by R. S. Elliot
I couldn't think of a stupider instinct if I tried, but that had been the impulse driving the car when I kissed her. For a perfect moment, everything had been right. There was no discomfort or awkwardness, just the perfect blending of our bodies and her hot breath and quickening heartbeat against my skin. I was able to forget the last seven years, with all their stresses and disappointments, and only Mia had existed.
Then, something had shattered.
I had played the moment over and over again in my mind, searching for the instant it all went wrong, but I still had no idea what made her wrench herself out of my arms and start hastily gathering up her belongings. Other than the fact that I was her employer and had sequestered her in a private room where I had pulled her into a kiss, of course, which was enough to get me fired and sued. I was lucky she hadn't brought a complaint against me to HR. I had never thought I was the kind of person to do something like that before, and it had been so easy to forget the power differential between us. I had felt like a teenager again, like I was touching her for the first time in the hallway between our classes, stealing a scorching kiss before the hall monitor could come out and shout at us about PDA. I had even managed to stop worrying about this asinine Sport Tech lawsuit for a few seconds. But then it was all over.
I hadn't spoken to Mia since then and had hardly seen her. She ducked down in her cubicle or turned to talk to someone else whenever I passed by, and she somehow always made an effort to not be on the elevator or in the break room at the same time I was. As far as I was concerned, whatever had passed between us in that meeting room was over, if there was ever anything there, to begin with. We needed to keep our distance and go our separate ways, despite the fact that we were still working in the same building. I was happy to keep Mia on and had no intention of firing her just because I’d done something stupid, but it certainly made passing by her corner of the office a little harder. I went out of my way to avoid her, just to keep anything awkward or painful from happening, and barricaded myself behind my work. I knew better than to get romantically involved with anyone, much less an employee. Breaking my own rules had got us all into trouble, and I intended to keep both of us out of any more trouble. So, I did what I knew how to do. I lost myself in my work, and I threw myself into preparations for my day in court with Sport Tech.
Mia had insisted that Carrier wasn't in any serious trouble and that Sport Tech probably didn't have enough evidence to get me or anyone who worked for me in trouble, but that didn't keep me from worrying. Despite our prominence in the world of sports management, Carrier's position was still precarious. Our industry was built on trust, and even the slightest whiff of scandal in the papers could seriously hurt our bottom line. If clients didn't trust us, they would never decide to work with us. It was up to me to make sure that we got out of this suit as quickly and quietly as possible, and that everyone involved had the good sense not to go blabbing about it to the papers.
Mia had guessed that we would probably have the chance to settle out of court, if anything came of the charges, and the legal team I quickly assembled told me pretty much the same thing. They were some of the most respected lawyers in New York—certainly the best team money could buy—but I still had trouble trusting them. I knew I was in way over my head and had no experience in getting through a lawsuit, but I couldn't help feeling like I was being shut out of the more important discussions. They were probably used to CEOs who didn't like getting their hands dirty or being involved in the minutiae of their jobs, but that wasn't my style. As much as I hated being a nuisance, I wanted to know what was going on. I wish Mia was still there to act as my legal translator and confidant. She was worth more than all of them put together, as far as I was concerned.
The closest thing I’d had to contact with her was an expense report forwarded to me by the payroll department with Mia's school fees on it. By the looks of things, she was currently enrolled in two law classes in a public university across town. Nothing extravagant, and she had carefully kept a record of her tuition, fees, and books in order to be refunded by Carrier. I signed off on the expenses immediately, resisting the urge to send the email directly to Mia or ask her how school was going for her. I wanted her to thrive. I wanted her to be able to study the field that had captured her attention since high school, and in order for that to happen, I needed to keep out of her life. I wasn't any better for her now than I had been when we were kids and I was encouraging her to ditch school or lie to her father. That much was plain.
I ignored the trouble I was having sleeping or keeping my mind on work or how I had entirely lost my appetite for furtive after-work hook up sessions with anyone who caught my eye at New York's trendiest bars. I told myself that everything was fine, that my life was returning to normal after the minor upset of Mia's re-emergence. But it didn't feel that way.
My day in court turned out to be a lot more boring than I had expected it to be. The courtroom procedurals I had watched with my dad growing up had made me expect a lot of drama and shouting, and maybe surprise evidence produced at the last minute. Mostly, it was a lot of waiting in a dingy local courthouse with sputtering overhead lighting and nothing good to eat in the vending machine. I hadn't been allowed to speak for much of it, and the legal team read off my defense as they produced the requested documents and stared daggers at the lawyers representing Sport Tech. There wasn't even anyone from Sport Tech there I recognized. I hadn't exactly been hoping for a confrontation, but it would have been satisfying making eye contact with whatever executive weasel got the bright idea to try and drag Carrier down into the gutter with trumped-up charges.
As far as I could tell, no one in my company had done anything wrong. Documents had gone missing from Sport Tech it seemed, and it was true, we had a lot of overlapping client lists and a similarly aggressive acquisition style, but that was hardly a crime. The whole matter wasn't exactly settled when I got sent home for the day, but it didn't look to me like the charges were going anywhere. My legal team would spend the next few weeks arguing behind closed doors with the other legal team, and occasionally, in front of a judge for formality's sake, but I wasn't to be party to that.
When I left the courtyard, sunglasses on and collar turned up against the wind, there were no eager cameras waiting to snap my picture. As far as I was concerned, that made the day a success.
With the drama of the suit moved firmly to the back of my mind, I tried to fill my time with other things. I turned my attention towards new client acquisition, which had always been one of my strong suits, and followed up on emails and meetings that I had left in limbo for the last hectic month. But checking items off my to-do list didn't produce quite as big of a dopamine kick as usual. Everything about my daily life paled in comparison to the thrill of pulling Mia into my car and watching her grin at me, heart hammering, as we sped away from the police. Nothing snared my attention the way those green eyes had or the way her mouth quirked up a little bit every time my eyes fell on those perfect lips.
Mia had gotten so far under my skin that it was hard to remember a time before her, a time when I had been able to drift from work meetings to cocktail hour to anonymous hookups without every getting my heart involved. I had barely touched her, and my stomach was perpetually tied up in knots about it. It was turning into a liability at work.
It had taken me an eternity to get over Mia the first time, but I had convinced myself it was really and truly over. I had convinced myself that I would never feel like that about someone ever again. Now, I wasn't quite so sure. After all, I had also believed I would never see Mia again. The world was smaller and stranger than I had ever expected, and I had no idea what else it had in store for me.
Chapter Fourteen
Mia
Law studies were harder than I remembered, especially while balancing a new job, keeping an angry ex at bay, and navigating the murky and confusing waters of whatever was going on between Aiden and I. My boss, I kept reminding myself, between me and my boss. He was
very off-limits for a variety of reasons, but that should be premiere among them. I could get us both into serious trouble by pursuing things any further, and if I was smart, I ought to just keep my head down at work and focus on my studies when I was off the clock.
I tried to be strict with myself, stopping to chastise myself internally whenever my mind started to wander to Aiden's warm laughter or his strong forearms or his sleek body in those perfectly tailored suits. There was nothing between us, and whatever had happened during our private meeting was better left forgotten. Aiden was way better off without me weighing him down or distracting him, and I had enough to worry about without finding myself in his sights as another easy lay. To him, the sex would probably just be a fun way to blow off steam with an old friend, but I knew I could never see it that way. I would get too caught up in the moment, too caught up in my feelings, and I would fall for him, hard. I had barely survived my recovery from being in love with him the first time around; I didn't think I could handle another go-round.
So I buried my nose in my books and my note cards and did my best not to miss the subway from work to school to home again. I felt a little self-conscious at first to be in a room with freshmen who were visibly younger than me, but I was there to better myself and had been given the huge gift of accessible education by a benefactor with deep pockets. I had to take advantage of this opportunity to the fullest, and I couldn't lose myself in worrying about where my funding was coming from. Aiden had decided I was more useful to him with a bachelor's degree than without, and I wasn't going to argue with that.
Between work and school, I didn't have a lot of free time, and I mostly spent it studying in my apartment. My attempts to find a roommate still hadn't turned up any new leads, besides a couple of seriously shady people who gave me such bad vibes I couldn't get them out of the apartment fast enough after their interview and tour. I had never had such bad luck finding someone to live with before, but I kept reminding myself that anything was better than living with Jack, who somehow managed to be an absolute deadbeat and an overbearing control freak at the same time. For someone who brought almost no money into the household, he certainly had strong ideas about how I should spend mine; not to mention, about how I should dress and how much time I should spend with my friends.
He kept calling, and I kept sending the calls straight to voicemail and deleting the ten minute long messages before listening to them. I was seriously starting to consider changing my number, and I had been obsessively looking over my shoulder and checking my locks whenever I was alone in the apartment. No one had the right to make me feel so scared, and I was furious that he had managed to terrorize me with one picture. But I hadn't received any other threatening mail, so I truly hoped that the worst was over. Maybe if I didn't rise to his challenge, he would give up. My father had always told me that bullies just wanted to get a reaction out of you, and if you were quiet, they would go away. I fervently hoped he had been right.
My friends weren't thrilled to be seeing so little of me, but they understood how hard you had to work in New York City to stay afloat. Most of them had full-time jobs and part-time side hustles writing ad copy, babysitting Upper East Side kids, or driving Lyfts in order to make their rent payments. Some of them were also taking online certification courses or working unpaid internships to make themselves more competitive for better-paying jobs. We were all in the hell of early adulthood in late-stage capitalism together, and we had each other's backs.
That didn't mean I didn't get my share of concerned phone calls, though.
My friend Crystal called one evening while I was doing my best to cram my head full of legal precedent around copyright law, laying on my bed surrounded by a veritable explosion of note cards. I had my first exam in three days and was low-key freaking out about the whole thing. I hadn't taken a test in years. Would I ever remember how to take one? Or had the brain cells devoted to memorizing tidbits of important test information shriveled up completely during my term in the diner?
I was so wrapped up in my studying that I jerked up when the phone rang, nearly jumping out of my skin. For a moment, panic consumed me. Was it Jack, calling with another threatening message or sob story meant to guilt me into taking him back? I was tempted to hurl my phone against the farthest wall, but I knew I couldn't afford to replace it.
So I turned over the screen and breathed a huge sigh of relief when I saw Crystal's name on my screen, and not Jack's. I debated sending her to voicemail; I had so much to do. But then I reminded myself that I had been pretty antisocial these last few months and that if I wanted to keep these friendships that I felt were so important to me, I needed to do the bare minimum in order to maintain them. Like picking up the phone.
"Hey Crystal," I said, tossing myself down on my bed and massaging my brow. My eyes were burning from squinting at books and scribbled notes for hours at a time, but I still had plenty of work ahead of me that night before I could surrender to sleep.
"Mia! I was starting to think you'd fallen off the face of the earth. How are you, baby?"
I couldn't help but smile. Crystal was one of the warmest, most affectionate people I knew, and she was full of spirit. Being around her was always energizing, and she could always make me laugh with the wild stories about the children she taught Sunday School to at her church. I hadn't realized how much I missed her until hearing her voice.
"I'm okay! It's so good to hear from you."
"Ditto. I was just thinking about you. I'm glad I caught you. So what's new? I heard you started a new job at some upscale business downtown? Tell me everything."
I flipped one of my casebooks closed with my bare foot, settling into bed for a solid round of gossip.
"Oh God, I didn't tell you? I'm sorry, I've been so busy—"
"It's alright, you know I'll always forgive you. It's one of my great weaknesses."
I chuckled.
"That's true."
Crystal and I had become friends shortly after my move into the city, when I was just starting my job at Gino's and she was on her way out. We had gossiped about books, movies, politics, and men during our time together as waitresses, and we kept in touch when she left. Soon we were meeting each other for coffee in Brooklyn or unwinding in her apartment with glasses of wine after a long work week. We were both so busy that those friendly little dates had become less and less frequent, but we had the uncanny ability to pick right back up where we left off, no matter how long it had been since we had seen each other.
"Where to start?" I mused aloud, chewing on my thumbnail. "Well, first of all, I quit my job at Gino's."
"Good girl. Did you finally give Jared a piece of your mind? I hope you threw your apron at him and stormed off like you were living your best ‘90s rom-com life."
"I didn't, but actually the story is way wilder. You're never going to believe what happened."
"Ooh, all my favorite stories start that way. Dish."
So I told her everything, starting with the gang of bikers that had filled me with fear and rage, including Aiden's miraculous reappearance, and all the way through our speedy getaway and tense conversation in his souped-up car. It still didn't feel real even as I related all the events as simply as I could. It was more like something out of a movie, and Crystal kept gasping and murmuring "no way" on the other end like she had a front-row seat. It was hard to keep my face from reddening when I told her how it felt to see Aiden again, but I did my best to push down any warm feelings I might have once had. Crystal might be content to squeal and coo on the other end of the phone, but I already knew how the story ended. There could never be anything between Aiden and me. Not now. No matter how much a part of me still wanted that.
"That's absolutely wild!" She exclaimed as I finished. "He just offered you a job, just like that?"
"Pretty much."
"Mia, that's so dreamy. I can't believe it. And you've been working for him this whole time? I figured you were in the mailroom at a newspaper or something, not ta
king dictation for a sexy CEO."
"It isn't really like that," I said, biting my lip. "We don't really work together. We keep our distance. It's just...less messy that way now. Better for the both of us."
"Less messy how? Mia, did something happen between the two of you?"
I continued chewing on my lip, working a little bruise of worry into the flesh. I wasn't necessarily afraid of what Crystal would say when she learned about our indiscretion over subpoena papers, but she had always been one of my most reasonable friends. Crystal gave unfailingly sound advice, regardless of whether it felt good to hear it. But I would feel even worse if I hid things from her, so I took a deep breath and took the plunge.
'Well, something did happen. Just something little. Nothing too messy..."
"Mmmhm. Let me guess, the draw of an old flame was just too much to resist?"
"It isn't like that," I said with a frustrated sigh. I felt like I was being grilled by a parent about a teen crush. "We just...We slipped up. I was helping him understand some legal paperwork and we were reminiscing and we just...We kissed. You're not upset with me, are you?"
"I'm not upset," Crystal said carefully on the other end of the phone. "I'm just concerned."
Somehow, that was even worse. I groaned and pressed my hands over my face.
"I know, I know. I was being stupid. I let my feelings run away with me."
"Feelings? I didn't know you still had feelings for Aiden Carrier."
"I mean, I don't! Well, I don't know. I mean, I do, but they're not...Ugh, I'm not making any sense."