by Kay Stockham
She pressed her forehead against the glass and relished the clarity brought by the cool pane. Think. She had to think. “I’m fine.” She wouldn’t be able to get in to see her doctor until Monday and that was nearly thirty-six hours away. She’d be certifiable by then. Pregnant?
Saying it over and over again isn’t making it go away.
But how could it be true? “We need another test.” She nodded slowly, firmly. Why hadn’t she thought of that? She’d take another test and when it was false, she’d know the first one was a mistake. Doctors didn’t tell women they couldn’t have children unless it was true. “They had a two-pack at the store but I thought—I’m going to go get one. Two out of three, you know?”
She crossed the room to get her purse, but Luke snagged her arm.
“Everything’s closed now.”
She couldn’t meet his eyes. Couldn’t let herself see the tenderness and worry and rock-steady strength she knew she’d find, because she’d wind up turning to Luke for comfort again when that’s what had gotten them to this point. “There’s a twenty-four-hour pharmacy in Pierson. I’ll go there.” Unbidden, her gaze shot to his face. His expression was one of solemn patience, tolerance, which spiked her blood pressure even more.
“Shelby, the test was positive. According to the box, they have a ninety-nine-point-eight-percent accuracy rate.”
The room shifted beneath her feet. She managed to stay upright, but only because Luke held on to her. The instant she knew she wouldn’t fall on her face, however, she loosed her arm and turned back to the window. “How can you be so…calm?”
“You’re scared enough for both of us.”
“I’m fine.” Her lashes lifted to his reflection in the window. Luke apparently thought she couldn’t see him as he ran both hands over his head and down his neck where he squeezed. He was trying to keep his cool for her, but she’d bet he wished now he’d run in the opposite direction that night. She certainly did. “I’m sorry.” For coming on to you, for needing you. For messing everything up. If I would’ve been stronger I—
“For what? Did you do this on purpose?”
She shook her head, her breath fogging the glass in front of her.
“Then don’t apologize. It’s okay.”
Her laugh lacked humor, low and derisive. Okay?
Luke’s hands settled on his hips. “Shelby, come on. It’s a shock but…it’s done. We’ve known each other practically all our lives. The next logical step isn’t such a drastic one if you think about it.”
Shelby scratched the top of her hand. She got the feeling her version of logical and his were two totally different things. Logical to her meant parting ways before things could get any worse.
She’d thought about the concept of marriage all her life. How could she not examine every aspect of it when her parents were so good at marrying but so lousy at making it work? No, if Luke meant the next logical step was marriage, he was in for a surprise. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.”
Luke stiffened, his dark head lifting. “Ahead of ourselves? You’re carrying my baby.”
She swung to face him, searching for a way to convince him and knowing there was only one. With Luke she couldn’t be soft, couldn’t be kind. Bluntness was the only way to get him to see what she already knew. “A baby who is an accident.” Her voice roughened, lowered, when she saw him flinch just slightly. Oh, Luke. “I don’t mean to be cruel, but the truth is we’re talking about the product of a one-night stand, not a love child.” Her voice cracked, but she didn’t pause. “I’m the one who told you not to worry about protection. This is my fault and I take full responsibility for what’s happened. There is no next step.”
Luke paced across the room, back again, his long strides sharp and heavy on the tile floor. “There were two of us in that room that night. I could’ve ignored what you said and gone downstairs and bought what we needed but I didn’t. We’re both responsible for this.” His jaw locked, Luke quickly glanced at the clock on her wall and glowered.
“Do you have plans with your family?” She could only hope. Maybe then he’d leave and she could go get another test and—
“No. I was checking the time because I have a red-eye to California.” Swearing softly, he took a step toward her, his hands lifted, palms out. “Shelby, come with me.”
Shock flooded her. “What? Where?”
“To California,” he said, moving slowly until he stood before her. “We need to talk this out and make plans before our families get involved. You know we do. I’d spend a few days here but I can’t. The company I work for is in the final stages of perfecting a new game for Sony. It’s a huge deal and I have meetings this week that I can’t miss.”
“Then go.” He stared at her, incredulous and angry and losing patience fast, but she didn’t care. Go with him? She was reeling as it was. How did he expect her to cope any better with him hounding her and talking about the next logical step? She felt the pressure, the expectation. But everything she worked for, everything she’d tried to achieve, was at stake.
He lifted his hand and touched her hair, smoothed it away from her face. “I can’t leave you like this.”
Her chin lifted. “The world doesn’t stop spinning when these things happen.” And neither could hers. She wasn’t the type to collapse into a heap of tears at the first sign of trouble. Hives, maybe, but not tears. Tears were her mother’s way of coping, getting attention, help—the more the better.
But not Shelby. She had plans, things that had to be done. Regardless of what the test said, of whether it was positive or not, those plans hadn’t changed. If anything, it meant she had to work harder to prepare for what was to come. Work harder, so that when the gossip started maybe somebody out there would say something positive instead of bringing up her family history.
Besides, pregnancy was a physical process. Carry the baby for nine months then give birth. She had time. The restaurant would open as scheduled. She’d get it up and running and—
You expect to work eighteen-hour days pregnant?
She’d find a way.
“I know it doesn’t stop, but we can make it slow down for a few days while we come to terms.” Luke tilted his head to one side. “Shelby, be reasonable. If you come with me, you can hang out at my place, swim in the pool. Relax and sleep in.”
His eyes lowered to the hives on her neck and chest, and she fought the urge not to tug her collar higher, not to scratch.
“Wouldn’t it be nice to take a few days to figure things out without having to deal with everyone here? Who saw you buy that test? Saw you getting sick today or maybe saw us going to my room that night…” He edged closer, as if approaching an animal ready to bolt. “Shelby? Shelby?”
“What?”
“Stop scratching.”
The skin of her collarbone burned from the scrape of her nails. She’d given in and hadn’t even realized it. Shelby dropped her hand to her side.
“What can I say to convince you to come with me?”
“Nothing. I’m not going anywhere.” Running away wasn’t an option, no matter how appealing.
Luke’s dark eyebrows pulled low. “I know it’s a surprise to both of us, but the natural order of things is for us to—”
“Not do anything else we regret,” she stated before he could say something crazy. “Luke, I can’t go with you. I have a job, a house and responsibilities. What about my parents? They’d want to know where I was going.”
“So tell them.”
Absolutely not. The last thing she wanted was her mother involved. Oh, what had she done? One moment of weakness, one night—“No, not when we’re not even sure it’s true.” She forced herself to focus on one detail at a time, ignoring Luke’s glower. Why hadn’t she bought the two-pack? “But even if it is, I don’t have any expectations from you. I’m a big girl and I realize perfectly well that what happened that night was nothing more than two people sharing a bed.”
He met her stare dead-on
. “Is that right?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
Luke’s dark blue gaze narrowed even more. “What if I have expectations?”
Then he wouldn’t be like the majority of guys out there who played the field never to be heard from again. He also wouldn’t be Luke. “We had a great night,” she said softly. “But that’s all it was. We don’t have a relationship, Luke. You want me to come with you? See where you live? Why? Wait, let me guess.” She held up her hand when he opened his mouth to speak. “It’s because you expect me to give up my home, my family, my dream—” she turned her hand to indicate the window and the mill house beyond it “—and move to California?”
“I make a good living there, Shelby.”
“And because you’re the man, that’s how things will be? No, I don’t think so.” She couldn’t be so powerless, refused to be. What would happen when Luke realized what a mistake this was? When he walked out? She’d have given up everything and for what?
“Shelby…” Luke’s tone lowered to one of coaxing tolerance. “I realize there are a lot of things we need to work out. But that’s just it—we need to work them out before other people are involved. I know it’s sudden and I’m not trying to insult your intelligence or your abilities. I know single women raise their children alone, but the thing is you don’t have to. I want to take responsibility and do what’s right for all of us.”
Her mind focused on the inane fact that she’d never heard Luke say so much at any one time. A few words here and there, a shy, sexy smile that curled her toes, that blue-eyed stare of his that made her think he pictured her naked but—
Now’s not the time to zone out, Shel. She couldn’t help it though. As far as she was concerned the argument was over. She wasn’t going anywhere, wasn’t getting married. Wasn’t pregnant. Period.
“You meant for it to be one night, I get that. I was even willing to accept that.”
“Oh? Is that why you kept calling me even though I didn’t call you back?” Her words made him sound like a loser. A flash of embarrassment crossed his face and her guilt grew. She didn’t want to hurt him, she just wanted him to leave. Wanted him to realize he was better off if he did.
“The point is,” he continued, softer now, “everything has changed. What about the baby’s future? Our future? Is this really how you want it to be? The two of us fighting with each other? What kind of life is that for a kid?”
The kind she’d had. A hot, sickly flush crawled up her body, roasting her from the inside out. This was her childhood all over again. “This isn’t how I want things.” Her shirt stuck to her back and the itching got worse, but she forced herself not to scratch. If she’d learned nothing else over the years, it was how to control her feelings, her emotions. How to separate herself to keep from getting hurt or being disappointed. “Luke, this is…a lot to take in. I just want time to think things through before an accident becomes something worse.”
“Something worse?” A self-deprecating smile stole over his features. “Meaning life with me?”
CHAPTER FIVE
SHELBY CLOSED her eyes and released the air in her lungs. “Don’t read into what I’m saying. I just need time to think, time by myself.”
“How can I not read into things when you won’t give me anything to work with here? I can’t come back until next weekend, Friday evening at the earliest. If you come home with me we can—”
“No.”
“Dammit, Shelby, you can’t do this!”
She blinked, surprised by his language and the show of temper. Typically he was the last of the brothers to show any sign of anger and the sight and sound of his triggered her own. “I’m trying hard to keep both of us from making a bad situation worse. That’s why I refuse to go to California with you and I refuse to talk about this more tonight. Go home to California, Luke. Please, do not let me keep you.”
To prove her point, she walked over to the door and yanked it open.
Luke approached slowly, his expression tight. “Getting rid of me isn’t the answer.”
She didn’t respond, just held the door and waited for him to get the point.
After a long moment of silence, Luke ran his hand through his hair once more. “I’m not leaving until you promise me something.”
Shelby braced for the impact of his deep blue eyes and wound up lost in their depths. Lined by thick, sooty lashes she saw the same fire and passion and intensity in Luke’s gaze that she’d seen that night. The same awareness of her, despite what was taking place between them. It wasn’t a good feeling. “What?” she managed to ask, her voice a dry, too-revealing rasp though Luke didn’t seem to notice.
“Promise me you won’t do anything, anything at all,” he stressed pointedly, “without talking to me first.”
The expression on his face, his tone, and the threads of worry and unease she heard, gave her pause. The rectangular panes of the door pressed into her back like a brand. If only he knew. But he didn’t and wasn’t that the point? That they weren’t close? Practically strangers? “I’m not going to have an abortion, Luke.” She caught the flash of relief on his features before she gave in to the urge to look away. Bad as things might seem, as bad as they were, she knew without a doubt she couldn’t take that step. “If I’m pregnant—and regardless of what the test says, I have my doubts—it’s not the baby’s fault I screwed up.”
Her words spurred him to action and his hand nudged her face upward until her gaze met his once more.
“Who’s to say it’s a screwup? There are worse things than two people like us bringing a child into the world.”
Maybe there were but at the moment she couldn’t think of any of them. Not a single one.
“Do I really need to remind you of what Gram would say?” He smoothed his knuckles over her cheek, tucked her hair behind her ear. “She’d say everything—”
“Happens for a reason,” Shelby murmured simultaneously. How many times had she heard Luke’s grandmother utter those words? Remind them that they had to have faith?
“So you shouldn’t be saying our baby is a mistake. It’s here, it’s growing inside you and we have to take care of it.”
He was right. She knew he was right. Even if she regretted that night—and she did—she shouldn’t say it. What kind of woman said she didn’t want to be pregnant when she didn’t take the responsibility to keep it from happening?
A shallow one.
Instead of moving away and walking out the door, Luke lifted his other hand and cradled her face in his palms, one thumb stroking over her cheek in a lazy caress that belied the tension of the moment.
“Marry me.”
Knowing Luke, his family, she’d realized a proposal was coming. But nothing had prepared her to hear the words on his lips. “Luke—No.”
“Don’t say no.”
“No.”
“Think about it. There are so many reasons why it would work.”
She tried to pull away but couldn’t with her back to the door and Luke in front of her. A rock and a hard place. “But there are so many more reasons why it wouldn’t. Marriage isn’t the answer. We’ll have to figure something else out.”
“It’s the right thing to do and you know it,” he countered. “We’re not two kids too young to deal with this. We’ve known each other a long time, and we shared an amazing night. We can build on that. Give me a chance to convince you.”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t? Or won’t?”
“It doesn’t really matter, does it? The answer is the same.”
Luke released a heavy sigh before he leaned in close and brushed his lips across her forehead. She stiffened, shocked at the boldness of it when Luke was usually so…reserved. She waited to see if he’d kiss her mouth next. What would she do if he tried?
His jaw was locked tight when he straightened, but other than holding her gaze with his beautiful eyes, staring at her like he wanted to probe the depths of her soul, Luke didn’t attempt to kiss her
again. He turned and stepped over the threshold voluntarily.
“I’ll be back on Friday to settle this.”
“I have to work Friday.”
He hesitated on her porch, shooting her a look over his shoulder that was rife with anger and frustration, determination and promise. “I’ll still be here.”
SHELBY HAD KICKED HIM out of her house. Maybe not physically, but the whole opening the door and giving him the death glare had indicated she wanted him gone and wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Since Luke didn’t want her riled up any more than she already was, he’d left without argument. Mainly because he’d needed some breathing room himself since he felt ready to implode. A father. He was going to be a father.
His thoughts shifted to Nick. How had his brother done this on his own for the past nine years? Just the thought of being responsible for a baby scared him to death.
Luke stared into the amber depths of the drink he nursed at the Old Coyote and tried to come to terms with the fact that the woman going to give birth to his child in about seven months considered him and the baby a full-fledged disaster. Talk about hard on the ego.
“What’s up with you?”
His older brother hiked himself up onto the stool beside him. Luke watched Ethan give the bar a cursory sweep for potential female interest and felt the same old surge of inadequacy that he’d felt as a gawky teen trying to follow in his cool brothers’ footsteps. Ethan and Garret had both been wildly popular with girls. Nick, too. One look, one hello, and they were good to go. But him?
He dated in California, but every time he came home he fell right back into his old persona of being the nerdy brainiac. What was up with that? “Guess you never outgrow being a geek,” he murmured to himself.
“What was that?” Ethan raised his voice to be heard in the din around them.
“Just hanging out.” Luke took a sip and swallowed. “I’m crashing in Nick’s old apartment until it’s time for my flight. What are you doing here? I thought you were going to tell the parents tonight.”