CHAPTER XXXV
HOW MY DEAR LADY WAS LOST TO ME
And now followed a season of much hard work, each day bringing itsvaried tasks and we right joyous in our labour, so that ofttimes Iwould hear her singing away in her sweet voice merry as any grig, orfind myself whistling lustily to the tap of my hammer. And now indeedmy saw (and all rusty though it was) served me faithfully and well, andmy carpentry went forward apace. During this time also we added fourgoats and six kids to our flock, so that we had good store of milk, andhaving with my lady's help made our net with strands of cord knottedcrosswise, we caught therewith great plenty of fish.
Remembering my adventure with the Indian I furnished myself with a goodstout pike and a couple of javelins; moreover I set up divers marks,like rovers, and every day I would shoot at these with my bow, so thatI soon became so dexterous I could bring down a bird on the wing sixtimes out of seven, though in teaching myself this proficiency I lostfour of my Indian arrows beyond recovery.
Thus sped the time all too quickly, but with each day came a greaterunderstanding and a deeper amity betwixt my lady and me.
Now much and very much might I set down here concerning this my sweetcomrade, her many noble qualities, and how, as our fellowshiplengthened, I (that was a man selfish beyond thought) finding herunselfish always and uncomplaining, seeing her so brave in the face ofadversity, and indomitable to overcome all difficulty, yet ever andalways a woman gracious and tender, I, by my very reverence for hersweet womanhood, became in some sense a better man.
I might tell how, when my black moods took me, the mere sight of her,the sound of her voice, the touch of her hand, nay her very nearnesswas enough to dispel them.
I might paint to your imagination the way her hair curled at hertemples, the trick she had of biting her nether lip when at all putout, of the jut of her pretty chin when angered. Then the sweet,vibrant softness of her voice, her laughter, the wonder of her changingmoods--all these I would dilate upon if I might, since 'tis joy to me,but lest I prove wearisome I will hasten on to the finding of BlackBartlemy's Treasure, of all that led up to it and all those evils thatfollowed after it. And this bringeth me to a time whenas we sat, sheand I, eating our breakfast and the world all radiant with a young sun.
"To-night," says she, "if my calculations be right, should be a newmoon. And I am glad, for I do love the moon."
"Aye, but how should you judge this?" says I, wondering.
"Because I have kept a record, Martin. A stroke for each day and across for every Sunday."
"Excellent!" quoth I. "Then you will know how long we have lived here?"
"Two months and five days, Martin."
"So long a time?" says I amazed.
"Hath it seemed so very long?" she questioned.
"No indeed!" says I. "No, and there's the marvel!"
"'Tis no marvel, Martin, you have been too full of business to heedtime. Let us reckon up what we have achieved thus far. First of all athree-legged stool for me--"
"Hairpins!" says I.
"A spoon, Martin, and shoes for me--"
"Lamps and candles!" quoth I.
"A table, Martin--"
"A fishing line and two hooks."
"Two armchairs, Martin, a cupboard and a press."
"A churn!" says I.
"You are forgetting our five pipkins, Martin."
"True," says I, "and clumsy things they are!"
"But very useful, sir! Next a fishing-net, and a bed for me. Here isfine achievement, Martin! Are you not proud to have wrought so muchand with so little?"
"But there is much yet to do!" quoth I.
"So much the better!" says she. "Thus far I am well content."
"And happy?" I demanded.
"Aye, Martin--are you?"
Now at this I fell to profound reverie and she also, and this thesubject of my musings, viz.,
In every man and woman born into this world (as it doth seem to me) Godputteth some of His infinite self whereby all things are possible indegree greater or smaller; for to the God within us all things arepossible, 'tis our very humanity that limits our potentialities.Confidence in this power within us is a mighty aid to all endeavourwhereby we, our coward flesh notwithstanding, may attempt great things,and though, being human, we ofttimes fail, yet this very effortstrengthens and ennobles us.
"Who art thou," cries Flesh, "to adventure thing so great and above thypuny strength to perform? Who art thou?" "I am God!" answersMan-soul, "Since finite man am I only by reason of thee, base, cowardFlesh." Thus (to my thinking) in every man is angel and demon, eachstriving 'gainst each for the soul of him; whereby he doeth evil orgood according to the which of these twain he aideth to victory.Howbeit, thus it is with me, I being, despite my seeming slowness, ofquick and passionate temper and of such desperate determination thatonce set on a course needs would I pursue it though it led to my ownconfounding and destruction. For now, indeed, I wrought that the whichbrought on my lady great sorrow and grievous peril, and on myselfshame, bloodshed and a black despair, and this the manner of it.
"Are you not happy, Martin?" says she, "Happy and proud to haveaccomplished so much with so little?"
"No!" says I, and so bitterly-fierce that she blenched from me. "Forlook now," says I, clenching my fist, "here have we wrought and slavedtogether day in and day out--and to what end?"
"That we may live--to our comfort--" says she a little breathlessly.
"And to what end?" I demanded. "To what purpose have you cozened me tolabour thus?"
"I? I don't understand you, Martin!" says she unsteadily.
"Here's you cast alone with me on this island. 'He is a man,' says youto yourself, 'and I a lonely woman. So must I keep him busy, his mindever employed on some labour, no matter what, lest peradventure he makelove to me--'"
"Stop!" cries she angrily, leaping up to her feet all in a moment."For shame, Martin Conisby! You wrong me and yourself--I am yourcomrade--"
"Nay, you are a woman, very subtle, and quick-witted as you arebeautiful. So have you kept me in ploy thus, yearning meanwhile forsome ship--anything to bear you safe away from me! Often have I seenyou staring seaward and praying for a sail."
"O you lie, Martin, you lie! Ah, have I not trusted you?"
"Aye, as one might a tiger, by humouring me and distracting myattention! All these weeks I have scarce touched you and kissed younever, nor had I thought to--but now by God--"
"Martin--O Martin, what would you--"
"Kiss you!" says I savagely, and caught her wrists.
"Nay, that you shall never do--with that look on your face!" cries she,and twisted so strongly as nigh broke my hold; but despite all herdesperate striving, struggle how she might, I dragged her to me,pinning her arms in my cruel embrace; but still she withstood me andwith such fury of strength that twice we staggered and came nearfalling, until all at once she yielded and lay all soft, her breathcoming in little, pitiful, panting groans. So I kissed her as I would,her hair, her eyes, her parted lips, her cool, soft throat, until sunand trees and green grass seemed to spin and whirl dizzily about me,until my lips were wet with her salt tears.
"O God--O God!" she whispered, "O Martin that I trusted so, will youkill my faith and trust? Will you shame your comrade? You that Iloved--"
"Loved!" says I, catching my breath and staring down at her tear-wetlashes, "Loved me--O Damaris--"
"Aye loved, and honoured you above all men until the beast broke loose."
"And now?" cried I hoarsely, "And now--what? Speak!"
"God's pity--loose me, Martin!"
"And now what--tell me. Is't hate now, scorn and contempt--as 'twasaboard ship?"
"O Martin--let me go!" she sobbed.
"Answer me, is it hate henceforth?"
"Yes!" she panted, "Yes!" and tore herself from my hold. But, as sheturned to fly me, I caught her back to me and, madman that I was, benther backward across my knee that I might look down into her eyes; and,meeting my
look, she folded her hands upon her bosom and closing hereyes, spoke broken and humbled:
"Take--take your will of me--Black Bartlemy--I am not--brave enough tostab you as--she did--"
Now at this I shivered and must needs cast my gaze towards that greatpimento tree that towered afar off. So, then, my hateful dream hadcome true, and now I knew myself for black a rogue as ever Bartlemy hadbeen. So I loosed her and starting up, stood staring across thedesolation of ocean.
"O Damaris!" says I at last, "Here in my belt was my knife to yourhand, 'twere better you had stabbed me indeed and I, dying, would havekissed your feet after the manner of yon dead rogue. As it is I mustlive hating myself for having destroyed the best, the sweetest thinglife could offer me and that, your trust. But, O my lady," says I,looking down where she knelt, her face bowed upon her hands, "I do loveyou reverently and beyond my life."
"Even greatly enough to forego your vengeance?" she questioned softly,and without glancing up.
"God help me!" cried I, "How may I forget the oath I swore on myfather's grave?"
"You broke your oath to me!" says she, never stirring, "So do I knowthat true love hath not touched you."
"Think of me as you will," quoth I, "but--"
"I know!" says she, raising her head at last and looking up at me, "Iam sure, Martin. Where hate is, true love can never be, and lovehowsoever vehement is gentle and reverent and, being of God, a veryholy thing! But you have made of it a thing of passion, merciless andcruel--'tis love debased."
"So will I get hence," says I, "for since I have destroyed your faithhow shall you ever sleep again and know yourself secure and such rogueas I near you. I'll go, Damaris, I'll away and take your fears alongwith me."
Then, the while she watched me dumbly, I slung my bow and quiver ofarrows about me, set the hatchet in my girdle and, taking my pike,turned to go; but, checking my haste, went into the cave (she followingme silent always) and taking the pistol from where it hung, examinedflint and priming and charge and laid it on the table.
"Should you need me at any time, shoot off this pistol and I will come"says I, "so good-bye, my lady!" But scarce was I without the cave thanshe comes to me with my chain-shirt in her hands, and when I would havenone of it, grew the more insistent.
"Put it on," says she gently, "who can tell what may befall you, so putit on I pray!" Thus in the end I donned it, though with ill grace;which done, I took my pike across my shoulder and strode away. Andwhen I had gone some distance I glanced back and saw her standing whereI had left her, watching me and with her hands clasped tight together.
"Good-bye, Martin!" says she. "O good-bye!" and vanished into thegloom of the cave.
As for me I strode on at speed and careless of direction, for my mindwas a whirl of conflicting thoughts and a bitter rage against myself.Thus went I a goodish while and all-unheeding, and so at last foundmyself lost amidst mazy thickets and my eight-foot pike verytroublesome. Howbeit I presently gained more open ways and went atspeed, though whither, I cared not. The sun was westering when, comingout from the denser woods, I saw before me that high hill whose rockysummit dominated the island, and bent my steps thitherward; and thenall in a moment my heart gave a great leap and I stood still, for borneto me on the soft air came a sudden, sharp sound, and though faint withdistance I knew it for the report of a firearm. At this thrice-blessedsound an overwhelming great joy and gratitude surged within me sincethus, of her infinite mercy my lady had summoned me back; and now as Iretraced my steps full of thankfulness, I marvelled to find my eyesa-watering and myself all trembling eagerness to behold her lovelinessagain, to hear her voice, mayhap to touch her hand; indeed I felt as wehad been parted a year rather than a brief hour. And now I got me todreaming how I should meet her and how she would greet me. She shouldfind a new Martin, I told myself. Suddenly these deluding dreams wereshivered to horrible fear and myself brought, sweating, to a standstillby another sound that smote me like a blow, for I knew this for thedeep-toned report of a musket. For a moment I stood leaning on my pikeas one dazed, then the hateful truth of it seized me and I began to runlike any madman. Headlong I went, bursting my way through tangledvines and undergrowth, heedless of the thorns that gashed me, cursingsuch obstacles as stayed me; now o'erleaping thorny tangles, nowpausing to beat me a way with my pikestaff, running at breathless speedwhenever I might until (having taken a wrong direction in my frenzy) Icame out amid those vines and bushes that bordered the lake of thewaterfall, and right over against the great rock I have mentioned. Butfrom where I was (the place being high) I could see over and beyondthis rock; and as I stood panting and well-nigh spent, mightydistraught and my gaze bent thitherward, I shivered (despite the sweatthat streamed from me) with sudden awful chill, for from those greenydepths I heard a scream, wild and heartrending, and knowing this voicegrew sick and faint and sank weakly to my knees; and now I heard vilelaughter, then hoarse shouts, and forth of the underbrush oppositebroke a wild, piteous figure all rent and torn yet running veryfleetly; as I watched, cursing my helplessness, she tripped and fell,but was up again all in a moment, yet too late, for then I saw herstruggling in the clasp of a ragged, black-bearded fellow and withdivers other men running towards them.
And now madness seized me indeed, for between us was the lake, and,though my bow was strung and ready, I dared not shoot lest I harm her.Thus as I watched in an agony at my impotence, my lady broke hercaptor's hold and came running, and he and his fellows hard after her.Straight for the rock she came, and being there stood a moment to stareabout her like the piteous, hunted creature she was:
"Martin!" she cried, "O Martin!" and uttering this dolorous cry (and orever I might answer) she tossed wild arms to heaven and plunged overand down. I saw her body strike the water in a clean dive and vanishinto those dark and troubled deeps, and with breath in check andglaring eyes, waited for her to reappear; I heard vague shouts andcries where her pursuers watched for her likewise, but I heeded themnothing, staring ever and waiting--waiting. But these gloomy watersgave no sign, and so at last my breath burst from me in a bitter,sobbing groan. One by one the minutes dragged by until I thought mybrain must crack, for nowhere was sign of that beloved shape. Andthen--all at once, I knew she must be dead; this sweet innocent slainthus before my eyes, snatched out of life and lost forever to me forall time, lost to me beyond recovery.
At last I turned my haggard, burning eyes upon her murderers--four ofthem there were and all staring into those cruel, black waters belowand not a word betwixt them. Suddenly the black-bearded man snappedhis fingers and laughed even as my bowstring twanged; then I saw himleap backwards, screaming with pain, his shoulder transfixed by myarrow. Immediately (and ere I might shoot again) his fellows draggedhim down, and lying prone on their bellies let fly wildly in mydirection with petronel and musquetoon. And now, had I been nearenough, I would have leaped upon them to slay and be slain, since lifewas become a hateful thing. As it was, crouched there 'mid the leaves,I watched them crawl from the rock dragging their hurt comrade withthem. Then, seeing them stealing off thus, a mighty rage filled me,ousting all other emotion, and (my bow in one hand and pike in theother) I started running in pursuit. But my great pike provingover-cumbersome, I cast it away that I might go the faster, trustingrather to my five arrows and the long-bladed knife in my girdle, andthe thought of this knife and its deadly work at close quartersheartened me mightily as I ran; yet in a while, the passion of my angersubsiding, grief took its place again and a hopeless desolation beyondwords. So ran I, blinded by scalding tears and my heart breakingwithin me, and thus came I to a place of rocks, and looking not to myfeet it chanced that I fell and, striking my head against a rock, knewno more; and lost in a blessed unconsciousness, forgot awhile theanguish of my breaking heart.
Black Bartlemy's Treasure Page 36