Mummy laid back on the straggly grass and closed her eyes. I picked up a long blade of grass and tickled under her nose. She jumped up to scare me, and me and Rose ran away screaming whilst she laughed. Rose taught me a new dance whilst we waited to see the surprise.
Finally, Daddy’s voice boomed out: ‘Come and have a look.’
We raced over, each of us grabbed one of Mummy’s hands and the three of us ran his way. Holding hands, we pushed through the branches of the weeping willow. Daddy stood there with see-through pearls of sweat at the front of his head where he tells me hair used to be. It was the hottest summer ever. He had a big grin on his face as he knelt down and pointed to the tree trunk. We got on our knees too. All three of us gaped.
Daddy had carved out a… finicky symbol. It meant that things never stopped. And next to it was the word Earl in capitals, going up and down.
He didn’t need to tell us why. Mummy kissed her fingers and leant forward to trace each letter.
‘E for Elizabeth,’ I said.
‘A for Anne,’ said Mummy.
‘R for Rose,’ said my sister and clapped her hands.
‘L for Lawrence,’ said Daddy, ‘and an infinity symbol because we’ll all love each other forever.’
‘We’ll never be apart, will we?’ I asked.
‘No,’ he said firmly. ‘Even when it may seem that we are.’
I wasn’t sure what he meant but Mummy nodded so it must have made sense.
‘We should make a pact,’ said Rose and puffed out her chest. ‘Whatever happens in the future – if we get cross with each other or go travelling or marry princes and go to live in castles, we’ll never forget that our hearts belong here. Together, at Streamside Cottage.’
I gazed at my sister. She was so kind and fun. One day I hoped to be just like her. She caught my eye, reached out and gently tapped the end of my nose. I loved it when she did that and we both giggled. Then Mummy and Daddy opened their arms and me and Rose threw ourselves forwards.
40
Now
A red rose symbolises a love that can withstand time and death
Ben stood in the hallway and stretched. His hair was streaked with white. He held up an empty paint can.
‘I need this filling with tea, I’m parched. In this heat, painting is thirsty work.’
I grinned as I finished the skirting board I’d been glossing and straightened up. ‘Not until we finish the second coat. I can’t wait to start painting my designs on it once it’s dried.’ I’d decided to turn the downstairs study into a treatment room where I’d do tattoos. I’d contacted the local council and was in the process of registering my business with the appropriate organisations and getting the correct licenses, plus sorting out insurance. I hadn’t felt so excited in a long time. I was going to paint popular tattoo motifs onto one wall, and had already ordered inks, gloves, tracing paper in bulk… everything I would need.
‘You’re a hard taskmaster. I can just stay at home to get bossed around like this.’
‘But Jill doesn’t let you use half a bottle of ketchup on your eggs like I do, and I’m frying some for lunch.’
‘True.’
We smiled at each other. Last night we’d ordered a curry and talked into the early hours, reminiscing about our childhood. We’d done that a lot the last few weeks, since I’d met up with Aunt Fiona and found out about my hidden past. The comfortable easiness between us had fully returned – and something more. A depth, a trust, a sense of knowing, all built on the last few weeks but also our childhood together.
Taz dragged a catnip mouse across the hallway floor.
‘You’re going to have your work cut out now that this chap has been given a free run of the place.’
‘Not completely free. I have to be around and know where he is but it is time his world got bigger. Yesterday he was in the lounge but hurried into the kitchen to use his litter tray – so I think things will work out.’
‘He’s a lucky chap, being rescued by you.’ Ben bent down to stroke him.
I came out of the study and also bent down and tickled Taz’s ears. Really he’d rescued me. The stray kitten and abandoned cottage, both of them making me stay… making me face the past. I’d spoken to Aunt Fiona every few days on the phone. When things settled down, she and Uncle Jack were going to visit. Aunt Fiona was going to bring all the photo albums she’d taken after Mum and Dad died and she was more than happy for me to buy the cottage from her. She said she didn’t want paying but I insisted on a fair market price. She and Jack deserved an easy retirement. Aunt Fiona also offered to email Cooper but I said it was something I needed to do myself. I’d done so last week but hadn’t heard back yet – maybe I never would.
I’d asked her why my parents had never, in the end, sold the cottage, and why she hadn’t either. She said Mum just couldn’t part with it and had wanted to keep it in the family… that even though she’d cut herself off from Leafton, the garden was the last place Rose had been happy and that was something to be treasured. Because of that Aunt Fiona didn’t feel it was her place to let it go.
Ben and I both stood up at the same time and I bumped into his chest. We stared at each other, only a couple of centimetres between our faces. This man with his sticky-up hair, the freckles and irresistible smile, he’d been by my side since I’d arrived in Leafton helping me find out the secrets hiding in my old home. I looked at Taz, the hallway ceiling, I heard birdsong. I had everything I wanted here – almost. Was it greedy to ask for the last piece of the jigsaw?
I couldn’t hold back any longer. I leant forwards and pressed my lips against his. Ben jolted and drew back.
‘Lizzie.’ His eyes widened. ‘I didn’t—’
‘Oh God, sorry Ben.’ Heat flooded into my face. ‘Have I gone and messed everything up? I should have listened to my head, telling me you weren’t ready for another relationship.’
‘What makes you think that?’
‘You said, after the break-up with your ex…’
He stepped forwards again. ‘You’re right, I’m not ready for anything with someone new, but you… it’s always been different. Even before we knew about our past, I had a feeling that we… we were linked in some way.’
‘You felt that too? And I- I’ve felt an attraction towards you, I have to admit, a feeling that has grown and grown, but I didn’t feel it was reciprocated.’
‘It’s been the same for me, Lizzie, even though we were practically strangers – or thought we were – but I haven’t wanted to take advantage, you’ve been understandably emotional… and I guess I’ve been confused about starting to feel things for another woman when I was still getting over what happened with my ex.’
‘When Ash visited you backed off for a while. I thought that was your way of letting me know that you really only saw me as a friend.’
He put down the paint can. ‘I- I suppose I was protecting my feelings, me still feeling bruised after my break-up. When I though Ash stayed over it hurt me more than I expected. The strength of that feeling scared me.’ A shy look crossed his boyish face. ‘But for so long, Lizzie, as each day has passed, I’ve wanted to get closer. It’s been hard staying friends. But that was better than nothing, I didn’t want to spoil what we have.’
‘You really feel the same?’ I said, a tremor in my voice. He leant forwards and once again our mouths met. It felt soft, warm and tender but above all it felt right. Strong arms wrapped around me and held me so tight. My stomach fizzed. I closed my eyes and lost myself in darkness with him, with kisses that embraced our past and looked forwards at the same time. My heart raced so hard I felt as if all the air had left my chest.
He took my hand and led me into the lounge, Taz under one arm. We sat on the sofa and Taz curled up at the end, looking tired. Ben brushed my hair behind my ear and cupped the side of my face in his large hand. Gently a thumb ran over my cheek.
‘I’ve always felt as if you’ve been in my life all the time, if not physically then in my
mind. You coming back to Leafton… this… I never got over that sense of something, someone missing from my life, but now, once again, I feel whole.’ He gave a crooked smile and his face flushed. ‘I know it sounds corny but I’ve felt that since the first moment I saw you, in the back garden.’
‘You did?’ I croaked. ‘Me too.’ We kissed once more. Eventually I extricated myself from his arms. ‘Who’d have thought – Lilibet and Jimmy Jammy.’
‘They’d have been horrified,’ he said and laughed.
‘I don’t think I would have, you know. I looked through the scrapbook again yesterday and found something on the back page. It was a big heart and inside I’d written Lil loves JJ.’
Ben’s eyes crinkled. ‘Seeing as it’s confession time… I’ve always remembered the games we played with your plastic pet dogs. You gave me two to take home once, I think, and I remember playing on my own and pretending they got married and… and that they were you and me. You forgot to ask for them back and I kept them. After you left, I was glad I had.’
A meow brought us out of the past and we both smiled. We chatted some more, held hands, kissed. Then Ben lifted up Taz and went to see how the paint was drying. I ran my hand over the sofa and surveyed my new home.
You opened your doors to me. You knew I belonged here and helped me find my sister and now I’ll return you to your former glory as a thank you.
I’d gone to see Trish the day after meeting my aunt and said I knew about her requests for a fence to be built. I told her my parents never blamed her for the accident – and that Rose was still alive.
Tears had rolled down her cheeks. ‘Little Rose didn’t die? I didn’t cause her death?’
I’d held Trish close, her body racked with sobs as she let go of twenty years of guilt. She pulled out a bottle of wine and we got a little bit drunk. She revisited the idea of her stocking my gift cards in the shop and I had an idea, about Ben making gift cards too, from his amazing photography shots. I’d mention it to him. Trish had contacted Frederick and he’d apologised once more. They wouldn’t be meeting again but for the first time in a while Trish said she felt an inner calm.
‘It’s over, I’ve found some sort of peace at last,’ she’d sobbed after the second glass. ‘I can’t believe it, Lizzie. I’m so, so happy about Rose.’
Perhaps I should have also felt a sense of ending now I knew the truth about my parents, but instead it felt like a start…
Someone knocked at the door. It was Neve. I’d never seen her hair tied back before. She looked like a Sixth Former. I’d seen her in the teashop yesterday and told her everything I’d discovered. Ben came down with Taz on his shoulder and the three of us chatted about the plastic duck race that was taking place in the stream next weekend, to raise money for Leafton Primary’s new wildlife corner.
‘I never knew you had a tattoo, Neve,’ said Ben and moved for a better view of behind her ear.
‘Me neither. Who’s Kyle?’ I asked, looking at the letters.
Neve blushed. ‘A teenage crush. We broke up two weeks after I got this done. Alan wants me to get it removed. He hates tattoos.’
‘What do you want to do?’ I asked, whilst Ben played with Taz who had crawled down his body and was swiping the mouse tails threaded through his shoes.
‘He’s been on at me for ages, especially since you arrived in Leafton. I’ve been meaning to ask you about laser removal.’
‘I’m not trained to do that but—’
‘That’s okay. Alan was shocked at first. He’d had our whole future planned out – marriage, kids, us both working at the supermarket and to be fair I went along with it. But if I don’t follow my dreams, I might end up resenting him. Getting to know you and how you followed your heart, despite the great cost, it’s inspired me. It’s the wake-up call I needed to spend my life doing what I believe I was put on earth for. So I’m going to carry on with my job but go part-time and study through the Open University. Eventually I want to work as an archivist. I don’t want to lose him but I need to do this.’
I smiled. ‘So this tattoo…’
‘I’ve decided not to get it removed. Could you cover it, instead, with a flower? Can I see your portfolio?’
Neve flicked through many of my designs and then went to leave to do more research on the internet, hoping to get the tattoo done in the next week or two.
‘By the way,’ she said as we headed to the front door. ‘My cousin turns eighteen next week. He’s had a really rough year and would like to get a semi-colon tattooed onto his wrist – to show how he’s looking to the future now, his next chapter; that he’d not reached the end. My aunt and uncle aren’t happy but I told them about you and that’s put their mind at ease knowing that a trustworthy local could do the work.’
I waved to Neve. Ben shut the front door.
‘See,’ he said. ‘It’s right that you don’t leave Leafton. Your work here isn’t done.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘The village has been waiting for you to return.’
I went upstairs and sat on my bed. Yes, I was here, living in the cottage, admiring the views and slowly finding my place amongst the locals. I felt a little heady at the thought of setting up my own tattoo business and had already looked into the necessary paperwork. The cottage had brought me back to my roots and back to my artistic passion. But Rose wouldn’t skip across the lawn again as a small child, hand in hand with me. We could never get that time back. And Mum and Dad wouldn’t sip beer and cross-examine their day at work in the lounge.
I pulled out a nondescript wooden box from under my bed and ran my hand over it.
‘I’m back home, where we were all happiest,’ I said, looking at the knots in the wood. ‘I’ve emailed Cooper. I’m going to do everything I can to get back in touch with Rose. I’m sorry about the argument and I know from Dad’s letter you are both sorry too. We all followed our hearts, you protecting me, me chasing my dream. I’ve thought a lot about this and no one’s to blame.
‘It sounds silly but now I own a kitten – a cheeky little chap, I think you’d like him – it’s made me realise that when love comes with responsibility, it’s one of the most scary, powerful things. How strong you both were, to carry on after what happened with Rose, carving out a life for yourselves, trying to carve out a life for me.
‘Last week Taz peed on my favourite cushion.’ I gave a small smile. ‘He does lots of annoying things but I already love him so much. That’s helped me accept that you still loved me at the end.’ I bent down and kissed the box before hugging it tight in my arms. I closed my eyes as memories came back of holding hands, Eskimo kisses, of tickle fights and helpless giggles.
I felt a sudden urge to sit under the weeping willow and, taking the box, headed downstairs and out into the beautiful garden. I pushed my way through the branches, and sat down on the grass with the box on my lap, lost in thought. Ben came out and passed me a lemonade. We exchanged intimate smiles and he left. I stopped drinking and looked at the tree trunk and the Earl engraving. The stream and birds coloured in a long silence. My eyes ran up and down the word. Once. Twice. Six times.
Vision blurred, heart racing, I shuffled back.
With a shaking arm, I kissed my fingers and reached out. I ran them over the letters.
‘I so wanted you to be proud,’ I whispered to the box, ‘but as I got older, I realised the most important thing was being proud of myself.’
I looked at the letters again, as my phone buzzed. On automatic I opened the email and gasped.
Hello Lizzie. It’s Rose – your big sister…
Tears tumbled down my cheeks as I read the text. Here in the garden, under the tree, one had become four again, symmetrical and balanced. Maths had played such a big part in my parents’ lives.
I took another look at the carved infinity symbol.
Of course.
I sat up straighter and wiped away the tears. One day soon I would add that symbol onto the charm bracelet tattoo around
my ankle.
‘I’ll cherish this place and bring it back to life,’ I said to Mum and Dad. ‘Streamside Cottage never forgot you, never forgot us – it never gave up. It’s been nudging me, all the way, to discover the truth. Now, like you, it can rest easy.’
I smiled. ‘Its forever family is home.’
Read on for an excerpt from The Summer Island Swap…
Sometimes the best holidays are the ones you least expect...
After a long and turbulent year, Sarah is dreaming of the five-star getaway her sister has booked them on. White sands, cocktails, massages, the Caribbean is calling to them.
But the sisters turn up to tatty beaches, basic wooden shacks, a compost toilet and outdoor cold-water showers. It turns out that at the last minute Amy decided a conservation project would be much more fun than a luxury resort.
So now Sarah's battling mosquitos, trying to stomach fish soup and praying for a swift escape. Life on a desert island though isn't all doom and gloom. They're at one with nature, learning about each other and making new friends. And Sarah is distracted by the dishy, yet incredibly moody, island leader she's sure is hiding a secret.
1
‘I still think it’s madness,’ I said, getting up from the faux-leather sofa to peer over Amy’s shoulder. ‘To come into five thousand pounds, only to blow it all on a single holiday…’
Amy turned around from the circular dining table and folded her arms. ‘No. Madness would be turning down a month of luxury, all expenses paid. I’ve spotted a great deal. Even my winnings wouldn’t normally cover four weeks at this particular destination. Our break must be written in the stars.’
‘Written in platinum, more like. And who on earth goes away for that long?’
‘Someone who hasn’t been on holiday – not a proper one – for nine years, because she’s been so busy building a home and a future for her amazing younger sister. That’s me, by the way.’ She smiled.
Summer Secrets at Streamside Cottage Page 24