~Mom
"I love you. Never doubt that, not for a second. No matter what you fear, or what you're told. I love you with everything I am." ~Mom
Leaning my head against the cold bus window, I tried to stay awake. Even the two women behind me fighting over whose turn it was to take out the trash couldn't keep me awake. Last night Shante threw a huge fit at bedtime because her mom wasn't able to take her for Christmas. I suspected that Sophia had dropped dirty. Shante cried and screamed as she vented her anger and pain. Her little heart couldn't hold that much rejection and betrayal. Chairs were knocked over, books hurled through the air, and anything else light enough for her four-year-old body to move became a victim of her rage.
Melanie took the kids into her room to keep them safe. I was foolish enough to try to help Shante calm down. I didn't duck fast enough and had a resulting black eye to show for it. I grabbed some ice on my way to Melanie's room. Shante didn't even notice she'd hurt me.
It took almost half an hour before Shante calmed down. She ended up in a ball on the floor crying. Melanie held her, soothing her sobs. It wasn't long before she fell asleep. My heart ached for Shante; she’s so small and innocent, she doesn’t deserve to feel unwanted and unloved. In a few years she'll be like me, unwilling or unable to form attachments and trust anyone. At least that's what a shrink wrote in my file, so it must be true.
After Shante fell asleep, Melanie calmed the other kids down and got them into bed while I cleaned up. It took forever. Afterwards, I couldn’t sleep because Shante kept having bad dreams, and this morning I was dragging butt. Shaking my head to clear the memory, I pulled the cord to stop the bus.
The air around me hung thick with water that couldn't decide if it wanted to remain a cloud or fall as rain. I could barely see the cafe, but the aroma of coffee led the way. I rarely drink coffee, because I get hyper on caffeine, then crash. But today coffee was a necessity. As I neared the cafe door someone called my name. Turning, I saw a shape coming closer through the fog.
"Carlos, how are you?" I asked, as strong arms wrapped me in a hug. Carlos was a self-proclaimed flirt, sometimes charming, and frequently a total snot. He'd run away from Hope House three months ago.
"Hey, Sara. I'm okay," he said. His chapped lips stretched into a tired smile. His brown skin looked chalky and broken out and his normally rosy cheeks were sunken and dull, making his high cheekbones look painfully sharp.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to ignore the sadness and aching fatigue coming off of him. I hoped that feeling other people's emotions was a one-time thing, but no such luck. Arching my eyebrow, I looked into his brown eyes. We both knew he was lying to me.
"Okay. I'm not fine. My mom worked all night, and I had to stay out of the apartment. I love the freedom of being at home, but I miss regular meals and a warm bed every night."
Carlos lived at Hope House for three years, and they were about to sever his mom's rights when he freaked and ran. Apparently Carlos' mom was still hooking, and sending him out of the house at night. "Call your caseworker. One of the kids in your old house is leaving Friday; there'll be an empty bed."
"I don't know, maybe. What are you doing here?" Carlos looked around. Smooth change in the conversation, I let it go.
"I'm on my way to day camp at the circus school. I stopped to get a mocha." I pointed across the street to where I knew the Circus Center sat, invisible in the fog.
Carlos' eyes widened, and his face broke into a bright smile. "I've seen you on caffeine, why are you punishing them like that?"
I smacked him on the arm. "Shut up. I was up all night with Shante. Come on, I'll buy you breakfast."
Sighing in pleasure, I stepped into the warm café. We placed our order and waited under the 'pick-up here’ sign, with a bunch of adults on their way to work.
"Are you going out with anyone?" Carols asked, his voice soft.
I looked at Carlos, I could feel his worry, but my shock at the question was the stronger emotion. "What?" Why would I want to date some boy?
"Your eye." He pointed to my black and purple eye.
"No need to worry. Shante threw a fit last night and I got hit with a book.” I grabbed our order and found a free table, not giving Carlos a chance to leave. “Let's sit down. I have a while before camp begins."
"Cool. Tell me what's going on at Hope House."
I caught Carlos up on all the house gossip. Looking out the window I could see the faint shapes through the fog of parents dropping off kids at the circus school.
"I have to go," I said, cleaning up the table.
"I'll walk with you," Carlos offered, as he helped pick up the trash.
Crossing a foggy street is a leap of faith. The fog lifted some, but not enough to take away the danger. Carlos took my hand, we looked, listened, took a deep breath and ran across the street. Seconds after we reached the sidewalk a car drove past us.
I squeezed his hand before letting go. "Bye, Carlos. Please call and get somewhere safe. It's supposed to get even colder tonight."
"I'll be fine, but yeah, maybe I'll call. Take better care of yourself." Gently he rubbed his thumb across my black eye. "Hey, if I come back, maybe we could go out?"
I rolled my eyes. "I'd feel flattered, except you flirt with everyone."
Watching Carlos walk away in his dirty, oversized jeans, I wondered if I would ever see him again. I knew he wouldn't call, and even if he did, there’s no way he'd come straight to Hope House. They’d send Carlos to a lock-down group home or juvy first.
Stepping inside the school, I took off several layers of clothes and was ready to go in a dry, all-black workout outfit. Finishing my mocha, I threw away the cup and began to bounce on the balls of my feet. I went over to the mat to warm up, hoping to channel some of my caffeine-induced energy.
"How are you this morning?" Gavin asked, his bare feet all I could see. They were very pale.
"Morning, Gavin. I'm great! How are you?" I asked looking up at my possible uncle. No. I felt too tired and too wired to deal with this today. Choosing to ignore any possible family connections, I went back to stretching.
Gavin's amusement faded and he dropped to his knees in front of me. "What happened? Did that boy do this to you? Do you need anything?"
"What are you talking about? And why do you care? And what boy?" Is it time for the crazy to start already today? "Nice tee shirt, I loved The Empire Strikes Back."
Gavin took a deep breath and closed his eyes. His mouth moved slightly, it looked like he was counting to ten. "Your black eye, the boy you walked up with, and you're my student. Of course, I care if you're hurt."
I lowered my head and stretched the back of my legs, my fingers tapping against my feet. "My eye is nothing. Carlos is a friend I ran into this morning."
"Do you need anything for it? Ice? Ibuprofen?" Gavin said.
"I'm fine, you should be much more worried that I drank an entire double mocha with extra chocolate and whipped cream." I pressed up into a backbend. "What are we doing today? When do we get started? Whose turn is it for music?"
Gavin chuckled. "I guess I should be worried. Warm-ups will start in five minutes, and we are doing large trampoline, trapeze and acrobatics this morning. Shin picked hip-hop and pop from around the world."
The beat of the music changed and someone started rapping in … French, cool.
"Will we work on the high trap today?" I asked, lying down. Gavin's eyes crinkled as he smiled. "You have a scar," I blurted out, looking at a thin white line under the edge of his jaw.
"I got it when I was little and fell out of a tree, and, yes, we're going to have you in safety harnesses and up in the air."
"Sounds like a fun day. I wonder what I'll start with?"
My caffeine high didn't end until two-thirty, much to the amusement of the staff. Well, except for Taliesin, who seemed grumpy as usual. Closing my eyes, I leaned against the wall willing strength into my body. I was so tired I ached. I seriously overwork
ed my muscles today. Thank goodness Melanie was picking me up today.
"Sara! I'm so sorry," Shante said, running through the door of the Circus Center.
I grunted when her little body hit mine. "Shush, it's okay. I'm fine."
"Your eye looks so bad. I didn't mean to." Large tears dripped down her face.
"Look at me, baby." I turned her face so I could look into her eyes. "I'm fine, really. My eye looks much worse than it feels."
She buried her head into my shirt, still crying. Rubbing her back, I looked around for Melanie.
"I figured you'd be crashed out by now,” Melanie said walking over to us.
"Sara, you're hot," Shante whispered loudly into my ear.
It took a lot of energy to open my eyes. "I'm just tired."
"Melanie! Sara's hot!" The little brat ratted me out!
I groaned as an ice-cold hand touched my forehead. "Sara, another fever? This is not okay, something is seriously wrong!" Melanie said looking between me and the phone in her hand.
"I'm fine, I just need to sleep. I don't have a cut or cough, or anything else. I bet it's because I'm so tired." I did not want to go to the hospital. I hoped Melanie would be so busy she'd give in and let me sleep at home.
"I'm sure she'll feel fine in the morning," Gavin said, a strange tone in his voice, but I couldn't figure out what or why.
Melanie's phone rang. "Give me a second."
I closed my eyes again. I felt someone sit down next to me, but was too tired to look.
"For some of us it can take time for all the changes to come in. Remember that we are here for you. We can help you adjust to your new gifts," Gavin said.
I opened my eyes. What new weirdness was this? Gavin's green eyes were worried. He stared at my head. I fought the urge to make sure the bandanna covered all of the red in my hair. His gaze shifted and he tried to see my eyes through the curtain of curly bangs.
A beautiful woman walked in the door dressed in a pale blue suit. Her long, honey blond hair hung down her back, and her smile warmed up the room. "Taliesin, there are more bags in the car. Will you get them, please?"
"Sure, Mom."
"Cordelia," Philip said taking the plastic garment bags from her. "Thank you so much for getting the new costumes done."
"Thankfully, my assistants are good and were able to do the basic sewing for the wedding dresses so I could work on these."
Taliesin's mom, Cordelia, felt like the opposite of her son: warm, gentle, and soft. Their hair color matched their personalities.
Taliesin backed through the door, his arms full of garment bags, flashes of bright colors peeking through the layers of plastic.
“Thank you, dear. Put everything on the counter.” Cordelia began to sort through the garment bags. “Anali and Gavin, you two need to try yours on in case I need to make any adjustments. I think you two are the only ones who couldn’t do a fitting with me.”
“They are so pretty,” Shante said kneeing me in the gut as she got up.
“Thank you, sweetheart. Are you taking classes here?” Cordelia asked.
“Nope, but Sara is,” she said pointing to me. I waved from my place on the floor.
"Come on, girls, let's go home," Melanie said before Shante could start asking even more questions.
I must have fallen asleep because suddenly we were at the house. "Sara, go to bed. I'll tell Penny to leave you alone, and I'll check in on you when I get home."
"Thanks, Melanie." I muttered and stumbled into my room. Kicking off my shoes, I burrowed under the covers.
A few hours later, Penny woke me to tell me that they were going to the dining hall for dinner. As soon as they left, I got into a hot shower. The pounding water felt wonderful as I washed the sickness off my skin. I would have stayed in the shower forever, but I began to feel dizzy.
I wasn't ready to go back to bed. Looking around, I realized I’d left my book out in the living room. I didn't want to get caught by Penny because she would fuss and coo at me. Sitting down, I began to organize my dresser. My first week of living in a group home, I saw staff going through a kid's things and throwing away what they decided was garbage. Ever since that moment I have always kept my things neat and tidy. I got rid of old papers, cards, toys, and clothes. Nothing of mine is ever going to be taken away without my permission.
All of my clothes were in good shape, neatly folded in the drawers. I didn't have a lot of stuff, but what I owned was precious to me. I kept it in an old pink backpack with faded yellow flowers. My mother packed this bag for me when she left me at the police station when I was five. The backpack held the journal she'd written for me and a scrapbook of photos.
I pulled out the package I'd found at the school. I'd been so busy I hadn't touched it since yesterday at lunch. I picked up the letter. After reading the first part again, I sat and stared at the second page. The shapes and lines shifted and swirled. I guess my fever must be worse than I thought. It’s so weird. Nothing else pointed to my mom being crazy. And what did she mean I should try reading it out loud?
"Even if I wanted to read it, I wouldn't know where to start," I said, laying the page on the floor, then turned the page around several times. My finger settled on the top right corner. The words didn't turn into English, but somehow they were becoming clear. I ran my finger along the marks and began to read:
My darling daughter,
Happy fifteenth birthday! I hope you are safe and loved, and I hope the changes over your birthday haven't been too traumatic. You are very special: you are a descendant of an ancient king and queen.
This can't be real! How can I read this? My thoughts raced and I began to lose my focus, and the words faded. Sara, calm down. Kayin said something about languages being a gift; maybe this is part of the gift. Just try not to freak out. Let it happen. I took several deeps breaths before I felt calm enough to try again. Once again the odd patterns began to swirl and shift until I could understand the words my mother had written.
On our fifteenth birthdays the descendants of Shamash and Aya come into an inheritance. For some of us our appearance changes, and we get certain gifts.
In the white felt packages, I've wrapped up my jewelry. It will help you control your new powers and aid in your connection to Akasha.
I've done all I can to protect you, but I've failed. The Sons of Belial are after me. I don't have much time. Your real name is Sapphire Aya Rayner, my name is Gabriella Aya Rayner and your father was Keagan Michael Rayner. You need to find my brother, Gavin Colin Marsh. Contact the New York Center for Circus Arts; they will know how to get in touch with him.
I'm so sorry, my darling. I wish I could do more. I'd send you to Gavin directly but I fear someone has betrayed me. I have to hide you. It's the only way.
Remember I love you. Find Gavin. He will take care of you. Be strong and brave. I know you can do this.
Trust your instincts, baby; you know what is true and right.
I love you with all that I am,
Mom
I climbed into bed, tears running down my face, and clutched the letter to my chest. Slowly I succumbed to sleep, my fever so high that my breath felt hot against my lips.
Chapter Six
"Action is the antidote to despair."
Phoenix Child Page 9