All I can think about is how good my brother looks. Clean-shaven. Handsome. And I can’t remember the last time I saw him look so well.
“Anyway, the old guy’s name was Clancy. He gave me a job at the Midnight Mission once my withdrawal symptoms stopped—the nighttime floor sweeper. In hindsight, I don’t think Clancy needed a floor sweeper.” Ryker laughs. “I think he was just giving me something to do with my time.”
“Are you staying with Mom and Dad?”
Ryker shakes his head. “No, still at the Midnight Mission. Helping others. Sweeping the floor at night.”
“You don’t want to go home?” I ask.
“No, I’m not ready. I used for a long time, Bryce. If anything, I have to make an investment in my recovery. When I’m at the Midnight Mission, I stay up late to do the floor and wait in the lobby for the Rykers of the world to come in. I want to remember what it was like out there. I never want to forget the incomprehensible demoralization I felt when I walked into the Midnight Mission without a shower in weeks. Without a watch. Not knowing what day it was. I want to remember what it felt like because I never want to go back to that way of life.”
Again, the tears start to come. I’m not sure if it’s the pain medication this time or the fact that my brother, my beautiful baby brother, is back.
His hand tightens around mine. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you before Luke did.”
I jerk my head up to look at Ryker. “Why is that your problem? How were you to know he’d find me? Didn’t he find you?”
“No. Never did.”
“Really? He said he did. He had one of your phones.”
“Unless he stopped by the Midnight Mission while I was in withdrawal”—he laughs—“I don’t remember seeing him.”
A machine is out of juice or not getting a good read because it begins to beep.
“How do you sleep in this place?” Ryker looks at the many machines and then looks back at me. “I’m so sorry, Bryce, for all the worry I caused you, all the sleepless nights. All I can promise you is today. I’m clean. I’m sober. And I’m finally free.”
I reach up and touch his face. The face that used to be filled with sores. “Have you talked to Mom and Dad?”
“Yeah, they’re out in the hallway. I told them I wanted to talk to you first. Alone.”
“Shit. Mom’s here?”
“Yes, I’m here, dear. My daughter got shot in the leg by her father’s colleague’s son, who’s apparently a total lunatic, and you thought I wouldn’t show up?”
My mom and dad come around the curtain of the hospital room.
My dad rushes to me, trying not to look too eager. Regret and pain cover his face, his wheels turning like twisted metal. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have—I could have—”
“Robert, no. Not now.” My mom pats my hand as he retreats, so my mother can hug me. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I was shot in the leg.” I roll my eyes. “Come here, Mom.”
She leans in, and I wrap my arms around her neck, thankful for her. For the first time since I was a little girl, I show my mom how much I do love her. No sarcasm anymore. No need to deflect my pain onto her. Maria made me see a mother’s love. The truth is, my mom would walk through hell and back for Ryker and me. She has. Our family—so fragmented, like shrapnel splayed against a white background—we’ve danced around our issues for years. Never discussed them. Just kept moving forward because that’s what the Hayes family does.
Dad stands in the corner now, leaning against the wall in a polo, jeans, and loafers. Pensive and hurt and heartbroken. He doesn’t say this; I see it in his eyes.
“Dad?” I ask.
“I just didn’t see it, Bryce. How could I let my family around a man who would try to kill you?” He’s at a loss for words, shaking his head, trying to pinpoint the exact moments where he should have noticed but didn’t.
“This isn’t on you, Dad. You and Mom raised Ryker and me well enough to stand up for what we believe in. Know right from wrong. Protect those who need protecting. So, instead of beating yourself up, why don’t you come over here, so I can say thank you? Because God knows I can’t get out of this bed right now, and Ryker’s smashing the crap out of my hip.”
My dad laughs only a little. Smiles. Walks over to us on the hospital bed.
“We might be broken, but we’re still the Hayes family. And I can’t think of any three other people that I’d rather have in my life,” Mom says. “I’m just happy to have our family back together.”
“Hello?” I hear a familiar voice.
“Alex?” I say.
After hugs are exchanged with my family and her, Alex reaches in and buries her head in my shoulder as we hug. “Oh, God. I’m so thankful you’re all right,” she whispers softly into my ear, so no one else can hear her fear.
“I’m glad Eli was there.”
“Me, too.” She slowly pulls away, giving my hand a squeeze, her eyes filled with tears as she looks down at me.
“I’m not dead, Alex, for Christ’s sake—at least, I think I’m not.” I give her a smirk. “Hey, really, I’m all right. Okay?”
“Yeah.” Alex gives my hand another squeeze.
Ethan appears from behind the curtain, and I melt. He walks to me, kisses my forehead, and whispers, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just needed to see you again.”
I look up into his eyes.
The same eyes I saw in Los Angeles for the first time.
The same eyes I saw when we first made love.
The same eyes I saw before they carried me off the hill.
I want forever in those eyes.
“Dad, Mom?” I say, still staring at Ethan. “I want you to meet my boyfriend.”
My brother gives me one last kiss on the forehead before he stands from my bedside and walks to my parents’ side.
“We’ve met,” Ethan says, glancing in my mom and dad’s direction.
“You’d better snatch him up quick, B. I’m not sure he’ll be on the market too long with those beautiful eyes and that hunky body,” my mom says.
My face turns a shade of pink. “Mom, did you just use the term hunky?”
The room erupts with laughter, a good, wholesome laughter.
I grab Ethan’s hand, who’s leaning into the bed, facing the group.
Eli, Ryan, Merit, and Aaron show up, too, each reaching in and giving me a hug.
I take an extra-long hug with Aaron and Eli. “Thank you for saving my life and for watching over Ethan when I couldn’t.”
“Just remember, we love home-cooked meals on late-night shifts,” Ryan says with a wink.
I look around the room at my group of friends. My family. My brother. The love of my life.
Life is hard. Sometimes, really tough. At times, we can’t see the light through the middle of the storm clouds or feel the sun on our faces because of the rain, but we can always hear the truth that invariably leads us to where we need to go.
Ryker and I knew what we had to do to take care of Sandra and Landon. We knew, no matter the price, that truth would prevail even if this was a different outcome.
The truth is, Luke didn’t win. The truth is also, people lost a husband and a father tonight.
Thirty-Four
Bryce
Six Weeks Later
“The storm is about to begin,” Ethan says. “We’d better get back to the house.”
Ethan’s arm tightens around me, and he kisses the top of my head. The cold makes my now-healed wound still ache but not enough to ruin this moment.
We pass Level Grounds and pop in to say hi to Lyn and get a cup of hot chocolate. My hand falls into Ethan’s as he takes the lead.
But it’s dark inside, and the only light comes from the fireplace that projects a warm glow against the brick walls that line the coffee shop.
There’s no one behind the counter.
“Lyn?” I call out.
Ethan looks around and then back to me.
He turns and takes my hands in his. “In a million years, I could never have imagined finding someone like you. Someone who makes my hands sweat. My heart beat fast. Someone who’s patient. Cares for others before herself. In a million years, I don’t think I could have found someone so perfect unless you were planted in that convention center in Los Angeles for me to find,” Ethan says.
“I might not have gotten it right the first time, but you’d better believe I’ll get it right the second time, Bryce Hayes. I don’t deserve you, but if you’ll have me, I’d love to wake up to you every single morning for the rest of our lives. I’d love to be your person, to confide in, trust, to love.
“Maybe it was divine intervention that brought us together, but perhaps it was two people who couldn’t walk away from love, no matter the cost. No matter the expense. I’m in love with you, Bryce, and I’d love for you to become Bryce Casey.”
Ethan gets down on one knee in front of the fire, in front of God, and in front of me and says, “I think life is full of missed opportunities. I think we all deserve to be the happiness on book covers, calendar pages, postcards. And I think it comes as long as we’re open to it. That we pay attention to all the small signs along the way. Bryce, you were almost a missed opportunity. The biggest missed opportunity of my life. I see it now. That whatever you want to call it—God, divine intervention, destiny, fate—kept pushing our paths together. I was too wrapped up in myself to see it. I see it today.
“You deserve coffee every morning and to be made love to every night. You deserve soft kisses when life gets tough because it will. You come first in my life, Bryce. You always will. Please tell me you’ll spend those nights and mornings with me for the rest of our lives.”
I knew Ethan was the one from the first moment I laid eyes on him. I knew the first time when we made love. When I watched him at Robby’s funeral. I know I’m not the one who’s supposed to fix his heart, make him well, but I believe I’m supposed to be Ethan’s love, his life partner, his best friend, and I’m supposed to give him love. Hold him when he wants to break. Free him of the confines of his mind when the memories get to be too much.
I know he’ll take care of me. Be gentle with my heart and love me for the rest of my life the way a woman deserves to be loved. I don’t just see it every time he looks at me; I feel it. But my wit gets the best of me.
“On one condition.”
Ethan smiles, kneeling in front of me, the fire crackling behind him. “What’s that?” he whispers.
“That, all the nights we get to go to bed together, I get the left side of the bed.”
“I can arrange that.” Ethan smiles a big, beautiful smile. A smile I didn’t know his mouth, his lips, was capable of.
“That, if you make the coffee, I’ll pour it, and we will sit and enjoy it together.”
“Can do.”
His hands slide down around my hips, and my body breaks out into chills. My eyes close, and I begin to lose focus.
“You haven’t agreed to be my wife yet, Bryce.”
“I did a long time ago, Ethan. I just never told you.” I pause, pull back, and look him in the eyes, so I can see his ruggedly handsome face. “I would love to be Bryce Casey, Ethan. I would love to be your wife.”
The smile that touched his lips only moments ago is back, and this time, he has a box in his hands. Opens it. Pulls out the ring and slips it on my finger. It fits absolutely perfectly.
“How did you know my size?” I stare back at Ethan, smiling.
“When I went over to ask for your hand in marriage while your parents were here, your mom gave me your ring size.”
My heart begins to thunder against my chest, and tears start to build. “You asked my dad?”
“I can’t ask this beautiful woman standing before me for the rest of her life without asking her father first. He loved you first.”
I push my lips to his and enjoy the sweet mint his mouth brings. I pull away just so I can stare and marvel at the man who was brought into my life not once, not twice, but several times.
“Why did you choose Level Grounds to propose? I mean, it’s perfect. I love Lyn, love this place.”
Ethan looks around at the dated brick walls. Pictures of old Granite Harbor.
“My grandparents used to own this building. It’s where they built their future together. They were married seventy years before they died within two weeks of each other. I figured we could start where they left off.” Ethan takes my hand and leads me to a picture hanging on the wall. He turns on his phone flashlight and scans the picture. “See, here they are.”
It isn’t fear that causes the bottleneck in my throat. It’s disbelief. It’s the feeling you get when faith in something bigger than you turns into reality, but your mind can’t quite catch up.
My words are lodged in the bottleneck, too.
“Bryce, what’s wrong?”
I try to speak, but all I can do is stare back at the woman who told me to call her Nana and her husband who came by my house six weeks earlier.
“Bryce?” Ethan’s tone is more worried.
“Where’s—where’s the Australian shepherd?” is all I think to say.
“What Australian shepherd? Bryce, are you all right?”
“Uh, the dog was black, white, and brown. Big face, sweet eyes.” I describe what I saw on the walkway that night, sitting next to the old man as he waited for Nana.
“Blue?”
My head whips to him. “Your dog that passed away?”
Ethan nods. “But, Bryce, what’s going on?”
I swallow. Drop my head and try to wrap my mind around this. I think about Nana. It was her house. That’s why she kept looking around. Asking about the colors.
“Ethan, I—can we sit down?”
Ethan takes my hand and leads me to a table.
“The night Luke came, a woman—that woman”—I point to the picture—“Nana is what she told me to call her—stopped by the house on Magnolia Road.”
He cocks his head to the right and leans back in his chair. “But—”
I take in a deep breath. “I know.” I shake my head. “She said, ‘Don’t live in fear—”
Ethan cuts me off and finishes the sentence, “‘It’s a waste of measured breaths that we don’t get too many of.’” His eyes grow big, and he leans forward, elbows resting on the table, staring at me.
“She started to talk about you and how much you loved me. She said, ‘Forgiveness is—”
“‘A tool we do not use often enough,’” Ethan whispers the rest of the sentence.
“Yeah.” I measure my breaths by keeping count.
“My grandfather was with her?”
I nod. “And Blue. They waited for Nana outside. I walked her out, trying to convince her to allow me to take them somewhere. I didn’t want them walking in the cold.” I laugh at the realization that spirits or whatever probably don’t get cold.
“I still can’t wrap my head around this, Bryce.”
“I can’t either, and I saw it with my own two eyes.”
A knock at the door startles me but not Ethan.
“Oh,” he says.
“What?”
Ethan stands and takes me by the hand. “Well, I was hoping you’d say yes to my proposal, so I invited a few friends to come help us celebrate.”
“You hate parties.”
“But I love you. I’ll break for you. Even if it means you see my dead grandparents.”
We both laugh, but secretly, I know we both feel their spirits here tonight. Standing, watching the love.
We walk to the door and open it.
It’s Ruthie, Milton, and Ida first. I remember Nana saying that Ida cheats at cards, and I giggle to myself and make a mental note to tell Ethan that when we go home.
“Well, is it a yes?” Ruthie’s eyes are big with excitement.
I hold my hand out.
“Hot dog!” Ida yells and throws her arms around Ethan and me. “Now, where’s the cake?”
She steps inside.
Ruthie rolls her eyes and gives us a hug. “I was pulling for you two.”
Milton shakes Ethan’s hand and gives me a hug. “About time, Warden Casey. Thought you’d let her slip away again.”
“Not a chance.” Ethan’s hand tightens around mine.
Then, my parents appear with my brother, and tears start to flow. They’re smiling, laughing. My dad has his arm around my little brother, who kisses the top of his head.
I am so grateful for the gift of time. I’m grateful for forgiveness. I remember Nana’s words.
“What if we all lived life through forgiveness?”
My mother embraces me, and I feel her tighten her arms around me. Feel her breath against my cheek. And I bury my face into her neck and tell her how much I love her.
Ryker and my dad each shake hands with Ethan.
“We had a backup plan in case she didn’t say yes, Ethan. Because, no matter what, we wanted you in the family,” my dad says.
I give my dad the same big hug I always have.
“I love you, baby girl.” I hear the break in his tone, and I know it’s a happy break.
“Love you, too, Dad.”
Ryker swings his arms around me. “I’m so glad I didn’t miss this,” he whispers in my ear.
“Me, too.” I kiss him on the cheek.
“Which way to the food?” he asks.
“Food?” I look at Ethan, who looks back at Lyn behind the counter.
My head drops to the side in thanks. I mime the words, Thank you, to her.
She beams back, unwrapping food trays.
Next are Helen and Bill.
After that is Aaron and Lydia, who owns Rain All Day Books.
I side-eye Ethan and wonder what’s going on with these two.
I hug Aaron and whisper another, “Thank you,” in his ear.
“Just doing my job, sister-in-law,” Aaron says.
I hug Lydia. “Thank you for coming, Lydia.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it.”
She quietly follows Aaron in.
“Is there something you’re not telling me, Mr. Casey?”
“I am just as shocked as you are,” he whispers.
We greet Eli and Alex and their girls, Emily and Noah. I sweep up both girls in my arms and give them kisses on their cold, red noses.
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