by H. Q. Frost
I almost tell him it can wait, but a bad feeling comes over me and I stand. "Gentlemen, give me a moment." I stalk toward him with a scowl on my face. "What is it, Rupier? This better be worth it," I growl. When I step into the hall, he closes my office doors and I snarl at his strangeness. "Lol!"
"She's lost the baby," he whispers and I pause in an attempt to think about where I last saw the child until I realize what he means. My child is safe in her womb. She did not misplace the baby. "Callum," Lol says and I blink, gasping in a breath when I realize I've stopped breathing.
"My child's dead?" I whisper the question while my body begins to numb.
"I'm sorry, Your Grace." He places his hand on my shoulder.
"How?" It squeaks from me and I rapidly blink, realizing emotions are getting the better of me.
"There is no definite reason."
"Where's…the baby?" I look at him with dread.
"She'll pass her within the coming weeks."
"Dear God." My stomach twists. "Lol, how?" I demand, feeling moisture slip from my eyes.
"I don't know. Stress?" he then says as if it's a possibility and not the facts.
"Where is she? Where is my wife?" I bark and begin to move down the hallway.
"I left her in bed. Perhaps you should give her time." He grips my arm but I yank away from his grasp. "Callum, do not disrupt her. She doesn't need your anger," he demands from me and I freeze. I think better of turning around and beheading him and I move quickly toward my bedroom.
Opening the door, I slow my panic. When I see her balled up on the bed with her back to the door, I quiet down. I inhale a deep breath and close my eyes. This entire room smells of her and I haven't felt the comfort of my own space since the last time I was in my bedroom. It's been weeks. The pillows that separate my side of the bed are still in place as if she still expects after weeks I'll return one night. I quickly remove my shoes and get into the bed, throwing the stupid fucking pillows across the room.
"Magdelena," I say her name in desperation, preparing for her angry fists when I touch her, but not prepared when she throws herself at me and wails into my chest. "My pleasure," I whisper, her crying making my entire body fill with pain. "I'm so sorry," I apologize as if this is my fault.
It very well could be.
I hold her tight, stroking her hair while she bawls for almost forty minutes. Only hiccupping remains until she falls asleep and I hold her as if I let go we'd drift apart. We're already so far apart. I wish I could sleep this away, but I can't close my eyes without visions haunting me. A bright blue eyed girl with my hair color invades my thoughts. My dead daughter.
One day I'm waiting to feel the flutter of my stomach, the next I'm bleeding. I don't know what happened, but it's the worst thing to ever happen to me. I didn't want Callum knowing, not that he wouldn't have to eventually be told, but I didn't want him to know immediately. I have to say, his reaction wasn't expected and when I finally woke up and I was in his arms, it wasn't wanted either. Maybe he'll get rid of me now. I'm useless and can't carry his offspring. He has no reason to keep me around.
Upon waking, I slip from his arms and move quietly not to wake him, then try to find more comfort with my cat. We play for a little while but when he starts kneading at my stomach like he's been doing for a few weeks, I break down. When I curl up, he sits on top of me, protecting me like he always does. This cat is one good thing Callum did for me. I love him and when I leave, I hope he allows me to take him.
I cry until I'm numb then lay on the floor and count the specks of dust reflecting in the light. So many pretty hues are reflecting through the windows highlighting the floating specks, but every time I close my eyes all I see is gray.
The minute the door opens, Cage hisses and I quickly sit up, getting a cramp. With a groan, I grab my stomach and immediately Callum moves for me. His abrupt movement makes Cage jump onto him, and not to play. It all happens so quickly and before it's over, I'm screaming at Callum not to kill my cat. Callum's protecting himself and Cage is trying to protect me. Neither animal will back down so I get between them.
"Please go!" I scream at Callum, my tears flowing from watching the fight ensue between them.
"Lock up the cat!" he screams and Cage darts past me.
I lunge, grabbing his hips before he attacks Callum and when I do, sharp pain makes me scream out like I've been stabbed. I let Cage go to coddle the pain and my eyes go wide when I feel liquid coat between my thighs. My head goes dizzy, maybe from the ache, or just pure shock that I seem to be gushing blood. I'm scooped up into arms and try to ask about the wellbeing of my cat, but my speech is slurred.
"You're okay," the unfamiliar voice continuous to repeat and my eyes finally focus when we're in a bathroom. It's Callum's friend Kipper.
"Leave," I say weakly.
"Where are you hurt? Did he bite you?"
I look at him as he sets me on the toilet. His arm and shirt is smeared with my blood and he thinks it's from my cat attacking me.
"I'm fine, thank you." I try to stand but the cramping is intense and every time I move, I feel the blood.
"Hey." He grabs my face and is kneeling in front of me. "You're hurt," he insists.
"Please," I whisper, staring into his wide eyes. "I'm fine, thank you."
"Magdelena!" Callum's voice travels like a mad man and I start to tremble, remembering I left my cat with that psycho. He probably killed him. Payback. I killed his child, he killed my cat.
The door bounces off the wall and Kipper stands, spinning to face him.
"Get the fuck out!" Callum demands like he's next. My eyes focus on the blood across Callum's face and his neck and I start to cry again.
"She's wounded, Cal!" Kipper snarls back.
Callum grabs him and throws him from the bathroom, slamming the door.
"Magdelena." He moves for me and I lunge backward. "You're bleeding. What do I do?" he urges and all I can think about is my cat.
"Cage?" I cry at him and the confusion on his face makes me want to slap him. "Where's my cat, Callum!" I wail at him.
"He's in his cage! The cat is fine!" He grabs my arms. "You're fucking bleeding!"
"It's the baby," I tell him and slide out of his grip to my knees. Now knowing my cat is safe, I can focus on myself and the pain comes roaring back full force.
He picks me up and I hold tight because I don't know what to do. I don't know what's happening, and I'm scared. He's shouting orders at the staff and when he deposits me in the medical room, I grab his arm as he tries to walk away.
"Don't leave, don't leave," I beg through a trembling voice.
I was told there would be discomfort and possibly more blood. I prepared for it, but this isn't what I prepared for and the blood feels like it keeps coming.
"The doctor is an hour out, Your Grace," a quivering maid says from the open doorway.
Callum looks over at me with so much affliction. I'm not sure if he's about to cry but suddenly I'm worried about him.
"He would like to speak to you over the phone."
He's covered in blood. It's not only my blood and I want to ask him again what he's done to my cat, but now's not the time. I keep a tight grip on his forearm so he doesn't leave me as he talks on the phone, getting orders from the doctor. When he hangs up, Callum scoops me up. I have so many questions but I'm not voicing anything because my head is swimming in fear for me, for Callum, for my cat.
"Magdelena, we have to get you clean and monitor the blood loss."
I haven't felt a gush in a while but I don't want to monitor anything. I don't think I can handle this. I allow him to get me into the shower and I lean against the wall, hoping the cramps subside. He gets in the shower with me and pushes pills into my mouth. When the water washes the blood away from him, I see the deep gouges across his cheek and neck.
"Callum." I reach for them but he flinches away.
"I'm fine. Please help me, Magdelena," he urges, holding the washcloth. He’s washed m
y legs, but he's afraid to part my thighs.
I keep my eyes on the scratches from Cage while I quickly clean myself. When he wraps me in a towel I start to move on my own. I need underwear and protection in case I start to bleed again. Before I can get that stuff, Callum has it and I blanch with embarrassment. He pulls a t-shirt over my head then places me in bed and I reach behind me for our pillow fort, but it's not in place anymore. The pillows are across the room. I almost slide from the bed to gather them and put up that barrier. I need the comfort right now if he plans to get into this bed. I can see his reflection from the mirrors in the bathroom and he's tending to his face and neck. Deciding to help him, I sit up and feel discomfort so I quickly lie back down. I don't want to get up. I don't want this to be happening. I want this over. I want this whole life over.
When he gets in the bed, he lays on his back and stares at the ceiling for a long few minutes. I feel more alone with him in this bed so I decide to get up and go find comfort, but as I shift, he rolls toward me.
"Was that…" He stops and sighs. "Why didn't you tell me?" His hand carefully slides over my stomach and the warmth makes me close my eyes.
I'd only known two days before Lol betrayed me. He found it cruel of me not to tell him, yet he doesn't find anything Callum does to me to be cruel.
"I was going to tell you," I say.
I hadn't really planned it out yet. I tried to act like it wasn't happening. Not until this morning and I bled did it all hit me that this is really happening. Lol begged me to tell Callum and I broke down, asking him to leave me alone, and that's when he went to find Callum on his own I guess.
"When?" he snaps and his hand quickly moves to my hip and he rolls me to face him. "When, Magdelena?" He pushes hair from my eyes and I look into his battered face.
"Callum, my cat." I softly stroke the cuts.
"I didn't hurt your cat."
"He hurt you. He was trying to protect me," I insist, worried he'll have him put to sleep.
"I know what he was doing," he says through gritted teeth. "I want to talk about our child, Magdelena, not the fucking cat. You weren't going to tell me."
"Oh please, Callum. How would I keep that a secret?" I move to roll so my back is to him, but he doesn't allow me, his grip tightens.
"Don't pull away from me right now. We need each other. We lost our child. Don't you see how this affects me as well? My beautiful daughter is dead." He desperately places his hand on my stomach and I burst into tears.
I'm a murderer.
"I'm sorry," I cry and he pulls me closer.
"I'm sorry. Shh, you're okay. I'm here, pleasure." He kisses my forehead and I want to shove him from the bed but I grip him tighter. "Who knows, Magdelena?" he whispers after a few minutes.
I open my eyes and stare at the wound on his neck. "Lol and the doctor." Lol is the only one to know because when the doctor told me, Lol was at the appointment with me. I tried to act like it wasn't happening. I wasn't ready to tell anyone.
"You told Lol over me?" There's no anger in his tone, just hurt.
"He attends my appointments with me, Callum," I tell him, hoping that stings. "You're an absent husband, and now…now that this has happened, I think perhaps this should end."
He stiffens and slowly leans back to look into my face. "What should end?"
"Oh, Callum." I frown seeing the gouge on his cheek through his trimmed beard. "You should get that covered. It needs to be medicated." I softly push my lips to his cheek, truly feeling bad Cage did that to him.
"Answer me," he says in a voice that sounds so weak, it can't be his.
"Let me go. I can't bear your offspring. I am useless to your family," I whisper and kiss the wounds again, feeling the heat on my lips. "I cannot do what you need a Reif woman to do. Stand your ground and end the contract." The feel of his beard under my lips has me moving down his chin. "I'm sorry I've failed you and our child." I shift slightly and kiss his bottom lip until he grabs the back of my neck and slams our mouths together.
The kiss pulls so many confusing emotions from me and I hate when he gets like this. The last time we had sex, the day of our party, I allowed myself to get confused. But when he left me soiled lying on the couch and walked away like I was just his receptacle again, all confusion was washed away. He's hurting right now and I'm the receptacle. I pull away from the kiss and shift to my back, needing away from him because when I'm hurting I need affection. And when I'm hurting I will twist that affection into something it's not. His head lands on my shoulder and he grabs my wrist, guiding my hand into his hair.
I don't move until he says, "I need you right now. I need my wife." The pain in his tone makes my eyes well with tears. I shift to get comfortable and hold him while stroking his hair.
I'm not his wife. I'm his receptacle. I need to remember this.
When Callum's attentiveness proceeded for the days to come, I had my things moved back to my old room. He was baiting me and the minute he was going to tear me down, I wasn't sure I could take it so I wanted the distance between us again. When he realized it, he burst into my bedroom, his eyes skimmed all my belongings in place. He locked eyes with me and we just stared at each other. I decided to speak first, but before I got words out, he stormed from my bedroom.
My days are spent wondering when he'll release me, but I haven't seen him in two months. My time is passed either with my cat or Lol and even Lol is becoming less of a comfort. He doesn't understand why I've distanced myself from Callum and I don't feel I need to explain to him why I have. I've received a letter stating we are to start trying to get pregnant again. I have the option of whether it'll be with the doctor's help, or by allowing Callum near me. I opt for the doctor's help, and when it doesn't take, I agree to allowing Callum between my legs.
When he enters the dining room, we lock eyes. How can something so beautiful be so ugly?
"Gee." Callum nods to her and she smiles.
"I was just thinking about you. I haven't seen you in a while." She stands to hug him.
"I've been busy with work." When he releases her, he stands behind me and places his hand on my shoulder.
I'm nervous, but I don't know why. I already know how this will go. There will be nothing in it for me.
"Do you think you'll be too busy for your approaching birthday? You're almost to a milestone, Callum." She chuckles and my ears perk up. I didn't realize he has a birthday coming up.
"I probably will be busy. Just another day, Gee."
"Oh." She juts out her bottom lip then looks at me and giggles. "No fun. Next year, when it's his thirtieth, we'll have to plan something big!"
I wink at her and feel his grip on my shoulder tighten.
"Gee, please allow me some time with my wife. I've found some down time and I'd love to spend it with her."
"Of course." She stands then leans down and kisses my cheek. "Tomorrow we'll do your hair," she says in excitement. I haven't dyed my hair since before I got pregnant, and it's long overdue. Gee's found soy hair dye she's excited to try on me because it's chemical free and safe to use while pregnant. She doesn't know we've lost the baby. I dress in baggy clothes to hide my form, only because I’m not ready to talk about it.
"I can't wait." I smile until she exits then yank away from his hand and try to stand.
He grabs my shoulders from behind and abruptly bends me over the table.
"Callum!" I protest, hearing his belt. "No! Don't do this here!"
My dress is flipped up and covers my head.
"Callum!" I shriek, shoving at my dress. "Please take me to a bedroom."
I get no response and he proceeds with removing my underwear. I'm about to fight him back, but what difference does it make? Here or there? Neither spot will be pleasurable to me.
"My pleasure," he says and his hand slides between my thighs.
"Callum," I gasp and tightly close my eyes, angry I'm ready for him.
He releases a moan as he sinks inside of me. The slow pump of hi
s hips are deliberate and I close my eyes, holding my breath, afraid to make a noise of ecstasy because he'll take it away from me.
"All my pleasure," he groans and slides his hand over my ass before slapping it.
"Oh god, Callum!" I call out and feel the build up of an orgasm. "Callum," I moan, scratching my nails over the table. Just as I think I'm going to make it to orgasm, he's done. I release a shaky breath and close my eyes. He shifts me to my back and pushes me so I slide over the table and lay flat.
"Legs in the air," he pants, his belt clanking as he composes himself.
I slowly raise my legs, crossing them at the ankles.
"Higher." He pushes higher, lifting my ass from the table. "Spread your legs," he says and I unlock my ankles, rolling my eyes. Who knows what methods he's read about, thinking it'll help me get pregnant. "Magdelena," he calls my name and I lift my head, looking at him between my thighs. With his cellphone, he snaps a picture and I gasp.
"Callum!" I bark and when I try to sit up to snatch his phone, he pushes me back down.
"Don't move for twenty minutes." He tucks his phone into his pocket.
"What the hell did you just do?" I squawk.
"I've taken a picture of my wife's swollen pussy dripping with my come." He chuckles and I almost kick him in the jaw but stop myself.