by Nora Everly
“Fine, Dad. I guess I’ll just sit back and wait for one of you to tell me what to do next.” I let out a bitter laugh.
“Please don’t be mad at us. When you see Luke again, you’ll understand why we forgave him,” Violet said.
I sighed. I didn’t want to see him again, but curiosity burned a hole in my heart all the same. I wasn’t ready for any of this.
“We’re all here for you,” Dad said.
“How am I going to tell Dylan that his birth father is here in town?” I said, letting my anger go. For now, anyway.
Dad smiled at me and hugged me into his side. “You’ve been honest with him his whole life about who his father is. Just stick with that and tell him straight out. That kid is smart beyond his years. He can handle it.”
“You make it sound so simple.” This would not be simple. I was already freaking out about the possibility of seeing Luke again.
“Being honest makes things simple,” Dad said with a smile and stood up. “But it won’t be pretty if we’re late to dinner. Let’s head out. Girls, don’t take too long.” He winked at me and Violet, then went over to Dylan’s table, ruffled his hair, kissed his cheek, and headed for the door. He climbed into his police SUV—Dad was the chief in Sweetbriar—and drove off.
“Lily, I have to close up, then we’ll meet you at the house.” Violet finally gave me my baby back with a longing look then headed to the counter.
“Come on, Dylan. Let’s go to Grandma’s. Later, guys!” I called to Finn and Nick.
2
Lily
I knew the exact moment that this place had stopped feeling like home. I had come back for Christmas break right after Luke had broken our engagement and gone back to Afghanistan. That day, I’d looked around and saw nothing but memories of a life I still wanted but could no longer have. After that, every time I came home, I felt that loss—I only saw the ghosts.
The thought of driving all day, then seeing my entire family for a huge family dinner was exhausting. I wanted to go home, take off my bra, eat ice cream, cuddle my kids, then go to bed. But like usual, my mother didn’t listen. It only took about ten minutes to get from Violet’s shop to my parents’ house. But that ten-minute drive was like driving into another world. Out of a small town full of shops and activity and into mountains dotted with pine trees and covered with mist.
“Mommy, it smells clean here. Like the tree thingy hanging in Papa Jed’s car but way better. I think I can smell the sun and the sky here. Can you smell it too?”
“Yeah, baby, I smell it. It smells like home to me.” I had grown distracted by the memories that started to rise in my mind, just like the misty sunshine we were driving up into.
“I can’t wait to see Grandma. She’s making me a chocolate cake. She said she’s going to set the world record for the number of layers. It might reach the ceiling. Don’t tell her I already ate snickerdoodles. I do not want to hear the words ‘Too many sweets will give you a tummy ache.’”
I smiled at him in the rearview mirror. “I’ll keep your secret, Dylan. But just this one time. After tonight though, the ‘too many sweets’ rule is back in effect. Deal?”
“Deal. Too bad Calla can’t eat the cake. When will she be able to do stuff? Babies are so boring. They just lie there and poop and burp and eat and get drool everywhere. She’s kind of gross.”
“Aw, she’s cute too. Admit it,” I teased.
“I guess so. I like it when she smiles at me. It’s too bad she doesn’t have a dad.”
I froze in my seat. “Are you okay, bud?” It had been over a year since Will died. Dylan’s grief was no longer as overwhelming as it had been in the beginning. But it still popped up in random observations that made him realize the finality of Will’s absence. Sometimes it still hit us both hard.
“I miss my daddy Will, and I was remembering when he showed me how to ride a bike the last time we were all at Grandma’s house. Then he put me up on his shoulders, and I could touch the bottom of the super tall trees in their yard. Who’s going to teach Calla?”
Daddy Will? Not just Daddy?
“We can both teach her. We’re great bike riders.”
“Yeah, but you’re really short. No way you can help her touch those trees.”
“Yeah, but Grandpa will be there. And you have four uncles who can reach them. They used to climb those trees all the time. We will make new memories, Dylan.”
“Yeah, but I remember Daddy. Calla won’t ever be able to remember him. It’s not fair.” His voice trembled, and I could tell he was close to crying.
“It will be our job, mine and yours and Auntie Jane’s, to tell her all about what a great man he was.” Now I was close to crying too. At this point, thinking of Will was mostly bitter and hardly sweet. As time moved on, hopefully, the balance would shift.
“Okay, I can do that. Mommy, is my dad Luke back in this town now?”
I had been racking my brain trying to figure out a way to broach this subject with him. He must have overheard us talking at Violet’s. Sometimes he was way more observant than I gave him credit for.
“Yes, he is back in town. He got hurt and can’t be in the Army anymore,” I answered, deliberately vague so I could see where he was going with this.
“Did he want me?” I took a quick look in the rearview mirror, tears shone in his eyes.
“There is no doubt in my mind that if he had known about you, he would have wanted you. And I know he wants to get to know you now.”
“But does he want a baby?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him since before you were born.” He used to want babies with me. We’d decided on four.
“Will he be my dad like my daddy Will was?”
“I think he wants to try. Is that okay?”
“Yes. But Calla needs a dad too. I want to share my dad Luke with her. Can I?”
“It’s not that simple. I haven’t seen Luke in years. All I know is that he wants to meet you and explain why he was gone.”
“When? Can I meet him right now?” he asked.
“Are you ready for that?” Thank God, I’d listened to my dad when he said I should tell Dylan the truth about Luke and Will.
“I’m ready. I want to,” he insisted. Voice firm, tears gone.
“We’ll drive to his house right now. I don’t know if he will be there, but it won’t hurt to check.”
What am I doing?
Instead of heading straight to my parents’ house, I turned off on the road that led to Luke’s place. The narrow, serpentine road was staggered with steep drop-offs that used to scare me when I was a kid. This road was as familiar to me as the road I had grown up on, and it hadn’t changed much over the years. Luke’s family home was in the middle of thirty acres of forested land that backed up to the foothills of the Cascade Mountains. We used to camp at the rear of the property, near the creek that fed into the Sweetbriar River. So many hours had been spent here—Luke, me, and my siblings—running around, exploring, and playing make believe.
I handed my phone back to Dylan. “Call Auntie Violet and tell her we will be late,” I instructed. His voice on the phone was an echo ringing in my ears. I had grown lost in memories that had long since been buried along with my childhood dreams. Dylan was ready to meet Luke, but I wasn’t so sure about myself. I knew this was long overdue, but the anticipation was about to kill me.
“We’ll be there very soon, Dylan. If you change your mind, I won’t be mad. We can turn around if you want.”
“I don’t want to turn around. I want to meet him. I’m ready, Mom,” he insisted.
“One more turn.” My breaths grew shallow as I made the last turn. Tall pine trees dotted the land to the left and right of the long gravel road that led to the house. Then, suddenly, there was a clearance in the trees, and the gravel path eased into gray slate pavers that formed a long driveway that widened into a huge roundabout. There were carved bears and evergreen shrubs decorating the center. I stopped the car an
d looked ahead. With stacked stone pillars, balconies jutting out here and there, and a massive deck, I marveled at the biggest, grandest log cabin I had ever seen. A garage that looked like it could hold at least five cars sat off to the left of the house, and a huge fire pit and seating area sat in a clearance in the trees to the right. This was all new. When I used to come here, it was just a regular log cabin family home, modest and cute.
“This is even bigger than Grandma’s house. It might be the biggest house I ever saw,” Dylan exclaimed in wide-eyed awe.
“It sure didn’t look like this when I used to come here. Do you want to get out? You can change your mind, you know.”
“Mom, do you want to get out?” he asked a little too observantly for a six-year-old boy.
“I want what you want, Dylan.” He didn’t answer, just opened the door and hopped out. I hurried to follow him. “Dylan, wait for us,” I called. He stopped at the bear carvings to wait while I unbuckled Calla, then caught up to him. We stood there just staring up at the massive house. We both jumped when we heard barking.
“Does he have a dog?” Dylan asked as a golden-brown and white blur came barreling out from behind the garage, tail wagging furiously and tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth. The dog stopped, rolled over, got up, and came a little bit closer to us. Then he did it again, stop, roll over, get up. And again. Each time, he came a few steps closer to us. I grabbed on to Dylan’s hand and started pulling him back to the car with visions of Cujo dancing in my head.
“Rocky!” a deep voice yelled. “Rocky, come.” It was not Luke’s voice. I’d spent my entire life hearing Luke’s voice. I was certain I would recognize it.
A man jogged out from behind the garage. Tall, broad, and covered in muscles like a professional wrestler or a football player or something. Like The Rock, but this guy had hair—dark brown, almost black, and trimmed close to his head.
“Is he a giant?” Dylan whispered to me as Rocky rushed over to the man, then walked at his side back in our direction.
“I think he’s just really tall,” I whispered back.
“Hi, mister. I’m looking for my dad. And are you a giant?” Dylan yelled.
“Oh my gosh, Dylan!” I exclaimed.
The man stared at Dylan with a shocked expression, then he laughed. “Nope, I’m just tall,” he answered, then he looked over at me. “Short and tiny, red hair and freckles. You’re Lily,” he said with a beautiful, white smile. “My name is Liam, and this is Rocky. Luke is in the back.”
Rocky seemed to take Liam’s greeting as permission, because he rushed over to Dylan, licked his hand, then sat by his side. Dylan petted his head, and the cute dog leaned against his side with a doggie groan.
“Yes, I am Lily. Hi, Liam.” I nodded as I shifted Calla to my hip and stuck out my hand. Liam shook it with a grin. “We were hoping to talk to Luke today. Obviously, Rocky is friendly, so I’m going to stop worrying about that and focus on worrying about other stuff. I don’t have Luke’s number anymore, so I couldn’t call first. I’m sorry about that. I don’t have a plan. I don’t know what I’m doing. I—”
Liam cut me off in the middle of my nervous ramble with a laugh. He shook his head and gave me a look like he knew me, yet I had never met him. “You are totally Lily. This is so great. Relax, Luke will be thrilled to see you. Surprised, yes. But totally thrilled. I’ll run back and send him up. Dylan, it’s good to finally meet you.” He turned to Dylan and shook his hand. “Lily, when I say he’s in the back, I mean way back there.” He gestured to the trees closest to the mountain near the back of the property. “He’s picking out trees to carve for a build, so it will take a few minutes for him to get up here. You guys are welcome to go and sit over there by the fire pit and wait. Just don’t leave. Please.” He was so open and friendly, it put me at ease—sort of.
“We won’t leave,” Dylan promised and headed down the path to the seating area while Rocky trotted along at his side.
“I won’t leave. Don’t worry.” I’d come this far, it would be silly to run away now, even though I was nervous as all heck and might throw up in the fire pit. “It’s nice to meet you, Liam.”
“You too. Thank you for coming, Lily. Seriously,” he said, then turned and jogged off.
“Look at these chairs. They have fairies and little wolves carved all over them. I bet my dad did it. I bet he made those bears too. He’s picking trees to carve up right now. How cool is that? I wonder if he’ll teach me to carve up trees too. I want to chop one down. Can I? I want to chop down trees like a lumberjack.”
He started miming chopping with his arms and an imaginary ax. Dylan was a contradiction—he could act so grown-up that sometimes you forget he’s a kid—then he’d turn around and start chopping down imaginary trees. He started to run around the fire pit with Rocky chasing him or maybe Dylan chased Rocky. Either way, they were having a blast.
“I don’t know about chopping down trees. That sounds dangerous. Let’s just take this one step at a time. Let’s start by sitting down.” It was a beautiful, sunny summer day. The sun peeked through the trees to shine on some of the chairs. I chose a bench swing in the shade and sat down. Dylan sat on the ground in a sunray. Rocky crawled into his lap and started licking his cheek. Calla started to fuss, so I tugged down my nursing tank and began to feed her.
“Even though we told Liam we would stay, you can change your mind whenever you want,” I reiterated.
“Mom, you’re more scared than I am. I’m not scared at all. Don’t worry. I’ll talk to him. You just take care of Calla.”
He was right. My nerves were getting the best of me. I hadn’t seen Luke since that disastrous visit in the hospital over six years ago. I should have taken more time to think this through before just driving over here. I either planned everything to death or rushed headlong into things, then regretted it later. I had yet to find a balance between the two.
“I love Rocky. He is the best dog I’ve ever met. What kind of dog is he?” Dylan asked as he continued to play with the adorable dog.
“He’s a boxer, I think. He seems pretty nice,” I observed. “Hi, Rocky, you’re a good boy, aren’t you?” I couldn’t help but laugh as he ambled over to me, tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth, tail wagging like crazy, and raised his paw for me to shake. I shook it, and he licked my hand. This crazy dog was making my nerves go away.
The nerves surged right back when I caught sight of Luke headed toward us out of the corner of my eye. I turned my body in his direction to watch. He strode determinedly out from behind the garage. He limped slightly, but it looked like he was refusing to give in to it.
And, oh wow, Violet was right. He looked different. Gone was the sweet-faced boy-man I’d fallen in love with so long ago. In his place was a big, burly, rugged man. Broad shouldered and solid, like he went to the gym but still ate dessert, or maybe he just tossed heavy logs around all day. He had a thick, dark beard covering the beautiful face I used to love. I saw tattoos traveling up and down his forearms, revealed by the rolled-up shirtsleeves of his dark blue work shirt. The Luke I had loved was clean shaved with a head of hair buzzed military short. This man had lots of dark brown hair swept back to curl around his ears and down to touch the collar of his shirt. But as he walked toward me, I could see lighter golden-brown and dark auburn hues glinting in the sun.
I gulped. I wanted to touch his hair.
He was bigger than he used to be. Did people keep growing into their twenties? Luke seemed taller than when I’d known him. Or maybe his shoulders were just wider, or maybe his muscles were just bigger and more prominent than they used to be.
Must. Stop. Staring.
Gah! My sweet Luke had turned into a hot guy. And I was stuck sitting here stunned like a fool. I looked down at Calla nursing. Great, my ex-fiancé, former love of my life, the freaking father of my son, was coming over here, and the top part of my boob was out. If Calla pulled away, we would be in nipple city.
I felt inadequ
ate. My almost six-months-postpartum body had not yet recovered to the state it was in the last time I’d seen Luke. That was almost seven years and at least ten pounds ago. Not that it mattered now. I was not here to get him back. I was here for Dylan.
“Jeez, Louise,” I whispered to myself.
“Who is Louise? Look, Mom, there he is,” Dylan whispered, wrenching me out of my impure thoughts about his father.
“I know. He looks different than when I knew him,” I muttered.
“Don’t worry, your boob isn’t showing,” he whispered back helpfully.
“Thanks, bud,” I said. This was why I required plans when I did something. Planning and mental preparation were the key to my sanity. I was way off script today, and I was afraid I would say something dumb when he got over here. Or worse, not say anything at all.
“I’m going over to him. I can’t wait.” Dylan got up and excitedly ran off to meet Luke.
“Dylan, wait.” I started to get up, then I changed my mind and sat back down. I decided that using my baby as a shield was a great idea. No handshake. No hug. All contact would be blocked by the baby nursing heartily at my breast. Rocky sighed, headed over to me, spun around a few times, and then crashed on my feet with a groan, providing me with a canine shield. I knew I liked this dog.
Dylan and Luke met at the bears in the roundabout. They stopped and stared at each other for a minute. I watched Luke look at Dylan with reverent searching eyes. My heart overflowed as I saw those beautiful eyes, so much like Dylan’s, fill with tears that he quickly blinked away.
“Dylan. I have waited so long to meet you.” Nine words. That voice.
I closed my eyes as memories crashed into my mind like waves to drown in. I heard Luke’s voice in my head; us laughing and playing together as children; him calling me beautiful when we lost our virginity together in the back of his truck parked under the stars at the rear of this property. Tears pricked behind my eyes when I recalled him telling me he would love me forever after he asked me to marry him. Then years later that same voice sobbing when he realized what he had done and screamed at my mother to take me away …