by Eva Chase
As I reached him, I spotted an unmistakable head of shaggy green-and-black hair lurking just behind his shoulder. Elias had roped Ryo into whatever he was up to as well? I tensed even more with an uneasy prickling that collected in my gut.
“What do you want, Eli?” I asked in an offhand tone, marking down a point for myself at the tightening of his jaw. It hadn’t taken me long to figure out that he hated that nickname.
The irritation didn’t sway him from his cause, though. “We need to talk,” he said, with a tip of his head toward Ryo. “The three of us. We can use my classroom. Come on.”
His demeanor still rubbed me the wrong way, but there was an urgency in his expression that I hadn’t seen very often. And I didn’t really want to get into a big argument about what this talk was probably about here in full view of most of our classmates.
“This had better be good,” I said, but I walked with them up to the second floor.
Elias, being the anal, overachieving ass he was, had already set the textbooks for today’s math class out on the desks. He propped himself against the teacher’s desk as if he were about to lead that class for just the two of us. Ryo hopped up to sit on one of the desks, nudging the textbook behind him. I stayed by the door.
Elias folded his arms over his chest, making the muscles under that ever-present suit jacket bulge. Even clean-shaven, the hard lines of his face and the commanding air with which he held himself made it clear he was older than either of us—probably one of the oldest “students” here. I’d wondered idly in the past whether he’d simply come to the college late or been here a while. He’d already been a fixture here when I’d arrived a year and a half ago.
How much longer did he have? I didn’t see any telltale signs of weakness, but he was the kind of guy who’d sooner off himself than let on that he was struggling.
“We need to discuss Beatrix,” he said.
The detached way he said her full name made me want to punch him in the nose. As if he could claim to be any kind of authority on her while he was using the full name she made faces at. How much time had he even spent with her?
“Why are you calling me in for that?” I said, even though this was exactly what I’d expected. I hadn’t promised to make this an easy talk.
He gave me what must have been his best “cut out the crap” look, which to be fair was pretty effective. “I have eyes. You might be getting off on heckling her right now, but that doesn’t make you a disinterested party.”
Oh, we were getting into the boardroom lingo now, were we? I leaned back against the wall with a roll of my eyes. “And you figure you’re an ‘interested’ party?”
“Interested enough that I’m bothering to look out for her, which is more than you’ve attempted to do,” Elias returned.
“So it doesn’t count that I’m looking out for the fact that she shouldn’t even be here, which you’ve got to know as much as I do?”
“Let’s just hear what he has to say already, Jenson,” Ryo broke in, as if he’d have put up any protest no matter how much of a prick anyone else was being rather than coasting along with the flow.
“Fine.” Despite myself, I was kind of curious what the guy had to say. “Have the floor, teach.”
Elias drew in a breath, looking as if he was feeling some regret about calling this huddle. “We’re all… invested in her, to some extent. Can we agree on that?”
“Sure,” Ryo said, and I shrugged, which was the easiest acknowledgment I could offer.
Elias nodded. “Do either of you want to see her putting herself through this hell anymore? Jenson is right about one thing—she doesn’t belong here. As you’ve made abundantly clear to her in the most caustic possible way.” His eyes narrowed on me for a moment.
“And making it caustically clear has worked so well,” I said sarcastically. “Why don’t you hassle the guy who’s been doing the opposite of his bit?” I waved my hand toward Ryo, who as far as I could tell had been doing whatever he could to seduce Trix into staying.
“Of course I don’t think she should be stuck here,” Ryo said, his shoulders coming up defensively. “But she is—I think that’s become incredibly obvious. Why shouldn’t she have someone to turn to, someone who’s at least willing to take the edge off instead of making the situation even more awful?”
“Oh, yeah, I’m sure you’re only thinking about selfless generosity when you’re getting cozy with her.”
The remark came out more cutting than I’d expected, with a flare of irritation and, okay, maybe some jealousy that I’d never have admitted to him. I was trying to shove her out of here regardless of what satisfaction I might have gotten from her presence if I’d taken a different tactic, and this guy wanted to pretend making out with her was a heroic gesture.
Ryo snorted. “Says the dude who just admitted his campaign of harassment hasn’t helped her one bit.”
“I—”
“Shut up,” Elias broke in. “We’ve all been stupid and self-centered about it—including me.”
Huh. I wouldn’t have expected Mr. Big Man on Campus to admit to any failing of his own. For that, I’d give the criticism he’d made of my strategy a temporary pass. “What are you talking about?”
Elias studied both of us in turn. “I think we’ve all been taking the approach that makes us the most comfortable and just told ourselves it’s what’s best for Beatrix too. But none of it is working. She’s upset and confused, and now she’s pushing back hard enough that she’s getting herself hurt.”
The memory of Trix crumpling in the archery room yesterday flashed through my mind with a jab of guilt. She hadn’t even been protesting only on her own behalf—she’d been trying to defend all of us. Possibly me most of all, despite what a prick I’d been to her, since I was the one who’d have been directly in her line of fire if she’d gone through with Professor Roth’s orders. She could talk shit back as well as I gave it to her and thumb her nose in the professors’ faces, but she had a heart under all that swagger.
“If you’re such an expert, what do you suggest we do differently?” I asked.
“I don’t think she is stuck here,” he said, focusing his pointed gaze on Ryo this time. “If we actually care what happens to her, we have to give her the best possible chance of getting out. Convince her that she isn’t going to find what she’s looking for here, that the best possible thing she can do for herself is leave us behind. And she has to believe we really are thinking about her and not just giving the idea lip service for brownie points or being a jerk for the hell of it.”
That last bit was definitely directed at me.
I raised my eyebrows. “So, your big plan is that we all cozy up to her and then tell her to get the hell out of here?”
“Think of it however you want. We’ve all seen enough of her by now to have some idea how she’ll react. Look at what you’ve been doing and be honest with yourself about whether you really think it’s what’s most likely to help her. I assume you’re capable of that much?”
The barbed comment made me bristle all over again. Fuck this prick and his superiority complex. He’d ended up here just like we had—he didn’t have any higher claim on human decency.
I pushed off the wall. “Isn’t it more likely that you’ve realized that you screwed up, and now you’re trying to make yourself feel better by spreading the blame around? Nice try, Glengarry Glen Ross. Watch me sort out my shit without you turning it into a new lesson plan.”
Elias’s jaw twitched, so I knew I’d struck a nerve somewhere. “Jenson,” he said, straightening up. “For once in your life—”
“You know fuckall about my life,” I shot back before he could finish that sentence. The fact that I could say that at all made my stomach twist, and suddenly I was twice as angry. Fuck him, fuck Ryo, fuck this godforsaken college. “Take those intentions you think so highly of and ram them up your ass.”
I shoved past the door and caught myself in the hall, closing my eyes. Anger was never a good emotion to sh
ow off uncontrolled. You had to reveal it wisely. I wasn’t sure I’d been all that wise in there, but it definitely wouldn’t do me any good to storm around the school where everyone else could see me.
With a few breaths, I’d gotten the turmoil inside me under control. Elias and his theories meant nothing. I could figure out my own way like I always had.
Neither he nor Ryo came out after me. Was Shibata actually buying into his bullshit? The guy really hadn’t learned anything about the uselessness of chasing easy answers.
When I glanced around the main second-floor halls, my gaze immediately caught on the subject of our pathetic conversation-slash-lecture. Trix was standing across the way from me outside the library door. She was looking at a paper in her hand as if she needed to examine it closely before she made any further moves, but I could read the resistance in her stance. I’d balked the same way for probably the same reason enough times in the past.
Well, good if she was having second thoughts about this stand she’d decided to take. Maybe my approach would get me more traction now that yesterday’s experience would have set her more off-balance. Elias didn’t have a clue.
I walked over. “Literary Analysis assignment?” I asked. “Aren’t those a bitch?”
Trix startled at the sound of my voice but steadied herself almost immediately. “Sounds like you don’t enjoy them very much either,” she said, eyeing me.
“The professors try their best, but it takes more than a little reading to faze me. And hey, it’s what I signed up for. Do you think you’re some kind of hero putting yourself through all this when you’ve got no business being here at all?”
“I think they made it my business when they did whatever they did to my brother,” Trix muttered, turning away from me.
“Right, right. The grand quest. Did you make a whole lot of progress on that in the infirmary yesterday? I’m surprised to see you survived at all.”
Her head whipped around again, her eyes flashing. Then she shook her head as if dismissing the momentary burst of emotion. Her tone came out dry rather than accusing. “Considering you’re the one my arrows would have been skewering if I hadn’t spoken up, you’re the last person who should be hassling me about that.”
“How do you know someone else didn’t skewer me after you had to be dragged out of there?”
“Well, somehow I suspect that if someone had, you’ve have led with that in this quest of yours to tell me how hopeless I am.”
“I’m wounded by your assessment of me,” I said, pressing my hand over my heart. “You should know I’m much more stoic than that.”
“Only when you want to be, I’d bet,” Trix retorted, and was that a hint of a smile playing with her lips?
A giddy jolt of emotion shot through me—that she could keep up with me so easily, that I’d gotten her caught up enough in the banter that she was starting to enjoy it—and then vanished under a cold surge of fear. I’d taken a step back before I’d even realized how my body was responding.
It wasn’t supposed to be banter. She wasn’t supposed to enjoy it—and neither was I. I knew what the end of that road looked like, and it wasn’t pretty. It was a fucking mess that I never wanted to—
Trix knit her brow. “Are you all right?” she said, more puzzled than concerned, but that wasn’t right either. Damn it.
“Don’t start White Knight-ing me now too,” I snapped out, fumbling for a halfway decent parting shot, and swiveled on my heel to saunter away as if I’d meant to end the conversation there all along.
I didn’t look back the whole way up to the dorms. Coming into the empty bedroom, I stopped on the threshold and pressed my hand to my forehead.
Could I be honest with myself? Yes. The chill still congealing in my gut had so much more to do with me than it did Trix. Feeling that bit of warmth, the barest hint of comradery from her had terrified me—for my sake, not hers. It’d reminded me of how much I could gain and then have to lose all over again.
Fucking hell. I dropped down on my bed with a creak of the mattress and glared at the opposite wall.
Elias might not have been totally off-base after all. How much had I chosen my strategy based on what I really believed would urge Trix away and how much on what would give me the sturdiest shield to protect myself? Maybe I was acting like a stupid, selfish bastard. It wouldn’t be the first time, not by far.
But after the groundwork I’d laid, what could I do that was better, that wouldn’t crash into another epic mess? I had no idea.
Chapter Fifteen
Trix
When I headed downstairs to breakfast, Delta was just a lump under her covers, but some of the other girls were still in the process of getting up too. It wasn’t until I returned to grab a couple of things from my bedside table that I realized she’d never left her bed at all. A few locks of her red hair peeked from beneath the blanket, but that was all I could see of her.
I wavered on my feet, studying her, confirming from the rise and fall of the blanket that she was at least breathing. After the punishments I’d received for defying the professors, it was hard to assume that she was fine, just sleeping in. No one in our bedroom had ever stayed in bed past breakfast before. Even if she was okay now, she wouldn’t stay okay if she ended up missing any classes or other duties she had scheduled.
She hadn’t exactly been friendly to me, but she’d helped me out a little here and there. If she got mad at me for waking her up, I could live with that.
I stepped over to the side of her bed. “Delta?” I said, quietly so I wouldn’t startle her if she was already awake, just dozing.
Which apparently was the case. She mumbled something inarticulate and added a muffled, “What?”
“Are you all right? Do you need to go to the infirmary or anything?” I couldn’t imagine anyone taking much comfort from the cold little room where I’d waited out the agony I’d been hit with during Archery, but maybe the young woman who’d appeared to check me over—and, I guessed, confirm I wasn’t outright dying—would be more useful with a student who was sick due to natural causes rather than her own defiance.
“No. No, that’s not going to do any good.”
There was such a hopeless note in her voice that I couldn’t quite bring myself to leave it at that. I groped for something else to say. “If you need me to let any of the professors know that you can’t make it to class—”
“It’s okay. They’ll know.” With a rustling of the sheet, she eased the covers down to her shoulders so she could peer up at me. “You go take care of your own stuff. Don’t worry about me.”
Seeing her made it even harder not to worry. I’d noticed her thinness before, but now her cheeks looked hollow, the form of her skull showing beneath her pale skin. Dark splotches glowered beneath her eyes. The fringe of hair along her forehead clung there as if she’d recently come out of a feverish sweat.
Just the motion of moving the covers seemed to have exhausted her. Her hand fell limp to her side. She barely managed to flick her fingers at me.
“It happens to the best of us,” she added, her voice more thready by the moment. “I don’t need pity.”
The last comment stung, maybe more so because I also felt guilty for pushing her to talk in her frail state. I could take a hint—or really, this was more of a shove.
“All right. I hope you feel better after you get some more rest.”
She pulled the covers back over her head, but not quickly enough to disguise a hoarse chuckle.
I didn’t have a whole lot to do right away. I drifted downstairs and meandered through the halls. My explorations of the woods yesterday afternoon hadn’t turned up anything informative. The secret to Cade’s disappearance and the strange control the staff exerted over this school and its students still eluded me.
As I came around the base of the grand staircase with its poised suits of armor, a guy I vaguely recognized from a couple of my classes stumbled out of the room I’d been told was for counseling. He braced h
imself against the opposite wall for a few seconds, his posture shaky, before pushing himself onward down the hall. I glanced away as if I’d been minding my own business.
No other student had been waiting outside to take a turn. I lingered in the sitting room for several minutes, poking around at the furniture I’d recently cleaned and listening for footsteps, but it seemed this was a break between sessions.
That was one of the few rooms in the school I hadn’t gotten any sort of look at yet. If I could even take a peek…
I strolled over and knocked lightly on the door, expecting a professor to answer. All I got was silence. I waited, my ears pricked for any sign of movement from the other side, and knocked again.
Nothing. Hmm. I hadn’t heard a professor leaving the room either. Were they just ignoring me? I tried the doorknob gently and felt it catch against a lock.
I debated, glancing up and down the hall, and slipped my trusty reward card from my pocket. I’d have to palm it quickly, but I could easily give the same excuse I had with the dean’s office—that the door had actually been unlocked. It wasn’t likely anyone in there was paying enough attention to realize I’d already tested it.
In a furtive motion, I slid the card in by the frame and performed the same operation that had served me well on two doors here so far. Just like before, the lock disengaged, and the knob rotated in my grasp. I curled my fingers around the card to hide it and eased the door open, braced for a glare or a shout of dismay.
Neither came. The room on the other side was completely empty. It was easy to be sure of that because it held nothing at all except a single wooden chair in the middle of the space. The floor was the same dark hardwood as the rest of the building, the walls starkly white.
What the hell kind of “counseling” happened in here? And where had the counselor disappeared to?
I eased farther into the room and ran my fingers along the walls to confirm there wasn’t some sort of hidden doorway. The only way in or out appeared to be the entrance I’d come through. I stood there for a couple of minutes, and then sank into the chair to see if that would provoke something.