by Codi Gary
“Sorry, buddy. Guess I blew it again.”
Rip whined, pushing his nose into Jared’s hand. Anna Beth came down a few minutes later, wearing the sequin dress.
“You don’t have to leave in that. You can borrow some clothes.”
“I’m fine. It’s just a ten-minute ride.”
Jared got off the couch and slipped on his boots. He had his hand on the door knob, when he spun around. “Anna Beth, I really think we need to work this out.”
Her shuttered expression remained unmoving. “Jared, I don’t like secrets, no matter what the intentions behind them may be. So please give me some space.”
Jared didn’t have to be a relationship expert to know space was the kiss of death.
Twenty-Eight
Anna Beth sat at the kitchen table, Ian’s journal closed in front of her. The clock on the oven read five in the morning, but she’d never gone to bed. She’d been drinking coffee and wracking her brain for what Ian could had been thinking.
The letter Ian placed on the back cover of the journal lay on the table beside the envelope Ian sent Jared. She’d read Ian’s letter to Jared several times and she still didn’t understand.
Why had Ian singled out Jared? She’d talked about him over the years, but Ian knew they weren’t close anymore. It didn’t make sense for him to entrust a letter for her to someone she wasn’t in contact with. He could have picked Sarah or Olive. Why Jared?
“Anna Beth? What are you doing up?”
She glanced over her shoulder at Sarah, then back to the letters. “Pondering the intricate workings of the male mind.”
Sarah stopped next to her, dropping a hand on Anna Beth’s shoulder. “Have you been down here all-night?”
She nodded. “So far, nothing makes sense.”
“That’s pretty common. I think men feel the same way about us.”
“I am not complicated. I don’t hide things from someone I care about because some rando asks me to.”
“I see.” Sarah padded over and took her green floral teapot off of the stove and filled it in the sink. “Maybe you should tell me why men are so mysterious.”
Anna Beth held up the letter to Jared. “Ian sent this to Jared two years ago, with a letter entrusted to him for me. But this,” she held up the letter from the journal, “is a letter he left in the back of his journal. First off, why would he send this to Jared, who I wasn’t close to for years? And why do I need two final letters?”
“I guess it never occurred to you to read them and find out?”
“I’m supposed to wait until I finish my list,” Anna Beth grumbled.
“Do you really think Ian left you the list to make you miserable. What if it was a way to help you heal?” Sarah set the teapot on the burner and turned it on high. “How many items do you have left.”
“I need to watch a few more Christmas movies.”
Sarah sat down across from Anna Beth and Sarah covered her hand with her own.
“Anna Beth. I think Ian would be okay with you opening the letters.”
“But which one?”
“I’d do the one he left in the journal. If you and Jared hadn’t reconnected, you might never have known about it.”
Anna Beth picked up the letter and slipped her thumb under the seam to open it. When she unfolded it, her eyes traveled over Ian’s familiar handwriting, and filled with tears.
Anna Banana,
If you’re reading this, I’ve been gone awhile. I know at times my lists for you might have seemed silly, but I did it for you. If I hadn’t gotten you up and moving, you’d be sitting in our “sterile house” (your words), probably alone. I was hoping to time each one perfectly so you would have a year to find yourself again. You spent years living for me and, in a morbid way, I wanted my death to be about your life. I didn’t want you spending years grieving. I lived. I created. I explored. I loved.
I hope you went back to Snowy Springs. When you talked about your childhood, it wasn’t all bad. I think you feel that way because you’re too close to it. I suspect your aunt was hurting as much as you, and I hope you were able to reconcile with her. I pray Olive drags you out and you two tear up that sleepy little town. Most of all, I want you find someone new. You were made to be loved and have a family. Don’t shut yourself off from that.
My last wish for you is to be happy, whatever that looks like and to thank you. Being with you was the greatest gift I ever received.
I love you.
Ian
Anna Beth wiped at her eyes, but the tears were falling too fast to stop them.
“What did he say?” Sarah asked.
She passed her aunt the letter and got up to grab the box of tissues from the living room. Mittens woke up on the couch and stretched, her tiny mouth opening wide, before hopping off the couch and following behind Anna Beth, meowing.
Sarah folded the letter and set it in the middle of the table. “I suppose I was an item on that list of his.”
“Yes.”
“I’m not sure how I feel about that. I will say that I agree with him. I think it’s a good thing you returned.”
“I do too,” Anna Beth said. “And the request may have come from him, but the glass? The chats? That’s all you and me.”
Sarah smiled, transforming her face, making her look ten years younger. “True.”
Mitten’s jumped into Anna Beth’s lap and curled into a ball, purring loudly. Anna Beth ran her hand over the short, silky fur, comforted by the affection.
Finally, she picked up the other letter. “Guess I should get it over with, huh?”
“Probably best.”
Anna Beth opened the second letter.
Anna Banana,
Since you have my letter, I can only assume Jared either mailed it or he gave it to you when you went to visit your aunt. Or the two of you finally took the plunge.
Anna Beth paused, her cheeks burning.
I know the reason the two of you stopped talking is because you married me. I don’t know the particulars, but from what you told me, he’s not a bad guy. Not as good as me, of course, but he sounds alright.
She laughed through her tears and Sarah reached for her empty hand, squeezing it.
I want to be clear; I’ve never been jealous of Jared. Whatever happened between the two of you, I know you loved me. But I could see it in your face, you loved him too. You chose me, but that didn’t mean you forgot him.
When you love, you do so with your whole heart and I know it’s big enough for more than one person. He may be your first, but I am so grateful I got to be your number one for a time. Now, he can be your last.
I need you to be good with letting him in. I know you. You’ll fight it, pretend it’s nothing. But real love doesn’t come around as often as people think. This is your chance to be lucky twice.
And if it doesn’t work out, I know you’ll find someone who will love you as much as I do. Don’t hide from it.
Shine, my love.
Ian
“My God, Anna Beth, what did he say? You’re going to choke if you don’t stop crying!”
Anna Beth grabbed two more tissues and buried her face in them, sobbing harder.
Sarah stood up, coming up behind her. With one hand on Anna Beth’s shoulder, Sarah picked up the second letter with the other. Her hand squeezed Anna Beth’s shoulder and once she laid it back on the table, she wrapped her arms around Anna Beth, resting her cheek against the top of her head.
“I am sorry I didn’t visit you more. He seems like a wonderful man.”
“He was, damn him.”
“What are you going to do?”
“First, I need to blow my nose.”
Sarah let her go and picked up her whistling tea kettle. “And then?”
“I’m not sure.”
“And what about Jared? I can’t imagine you handled it well when you found the letter.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Because your mother and I, and you
, share the same temper.”
Anna Beth ran her hands through her hair. “He is never going to forgive me.”
“Horse shit.”
Anna Beth gasped. “Sarah!”
Her aunt’s cheeks burned crimson, but she lifted her chin. “I’ve seen you two. Jared Cross loves you. When a man really loves a woman, there is always a chance.”
“You think?”
“Ernie didn’t give up on me, and I gave him plenty of reasons. All you can do is go to him and apologize. The rest is up to him.”
Sarah poured her tea and sat down across from Anna Beth once more. Anna Beth swallowed nervously.
“Sarah, how would you feel about me staying a little longer?”
“Anna Beth. I’d be very happy if you stayed.”
“Because, I could find my own place if it’s a problem—”
“If it’s all the same, I’d rather you live here. This is your home and we’re family.” Anna Beth burst into tears again and Sarah cleared her throat. “Stop crying, or I may change my mind.”
Anna Beth didn’t believe her for a second.
“I love you, Aunt Sarah.”
Sarah wiped at her eye discreetly. “I love you too. Now stop with all this. Let’s get some sleep.”
Anna Beth stood up, heading for the door.
“And Anna Beth?”
She stopped.
“Your screenplay? It’s really good. You’re very talented, sweetheart, and I’m so proud of you.”
Anna Beth’s eyes welled up again and her aunt waved her hands, “Nope, that’s it. Shoooo! Go to bed.”
Twenty-Nine
Jared sat in his cruiser off the side of the highway, watching the commuters go by Monday morning. His shift was almost finished and couldn’t wait to get home and sleep. He hadn’t done much of that since he’d taken Anna Beth home Saturday night.
He leaned his head back against the headrest, hating how much her walking away hurt. Part of him held out hope she’d read Ian’s letter and realized he really did have the best of intentions. But not a word.
She should have believed you. After everything you two have been to one another?
Well, Jared knew what she’d been to him, but he still had no idea if she felt the same. He doubted she had any intention of staying, especially now.
Jared checked the time and reached for his radio to let dispatch know he was heading back, when a red car flew past him.
Anna Beth’s Chrysler.
Let it go. You don’t want to be that guy.
But she was breaking the law. By about fifteen miles per hour.
Before he thought better of it, Jared flipped on his lights and tore after her. By the time he turned the corner heading into town, she was already pulled over, waiting for him. Anna Beth leaned against the back of her car in jeans and her black peacoat, her hair loose around her shoulder.
He stepped out of his car and walked toward her, his heart galloping.
“You know, I believe I told you I hate being pulled over.”
“Do you know how fast you were going back there?”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Sixty-five?”
Jared thought he saw a hint of a smile on her lips and frowned. “That’s about right. Why?”
“I wanted to get your attention.”
Jared stared at here, trying to keep a rein on his emotions. “You could have picked up a phone and called. Sent a text. Like a sane person.”
“I did call and text. You didn’t answer.”
“I don’t have my personal cell phone on at work.”
“Then my plan seems logical, especially if you weren’t getting my messages. I couldn’t risk that you’d ignore me.”
What the hell? She’d been the one to leave him and now she wanted his attention?
He’d thought he wanted to talk, but he was too tired to process this now.
“Well, I’m about to clock off and go to bed, so if it can wait…”
“It can’t.” She pushed off the back of her car and shoved her hands in her coat pocket. “You frustrate me.”
Jared’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”
“You frustrate me! I mean, why do you have to make this,” she waved her finger between them, “so complicated?”
The cars passing made it hard to hear, but he caught the gist of it. “Are you on something? How have I made our relationship more difficult?”
“You should have just told me about the letters. Yes, I broke down emotionally, but you should have told me when we started getting close.”
“Like I said, I was honoring his wishes.”
“And being selfish. You said that too.”
Jared sighed, running a hand over his face. “I can’t tell if you’re apologizing or you want me to. Again.”
“No, this is all me. I acted like a jerk about the letter instead of sitting down and listening calmly, letting you explain.”
“Alright.” What the hell else could he say? Everything she said was true.
“I want you, Jared. I want this.”
Jared stood there, hearing her say all the things he’s always wanted…but her abandonment was still too fresh in his mind. He wanted her to call, apologize, ask him to work it out, but the reality was, his insecurities were very real when it came to Anna Beth. Her reaction to the letters went immediately to her distrusting him and his intentions, when he’d never given her a reason to think his feelings weren’t genuine.
“I appreciate your candor and you’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“Wait, that’s it?” she asked.
“For now, yeah.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You had a day and a half to cool down and figure out what you wanted to say to me. I’m sure you can appreciate I might want some time, too.” Her face fell and it took everything in him not to reach out and drag her into his arms. “The thing is, I feel like I’ve been very clear about the way I feel. I’ve been worried from the start about you not being in this with me. You were so quick to accuse me of betraying you. I just need more time to process.”
“It was a fight, Jared. Couples fight. They have misunderstandings and they overcome. That’s how relationships work.”
“I’ve never been in a relationship that lasted, so I don’t have anything to compare this to. All I know is your accusations broke my fucking heart. You walking away and not wanting to discuss this as a couple hurt.”
“I’m so sorry.” She took a step toward him, but he backed away.
“I know, but…” He couldn’t come up with a single thing to make either of them feel better. “We’ll talk soon. And slow down.”
The weight of his shoes increased with every step away from her, but he needed to do this.
When he left the station half an hour later, he turned his cell phone on when he got in his truck. The whole way home, his phone chimed. Whoever was blowing up his phone, was going to get a piece of his mind.
Jared parked in his driveway, he grabbed his phone and started scrolling. Dozens of text messages from his mom, his sisters, his brothers, and Anna Beth. Anna Beth’s texts to tell him she was sorry and she missed him. His mother wanting to know what was going on with him and Anna Beth. His sisters telling him they saw Anna Beth buying coffee. Grayson wanting to borrow money, again. Forrest, telling him to call Mom.
Jared turned his phone on silent and walked up to his front door. Rip jumped up and down excitedly when he walked into his house.
“Hey, buddy.” Rip had something in his mouth that was flapping in the air. He pried his dog’s mouth open and pulled out a scrap of fabric.
Anna Beth’s underwear.
“Not you too.”
Rip spun around, his tongue hanging from his mouth.
Jared shut the front door and threw the panties in the hamper in his room, wondering why the universe continued to torture him. He needed a full eight hours of shut eye and then maybe, he could muddle through the mess they’d made of the
ir relationship. Once he reached the top of the stairs, Jared’s energy faded and he barely remembered to lock his service gun in the safe before flopping face first onto the bed, still in his pants and t-shirt.
Rip let out a series of excited barks, waking him from a dead sleep.
“Jared!”
Jared bolted upright, squinting at the clock. He’d only been asleep for forty-five minutes.
Son of a bitch.
He got up and jogged down the stairs to find his mother standing in his living room, looking fit to be tied.
“What’s wrong?”
“Why aren’t you answering your phone?” she asked.
Jared rolled his eyes. “Because I worked all night and I needed to get some sleep.”
“Olive said a bunch of people saw you and Anna Beth arguing on the side of the road.”
“We weren’t arguing. She apologized and I said fine, she wanted to jump back in, I need some time. No arguing. Statements about what the other thinks and wants and then acceptance. That’s it.”
“What was she apologizing for?”
“Mom…Do you know what it means to have a personal life? It means things are private and nobody’s business except the two parties involved.”
“I just want to make sure you’re not scared of your feelings and blowing things out of proportion. You do that.”
“No I don’t,” he said through gritted teeth.
“I don’t want to argue. I guess you are going to just have to figure out what you want now that she’s staying.”
“Staying?”
“Oh yeah, Sarah told me yesterday at church. Anna Beth is going to be living in Snowy Springs.” His mom headed for the door and before she shut it, called out, “Sweet dreams, honey.”
Jared kicked the side of his couch. Why were the women in his life hell bent on driving him crazy?
Thirty
Anna Beth banged on Olive’s front door, her body tense with frustration. Not to mention humiliation. She’s laid out her emotions and Jared practically told her “thanks, but no.”