Having no other choice, I force myself to step past Cass, inhaling her perfect scent, allowing it to flow through me, soothing me even though it makes me want things that I know I can’t have.
“I spoke to Cass on the way here,” Tyler says as I follow him back into the kitchen. “She says you guys spoke and she feels better about working with you,” Tyler continues as he opens the fridge, pulling out a bottle of white wine. “Beer?” he asks as he pulls out an MGD.
“Sure,” I mumble even though I’m wishing for something stronger.
“Anyway, I’m sure after this weekend, you guys will get along great together,” he continues as he hands me my beer.
If he only knew how great together we were, - slips through my mind as I take a large sip of the alcohol.
As we head back outside, I firmly keep my eyes averted from Cass, trying to pretend that my cock is not at half-mast just by being in her towel clad presence as the afternoon slips into evening.
I drink a little more than I should, never feeling so tormented as I watch him continuously touch her...
Imagining his lips on her neck, his hand slipping between those perfect thighs of hers, stroking the place that I’d once stroked, making her cum.
My breath shortens, catching in my chest as my mind whirls, taunting me with image after image of her and him.
Eventually Tyler stands, stating that he’s hungry, and I watch once again, with jealousy consuming me as he grasps Cass’s hand.
Pulling her to her feet, he says, “We’re going to grab a shower and then start dinner.” But the nod and wink that he throws my way indicates exactly what was on his mind.
My hands clench into fists.
Jealousy is searing through me uncontrollably as I watch him tug her behind him into the house.
Sharon’s hand comes to my arm, jolting my eyes away from the door to hers.
“Borden?” she asks, confused.
My heart feels as if someone has reached in and torn it from my chest. I try to speak but there’s no sound for a few moments as Sharon stares at me worriedly.
“Are you okay?” she whispers, and I see her hand tremble as she removes it from my arm.
Finally, I’m able to mumble, “We should get ready for dinner too,” before standing abruptly. Her eyes continue to scan my face and then thankfully, she holds her hand out for me to help her up.
I feel like such a fraud as she slides her hand into mine, further sending me into a spiraling torment of feelings that I can’t control. Upon reaching our room, I release her hand and step immediately into the washroom, needing space.
To just be still for a moment, to try to piece my heart back together.
Placing both of my hands on the sink, I look into the mirror.
“You’ve got this,” I whisper to my reflection. “She’s with him and you’re with Sharon. This will pass. Just give it time and it won’t hurt so much.”
Sighing, I splash water on my face.
I don’t really believe myself, but the coolness of the water helps me to refocus, to streamline my brain.
She’s with him, - I tell myself silently.
Grabbing a towel, I dry my face before leaving the washroom. Sharon watches me intently from where she’s sitting on the bed and I force myself to meet her direct gaze as I ask, “You need to change?”
She shakes her head as she replies, “No, I’m good.” But her gaze continues to probe my face, seeking answers.
Opening the door to the bedroom, wanting to be out of the much too private space, I head back to the kitchen. Cass and Tyler have yet to emerge and my mind slips, wondering if he’s touching her right now.
Can he make her cum like I did? – I think sadistically.
Angry, I mentally shake my head, and head to the fridge to grab a beer. Opening it, I take a long swallow before slamming the fridge door closed a little harder than intended.
“I’ll have a glass of white,” I hear Sharon murmur from behind me.
With the beer lightly burning my throat, I don’t bother to respond, even though I know I’m being a surly and unreasonable asshole right now.
Cass was happy with someone else and I shouldn’t have even attempted this stupidity of a weekend. I was only making it worse for myself and for Sharon. Grasping the handle of the fridge door to open it again, I grab the bottle of white wine, take a clean glass from the shelf above my head before pouring. I hand it to Sharon in heavy silence before stepping away from her to cross the room to look out over the ocean view.
Get control of yourself - I silently scream at myself.
I feel a hand on my lower back before it slides around my waist to the front, jolting me. I know it’s Sharon...
But I can’t help but silently wish it was Cass.
That there was no other world outside her.
“You’re acting really strange Borden and you’re starting to scare me. Are you okay?” I hear Sharon ask in a whisper as she lays her head against one of my shoulder blades.
I pause, contemplate telling her, but I know this isn’t the right time or place and Sharon didn’t deserve to find out here, like this. It would only make this trip more uncomfortable than it was already. Besides, at this very moment, Tyler was probably sinking himself deep between the thighs of the woman that was causing all of these rampant emotions that are running wildly through me.
“Just working through some things in my head,” I murmur back as I bring my hand up to cover hers, which is still resting over my abdomen. I know she doesn’t deserve this, to be with a man who was craving to be with another woman, and I silently ache for her because she wants me.
While I’m obsessed and seemingly consumed by Cass.
I hear a rustle from across the room and I turn to see Cass.
My gut immediately clenches as my eyes rivet on her casual outfit.
God, I want her.
With her hair high on top of her head in a pony tail that reveals the perfection of her long elegant neck, I allow my eyes to slowly move down the rest of her body, over the tight black workout t-shirt that seems to be specifically molded to showcase her perfectly formed breasts. My eyes linger there, remembering the taste of the perfect, pert nipples that I know is underneath before moving down over her cropped black Lululemon pants, feeling like a teenage boy as my eyes follow the shape of her hips, my cock once again at full attention as my assessment ends at her bare, naked, but awfully cute toes.
To me, this outfit is just as revealing as her bikini from earlier.
I know Sharon had felt my gut reaction, the immediate tightening of my ab muscles underneath her hands when Cass walked into the room and I avoid her eyes as I force myself to tear mine from Cass. Hastily, I drop my eyes to the floor before turning back to look at the ocean. Sharon’s hand falls away from me...
And I can’t help but feel relief.
“Borden...” I hear Cass say my name softly from across the room, causing my stomach to clench further, “Tyler told me to tell you that he has gone out to start the BBQ if you want to join him.”
Nodding, unable to speak from just being in the same room as her, I quickly take advantage of the chance to escape. I avoid both sets of eyes on me as I head through the kitchen to the patio door. As I soon as I’m outside, I breathe in deeply.
“Fuck,” I swear softly aloud before taking another swig of my beer.
This was such a stupid idea. How I thought I could be here and maintain my control, I have no idea.
“Hey,” I hear Tyler sing out to me from the left where there is an outdoor kitchen, that once again, has a perfect view of the ocean. I force another deep and shaky breath before joining him at the BBQ.
And as I stand next to the man that Cass loves, I silently force myself to reiterate over and over, - You got this.
Even though I don’t...
Even though I know I’m slowly going insane.
Feeling like a madman.
Tyler keeps up a steady, friendly chatter but I’m
only able to reply with one-word answers, never contributing to the one-sided conversation. He doesn’t seem to mind, and it’s as if he’s off in his own little world of perfect happiness with Cass, where he’s oblivious to the actual world around him.
Making him thankfully oblivious to the silent torture I’ve put myself in. Put Cass in.
The rest of the evening becomes even more torturous as I watch jealously, silently stewing, as Tyler’s hand comes up repeatedly to rest on Cass’s waist after both girls join us at the BBQ.
The fact that Tyler and Cass look like a married couple does not escape me...
And it stabs me deeply and to the core.
When we sit to eat, I watch – helpless – as he quite obviously places his hand on her thigh underneath the table. I can’t prevent the imaginary vision of reaching out, grasping that god damn hand of his and squeezing it hard until I crush every bone in it.
Instead of acting upon that unreasonable fantasy, I force myself to concentrate on chewing my steak, forcing myself to swallow it, hoping I’ll swallow some of the jealousy eating me alive with it.
But when Cass is done her meal and stands next to him to begin clearing plates, I finally can’t handle any more of his PDA when Tyler’s hand comes up to lay lightly, and companionably, on the perfectly rounded globe of her ass.
Abruptly I stand, my chair crashing backwards in the quiet stillness of the evening twilight - falling over - drawing everyone’s eyes to me where they pause and rest on me questioningly.
I feel my heart beat against my chest....
Thick and hurting so god damn hard.
“Sorry,” I mumble hoarsely, hoping they will take my outward jerk reaction as a clumsy move. Tyler, still completely oblivious in his perfect world with Cass, picks up the conversation, as I hastily right my chair before grabbing my plate to bring inside. My hands shake in frustration, desire and anger as I quickly scrape my plate before placing it in the dishwasher.
I need a break from this.
Walking to the fridge, I gratefully grab another beer before I head back to the bedroom to get my guitar.
I need to escape.
Thankfully, just as I head back through the kitchen, the patio door opens as everyone enters to bring in their empty plates.
Cass purposefully avoids my eyes.
But Sharon’s gaze zeros in on me immediately, her gaze speculative and I know I’ve fucked it up. That she’s starting to piece everything together.
“I’m going to start a fire and work on a song for a bit,” I murmur, desperate for escape, as I quickly continue past them and through the patio door.
I feel as if the fires of hell are singeing my soul as I head down the dark path to the beach.
I’m so fucking god damn messed up...
I’m so out of line by being here.
But I had to stupidly see for myself – to stupidly taunt myself, to taunt her – to watch her with him...
Hoping beyond desperate hope, to see that she was in some way unhappy with him.
Because I still stupidly want to relive, over and over and over again, that one perfect night with Cass.
My perfect girl from the park.
Chapter 8
Cass
Softly closing the dishwasher door, I sigh deeply as I straighten.
This is much harder than I’d imagined. I watch, not really listening, as Tyler and Sharon move around the kitchen in a light hearted companionable conversation as they each take a task in cleaning up.
They have no clue about Borden and me and it weighs heavily on me.
But despite that, even now I feel the pull to go to him...
To simply sit next to him by the fire and allow the low timber of his voice to flow through me as he strums his guitar.
I know it isn’t fair and I know I need to tell Tyler.
And I needed to do it soon.
But not tonight. Nothing would be gained by telling Tyler tonight.
Crossing to the glass patio door, I look towards the beach and see the outline of Borden sitting with his guitar by the fire he now has lit. I feel the pull grow stronger to go to him, overwhelming any rational thought. I convince myself it’s curiosity only as I slowly turn the knob, quietly opening the door into the warm evening twilight. As I step out, the door softly closes behind me, leaving my absence unmarked by the two people left inside.
I feel suddenly as if there is no one else in the world except for me, Borden, and the stars as I allow my heart to give into its yearning. Inhaling deeply, I slowly make my way to the fire, my eyes trained on Borden the entire time, running over the slope of his back as he sits with his guitar, strumming a tune I haven’t heard.
His gaze comes to me, his strumming halting, as I sit a few – in what I hope is safe - feet away from him on the powdery sand.
“That’s a nice fire you have going there,” I murmur lightly, wanting desperately to keep the air between us relaxed. I just wanted to be here with him, to allow myself to believe that for this moment only, that coming to him doesn’t feel like I’m somehow cheating on Tyler.
He smiles gently, boyishly sad almost, causing my heart to squeeze painfully in my chest, as he replies, “From my Boy Scout days.”
Placing a hand over my heart, pretending shock, I ask teasingly, “You were a Boy Scout?”
His light chuckle fills me, elevating my heart rate as he replies, “Yeah, I was once a good boy.”
I lightly chuckle in return before turning my gaze to the fire. Too much of staring at Borden will break my will not to reach out and touch him.
And that would be fatal.
Keeping my eyes trained on the fire, I ask, “Was that a new song you were working on?”
He pauses, taking his time to answer, causing me to look at him.
Oh God...my heart, - I silently think, suddenly breathless. He’s so sexily beautiful...
“It’s one I started writing after meeting you but never finished,” he confesses softly.
He holds my eyes, his statement making me wonder if he’s implying that he never finished it because he feels like things haven’t ended between us, leaving him unable to finish the song.
I drop my eyes and mentally shake my head, as I force my focus back on the fire.
Keep this light. You have to work with him, - I silently scold myself.
After another few quiet moments, Borden goes back to strumming his guitar, the air between us heavy and thick with the past – our future.
This time the tune is different. I close my eyes, listening. Eventually he starts to hum softly, and I allow the low, seductive timber of his hum to wrap around me, comforting me. Then I hear his beautiful voice as he begins to sing the words:
I’ve only felt this once before,
And now I feel it again.
If you only knew how much I missed you,
When I was miles away.
But life goes on,
And my mind plays tricks on me.
But yet I still tell you to take another piece of me.
I keep my eyes closed, my heart beating erratically, knowing that the words he’s softly singing is about me...
For me.
Would Borden and I have made it, been together, right now if he didn’t leave that night? If life hadn’t intervened and wiped him out of my life when I had that accident?
My heart aches.
I open my eyes and my gaze collides with his...
Holding, unable to move away, to move on.
What I see in his is a yearning for me too and I think for a moment about what if we gave it a try...
My heart beats erratically at the thought.
I open my mouth to tell him how much I want him, that I want what he wants...
“Are we crashing the party?” Tyler’s joking voice abruptly rattling through me, causing me to stiffen immediately.
“No party here,” I hear Borden reply, regret evident in his tone, as he stops his strumming.
Tyler laugh
s, dropping to sit next to me on the sand, as he casually swings one arm around my shoulder as he replies, “Didn’t think so. It was way too quiet for a party.”
I silently moan for the loss of the peace I’d found in just those few moments alone with him.
I try to make eye contact with Borden, wanting some sort of silent connection to remain between us, but he avoids any further direct contact with me.
Instead, I have to watch as Sharon snuggles contentedly up to him.
It hurts so deeply that I find myself taking short gasps of air when she slides one of her hands over his flat belly.
Borden doesn’t play his guitar anymore the rest of the evening, and as the fire starts to burn low, Tyler suggests softly, “How about a midnight swim?”
Nodding, desperately wanting a break from watching Sharon touch Borden, I allow Tyler to pull me up.
“We’re going for a swim if you guys wanna join us,” Tyler says, somewhat drunkenly. Glancing around, I realize that Tyler has drank five beers since joining the fire. In addition to the beer he consumed as he barbecued along with the wine during dinner, he has become very tipsy.
I sigh heavily. Tyler drunk can sometimes be a handful.
“Sounds great to me. Borden?” I hear Sharon say as she stands, thankfully removing herself from his arms, pausing to wait for Borden’s answer on whether he was going to join us.
“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” he murmurs, averting his eyes back to the fire.
Tyler places both of his hands around my waist, pushing me ahead of him playfully to the pool. Thankfully, I already have my swim suit on underneath as he pulls my shirt off, placing a quick kiss on my throat before pushing my Lululemon yoga pants down my legs.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he murmurs before placing a swift kiss on my lips. Then he’s reaching down, sweeping me up into his arms, ignoring my stern protests, before he runs to the pool and jumps in with me still in his arms. As I sputter my way back to the surface, I see Borden walking by the pool, his strides long and strong, as he angrily passes us from where we are bobbing in the pool.
Tyler grabs me again, breaking my gaze away from Borden as he drags me underneath the surface of the water playfully for a kiss, his hands grasping my lower legs to wrap around his waist. As we break through the surface again, I’m grateful that Borden is no longer around.
Book Two: Inescapable, #2 Page 12