by Nora Everly
Shaking off my sudden nostalgia, I stopped my Expedition and climbed out to get the sleeping kids. I dreaded waking Dylan, if I had let Rose come home with me, we could each take a kid and let them both sleep. I sighed at my new lonely reality.
“Hey, sweet boy, can you wake up, so we can go inside?” I rubbed his cheek softly and smiled at him to take the sting out of having to wake him up.
“Mommy, where are we?” His sleepy eyes examined our new home in confusion.
“Grandma Rosemary’s house. It’s ours, for now, remember?”
He didn’t answer. He just hopped down and ran to the wraparound porch to wait. Luckily, Calla didn’t wake as I took her carrier out of its base in the back seat.
“Lucky girl. I hope I’ll sleep this well tonight,” I whispered.
I unlocked the front door to let us inside. The house was still decorated in Grandma chic—homemade quilts and doilies, Hummel figurines and family pictures—I made a mental note to pack up the breakables, Dylan could get rowdy. Gram’s tiny bookshelf in the corner was still filled to overflowing with the books my mother had written along with her other favorites. I hoped my kids would feel as comforted as I did by the familiar surroundings.
I carefully walked up the narrow wooden staircase and down the hall to transfer Calla to her crib in my mom’s childhood room. I had guessed right; it was newly decorated with a mermaid theme, all greens and aqua blues with hints of pink and coral. Calla stirred for a minute as I slipped her into her pink blanket sleeper in the crib, but she went right back to sleep. She was such a sweet baby. Sometimes it seemed as if she knew what was going on and tried to help in her own way. I turned on the nightlight, snagged the baby monitor off the dresser top, then walked down the hall to find Dylan.
I found him standing in his new bedroom looking around. Mom had decorated it in shades of dark blue with cute pops of red here and there as an accent. Jude and Levi had unpacked Dylan’s toys and set them up on the shelves and dresser top and filled the bookcase up with his books. They acted like they were so tough, but deep down they were big softies. I started to tear up as I thought of all the things my family had done to make this a smooth and easy transition to our new life. “Dylan, let’s get you tucked in,” I whispered and picked him up to get some cuddles in before I took him to bed.
“This used to be Auntie Delphine’s bedroom when she was a little girl,” I told him as I found his pajamas in the top dresser drawer. Wow, Levi and Jude had even unpacked his clothes. “Get changed, little bug, then I’ll tuck you in,” I said.
Once he was snug as a bug, he asked to talk to Luke. “Mommy, can I say good night to Luke? I think he lives by himself in that huge house. Someone should tell him good night.”
“Sure, I guess so.” I found Luke’s name in my contacts and passed my phone to Dylan. My heart started to pound nervously in my chest once I heard it ring. He wasn’t even here, and I was reacting. I listened as Luke’s deep voice said hello to Dylan then couldn’t let myself hear any more. I got up and started to pace.
“Hi, it’s Dylan. I wanted to tell you good night.” I tried hard not pay attention to Dylan’s side of the conversation, but when he called him “Dad” my heart lurched. Was this real?
Dylan put the phone down on the night table. “He said to tell you good night for him. He wants you to have sweet dreams, and that I should remind you that there are no zombies in the basement. Did you think there were zombies down there?” Dylan laughed at me.
I smiled. “I used to think that. Luke used to laugh at me about that too, you little stinker.” I sat on the edge of the bed and pulled him into my arms for another hug. “Good night, sweet boy. I love you.” I snuggled him closer and kissed the top of his head.
“I love you too, Mommy. He said there were no ghosts in the backyard either.” He burst out laughing as I turned off the light and headed down the hall to get ready for bed.
I crossed the threshold to Gram’s old room to find my suitcases and boxes piled up in the corner. I guess Levi and Jude had reached their helpful limit with Dylan’s room. I laughed to myself as I dug through the boxes until I found my pajamas and toiletries and headed into the bathroom. Mom had left a basket on the white marble-topped counter filled with bubble bath and other girlie fun things, and a card to welcome me home.
I felt like a brat for the way I had acted earlier. I craved independence, but I should have been nicer about it. I placed my phone and the baby monitor on the edge of the counter near the old claw-footed tub and started the tap, adding a huge amount of the sweet-smelling bubble bath. I had always loved this tub. I twisted my ponytail up into a bun, stepped in, and let myself drift down into the warm, bubbly haven of relaxation. The day washed away as the water got higher.
My phone pinged with an incoming text. I shut the water off with my foot and reached for my phone. The text was from Luke. My heart pounded, and my stomach did a tingly swirl. I felt ridiculous because it was just a freaking text message, and I responded like a hormonal teenager in the throes of a crush. Which, I’ll be honest, had been how I’d used to react to Luke every time I was near him. But I was older now, and I hadn’t seen him in years, and there was this huge hurtful history between us that had yet to be addressed. I had come in here to relax, and one ping of my phone had ruined that.
Luke: I wanted to talk to you today. I have so much I need to say to you. Can we talk soon?
I should suck it up and be a grown-up about this. The water swished around me as I sat up and grabbed a towel to dry my hands so I could text back.
Lily: Yes, I am going to work with Violet. We can talk there. Will that work?
Luke: That works for me. Sweet dreams.
Lily: Good night. See you tomorrow.
So much for relaxation. I tossed my phone to the bath mat and blew out a sigh. I tried to relax again but it was no use. Luke had me keyed up and I couldn’t calm down. Visions of his gorgeous face and super-sexy body danced through my mind and I decided being naked in the bathtub was not a good idea anymore. At least I managed to wind down for five minutes before getting all twisted up in a knot again. I pulled the plug and got out, quickly dressed, and headed for bed.
Hours later, I woke up with a start in a tangle of sheets with Gram’s beautiful quilt tossed to the floor. Rose was right about me and my nightmares. My heart pounded hard, and my mind raced with jumbled thoughts of Luke and of Will and how to deal with being in the same town as Luke again. Would I see him every day? Did I want to? I got out of bed and headed into the hall to check on the kids. The floor creaked with every step I took along the old dark wood. I peeked into Calla’s room to find her sleeping. With a quick glance at the clock, I smiled at the time. A new sleep record for Calla, yay! I crept into Dylan’s room; he was asleep too. I should be asleep along with them.
Now what?
I was wide awake and in the aftermath of a nightmare. My history told me that going back to bed and trying to fall asleep would be pointless. I descended the stairs for a change of scenery, turning every light on as I passed. Being in the dark after a nightmare freaked me out. Honestly, being in the dark at all freaked me out.
I should have never encouraged my kids to start sleeping through the night. I hadn’t been doing so well with my own thoughts lately. Was it wrong to wake a sleeping baby? Right now, I needed my kids more than they needed me, and it made me feel weak. There were so many things I didn’t want to think about, and now that my life had somewhat begun to settle down, those things long buried had started to rise.
I looked at the clock again; it had been four minutes since I’d last checked. At one point in my life, this hour was not late. Now that I was a mother, this was definitely past my bedtime. I got a Diet Coke out of the fridge, caffeine free. Yucky but better than not having a Diet Coke. I headed out of the kitchen and into the living room, filling the house with light as I went.
I sat down on the sofa and covered myself with another one of Gram’s quilts; it was almost as good
as a hug. I stared out the front window and tried to stop thinking. Sitting in this familiar place, surrounded by the night sounds I hadn’t heard since I was a kid made my mind wander to places I didn’t want it to go. Luke had been in this house just as much as I had. I could look anywhere in this place and find a memory. I propped my feet up on the coffee table and tried to rein in my racing thoughts. I was tempted to call Rose, but I was not ready to admit defeat.
Since Will had died, I had been a whirlwind with no time to think. With so much other stuff to focus on regarding his death it was easy to bury my grief. Then later after I’d developed pre-eclampsia and had gone on bed rest, I had my pregnancy to focus on. I had been so afraid I would lose Calla—the only part of Will I had left—that I had forced my mind into a state of blankness in order to keep my blood pressure under control. I hadn’t been alone like this since he’d died. I had nothing to distract me, no funeral to plan, insurance company to call, clothes to donate, or newborn baby waking up every hour or two. Jane, Mom, or one of my sisters weren’t here to check on me and keep me company. I mean, my kids were here, but they were asleep, so they didn’t count right now. Right now, I was stuck in this dark quiet house losing my freaking mind.
I got up again to check on the kids. Both were still asleep.
I can’t stand this.
Tension built in my chest. Did I drink too much coffee today? God, I hadn’t had any coffee since I’d found out I was pregnant. I felt like I could run a mile in a minute or jump up in the air and fly. I was about to burst out of my skin. I continued down the hall and descended the creaky staircase once more to head into the kitchen. I dumped my Diet Coke, turned on the tap, and filled a glass. I sipped and squinted against the beam of light that shone through the window. It looked like a flashlight beam shining in the distance. The glass I held shattered as it crashed to the floor. Gram was going to be so pissed!
Clumsily, I slapped my hand against the light switch, plunging the kitchen into darkness. I spun wildly around in circles once I reached the living room until I spied Gram’s baseball bat in the umbrella stand. I dashed to it and held it at my side with a trembling hand as I fumbled for my phone in the pocket of my robe to call my father.
I jumped when I heard ringing from outside on the front porch. I took a breath and put my eye to the peephole. I had never been so glad to see my big brother, Cade stood there with my father at his side. Cade was a cop too. I sighed with annoyance as my heart rate slowed. It was probably one of their flashlights I’d seen. I opened the door. “Dad, I saw a flashlight from the kitchen window. Was it you guys checking up on me?” I asked.
They pushed past me to enter the house and rush through to the back door.
“Uh, come on in,” I muttered.
A few minutes later they came back inside.
“No one is back there. But Dad is still checking it out,” Cade said. “We just left a scene. You’ve got all the lights on, so we stopped to check on you.” He gestured to the baseball bat I still gripped in my hand. “It’s okay now, Lily.”
I put the bat back in the umbrella stand and crossed my arms over my chest. “I was getting a drink of water, and I saw a flashlight out in the yard. It startled me. I dropped a glass in the kitchen,” I blurted.
“I’ll go sweep it up. You’re barefoot. Sit down, Lily,” Cade ordered. He hugged me quickly as he walked past me to enter the kitchen. I curled back up in my quilt on the couch.
“Did you have a bad dream? Is that what woke you up?” Dad asked as he crossed the living room and sat in one of the wing chairs.
“Yeah. I just woke up a few minutes ago. I won’t be able to go back to sleep.”
“I’m sleeping on the couch tonight, Lily,” Cade said from the kitchen. He came back into the living room with a bag of Oreos and a glass of milk.
“Violet stocked your fridge earlier, and I haven’t been to the store in days. You’ll be doing me a favor. You have all kinds of breakfast stuff in there. I’ll cook in the morning.” Cade had a way of getting what he wanted in which you didn’t realize you’d been steamrolled by him.
“Oh, sure,” I agreed, too tired and scared to argue.
Cade sat on the other side of the couch and carefully placed his glass of milk on a coaster on Gram’s old coffee table. He handed me an Oreo. I stuffed it into my mouth whole. He laughed and passed me another. I stuffed that one in too. Stress-eating was kind of my thing. He grabbed a handful, then gave me the whole package with a grin.
Cade was the best big brother. We had a mutual love of anything sweet—there was many an occasion that we got put into timeout together for raiding the cookie jar, or for licking the frosting off birthday cupcakes, or stealing Mom’s secret supply of Snickers bars out of the freezer and eating them all in the backyard. But Cade also shared Holly’s love of running and all things athletic, which negated his sweet tooth. He was tall and muscular and handsome, with brown hair and blue eyes. He had been one grade ahead of Rose and me in school, and all our friends had had crushes on him when we were growing up.
“Tell me about the flashlight,” Dad said, snapping me out of my wandering thoughts.
“It was out back, in the trees. Should I be worried? I thought I must have imagined it. I was kind of spaced out.” I stole Cade’s glass of milk and took a huge gulp. He rolled his eyes and took a bite of cookie.
“No one was there,” Dad replied. “There are footprints, but gardeners were just here yesterday doing some clean-up. Has anything out of the ordinary happened?” He nodded at Cade, who tossed him an Oreo. Cade looked at me to give him some more.
I sighed and gave him another handful. “My whole life is out of the ordinary right now. But nothing scary or threatening. I had a wrong-number call earlier, that’s it,” I added after swallowing a mouthful of cookie goodness.
“Just be aware. Let me or Cade know if anything freaks you out. Even if you think it’s your imagination,” Dad told me, and Cade nodded his agreement.
“Okay, Dad,” I agreed, the power of the Oreos starting to wear off as I worried that I hadn’t imagined the light in the backyard.
5
Lily
I woke up to the smell of bacon and coffee and the knowledge that my first night alone with my kids had been pretty much a failure. After Dad left and Cade crashed on the couch, Calla had woken up. She’d beaten her sleep record last night, but not by much. She was up for hours nursing and cooing at me. She finally went back to sleep at three thirty this morning. It was five now, and I should get ready for work. I was not in the mood to be awake, so I threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, found some shoes, and put my hair up in a bun. I headed downstairs. Cade and Mom were in the kitchen sitting at Gram’s battered wood farm table with its mismatched painted chairs. Mom was holding Calla, and Cade was eating bacon and eggs. He gestured to a filled plate on the table next to him. I sat down and took a bite of scrambled eggs. Oh, Dylan was still asleep, like one should be at five in the morning during summer vacation.
“Morning,” I grunted after swallowing my eggs. “Let me nurse her. I’m full.” I took Calla, so I could feed her and cuddle her before I left.
“You’re wearing that?” Mom asked me.
“She’s fine, Mom,” Cade told her. Then he looked at me. “Lily, you’re fine.”
“I don’t even care if I’m not fine.” I stole a piece of bacon from Cade’s plate. I couldn’t reach my own while holding Calla. Cade laughed and took a piece of bacon from my plate. “I’m just glad I remembered to put on a bra. I’m not going back upstairs.” I did not have enough energy for any more stairs today.
“Well, that’s fine, I guess.” Mom gave up on making me change clothes a little too quickly, but I was too tired to worry about it.
“I’ll wait until Dylan gets up, then take them back to my house. Mark and Mara will be there soon. Jude is off; he’s going to swim with us today.” She pointed at me and said, “Don’t worry. I won’t take Calla in the pool. She’s still too litt
le.”
I smiled at her. She already knew all my parenting rules because I got them all from her.
She winked, then continued, “You can come pick them up whenever you’re ready. I packed the diaper bag. There is no need for you to do a thing, I have a ton of stuff in the new playroom, I have booster and car seats installed in my new minivan. I am so excited to have them all at my house today. You have a great day, honey.” She gave me one of her million-watt smiles, then started texting on her phone.
I smiled back and reached out to touch her hand. The kids were would have a blast with her. “I know I will. I’m turning over a new leaf. I’m going to be fearless,” I stated and passed Calla back to Mom. I had already kissed Dylan goodbye before I came downstairs, so I was ready to go.
Cade handed me another piece of bacon and gave me a chin lift. “Good luck, Lil.”
I pulled into the employee parking area behind Violet’s shop where Violet stood smiling and waving at me from her back door.
“Are you waiting for me?” I hollered as I got out of my car. She laughed at me as I climbed out of my Expedition. I had to use the running boards along the side to get in and out of it because I was so short.