“Look, I’m sorry man, I know why you’re calling,” I said before he could say anything.
“I’m just worried about you Cy and wondering if you should take a leave. I mean with your mom being sick and now Petal, you’ve got a lot going on.”
“Petal?” My first thought was what the fuck? Did he know about me and Petal?
“Listen, I thought we were brothers. I don’t know you felt the need to keep your relationship with her a secret.”
Fuck. He did know.
“I know what it’s like to be away from the woman you love. You know I do. And I know you endured it as well. I suspect you didn’t want to ask her to wait for you since you’re dealing with your mom, but things have changed right? April and I can help.”
I didn’t know what hell he was talking about. “Petal and I parted amicably,” I said, not sure what to tell him.
“Even so, with the baby, you have to feel torn.”
Baby? What baby?
“Cy?”
“Huh?” I gave my head a shake wondering if I was having one of those weird dreams that happened when falling asleep during the day.
“Talk to me, man. What can I do to help? Of course, April and I will look after Petal because I know your mom is sick, but you can’t ignore your child either.”
My child? What the hell was he talking about? The only thing that made sense was that Petal was pregnant. My first thought was, why didn’t she tell me? The second was, it couldn’t be mine because she would have told me. The third was that she was with another man now, and I was pissed that he got her pregnant.
I scraped my hand over my face. “I didn’t do the background checks on the men she was dating, like I said I would.” It was confirmed. I was a fuck up. “There was a guy, Paul, who was sniffing around her.”
“Are you saying it’s not yours?”
“It can’t be. She’d have told me.” That I knew for sure.
There was silence on the end of the line and dread started to grow.
“She told April it was yours.”
I once got hit in the chest so hard, I couldn’t breathe. That’s what Jude’s words felt like.
“Cy?”
I couldn’t breathe so how could I talk?
“I’m sorry Cy. I was told that Petal had already told you.”
“Listen, Jude, I hate to cut you off, but my mom is calling me. I need to check on her.” It was a lie. Another in several I’d told him.
“Yeah, alright, but we need to talk at some point. Call me when you have time. Even if it’s the middle of the night.”
“Yeah, sure.” I hung up and paced a bit as I worked to catch my breath. As the shock waned, it was replaced by anger, then by rage. What was Petal thinking? Why wasn’t she going to tell me?
I hit the speed dial for Lora.
“Cy, is everything alright? I’m at work now.”
No. Everything was fucked up. “I’m sorry. Listen, I need to fly to Bismarck for a night. Maybe a day. I hate to ask you at last minute—”
“I’ll come stay with her. I don’t work tomorrow so if you need a day, that’s fine.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose as I considered maybe Lora was the woman I should be pining over. Yes, she’d met someone while I was gone, but at least she’d told me. Unless Jude was mistaken, Petal was pregnant with my child and hadn’t bothered to tell me. I had feelings for the wrong woman.
“Thanks. When can you get here tonight?”
“I’m off in thirty minutes. I can be there in an hour,” she said.
“Perfect. Thank you, Lora. Really. You’re amazing.”
“Is everything okay?” she asked again.
No. “I’ve got to go. I’ll see you in an hour.”
I booked the next flight that would get me to Bismarck, which required me to take two different planes, but by nine o’clock that night, I was being dropped off by an Uber driver in front of Petal’s bakery.
I tried the door to the building but it was locked. I poked the buzzer, laying on it as my anger radiated out of me.
“Hello?” Petal’s tentative voice came over the speaker.
“It’s Cyrus.”
I heard her gasp and the speaker cut off. I’d kick the door down if I had to, but a buzzer sounded and the lock released. I opened the door and charged up the stairs.
The door to her apartment was open, and she was moving back away from it with fear in her eyes as I stormed in.
“Do you think I’m going to hurt you?” The idea that she was afraid of me only made me angrier.
She shook her head.
I shut the door behind me. “What the fuck Petal? Am I the father?”
Her head jerked like I’d slapped her. “Of course, you are.”
I was so pissed, so I didn’t care if I offended her. “Why ‘of course?’ It’s not like you weren’t on the market for another man. Maybe it’s Paul’s.”
“I told you, there wasn’t anyone else. Just you, Cy.”
I hated hearing her say my name. There was a familiarity that suggested affection, but she couldn’t feel affection for me. She didn’t think enough of me to tell me I was going to be a father.
“So, you just weren’t going to tell me? Did you think I wouldn’t find out? Did you really think you’d steal my child from me?”
Her head was shaking and her fingers were nervously moving about. “No.”
“I don’t believe you. Jude knew before me. He was offering to help take care of you and my child. MY CHILD. What the fuck, Petal!”
She swallowed. “I…I didn’t…I…”
She was shaking and finally it occurred to me that she was a pregnant woman with a former Navy SEAL bellowing at her. She said she wasn’t afraid of me, but clearly something was up.
I took a breath. When I calmed down enough to talk like a normal person, I said. “Why, Petal? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Her face seemed to relax some, but she still struggled to explain. “I…I knew you were having to take care of your mom….and…I didn’t want to complicate things for you.”
“You don’t think I can do more than one thing? That I can’t manage stress? I was fucking a SEAL.”
She flinched. “I just didn’t want to make your life back in Chicago harder.”
“Ah, so you were going to martyr yourself. Take on the burden of a baby all on your own to spare me?”
“It’s not a burden.” It was the first sign of fire in her eyes I’d seen since walking in. “Don’t ever say that.”
Now I was the bad guy?
“And I was going to tell you,” she said.
“Oh really. When? When it was in school, like how April told Jude?”
“No. And the situation with April was different.”
“Right. So what’s your excuse?” Jesus, why couldn’t she tell me why she really didn’t want me to know about the baby?
She rubbed her hands over her face, and all of a sudden, she looked tired. But I didn’t want to be sucked into feeling sympathy. She hurt me, dammit. Never in a million years would I have thought she’d do something like this. Not Petal. And yet, the proof was standing right in front of me. How was it always I got it so wrong with women?
28
Petal
I wasn’t prepared mentally for this talk. Even with the heads up from April, I couldn’t seem to get my focus on what needed to be said. He was angry, which I could understand. But my instinct was to go to him. To hold him. To have him hold me. I’d missed him so much, I now realized. But I could also see that the potential for us to be together was gone. If there was ever a chance that he’d love me, it was dead.
Still, I had to salvage something as we were going to be parents because it would be best for the baby if Cyrus and I could get along.
“Well?” he demanded. “What possible excuse could you have to keep this from me?”
Finally, the tether on my own anger broke. “I did call. Your mother answered and told me you were out to din
ner with your fiancé.”
He jerked back, surprise flashing in his wide eyes. But his brows narrowed. “So, I forfeited my rights to this baby because I wasn’t home when you called? Or are you jealous and this was how you planned to get back at me?”
“I’m not getting back at you, Cy. I accepted a long time ago that you didn’t care for me, although it does sting a bit to think you left my bed and immediately were in bed with your ex.”
The fact that he hadn’t denied it, proved it was true. I thought my heart was broken before. Now it was in a million pieces.
“You don’t know shit,” he spat.
“So, you were with me while also being with her at the same time? Were you getting back at her by cheating on her with me?” I yelled back with energy I didn’t know I had.
He gaped. “You think I’d do that?”
“You thought I would. You accused me of as much, so why not?” But I pulled back as I realized this tit for tat was irrelevant. He wanted to know why I was slow to contact him. “What is your fiancé going to say when she learns you got your friend pregnant right around the time you two reconciled? I imagine that might put a damper on your relationship. Your happily ever after was once again within your reach, and now your pregnant friend ruins everything.”
“I don’t need you making my decisions for me Petal. Especially since you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. You should have told me about the baby. I shouldn’t have had to hear about it from Jude who was wondering why I was being a deadbeat.”
I flinched. I hadn’t wanted that. “I know you don’t believe me, but I was going to tell you. I just…I was afraid. I didn’t want to cause you trouble.”
“This baby is my responsibility too, Petal. Don’t pretend you were doing me a favor, because you weren’t.” He ran his fingers through his hair and let out a growl. Then he turned to me. “I’m going to be a part of this baby’s life. You can be sure of that.”
I nodded. “I wasn’t going to keep it from you, Cy. I’d never do that.”
He scoffed. “Oh really? How long have you known about this?”
I looked down. “Since Thanksgiving.”
“And how many times have you tried to reach me? Because I have no calls. No texts. No emails. Nothing.”
“I handled it wrong. Okay. But now you know, what are we going to do about it? You’re in Chicago now. I know you need to be there with your mom.”
I shook his finger at me. “That’s no reason to cut me out.”
“I’m not.” I was so tired. Too tired to even stand. I sank down on the couch, which put my back to him, but I couldn’t face him anymore anyway.
He came around to stand in front of me. “I want to know your doctor’s appointments and I’ll come to them. When I get back to Chicago, I’ll see an attorney about setting up visitations when the child is old enough to travel. Until then, I’ll come visit here.” He looked around my apartment. “Are you planning to stay here?”
I felt offense even though I knew my tiny apartment wasn’t ideal for a child. “Babies are small. I don’t need more space.”
He stared at me for a moment and then with a look of distaste he said, “You can move into my house, if you want. It has space and a yard. It’s in the Historic district so it’s not far.”
I was quickly hitting my limit of dealing with him. I just wanted to curl up and sleep. “Don’t do me any favors, Cy.”
“I’m not. It’s for the baby.”
If he’d stabbed me in the heart, it wouldn’t have hurt as much as those words. “I need to rest.”
For a moment, he looked like he’d argue, but instead he nodded. “When is your next appointment?”
“January.”
“January?” he sounded surprised.
“I just went and I only need to go once a month unless there’s an issue,” I explained.
His brows furrowed. “There’s no issue though right? You feel okay?”
If I had the energy I might have laughed at his sudden concern. Although I knew it wasn’t for me. “Everything is fine. I’m just tired.”
“Do you need money? I can help you hire help.”
Tears welled in my eyes but I didn’t want him to see them. I stood up and went to my little kitchen for water.
“I’m not inept, Cy. I’ve already hired help.” I wondered what he’d say if I told him I’d initially made the decision to hire someone so I could be with him. That was a moot point now.
“And what about all that online dating nonsense.”
A tear dripped down. “Nonsense? You have some nerve, Cy, considering you’re not only seeing someone two weeks after you left me, you’re engaged.” Then because it didn’t really matter at this point, I added. “I deleted the account.”
“Good.”
I sniffed. “I’m going to bed now. I’m tired and I need rest.”
He stepped out of my way as I went to my bedroom. “I have to go back to Chicago, but I’ll be back soon.”
“Okay.” I was too tired to change so I just climbed into my bed with my clothes on. Oh how I wished we were in a place where he’d lay next to me. Hold me.
“If something happens, call me,” he said.
“Okay.”
“I mean it Petal. I won’t be kept in the dark anymore.”
“I got it Cy.” I pulled the sheet over my head.
Eventually, I heard the front door shut and the clunk of his shoes going down the stairs. Only then did I allow myself to cry. I cried for the love that would never be reciprocated. I cried for my child that wouldn’t know the love of two parents together like April and Jude gave to Maya and Bertie.
But then I remembered Maya, who spent the first seven years of her life without her father and she was a great kid. April had done a great job. Of course, she had money and August to help her. But April told me she’d be here for me. And it sounded like Jude would be too.
I pressed my hand over my belly. “It will all work out, little one.” I hoped to hell I wasn’t lying to my child.
The next day, I forced myself to go through the motions of life again. I rose, showered, ate breakfast and headed downstairs to start making cupcakes. Libby didn’t come until we opened, so I had the kitchen to myself for a few hours. When I thought it was late enough, I texted April.
Cy was here last night.
That seemed to say it all, so I just left it at that.
OMG, are you okay? I’ll be there soon. Christmas shopping can wait.
She arrived just after the midmorning rush left. She came around the counter and gave me a hug. “Tell me everything.”
Libby looked at us curiously.
“Can you watch the front?” I asked her. We were busier now with Christmas a few weeks away, but she was a fast learner and had lots of energy.
She nodded. “That’s why I’m here.”
I led April back to the kitchen where I had a small office. I didn’t want to leave Libby completely alone as the lunch bunch would be in soon.
“I’m so sorry, Petal,” April said, as she sat in the chair near my desk. “I didn’t realize you hadn’t said anything to Cy.”
“It’s my fault.” I sank into my chair feeling so weary. Only this time I was sure it wasn’t the baby. I was emotionally exhausted.
“So, what happened?”
“He was pissed. He thinks I wasn’t going to tell him.”
She arched a brow. “Were you? Because you said you would and then didn’t.”
“Yes!” God, not her too. “I just…I didn’t want to burden him. His mom is fighting for her life. He has a new fiancé—”
“That I don’t get.” April had a look of disgust. “How can he be sleeping with you one night and engaged the next?”
“I don’t think it was that fast, but it’s the woman he was engaged to before. I guess now that he was home, they reconciled.” I rubbed my hand over the piercing pain in my chest.
“It’s good that he was mad, though,” Apri
l said.
“Oh really?” It hadn’t felt good when he was blasting at me.
“It shows he cares. He wants to be a father. That’s good, right?”
I nodded. “He said he wants to come to all the doctors appointments and—” My eyes welled with tears again.
“What?” April asked, her eyes turning sad.
“He said he’d talk to a lawyer about visitation when the child was old enough to travel. In the meantime, he’d travel back here.”
“Were you hoping he’d want to stay?”
“At one time, yes. But I realize that even if he were here and not angry, he and I wouldn’t ever be like you and Jude.”
April frowned. “Why not?”
“He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t have feelings for me like Jude does for you.”
She sighed. “I wish I could send Connor to beat some sense into him.”
My lips twitched up. “At least you don’t want to kill him.”
“Your baby needs a dad. And despite everything, I think Cy will be a good dad. I just hate how he’s handling this.”
“It’s my fault.”
“Still, he could be more understanding.” She stared at me for a minute. “What if Maya and I come over and we can have a slumber party like we used to? She and I’ll take care of everything. We’ll pamper you. Make you feel like the queen that you are.”
“I just want to sleep.”
“That’s what I said. Slumber party.”
“You’re the best friend ever,” I said.
She stood and I rose from my chair.
She hugged me. “You were there for me, Petal. Don’t think I forgot how much you’ve done for me and Maya.”
She broke away and started toward the door. “Now, I’m going to put a contract out on Cy.”
I laughed. “Take some cupcakes. I have a new batch of limoncello. Oh, and I have a chocolate peppermint for the holidays. You’ll have to let me know what you think.”
I followed her out and made a box of cupcakes to take to the office.
“It’s all going to work out, Petal. You’ll see,” she said, taking the box.
“I hope you’re right.” I watched her leave and then turned to Libby. “Shall we make some cupcakes.”
Friends to Lovers: A Secret Pregnancy Romance (Heart of Hope Book 6) Page 18