as rarely anyone asked me about my father.
“No, I didn’t,” I said curtly. “It was always just me and Mom. She said that he was some actor and she was trying to get on his show, but he never repaid the promise he made and instead of a life in show business she had me instead.”
“It was a good trade,” Matt said.
I smiled at the kind words. “Not for her. As far as she was concerned, I had taken away any chance she had of being famous. She blamed me for it, and tried to redeem that one mistake by giving me the life she never had, but I wasn’t her. I couldn’t be her. I couldn’t do the things she wanted me to do and it all ended in failure.”
“I don’t know about that, you sang beautifully on stage. I’m sure if you really wanted it you could have been famous.”
“But that was the issue, I never really wanted it and Mom couldn’t understand why. To her fame was all that mattered.”
“Aside from you. She gave it all up for you.”
“I don’t think she had much of a choice.”
“People always have a choice and she chose you. You were her choice, even if she never fully accepted the way her life turned out and, maybe, you were just meant for something greater,” he said.
I hated to admit it, but talking to Matt was good for my soul. Nobody had ever said anything with such clarity before and he made me see Mom in a different light. I never really thought about what it must have been like for her to be faced with the impossible choice of having a child or having another shot at the career she had always dreamed of having. She had thrown that all away for my sake and, I suppose, I shouldn’t have been too angry at her for trying to force me into the Hollywood life, as it was the only thing she knew. Just like Matt’s mother she had tried to pass on her knowledge and, like a brat, I had only thought of myself and never realized what it truly meant.
And I’d never get the chance to tell her.
“I guess it doesn’t matter now anyway. She’s dead and I’m here,” I said. The mood darkened and suddenly things had taken an unexpected turn. I hadn’t prepared to share any of my innermost feelings with one of these men and I had to hold my heart together to stop it from falling apart and ruining my chances of escaping. My mind whirred as Matt continued talking about some of the history of the MC, how his father had proudly worn the badge and how, even though Matt hadn’t seen him that much, he still wanted to emulate the man. It was a good thing for someone to have such a close connection with his parents and it made me realize how bereft I had been of family guidance. Whenever I thought of my father there was nothing but a blank slate, an empty space where a person should have been. Mom never told me anything about him either. I had tried to do some detective work and figure out which show he had been working on when Mom had the relationship, but I’d never made any progress. When I was a kid I used to dream that one day he’d track me down, that he wanted to find me as much as I wanted to find him and in some strange way our two fates would collide, drawn together by an invisible string that was unbreakable.
But it never happened.
“, my word,” Matt suddenly gasped. He crouched down near a plant with black leaves, shaped like lapels on a shirt. He spoke in a hushed tone, as though the plant was prey and it would run away if he spoke loudly. He curled his hands around it protectively and the plant seemed to react to his presence, the petals twitched. “Now this is one of the rarest plants found in the wood. I’ve barely seen it bloom and you might be quite interested in this one because when distilled and paired with-”
But I didn’t get to hear what the effects would be, nor did I care. As soon as he crouched down and his back was turned to me I searched around for a weapon, knowing that this was my chance. I was far enough into the woods that I could get a good head start before Matt awoke and raised the alarm. I might even be able to flee and escape this hell, and get back to the fragments of my real life. As he marveled at the plant, his attention completely enraptured by the black leaves, I curled my hand around a thick branch. I felt a little guilty at first, as he had been nice to me and shared his emotions with me. He’d even gotten me to open up and talk about my deep feelings, as well as reflect on things that I hadn’t thought about for a while. But I hardened my heart and reminded myself that even if he was the nicest of the three, he had still been a part of a trio that had kidnapped me and that was unforgivable. I wasn’t going to give myself to them. I wasn’t going to meekly surrender to this breeding wish of theirs. Mom had always taught me how to fight, and if that was the only legacy she had left me, then it was a worthy one.
I screamed as I swung the branch. It caught Matt right in the temple. The branch cracked and splintered as it hit him, and he went down like he had been shot. His body sprawled over the ground, and the impact had made him pinch the plant up from the roots. It rested in his hand. He moaned softly and his head lolled to the side. There was no blood, and I was almost certain that I hadn’t killed him, but I wasn’t going to stick around to find out.
I dropped the branch and turned on my heels, sprinting away. My muscles began to ache almost immediately. I wasn’t the fittest person in the world at the best of times and I had been through quite an ordeal already, but I fought the throbbing pain, hurtling through the forest as quickly as I could. I thought my best bet was to keep within the forest as long as I could, and then to go through the mountains. If I found the road then it would be easier for them to track me down. In the wilderness there was no chance of them finding me, the only danger I had was from nature itself, and a lack of food and water, but I was free. I was free! Elation ran through my heart as the branches whipped my face and skin, but I didn’t care. The lashing pain reminded me that I was alive, that I still had a say in my destiny.
Chapter Seven
My throat ached. Every breath was like swallowing shattered glass as I yearned to slake my thirst. The forest seemed to be unending. The trees were all the same and I had long lost my bearings. I ran ahead, although I had turned to the side as trees had gotten in my way. Occasionally there was a break in the leaves and shards of sunlight burst through, hitting me with a warm glow. I stumbled over fallen logs, but I didn’t let them stop me. I dared not look behind me for fear that I would see one of them chasing after me, hunting me. The fine hairs on the back of my neck stood up with a dread feeling that there was something coming after me. The day was still light, but I feared the approach of the night when all kinds of dark creatures would come out of the shadows.
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I stopped whenever I found a brook or a stream, which wasn’t frequent enough for my liking. I dared not stop for too long though, so I nourished myself on handfuls of water before I left again. I had no way to carry water, so I had to live in hope that I would find another one before my body surrendered. Fruit and berries hung from trees. I was wary of some of the berries and wished that I had asked Matt about them before I had left him, and I left my stomach to rumble. Insects buzzed about me and a few small animals scurried about. I swear that at one point I heard a snake slithering by, but I decided to not let my fear get the better of me.
I continued on, driven to escape the forest and work my way around the mountain, hoping that there was something else on the other side, something that led to civilization. All I needed was for one truck to see me and I could escape, I could flee and tell the police about what had happened.
Then I could hide for the rest of my life.
There were plenty of other people who had survived on nature and I told myself that I still could last a few days without food or water. As long as I had a little shelter during the night I would be fine, and I’d feel better once I was confident that nobody was going to find me.
I knew that I was a part of a wider world. I knew that out there, there were cities filled with masses of people and millions of souls, each living their own lives. I knew that there were whole industries churning along, a whole society with its laws and rules and boundaries…but as I ran through the forest I felt alone. I might as well have been the only person in the entire world, except for the three men who had kidnapped me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that if they had found me once they could find me again. No amount of steps seemed to be enough to escape their reach and I started to wonder about life if I escaped. Would I have to move somewhere else and change my name, or even leave the country? My entire life would have to change because of this. I couldn’t believe that it had only been one night. It felt like a lifetime ago when I was in the bar with Rachel, lamenting the state of the world.