Our waitress arrived with our food, and we settled into less heavy discussions. I told him about my new cupcake flavors, which he said sounded interesting but he still wanted chocolate and peanut butter.
After dinner, he walked me back to my apartment, but left me at the door. It was probably a good idea if he didn’t want to slip over into friends with benefits because I couldn’t trust myself not to jump him if he came inside. I really needed to find a way to overcome this lust for him.
To that end, when I was alone in my apartment, I went to my computer to see who, if any, men had responded to my dating profile. Since setting it up, a few had reached out. Most of them I ignored. Two seemed a little interesting and I’d responded to their messages. Tonight, one of them had messaged me again plus there were three new men reaching out.
I sat back and blew out a breath. All these men looked fine, but none were Cyrus. I was seriously rethinking getting a cat as it was starting to feel like I’d always be single.
13
Cyrus
I left Petal’s feeling agitated again. I enjoyed our evening together a great deal. Not just the orgasm parts, but sitting and having a meal with her. Petal had a unique personality. She was open and honest, sweet and supportive, but also feisty and assertive when necessary. She often said things that surprised me. She challenged me. And leaving her at the door was so fucking hard because I wasn’t ready for the evening to end. If things were different, I’d have turned it into a real date. I would have stayed the night, if she asked me too. We would have sex, more than once, and then lay entwined talking until we fell asleep.
But that wasn’t in the cards. Learning that April said she’d kill the man who hurt Petal, proved I was right in that I couldn’t touch her again. Not that I thought April would kill me, but if something went wrong in a relationship with Petal, it could hurt my relationship with Jude and April, which would be a problem since we were in business together.
So I left her at the door and headed home. I spent the weekend finishing up my main floor bathroom renovation and watched sports on TV. I called my mom on Sunday night to check in with her. She was happy, but I could still hear fatigue in her voice.
On Monday I was back at work. I made sure to apologize to Dina and Connor for my pissy mood the week before. They forgave me, but they still kept a wide berth from me.
In the afternoon, I stood up from behind my desk, put on my coat, and started to head out to Petal’s as usual but hesitated. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. At the same time, it was the middle of the afternoon, so what could happen? She was working. And I really did like the chocolate and peanut butter cupcake.
Deciding I could see her without fucking her, I made the short walk to her shop. She smiled that magnificent smile as I entered, and my insides went all warm, and then as if I remembered I wasn’t supposed to let her get inside me, they clenched tight.
“I’m glad to see you back,” she said, handing me a cupcake and my usual coffee.
“I missed the cupcakes,” I said, wondering if she’d know I was really saying I’d missed her. Jesus, I was fucked.
She helped the few customers that came in behind me and then sat at the table. “Have you heard from your mom about her tests yet?”
“Not yet.” I was touched that she remembered and cared. We had an enjoyable conversation that felt a lot like it had before I’d fucked her. Maybe we’d be able to get back to just friends after all.
When I left, she sent me back with a few extra cupcakes after I told her about my surly behavior with Dina and Conner and how they were avoiding me.
“Cupcakes fix things like that,” she said.
She was right, Dina and Conner lit up at having a cupcake and after that, things went back to normal.
I’d just arrived home from work and was changing into my workout clothes when my phone rang. The caller ID said MOM.
My breath stuttered as I picked up, terrified of what she might say.
“Hi mom.”
“Cyrus.” I could hear a quiver in her voice and I knew it had to be bad.
I sank to the edge of my bed. “What’s wrong? Did you get your tests back?”
“Yes. It’s…it’s not great.”
My heart didn’t know whether to stop beating or to beat a million miles a minute. “What is it?”
“Leukemia.”
I closed my eyes. To my mind, many people today survived cancer, but I didn’t know about leukemia.
It took me a moment to get my brain moving but finally, I stood. “I’ll catch a plane out tonight.”
“Cyrus you don’t need to come here—”
“I do, mom. I really do.”
“Okay.” She was trying to be strong, but in that one word I knew she needed me.
“I’ll make the arrangement and let you know when I’ll be there.” I was already pulling my bag out from the corner of the room where I’d tossed it when I arrived home the other day.
“I’ll see you later.”
“It’ll be late mom. Go to bed. I’ll let myself in and I’ll see you in the morning.”
I hung up and immediately dialed Jude and told him what was up. Thank god for good friends.
“Go take care of your mom, Cyrus, for as long as you need. We’ve got it covered,” he’d said, even after I’d been such an asshole the day before.
“I hate to leave it all—”
“Hey, you covered for me when I was out with April and Bertie. It’s no big deal. What’s important is that you go help your mom.”
“Thanks, man.”
“Of course.”
Unfortunately, the soonest flight I could get from Bismarck to Chicago wasn’t until five the next morning. I let my mom know and then did my best to get some sleep.
The flight was uneventful and I was able to rent a car and get home by mid-morning. I burst through the door and hugged my mother. She wept and my heart broke. I couldn’t lose this woman. I was a bad-ass SEAL, but all that strength and fortitude was no match against cancer. I felt helpless.
I sat her down and got her tea. “Tell me the next steps.”
She sniffed. “I have an appointment today for…” she shook her head. “I don’t know what for. I wasn’t paying good attention.”
I took her hand. “I’ll take you. We’ll do this together.”
She gave me a sad stare. “You can’t leave your life for me.”
“I’m not mom. Let’s just take this one step at a time, okay?”
“Yes, okay.”
That afternoon I took her to the clinic and this time sat with her as the doctor went over the various treatment options and what he recommended.
We were both in a bit of a daze as we headed out of his office after making her next appointments to start treatment.
“Cy?”
I stopped at the woman’s voice and turned. “Lora.” There were many times I’d imagined running into her and how that would be. But with my mother being sick, all that pain and anger I imagined I might feel never manifested. Mostly, I felt nothing.
She approached me tentatively and I realized she was going to give me a hug. We’d been close for a long time, so it made sense that she’d hug me. At the same time, she’d dumped my ass so it didn’t make sense. Still, I let her hug me.
“It’s good to see you. You look good,” she said.
She did too. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into a ponytail. I used to like to tug the band from and wrap the long strands around my hand as I fucked her. She wore her usual scrubs as an oncology nurse, which wasn’t the sexiest outfit, but back when she and I were together and sometimes role-played nurse and patient, seeing her scrubs often gave me a hardon. Not this time though.
“Thanks, you do too.”
She looked from me to my mother. “Mrs. Blake.” Understanding came over her face. “You’re a patient?”
“I am,” my mother said, her voice wobbly. “Leukemia.”
Lora’s sympathetic expression was since
re. “I’m so sorry. I know you’ll get the best treatment here. If there’s anything I can do…” she stopped. “There is a lot I can help with. I hope you’ll let me do that.”
My mother reached out and patted her arm. “Thank you, Lora. You’re very kind.” She glanced at me like she expected me to do something.
“I appreciate that, Lora. I suspect we’ll need all the support we can get.”
“Of course. I understand you’re living in North Dakota now,” she said.
“Yes. I’ve got a security consulting business there.”
“It’s doing really well,” my mother gushed smiling up at me.
“Who’d of thought there was so much to secure in North Dakota,” Lora laughed.
I wasn’t sure if she was making fun of North Dakota or not. “Actually, we have clients in other locations as well.”
“Their reputation is growing,” again my mother beamed.
I laughed. “I should hire you for all our PR mom.”
“I’m glad to hear you’re doing well, Cy,” Lora said. I suppose it alleviated her guilt if I wasn’t feeling the sting of her rejection anymore. The truth was, I wasn’t. It hit me in that moment that this conversation wasn’t awkward at all. Surely that was a sign that I’d moved on.
“Thank you. I wasn’t sure how I’d adjust to civilian life, but I’ve got a solid business and good friends.”
“Are you seeing anyone?” Lora asked. I wasn’t sure if it was because she was interested in me, as my mother had suggested, or again, just wanted to make sure she hadn’t permanently fucked me up.
I thought of Petal and her sweet smile. But she was my friend. “No. I’m too busy with work and fixing up my house.”
“When it’s done, Cy said he’s going to have me visit.” A shadow crossed my mother’s face when she finished. “I hope I can go.”
My heart dropped to my gut. The doctor seemed to say that her prognosis for remission was good, but there was no guarantee, which my mother clearly understood.
“You’ll come mom.” Whatever I had to do, I’d make sure she beat this fucker and came to visit me. “I should get her home to rest,” I said to Lora.
“Yes, of course. Please, call me if you need anything. Really.”
I nodded, putting my hand on my mom’s lower back to urge her out.
“Lora is such a nice girl,” my mother said when we’d gotten in the car and started home.
“Hmm.”
“She’s still gorgeous. She could have been a model.”
I glanced over at my mother. “There’s more to a woman than good looks.”
“Oh, I know. She’s smart and kind…I mean I know she hurt you, but I think she was lonely.”
I rolled my eyes. “She could have gotten a dog. Or visited you.”
My mother turned her stare out the window.
“Is this really about Lora?” I asked. My mom had never really been one to meddle in my love life.
“I just want you to be happy Cyrus.”
“I am, mom. Really. I’ve got great friends. A growing business.”
“But who will take care of you? Who will love you if—”
“Don’t.” I wasn’t going to allow either of us to entertain failure against leukemia.
“Cy, this could kill me—”
“Or we can beat it. That’s what we need to focus on mom. You don’t think I walked into a mission focused on what could do wrong, do you? Sure, we knew the risks, but we were armed with knowledge and skill and we beat those motherfuckers. Failure isn’t an option.”
My mom snickered. “Language.”
I reached over and took her hand. “One, don’t worry about me. Two, think only about beating the cancer. That’s all you have to do, mom. Can you do that for me?”
“Yes. Well, I’ll try.”
“Try hard. Now…how about some ice cream. My treat for once.”
14
Petal
I was disappointed the following day when Cyrus didn’t arrive for his usual cupcake and coffee. I had thought we’d done so well going back to just friends the previous day. So why was he not here today? Then I remembered his mother’s medical tests and I worried that maybe he’d gotten word about them. I decided I’d call April later to find out if she knew what was up.
I’d finished cleaning the kitchen after closing up the shop and making a few batches of cupcakes, when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID. Cyrus.
My heart did a little twist to see his name. I hit the answer button as I headed upstairs to my apartment.
“Hey, I missed you today.” Immediately, I regretted those words. I’d meant that I hadn’t seen him, not that I was missing him. Although I was, of course, missing him. Ugh…how did this get so complicated?
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. That’s why I’m calling. I didn’t want you to think I bailed. I’m in Chicago again.”
Once inside my apartment, I settled onto the couch. “You heard from your mom?” I suspected the news wasn’t good.
“She called last night. It’s leukemia.”
“Oh Cy.” My heart broke for him. “I’m sorry.” I wanted to ask about the prognosis but wasn’t sure how. Would it be insensitive to ask about that? Gee, Cy what are her odds?
“How are the two of you doing?” That was just as dumb. Clearly, they weren’t doing great since his mom was diagnosed with a life-threatening cancer.
“She’s a trooper. I’m just trying to take one thing at a time.”
“Is there something I can do? I can come to Chicago and help.” I didn’t know why I said that, except that I really wanted to be there for him.
“You’re sweet Petal.” He said that a lot. “But no. You have a business you need to manage. I have resources here to help. I’m going to get that all set up and then I’ll be back.”
Right. I had a business. It was a reminder to me that my life was tethered to the bakery. I loved my job and I didn’t usually feel like I was missing out by being the sole operator. But at times like this, it did get in the way. Perhaps it was time to run the numbers to see if I could afford to hire help. Not just someone to bake and sell cupcakes, but someone who I could trust to manage the shop if I needed to help a friend.
“I’m sure Jude and April can cover for you if you need more time,” I said.
“I know.” He sounded like he was carrying the weight of the world.
“I can send cupcakes.” I whapped myself on the forehead for such a stupid statement. Like cupcakes could cure cancer.
“Save me a few,” he said.
The line was quiet for a bit, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. At least not for me. It was if we knew each other was there and that was enough.
Finally, he said, “I need to go. Thanks Petal.”
“Thank you for calling. I was worried.”
When we hung up, I immediately went to my computer. I ignored the notifications about messages from the dating profile and instead began a search for someone I could hire to help me. Eventually, I decided to post a job opening. First, I made a list of all the skills needed for the job, the duties the job would entail, and all the hoops they’d have to jump through to get hired. Because this person would have so much responsibility, I had to trust them so I wanted background checks and tons of stellar references.
I had dinner and considered calling April to see if there was anything else that I could do to help Cyrus. But I didn’t want her to get the wrong idea about me and Cyrus so I changed my mind.
The next day was a regular day at work, except of course, Cyrus didn’t come in. But later that evening, he called again, and I couldn’t help but smile that he was reaching out to me. Maybe there would be no more benefits, but we were friends.
“How are you, Cyrus?”
“Hanging in there.” He sounded tired.
“And your mom?”
He gave a scoffing laugh. “She’s stronger than me, that’s for sure. She keeps trying to support me through this when she’s the
one with the fucking cancer.”
“She’s a mom. That’s what they do.” I’d reached my apartment and again, took a seat on the couch eager to talk to my friend.
“It’s my job to support her now,” he said.
“Maybe being a mom…supporting her son is what she needs.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Maybe it helps her to mother you. Makes her feel normal. Or she’s worried and wants to make sure you’re okay too. I don’t think that mothering instinct goes away just because she’s sick.”
He let out a long sigh. “She says she’s worried about me if things don’t go well. I’ve told her not to. She even tried to…well…she’s worried I’ll be alone.”
“What did she try to do?” I asked. I was curious about what he decided he didn’t want me to know.
“It’s nothing.”
“It can’t be nothing. If it was nothing you’d say it. So it must be something that you’re not saying,” I said, feeling like maybe I was being obnoxious. The poor guy’s mother was sick, why was I browbeating him into telling me something he didn’t want to share?
“You’re doing that witchy thing again.”
I snorted. “What witchy thing?”
“Where your words are confusing me.”
“If it’s none of my business, just tell me.”
He sighed. “She’s run into my ex a few times and has gotten it into her head that she and I should get back together.”
I wasn’t a person to hate other people, but I had a flash of murderous intent where his ex was concerned. Of course, that was stupid because he and I were friends.
“I’ve told her I have a life and a business. She doesn’t need to worry about me.”
I wanted to ask him if it was possible that he’d get back with his ex, but I didn’t want to know the answer. Instead, I decided to remind him there were people in Bismarck who were there for him. “There are people here who care for you, Cy.”
“I know. And I tell her that, but she doesn’t know any of you so I think she’s fixated on what she does know.”
Friends to Lovers: A Secret Pregnancy Romance (Heart of Hope Book 6) Page 9