by Gene Wolfe
Page 37
"I brought her," the apprentice told me. "Shes a witch," he indicated Jahlee with a nod, "and I thought another one might be able to help her. "
Here I want to write that the young witch smiled again; but it was the same smile, which had remained upon her face as if forgotten. "She has no powers. "
"You dont know her," the apprentice said.
"I sense none in her, and she says she has none. " The witch rose, moving like a woman stiff with age.
"I dont," Jahlee told the apprentice. "I am a perfectly ordinary human woman. " The happiness she had in saying it warmed my heart.
"I will go now," the witch announced; he opened the door for her and went out with her, locking it behind him. Through its barred window I heard him say that he wished to show us his dog. Possibly the witch made a reply that I did not hear.
Stepping through the door Jahlee said, "Id like to see it. I love dogs. " I followed her in time to see the witchs gaping mouth and the utter blankness of her large, dark eyes.
(I must remember to ask Jahlee about the secret. I cannot reveal it to Nettle, no matter how much I want her to know and understand. Jahlee could. She seemed in a good mood, and I should have detained her. )
* * *
We have a boat! The Outsider, seeing we required one, has arranged that we be given one at no expense and with very little trouble. But I am ahead of my story. This morning I located the house that had been Marrows. It had been sold, but the new owner kindly referred me to a good woman named Capsicum who is disposing of Marrows possessions.
"Here is his letter," she said, and showed it to me. I cannot reproduce it here, because I cannot recall the precise phrasing. Suffice it to say that he addressed her as "my darling," with other endearments, and that he asked her to distribute the gifts he listed, and authorized her to retain what remained for herself.
"We were friends for years, and after his wife died there was nobody but me. If it hadnt been for me, he would never have got to be what he did. " She sighed; she has eyes the color of a blue china plate in a large, round face, and at the moment it held no more expression than the plate. "Hed still be with us. " I asked her to explain, but she would not. "Theres no mending it. You were a friend of his?"
"He was the chief of the committee of five who sent me for Patera Silk, and he certainly befriended me afterward. "
"The one who was calde when we left?"
"Yes, exactly. "
"Did you bring him?"
I shook my head. "I tried, and failed. Please understand meIm not looking for a reward. Im entitled to none. But I have the seed corn we needed and would like to turn it over to someone who will make good use of it. I had supposed that when I returned I would make my report to Marrow. Learning that he had passed away, I tried to report to Gyrfalcon. I was unable to see him, and it occurred to me that Marrow might have left instructions for me, some message. "
"Do you need money? I might let you have a little. " She rose with the help of a thick black stick and went to a cabinet.
"No. Ive more than enough for my needs, and my familys. "
I had risen because she had; she motioned for me to resume my seat. "What was your name again?"
"Horn. "
"I see. "
"We live on Lizard-Marrow and the others came there the first time we talked. "
She said nothing. She is a large woman, quite stout, with a small mouth and a great deal of white hair.
"I should not have gone. I know that now. At the time I thought it my duty. "
"What were you going to make from it?"
"Money?" I shook my head. "I didnt expect any, though I would have taken it if it had been offered, I suppose. But youre right, there was something I wanted-I wanted to see Silk again, and speak with him. "
"Do you need a handkerchief?"
She produced one, small and trimmed with lace, and I was reminded poignantly of the big, masculine-looking handkerchiefs Maytera Marble used to carry in her sleeves. I shook my head again and wiped my eyes. "Its the wind, I suppose, or too much writing. Ive been writing a lot, mostly by lamplight. "
"Thats where I write letters. " She pointed to a little damaskwood desk. "See how the light from the window falls?"
I acknowledge that it seemed a good arrangement.
"Only I dont write a lot of them. You could come here and use it sometime if you wanted to. "
I thanked her, and asked again whether she had found any mention of me in Marrows papers.
"Theres a lot of stuff. " Her eyes were vague. "I havent gone through everything yet. Ill look. Maybe you could come back tomorrow?"
"Yes, Id be happy to. "
"Youre sure you wouldnt like something to eat?"
"No, but its very kind of you. "
"I would. " She rang a bell. "If theres something for you, Ill have to make sure youre really Horn. "
I nodded and assured that I understood her caution and applauded it.
"You must have been just a sprat on the lander. "
I admitted it, adding that I had thought myself a man.
"Seems like a real long time ago to you. It dont to me. I must be, oh, a couple years older. Id like to give you some money, too. But I have to know. "
"I dont need it, as I told you; but as for identification, my brother Calf lives here. Hell vouch for me, Im sure. "
A slave girl entered, bowing. Capsicum told her to serve tea and to send in "the boy. "
When the slave girl had gone, Capsicum unlocked her cabinet and got out two cards. "Real ones, like we used to have back home. The Chapter will give you four gold ones for each of these. "
She seemed to expect me to challenge her assertion, so I said, "Patera Remora, you mean? I feel sure he wont, since theyre not mine. "
A boy of about ten joined us, and she introduced him as her grandson. "You have to go to the shop of a man named Calf, Weasel. This gentleman will tell you how to get there. Ask Calf to come here, please, and identify the gentleman for me. The gentleman says Calf is his brother. "
My knowledge of these streets is somewhat limited, but I directed Weasel to the best of my ability and he nodded as though he understood. "Do you have a magic bird?"
I laughed and tried to explain that I had a pet bird, not a magic one. To confess the truth, I had not the heart to tell the little fellow there were no magic birds.
"Where is it?"
"I sent him to my wife, to let her know that our son Hoof is returning to her, and that the rest of us-our son Hide and his betrothed, and our daughter and I-will return to her soon. "
Capsicum smiled at the prospect of a wedding. "Marrowd have married me after his wife died, but I wouldnt let him. "
I said I was sorry to hear it.
"Get along, Weasel. You go and ask the gentleman to come like we told you to, this dont concern you. We wouldve fought like a old dog and a old cat, Patera. Ive never been sorry I said no. "
"Im not an augur. I realized that this is an augurs robe, but Im not. "
"Youve got a wife, you said. "
"Yes, I do. Augurs have wives, occasionally, however. "
"Patera Silk did. I heard that before we left. "
The slave girl came in, staggering under the weight of a tray loaded with tea and wine, cups, saucers, and wineglasses, and enough little sandwiches and cakes to feed a palaestra. I drank tea (and to please Capsicum a glass of wine) and ate a sandwich, which was excellent.
We talked about Viron for a time. I told her about the devastation that was the Sun Street Quarter, which she had supposed would have been rebuilt long since. "I dont think Id have come, Patera, if it hadnt been for that. I had a nice place, the whole top floor in a real nice house, and my rent paid for half a year. Only it burned, and I thought, hes going away and Ive lost everything, and if I dont go with him Ill lose him too. So I went. "
She toyed with the cards she had taken from her cabinet, then laid them down; clearly they recalled
Viron, and the rooms there she had lost. "Why are people so mean?"
"Because they separate themselves from the Outsider. " I had not thought about it in those terms before and said what I did without reflection; but as soon as I had spoken, I realized that what I had said was true.
"Whos that?" she asked.
"A god. " I was suddenly afraid of saying too much, of pushing too hard or too far.
"Just a god?" She took another sandwich.
"Isnt that enough for you, Capsicum? Godhead?"
"Well, theres a lot of them, and sometimes it seems like theyre as mean as we are. "
"Because they, too, have separated themselves from him. Nor are there really many gods, or even two. Insofar as theyre gods at allwhich isnt far, in most cases-they are him. "
"I dont follow that. " She seemed genuinely puzzled.
"You have a walking stick. Suppose it could walk by itself, and that it chose to walk away from you. "
She laughed; and I understood what had drawn Marrow to her years ago; she did not laugh for effect, as women nearly always do, but as a child or a man might.
"You see," I said, "if the Outsider were to make a walking stick, it would be such a good walking stick that it could do that. " I held up the staff Cugino had cut for me. "But if it chose to walk away from him, instead of coming to him when he called to it, it would no longer be a walking stick at all, only a stick that walked. And when someone tending a fire saw it go past, he would break it and toss it onto the coals. "
She studied me as she chewed her sandwich, and I added, "I myself have walked away from him any number of times; hes always come after me, and I hope he always will. "
"Its only a walking stick when I walk with it. " She held up her own thick black stick. "Thats what you mean, isnt it?"
"Exactly. "
Dusting crumbs from her hands, she picked up the cards and tossed them into my lap. "These are for you. "
"I dont need them, as I told you. "
"Maybe you will. " Her right hand scratched her left palm, a gesture I did not (and do not) comprehend.
"Wouldnt it be better to wait until Ive established that I am who I say I am?"
"Horn, the man Marrow sent to bring back Silk. "
"Yes. Precisely. "
She shook her head. "Thats for what Marrow left. Thiss mine, and I want you to have it. Did he say why he wanted Silk?"
"Certainly. There was a great deal of disorder here, a great deal of lawlessness. Marrow and some others had tried to set up a government; but they could not agree on a calde, and most felt that if they had, the townspeople would not accept him. They would accept Silk, however, and the five who met with me had agreed to accept him, too. "
"We dont need one anymore. " Capsicums voice was bitter. "Weve got Gyrfalcon. "
"Since I failed to bring Silk, thats all to the good. "
She said nothing, regarding me over the top of her glass.
"You think he killed Marrow, dont you?"
"I didnt say so, and I wont. "
"But you think it. " I hesitated, scrambling for words that would make my meaning tolerable, if not acceptable. "I dont know that. I returned here only a few days ago. "
She nodded.
"Let us suppose, however, that I did-that I knew beyond question that Marrow, who fought beside me in the tunnels and did everything he could to assist me in the mission he gave me, had been murdered, and that the new calde here was his murderer. " I laid the cards she had given me on the tray. "Even knowing that, I would have to consider what would happen to the town if he were stripped of power and tried. It would be difficult to overturn a mountain-I believe you will agree with that. But it would be easier to overturn a mountain than to replace it. "
When she did not speak, I said, "I am giving you back your cards. It wouldnt be right for me to keep them. "
The boy Weasel returned and reported that Calf would not come but had given him a note. Capsicum broke the seal, unfolded the note, and read it twice. I asked whether I might read it too, since it concerned me.
She shook her head, carried the note to her cabinet, and locked it in a drawer. "It says youre who I thought you were, Horn. Only theres some personal stuff in there I wouldnt want anybody else to see unless Calf said it was all right. Youve been hoping Marrow left a letter for you or something?"
"Yes. Did he?"
"No. Or anyway I havent found it. He did leave you something, though. A boat. "
My face must have shown my surprise.
"He wanted to give you something, I guess. Probably he thought a boat wouldnt be any use to me, and Id just sell it. I would have, too, if it hadnt been on the list to keep for you. I dont know much about them. "
We went to the harbor to see her, walking slowly through cold sunshine, accompanied by her grandson and another boy of the same age. Wavelily is the name across her stern. It reminds me painfully that "Lily" was the name of Tongues daughter, who was murdered during my absence; I will rename the boat Seanettle. She is a yawl (a rig I had not sailed before) with a tall mast forward and a small one aft.
"You think you can handle her alone?" Capsicum asked. "I wont be much help. "
I was surprised she wanted to sail at all, and said so.
"Ive been down to look at her a couple of times. " Almost defensively she added, "Its what Im supposed to do. Marrow wanted me to look after all this. "
"Of course. "
She turned study the yawl, her heavy black stick thumping the warped planks of the pier. "When I was younger. . . "
I pointed to Weasel and his friend, who were already on board. "Would you like to take her out?"
She is wider in beam than my old sloop, I would say, and perhaps a trifle shorter; but she handles every bit as well and rides the waves like a duck, and that is what matters. I had Capsicum take the tiller, cautioned her against putting it over too fast, and saw to the sails with the help of the boys, setting the big gaff mainsail, the little threecornered jigsail that was furled on the mizzen boom and is probably the only sail the mizzen has, and a jib. (There is a flying jib as well, a square sail that can be set on the topmast, and two as yet unexplored bags in the sail locker. ) It was obvious she could have carried more, but on a strange boat I thought it wise to be cautious. With that sail, we churned right along; the boys were delighted, and so I believe was Capsicum.