by R. S. Elliot
Aiden said my name in an unending, overlapping chant, pressing it into my skin with his kisses and teeth like he was reminding me that I belonged, in this moment, not only to him, but also to myself. I clutched him close, holding him as tight as our bodies would allow.
We came together in one euphoric rush, sweating and panting until we lay still and tangled up in each other. I could hardly tell where I ended and Aiden began, and the thought brought me immense pleasure. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t afraid of anything. I didn’t feel any regret or shame. Just peace.
We were still together for a while, snuggling and catching our breath, and then Aiden asked me suddenly,
"Do you want breakfast?"
I looked up at him through my mussed curls, feeling a little confused.
"Breakfast?"
He smirked down at me.
"It’s late enough at night that I feel like we could get away with it. Sometimes I get a craving for a full breakfast in the evening; it’s weird."
"No, I completely get it. Can we have omelets?"
"Sure."
"And orange juice?"
"I’m sure I can get my hands on some."
"Okay," I said, a childishly delighted smile coming over my face. "Breakfast it is."
Chapter Twenty-One
Aiden
Despite not being much use in the kitchen, I did know my way around a frying pan and some eggs. Mia rummaged around in the freezer until she found some frozen potatoes that hadn't gotten frostbitten yet and roasted them in the oven while I poured the orange juice. Soon the kitchen was filled with the homey smell of fennel, butter, and freshly sliced cheese melting on eggs. I couldn't remember the last time the place had felt so inviting. I always ordered in, ate out, or made quick microwave dinners that I could eat at my desk. I was amazed at how good this felt—how right and natural. The sight of Mia, sleepy-eyed and flushed cheeked, in my kitchen, padding around on her bare feet to look for butter knives and bowls, was enough to melt my heart. All the resolve I had to keep her at arm's length flew right out the window. I couldn’t believe that I had lived my life for so long without her when it was obvious that she fit right into it like a missing puzzle piece. Her presence brightened up all the dark corners of my life, and I never wanted her to leave.
It seemed like a few hours of silence, sex, and a good meal were what it took to bring her back to herself, and now as we sat together at the kitchen island sharing our simple dinner, she was processing everything that had happened that day. All her frustration and anxiety and relief. I let her talk, listening to the way she weaved in and out of her emotions and her trauma. She was sorting it all out, trying to make sense of what had happened to her and trying to figure out what exactly she wanted.
"I hope they get him," she said, taking a big swallow of orange juice. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep in my apartment until then."
"You didn't know how far this would go. And they don’t exactly teach you how to deal with stalkers in school. It’s not your fault."
Mia chewed on her thumbnail. Her plate sat half-eaten in front of her. It would probably take a day or two for her appetite to return completely.
"I should have just moved out as soon as he started getting weird."
"You still can."
She rolled her eyes, not taking what I was saying seriously. She probably thought I was just joking or indulging in a little wishful thinking. I leaned across the table towards her, making my voice more intentional.
"I don't like the idea of you alone in that place when he's not behind bars. You should stay here."
She looked a little startled, but I didn't back down. I had always been good at asking for what I wanted. And I wanted Mia, more than anything else in my life. I wanted her safe and here every night, waking up in my bed with me in the morning and smiling at me across the kitchen table. I wanted her to be able to come and go as she pleased without worrying that someone was following her or would try to break into her badly-secured apartment to get her, and I wanted to be able to spend all my time with her.
"I have more than enough space, Mia," I went on. "I know you don't have family that lives in town, and I would be happy to let you stay here until you're back on your feet. But if you'd rather go somewhere else that's fine―"
"No," she said, covering my hand with her own. She gave a reassuring squeeze and my heart skipped a beat in my chest. She was smiling at me, and there was such a relief written across her features. "I'm done with trying to stay away from you. If you don't mind letting me crash here, I'm happy to stay. I promise I won't stay long, just until I get a new place squared away."
"Please, stay as long as you want." I didn't have time to worry if the words showed too much of my hand because they were already out of my mouth, and Mia was still smiling at me. She gave me a coy look, one of the knowing glances she used to throw at me when we were kids.
"You wouldn't mind?"
"Not at all."
"Are you sure? I can be a little messy."
"I don't mind mess," I said with a smile, leaning in to steal another kiss. I couldn't believe she was here, letting me kiss her as much as I wanted, letting me fold her up in my arms and take her into my house to stay with me. It was a dream come true.
A thought crossed my mind and I pulled away slightly.
"Mia, listen."
I squeezed her hand, looking her square in the face.
"I want you to let me help you find a new place. The New York market is brutal, and I want you to be able to move as quickly and smoothly as possible."
"What do you mean?"
"Whatever it takes. Hiring a realtor, putting down the first and last―whatever needs to happen to keep you happy and safe."
She bit her lip, her eyes dropping down to the counter.
"No, Aiden, that's too much. I couldn't ask you to―"
I lifted her chin with my finger and kissed her again, silencing the last of her protests. I knew her almost as well as I knew myself, and I knew that she never allowed herself to accept a freely given gift she didn’t believe she had earned. When we were dating in high school, she’d even had trouble with Christmas and birthdays when all eyes were on her when she received something that had been bought for her out of no other impulse than love. But I wasn’t a teenage boy giving her big-box store jewelry anymore. I was a grown man with a fortune at my disposal who wanted her to experience the best New York had to offer and avoid its many pitfalls.
"Please," I said. "It would make me immensely happy to be able to do this for you, and I would be able to sleep better at night. You work so hard. You deserve someone taking care of you every once in a while. And I want to be that person."
A small, slow smile touched her lips, and her green eyes sparkled. In them, I saw the optimistic girl I had left behind in high school, if only for a second. It was the same girl who had been so excited to finally apply to her dream schools, who had let me take her out for banana splits between her marathon study sessions, who had laughed at me when I sang along badly to the car radio. I would do anything in the world to make that girl happy and keep her that way.
"Alright," Mia said, nodding decisively. "I'll let you help. Just promise me that you’ll let me do my best to handle what I can."
"Of course, Mia, always."
"I’m learning to be better about asking for help when I need it. But it’s not in my nature."
"I know, and I respect that. I want you to be able to maintain your independence. I didn’t go through all the trouble of finding you again just to lock you up in a cage, no matter how pretty the cage may be."
I threaded my fingers through her short hair, enjoying the spring and yield of the curls. It had taken some time to get used to, but I loved the way they framed her face and the way she woke up in the morning with them mussed every which way. But then again, I loved everything about Mia. She probably could have dyed her hair green and I would have been crazy about it.
"I missed y
ou so much," I murmured and was surprised by the amount of emotion in my voice. I wasn’t usually one to get sappy, and I almost never cried for any reason, not even under duress or pain. But now my heart was being constricted in my chest as though it was being pressed between two encyclopedias, and I knew I had to tell her. I couldn’t keep it inside anymore. "I love you, Mia. I’ve loved you for such a long time."
Tears welled up in Mia’s eyes as she pulled me tightly into a hug. I wrapped my arms around the solid warmth of her, and I knew that I was entirely lost to her. I was never going to let her go again, and I would protect her with everything I had. But I was worried that I had gone too far, that I had broken something delicate between us by saying that out loud. Did she feel the same? Or would she never be able to trust me again after the way we had broken things off in the first place? Then, to my relief, Mia spoke.
"I love you too, Aiden," she murmured. "I’m so glad I found you again."
We kissed in my kitchen, over and over again until we were both giggling and our food was going cold and forgotten on the table in front of us. She hooked her small fingers into the collar of my shirt and pulled me closer, nipping at my lips until I was chasing her with my mouth, lost in the delight of her giggles and the warmth of her skin on mine.
In that moment, I really felt like a kid again. I felt free.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Mia
They did end up charging Jack with stalking and battery, in the end, but I had so much on my plate, I barely had time to think of the trial. School was starting to really pick up again, and I had to hit the books hard in order to keep up with my classmates. Apartment hunting was proving more difficult than I could have thought. Rooms were going faster than I could show up to interview for them, and I had no idea whether or not I was going to be living with roommates. I tried to do my best to handle it myself, determined to only accept help if absolutely necessary, but the strain of chasing down apartment listings was just too much on top of school and the trial and my recovery from my bad scare that night in the parking garage.
So Aiden pulled some strings to get me into an apartment building not too far from his, but it was smaller and more historic, though not as outdated, as my last one. It was a sunny little studio with a great view, and I suspected he had come to some sort of agreement with the landlord to bring down my rent payment. There was no way it was going for what I ended up paying monthly for it, and it was in a part of town that I would have never been able to afford otherwise. But the place was gorgeous and comfortable, and I was able to make my rent, live alone, and still live close enough to Aiden that we fell into the easy habit of spending a lot of our nights together at each other’s places.
It wasn’t a choice we made, it just happened. We just started dropping by each other’s places more and more often, usually unannounced, until we had swapped keys to make things easier. After we went out for dinner or drinks, we usually ended up going home to whoever’s apartment was closest, treating it like our home together. It was hard to say if we were officially dating because we had fallen right back into our old patterns of quality time and fidelity without having to navigate the "what are we" question. We just were, just Aiden and Mia, together again in our new lives. He was the stable center of my spinning universe, and I was so grateful to have him by my side.
Aiden was still himself, still busy with Carrier and always getting tied up late at the office with conference calls and work emails, but when he was off, he spent much of his time with me. Sometimes he would swing by my studio early in the morning to drop off an almond croissant for my breakfast, and sometimes, late at night, he would let himself in with the extra key, kick off his shoes, and crawl into bed beside me, unwilling to sleep alone. It worked for us, and it was easy to forget that something as unpleasant as testifying against Jack loomed in my future.
In the moment, it hadn’t been terribly hard to call the cops and tell them that I had just been attacked, but relaying the whole story months later was much more difficult, not just because it was raw and I wanted to be done with the whole thing, but because the further I got from the incident, the more humiliated I began to feel. I didn’t want to stand in a room full of strangers and talk about how I had frozen up when my ex had grabbed me, and I definitely didn’t want to do it in front of him.
"I’ll go with you," Aiden told me one afternoon when we were lounging on his couch together, watching a movie on the huge flat screen. I was slowly but surely getting accustomed to life with him, to our easy weekday rhythms.
I tilted my head up off his chest to see into his face. He had spoken out of nowhere but it sounded like this was something he had given real thought to.
"Seriously?"
"I’m going with you," He said, a little more purposefully as he ducked his head to kiss me. The warm pressure of his mouth was soothing and steadying. Somehow, his kisses always managed to chase away my fears. "No way I’m letting him rattle you again, not when you’re alone. I want him to see us together and know that it’s over."
"Possessive?" I asked with a quirk of my lips.
"A little. But mostly worried for you. I want you to feel safe up there. I’m happy to go."
So he came. Aiden sat next to me the entire hearing, probably bored to death in yet another dingy courtroom, but he looked sharp as a knife in his tailored suit with his hair slicked back from his face. Jack looked ashen and miserable standing handcuffed in front of the judge, but I did my best not to look at him. He didn’t matter anymore, and he didn’t have any power over me. The only person that mattered besides me was Aiden, and he was here because he loved and supported me. Everything else was inconsequential.
I got through my testimony without shaking or tearing up, much to my great surprise. The judge listened intently with a sympathetic look and he didn’t make me feel belittled or pushed aside. If anything, he seemed angry at Jack for what he had done to me, or as angry as an impartial judge could seem, and that was vindicating.
Aiden watched me with unwavering eyes while I relayed my account of the events, offering me small encouraging smiles as I spoke. We were there for hours and hours in that hot, poorly lit room, but he stayed encouraging and upbeat and went to get me water and snacks when I got hungry. I couldn't remember the last time someone had showed up for me with such devotion.
The only time his attention drifted from me was when he made a point to stare daggers at Jack. Jack had sneered at him when we walked in, but now he looked like a cowed puppy as his world started to crumble around him. Aiden radiated a rock-solid poise that could make anyone shrink away, and he didn’t spare any gentleness for my abuser.
By the end of the hearing, I was exhausted and leaning against him in our hard wooden seats. I was ready to go home and sleep for a full day. But then I heard that one word that lifted all the weight and worry from my chest, one word that threw the doors of freedom open to me after so many months of feeling trapped.
Guilty.
Jack was guilty.
He was going to jail for assault and stalking. Oh God. He was really going to jail.
I burst into tears without thinking, all of the pent-up emotion of the last year of my life coming out of me in a flood. The grief went back even farther than Jack, to my having to leave college, to losing my father so early in my life and having to navigate the dangerous waters of adulthood alone. I cried for myself too, for how much struggle and pain I had gone through without ever asking for help or letting anyone pull me back on my feet. I hadn’t realized how much heaviness I had been carrying around in my chest day in and day out for the last five years, and now, the breaking open of those weights felt painful and good all at the same time. I had refused to let myself feel anything for so long, I had just blamed myself for everything that had gone wrong and tried to move on, tried to work harder to prove that I was worthy of even the tiniest scrap of love. But now all of the tension was leaving my body in tears.
Aiden folded me up in his arms when t
he sentence was passed, and I laughed through my tears. Relief crashed over me in waves, almost violently, and I clutched him like I was drowning. I didn’t watch when they led Jack away. I didn’t need to. I felt clean and whole for the first time in a long time. I didn’t have to feel afraid anymore, and I didn’t have to punish myself. Finally, I could rest. I could sleep at night knowing that there wasn’t anyone in the world out to get me, out to humiliate and frighten me into submission. I had fought back, and I had won.
"Shh," Aiden said, smoothing my hair as I buried my face into his shoulder. I was probably smearing my makeup all over his expensive jacket, but he didn’t seem to care. He just ran his fingers through my hair, touching me like I was worth all the money in the world. I felt perfectly safe, tucked away from the world in the warmth of his arms. "You did it, Mia. It’s over. It’s done."
I nodded into his chest, feeling lightheaded. My limbs felt like they were floating, like my soul was hovering a few inches outside my body, tethered only by some flimsy string.
"Please, can we go now?" I asked hoarsely. It sounded like a child’s voice, like a girl pleading with her father to come pick her up from a miserable day at school. Aiden nodded, continuing to smooth my hair.
"Yes, baby. It’s all over now."
Chapter Twenty-Three
Aiden
Dessert was the best response I knew to good news, bad news, or anything in between, so after the emotional ordeal of Jack’s trial, I took Mia out for baklava at one of my favorite Greek restaurants. It wasn’t dissimilar to Gino’s, with no-nonsense furnishings, servers that left you alone, and good food for cheap prices if you knew what to order. It was the perfect place to hide out after a stressful day, with no one around who knew our names or wanted anything from us. There was no press here, no judges or police officers or gossiping co-workers. It was just us.