I shook my head. “No. It’s something I’ve been thinking about, but this is the first time I’ve seriously said something to anybody. Honestly, I don’t even think they’d be okay with it. ‘Cause the thing is, all these years, I thought I was doing so much better than them. I thought that, because I had gotten him into a program, I was doing more for him than they ever did. But really, we were both just kinda brushing him off.”
“So, you have a plan to do better?”
“Yeah,” I nodded defiantly toward the ceiling, clenching my fists with determination. “Yeah, I do.”
***
“Hey, buddy, I’m just gonna make a call, okay?”
“Okay.” Jake nodded, sitting at the kitchen table with his pile of Legos as I cooked dinner. “In your room again?”
He was referring to my phone call with Shane, when I’d slammed the door to get away from him. I couldn’t feel guilty for taking a business call, but did I really want him to feel excluded from every matter in my life?
“No,” I said, pulling out a chair at the table and sitting down. “But try to keep it quiet, okay? I need to be able to hear.”
“Okay, Blake. I’ll be real quiet. Like a mouse.” Then, he dropped his voice down to a whisper and said, “Like this? Is this good?”
“Yeah, that’s perfect.” I chuckled and dialed the phone.
The anticipation to hear her voice was enough to kill me. Funny, when just a few weeks ago, I couldn’t get away from her quick enough. Now, I was running toward her like my life depended on it. And maybe it did.
“Hey, Blake,” Audrey answered, a smile in her voice.
“Hey.”
“This is the second time you’ve called me in three days.”
“You’re keeping count?”
She scoffed lightheartedly. “Duh. I mean, I might be a grown woman, but deep down, I’m still a girl who has it pretty bad for this really hot guy.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “You’re crazy.”
“Yeah, not so much. Remember, I’d never had anything but a Manhattan until I met you.”
“Ah, that’s right,” I nodded and leaned back in my chair. “I’m the bad influence.”
She hummed contemplatively, and the sound brought me back to Saturday night on her couch. I pulled in a breath, coaxing my body to calm down and to keep the blood from traveling south, but dammit, I wanted her again. I wanted her now.
“Maybe you’re just showing me how to have a good time,” she offered, a thoughtful air to her tone.
“Oh, is that all I am to you now? A good time?”
She giggled lightly. “Blake, did you just call me to flirt? Because while I’d love to do this all night, I do have to get Freddy to bed soon.”
“Actually,” I said, focusing my attention on Jake and less on the stirring in my jeans, “I wanted to know what you were doing tomorrow.”
“Well, it’s Halloween, and I took off work to take Freddy trick-or-treating, so …”
My grin was unrelenting. “You took off from work for Halloween?”
“Well, yeah, obviously. It’s the second most important holiday to Christmas.” Then she gasped and exclaimed, “And it’s your birthday! Did you want to do something?”
I pulled in a breath and wrapped an arm around my middle. “I told you, I don’t celebrate my birthday. But listen, if you’re taking Freddy trick-or-treating, maybe we could go together.”
“You mean, with you and Jake?”
“Yeah.” I swallowed, suddenly surprised that I had even come up with this idea in the first place. And to further shake things up, I added, “And hey, um, my parents are coming over tomorrow night to have dinner and cake. If you guys wanted to come by for that, too, that’d be cool.”
The line was clouded with dead air while my mind raced with everything I wished she’d say. In the silence, I watched Jake build an airplane out of nothing, without directions or help. He just knew what he was doing, based entirely on a vision living in his mind, and I wondered how he could manage that, while I was blindly tripping through something as basic as a new relationship. Or whatever this was.
It seemed like minutes had passed before she finally spoke, and when she did, her voice sounded stuck in her throat.
“Can I tell you something?” she asked.
It wasn’t the reply I’d hoped for, but still, I nodded eagerly because she hadn’t hung up. “Yeah, sure.”
“I went on a date with this guy about six months ago,” and I learned then that I hated the thought of her going out with anybody else as my lips pinched and my fist pumped. “We had a great time, until I mentioned that I have a son. And it would’ve been one thing for him to simply say he didn’t want to get involved with a single mom, but he acted like this was the absolute worst thing I could’ve told him. He treated me like a pariah and told me to lose his number. So, I did.”
“Wow,” I muttered angrily, shaking my head. “What a fucking dick.”
“Yeah,” she laughed. “Honestly, it’s part of the reason why I never seemed to find the right time to tell you. I felt like I had to protect myself, and my son, you know? But when you did eventually find out, you never treated me like that.”
“Oh, I am a dick,” I managed to laugh. “Just not about that.”
“Because you understand.”
My eyes fell on Jake, still building his plane, and I lifted a shoulder halfheartedly. “Yeah. I guess I do.”
She sniffled, and I wondered if she’d been crying. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I appreciate you thinking about Freddy when you don’t have to. And we’d love to come.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
“OKAY, LISTEN UP, buddy,” I said, turning to Jake in the front seat. I laid a hand over his arm to stop him from springing out of the car like a rabbit on speed. In a red sweatshirt and tiger ears, he turned to face me, his expression impatient and urgent. “Remember, we’re trick-or-treating today with Audrey and her little boy. You’re gonna behave, right?”
“You betcha,” he nodded adamantly.
“I’m serious, Jake.” I hardened my glare, ensuring he understood just how serious I was. “We can have fun, but no getting mad, okay?”
It wouldn’t be the first time my brother had thrown a fit while trick-or-treating. But, at my parents’ house and mine, the neighbors all knew him. They understood what he’s like and accepted him the way he is. But we were in Audrey’s neck of the woods, across town from where I lived. The people here didn’t know Jake—hell, Audrey barely knew him, and her son certainly didn’t know him at all. I didn’t want Freddy’s first impression of Jake to be a negative one.
“No getting mad,” Jake repeated, continuing to nod.
“Pinkie swear?” I held out my hand, little finger extended.
“Pinkie swear,” he said, wrapping his finger around mine.
“Okay,” I replied hesitantly. “Come on,” and I got out of the car.
Beneath a sky of grey with only a shred of sunlight, I turned to face Audrey’s house. The place was even better in the daytime, with the stormy clouds providing an ominous backdrop. I reminded myself again of what a condemnatory prick I’d been when I had first met her, and never once would I have imagined her living in this house.
I rounded the car and steered Jake up to the porch, smiling as he took note of every bit of spooky décor on the lawn and in the number of trees scattered throughout the yard.
“This is Audrey’s house, Blake?”
“Yeah, this is her house.”
“Do you see the ghosts?” He pointed at a few billowing, white, fabric ghosts swinging from the porch roof. I nodded and replied, “Yeah, buddy. I see them.”
I knocked on the door as he commented, “Audrey must really like Halloween, right, Blake? Do you think she likes Halloween as much as me and you?”
Just as I opened my mouth to reply, the door opened to reveal the hottest witch I’d ever laid eyes on. Her velvet, pointed hat, adorned with black and red r
oses, and matching dress suddenly seemed to suit her more than any of those pastels she always wore. The low-cut neckline accentuated the deep valley between her breasts and, fucking hell, it took everything in my power not to thrust her up against the wall and rip the damn thing off.
“Audrey!” Jake’s excitement was abundant and she grinned brightly at the sight of him, seemingly oblivious to the hunger emanating from my gaze.
“Hi, birthday boy!” she exclaimed, reaching out to take his hand. “Look at this costume! Oh, man, Freddy’s gonna love you!”
“I’m Daniel Tiger,” he stated matter-of-factly, gesturing toward his tiger ears, and Audrey reached a hand up to brush her fingertips against them.
“I see!” Then, turning her attention on me, she asked, “And where’s your costume? Or are you too cool to dress up?”
“I’m wearing it.” I bared my teeth, showing off the vampire fangs I had custom made years ago, and pointed to my eyes to draw attention to the yellow contacts. Audrey’s lids drooped with a momentary surge of obvious lust and her lips parted. I laughed hoarsely, shaking my head and dipping my hands into the pockets of my jacket.
“Blake’s a lost boy,” Jake informed her.
“Like, from Peter Pan?” she teased, never taking her eyes off me.
“What do you think?” I smirked, crossing my arms and enjoying our flirtation immensely.
My wandering gaze caught the quick nip of her teeth against her full bottom lip and the movement of her throat as she swallowed. If my brother hadn’t been standing beside me, and if her son wasn’t in the apartment mere feet away, there would’ve been nothing stopping me from grabbing her and reenacting the events of Saturday night.
“I think we better get going, Kiefer,” she answered in a hushed, throaty tone. “Let me collect the troops.”
Raising a brow, I asked, “Troops? What?” But instead of answering, she just shot me an apologetic smile and told us to wait a minute before darting back into her apartment.
Jake watched her walk away with a flash of irritation. “Where is Audrey going, Blake? We need to go. It’s getting late.”
“It’s not getting late,” I mumbled through my suspicion. “We’re fine.”
“Where did Audrey go?”
“She’ll be right out,” I told him, watching the door with expectation.
“It’s getting late ...” I sighed as my brother prattled on in the way he did, worrying himself and lowering his gaze. I began to second guess my invitation from the night before, but knowing it was too late to go back now. We were already here, stuck, but my impatience was building, too. I should’ve explained to her that you can’t do this to Jake. You couldn’t make plans and then have him wait. He didn’t understand the concept of waiting. The word just wasn’t in his vocabulary.
But before my frustration could reach its potential, Audrey emerged once again from her door, a purse slung over her shoulder and a small group of people in tow. Freddy walked obediently at her side, dressed as a pint-size Batman, and he was followed by a man carrying a little girl rocking a Tinker Bell costume. I scowled suspiciously at the sight of him and tightened my arms across my chest as he neared the open door.
“Hey, Freddy,” I greeted Audrey’s son, fighting the urge to glare at the man standing behind him.
Freddy assessed me with a scrutinizing gaze, and then a smile. “Hi, Blake.”
“Freddy, honey.” Audrey knelt beside him and smiled up at Jake. “This is Blake’s brother, Jake. He’s going to trick-or-treat with you and Eliza.”
The little girl’s name was Eliza. I nodded to myself, absorbing the information, as Freddy peered curiously at Jake.
“He’s a grown-up. Grown-ups don’t trick-or-treat.”
“Well, Jake is a special kind of grown-up,” Audrey explained. “He’s big, like grown-ups are, but he likes a lot of things that kids like, too. He plays with toys and likes Daniel Tiger; did you notice his costume?”
Freddy assessed Jake’s orange pants, painted with tiger stripes, and his red sweatshirt. The kid sure could scrutinize with the best of them, but I wanted him to like Jake. I wanted the boy to accept him as a big kid in a man’s body, and I wanted them to be friends.
Freddy’s eyes looked up to Jake’s, and he said, “I have a shirt like that, too.”
Jake touched a hand to the fabric. “I like red. Red’s my favorite color.”
“My favorite color’s red, too!”
Audrey wrapped an arm around Freddy’s shoulders and gave him a little squeeze. “Well, Jake, I think you just made a new friend,” she said to my brother.
“I have two friends,” he informed her with a nod, holding up two fingers. “David and Ashley. But Ashley is my girlfriend, she’s not a real friend.”
My neck jerked to stare at him. “You have a girlfriend?” I spat out the question as a melodic giggle burst past Audrey’s lips.
“Ashley’s my girlfriend.”
“Yeah, you said, but why didn’t I know about this?” I crossed my arms, almost forgetting about the guy awkwardly standing and still waiting to leave the house.
He cleared his throat and Audrey chuckled apologetically as she stood. “Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry. Um, Blake, I want you to meet Freddy’s dad, Jason. And this,” she laid a gentle hand over the baby girl’s head, “is Eliza, Freddy’s baby sister. This is her very first Halloween, so we have to make it a good one.”
Something resembling jealousy worked its way through my veins at the sight of Jason, knowing what he was to her, and I sized him up. He was shorter than me, but still tall. One visible tattoo sprawled the length of his forearm. Clean shaven. Crew cut. He was a pretty boy, that was for damn sure, and a far cry from my personal aesthetic. I couldn’t exactly say she had a type, unless this guy was her type. In which case, once again, what the fuck was she doing with me?
“So, you’re the tattoo guy,” Jason said, and I pulled myself from my internal jealous rambling with a nod.
“Yeah, hey. Blake.” I reached out over Freddy’s head, to offer my hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“Audrey showed me the ink you did on her,” he said, hoisting the baby higher on his hip. “Pretty wicked, man.”
I nodded. “Thanks,” I replied, as my mind reeled with the thought that he’d seen it. He had seen her—all of her.
I was jealous and territorial, and all I could think was, Dr. Travetti was going to have a field day with this shit. New material to add to her clipboard.
“Okay,” Audrey cut in, “you guys ready to go?” Jake didn’t bother replying as he turned from the door and started to head down the steps. She laughed and looked to me with adoring amusement. “I guess he’s ready.”
“He was ready when he went to bed last night,” I muttered and allowed myself to grin as I remembered Jake the night before, asking if he could sleep in his costume. Just like every other year.
You’re going to miss that when he’s not there anymore.
A stab of melancholy burst through the wall of content tainted with jealousy I had started to build around myself and the bricks fell around me in clouds of dust. It dawned on me that this could be my last Halloween trick-or-treating with my brother. It could be the last birthday dinner spent in my house. It could’ve been the last time I’d deny him the simple joy of wearing his costume to bed, and suddenly I wished I’d just let him. What the hell was the harm in letting him sleep in orange pants and a red sweatshirt? What the hell did it matter if it made him happy?
“Blake?” I blinked my eyes and found Audrey’s stare. “You ready?”
I nodded and looked over my shoulder at my brother as he marched down the gravestone-and-bone lined walkway. “Yeah,” I muttered, struggling to maintain a tone of positivity and happiness. “Let’s do this.”
***
As luck would have it, if you could call it luck at all, I found I actually liked Jason quite a bit. He was awkward in his mannerisms and conversational skills, but he was a nice, genuinely good guy. I
t didn’t surprise me in the slightest that Audrey would’ve once been attracted to him, and from the look in Audrey’s eyes, it was clear that affection hadn’t left entirely. She still held a deep love for him, and I wondered if I could ever be lucky enough to have her look at me that way. Would I ever be worthy enough?
“I met my wife only a few months after Freddy was born,” Jason told me, pushing the stroller.
A flash of heated, lava-like anger, thick and bubbling, rushed through my veins. “While you were with …” I nudged my chin toward Audrey, walking a few paces ahead of us. She had taken it upon herself to supervise as Jake and Freddy went to each door, making sure they were polite, and I found it both endearing and somehow incredibly attractive that she had asserted herself like that with my brother. Our mother acted out in anger so often, while our father looked at him as a stranger, but Audrey wasn’t like them. Hell, she wasn’t like most people, was she?
“With who?” Jason narrowed his eyes inquisitively and followed my gaze. His eyes widened immediately as he shook his head furiously. “Oh! No, no, nothing like that. She and I broke up weeks after she gave birth. We realized we were better friends than, you know, boyfriend and girlfriend. And as it turns out, we kick butt as parents together. Right, Aud?”
She shot a glance over her shoulder and I caught a glimpse of her smile. “Huh?”
“I was telling Blake that we’re awesome parents.”
“Oh, yeah,” she nodded in agreement and reached out to ruffle Freddy’s hair. “I definitely think we do all right.”
We came to a stop, to allow Freddy and Jake to knock on another door, and Jason continued telling me the story I never asked to know.
“Yeah, so I met Amy at a teaching supply store, of all places. They say you’ll meet the love of your life when you least expect it, right?”
“Sure,” I nodded, watching Audrey as she helped Freddy to pick out candy from the proffered bowl.
“I took one look at her and I just knew. It was crazy, man. I’ve never felt anything like that in my life.”
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