by Logan Jacobs
“I think you’ve won this round, Penny,” I said. “He sounds cocky but in desperate need of some money. After all, he might be a lord, but that will only get you so much credit. At a certain point, you’ve gotta put down some actual coin.”
“What if he threatens to turn us in?” Dar asked. “I mean, what if he refuses to work with us and says he’s going to expose our whole operation?”
“Well, I certainly hope he’ll be a little more open-minded,” I said.
“And if it turns out that he’s not?” Penny asked.
“Then we kill him,” I said.
“Oh,” Dar and Penny both said at the same time.
“I can make it look like an accident,” Ava said, “or even a suicide.”
“Remind me not to ever piss you off,” Penny laughed. “Well, if that’s the case, then what are we waiting for? We could go talk to this elven lord tonight, if you want to. I mean, he is expecting me at Pompey’s Casino.”
“That works for me,” I said. “Dar, could you go with Ava back to the apartment? You can both turn in early, if you want to.”
“Are you sure that you don’t need backup?” Ava asked.
“Whatever happens, we won’t kill him in the middle of a casino,” I said, “and I don’t want to scare him or overwhelm him by bringing more than just one other person with me.”
“And I guess since I was the one to talk to him in the first place, that should be me,” Penny said. “How exactly are we going to explain the fact that you’re with me?”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” I said. “I’ll improvise.”
“That is what you’re best at,” the pixie thief agreed. “Well… one of the things.”
After we all climbed down from the roof, I had Dar and Ava leave first, and once they had been gone for a few minutes, Penny and I headed out toward Pompey’s Casino. The elven lord might find it a little strange that Penny had suddenly become sober and that she was going to show up with a plus-one, but I hoped that the day elf would be willing to listen to my business proposal.
If he wasn’t a complete and total fool, then he would, but since he was an elf, it was really anyone’s guess.
When we reached the casino, we didn’t even bother with the front door. I wanted to test the day elf’s promise that we could get in through his friend at the back door, so Penny and I headed straight for the side street that would take us around the back of the casino.
“So since Tevian’s been asking around about you,” Penny said, “and since some of the elves mentioned your name earlier tonight at the other casino, are you still going to use your real name?”
“Yeah, I am,” I replied. “After all, you said it yourself that the elves can’t seem to tell one of us apart from another. To them, we all look the same, so they probably think we’re all named Wade.”
“Or Suede,” the pixie thief snickered.
“Exactly,” I said. “And besides, we’ve come too far for me to start going by someone else’s name, anyway.”
“That’s fine by me,” Penny said. “Your name suits you, Wade.”
“I’m glad you think so,” I laughed, “since it’s the only one I’ve got.”
When we approached the dwarven bouncer at the back of Pompey’s Casino, he looked highly skeptical of me, but then he spotted Penny beside me, and he couldn’t seem to shift his gaze away.
“We’re friends of Lord Flavius,” the redhead announced, “and he told us that you might be able to sneak us in the back.”
“No money to go in through the front, eh?” the dwarf asked.
“Oh, we’ve got plenty of money to spend,” I said, “but I’d rather not waste it on an entry fee, you know? I’m sure Lord Flavius understands that.”
“I’m sure he does, too,” the bouncer chuckled, “or at least he would, if he had the option.”
“What do you mean?” Penny asked as she blinked her wide green eyes at him. “Flavy isn’t in some sort of trouble, is he?”
“Ya haven’t heard?” The dwarf raised his eyebrows. “Well, I guess that’s not much of a surprise that he’d like to keep that kind of information from a pretty friend like yerself.”
“What information?” the redhead demanded, but then she just widened her eyes a little more to keep up her innocent act. “If he’s in trouble, then--”
“Ach, I’m sure it’s nothing that a fookin’ noble like him can’t handle,” the bouncer said, “but between you and me, I wouldn’t want to be in his position.”
“And why is that?” Penny asked.
There was just the hint of an edge in her voice, and I knew that she was getting irritated with the dwarf’s lack of cooperation. If the bouncer wasn’t careful, she’d just skewer his balls to the wall to get the information that she needed instead.
“He may be an elf, but when yer creditors are elves, too, that doesn’t count for much, if ya know what I mean,” the dwarf said with a shrug.
“Oh, poor Flavy,” the pixie thief sighed. “He’s really gotten himself into a mess this time.”
“He can’t fookin’ help himself, apparently,” the bouncer said.
“Maybe if he stopped buying quite so many new robes and new perfumes,” Penny sighed again. “But then I guess he really wouldn’t be the Flavius we know and love, then, would he?”
“I suppose,” the dwarf said, “even though I’m not sure why one person needs a hundred different types of perfumes.”
“That’s certainly a mystery,” I said, “and if we find out, maybe we’ll let you know, but for now…”
“Aye, I know,” the dwarven bouncer said. “Ya want to be let into the party, not stuck here talking to the bouncer, am I right?”
Penny and I glanced at each other, but before we had to answer, the dwarf just opened the back door and jerked his head toward the entrance.
“Go ahead, then,” the dwarf said. “But one thing--”
“And what’s that?” Penny asked as her foot hovered above the threshold into the casino.
“Tell yer dear friend Flavy that the elves aren’t the only ones who want to collect on his debts,” the bouncer said. “There’s a whole line of us after the elves get their due, understand?”
“You must be a very good friend,” the pixie thief said, “to be so patient with him.”
“Aye, something like that,” the dwarf muttered. “Now get yerselves inside before someone sees me make an exception for ya.”
As soon as the dwarven bouncer shut the door behind us and left us alone in the dark back hallway of the casino, I glanced down at the redhead.
“Flavy?” I smirked.
“Ugh, I know,” Penny said. “Even saying it as part of my act made me feel sick.”
“I’m sure Flavius would love to hear your new nickname for him,” I said. “In fact, maybe that should be the first thing that you say to him-- oh, or maybe I should just walk right in there and call him dear old Flavy.”
“You’re welcome to try,” the red-haired pixie said. “But I think I’ll stick to proper names and titles, thank you very much. I wouldn’t want dear old Flavy to get the wrong idea.”
“Yeah, he might be in for a rude awakening once he finds out that you don’t actually want to join his little party,” I said.
“I’m pretty sure the fact that we’ll make up for that little fact when we tell him that we want to pay him to basically do nothing,” Penny said. “And like you said, if he’s not open to it, then that’s just too fucking bad for him.”
“Then let’s go find our target,” I said with a grin. “But just to make things a little easier on ourselves, why don’t you get him alone first?”
“Okay, but only under protest,” Penny sighed.
We moved quickly down the back hallway out onto the main floor of the casino, and unlike the multiple VIP sections that Penny had told me about in the last casino, this one just had one big area that was only roped off, but not curtained off. We could see everyone on the other side of the velvet
ropes, but beyond the ropes, there were at least a dozen doors that led into smaller rooms, and I guessed that those places were where the real parties happened.
On our way toward the VIP section, I saw an elf that I’d run into at Tevian’s party the other night, and I’d also run into him at a few other parties in the few weeks we’d been in town. Since I had just told Penny the elves couldn’t tell any of us humans apart from each other, I figured that I might as well test that theory.
“Hello, Velix,” I said to the elf and gave him a nod. “Good to see you again.”
The elf stared at me blankly, and I swore I could see actual wheels trying to turn over in his mind, so he could remember my fucking name.
“You don’t remember me?” I smiled. “You know, from that party?”
“Oh, of course,” the elf replied. “It’s good to see you, too… uh… human.”
“Enjoy your evening,” I said as I looped my arm through Penny’s and then hurried away.
“Alright, you proved your point,” the redhead laughed when we were farther away.
“I’ve talked to that elf five times,” I said, “and he still can’t remember my name. Either they don’t give a shit, or they’re really just that stupid.”
“I think it’s both,” the pixie thief said. “That seems like the only reasonable conclusion, anyway.”
“Fair enough,” I said as I handed over a few coins to the guard outside the VIP section.
Once the guard slipped them into his pocket, he opened the ropes for us and allowed us inside. It didn’t take long to find Lord Flavius, since we mostly just had to follow the smell of heavy perfume until we found him in the corner of the large room.
“Alright, Penny,” I whispered. “You do your thing, and get him into one of those private rooms. Let’s say the second one from the left, since the door’s open.”
“And where will you be?” the green-eyed redhead asked.
“Oh, I’ll be waiting for you both inside the room,” I said. “Good luck.”
Penny sighed and rolled her eyes, but then she strode toward the cluster of elves around Lord Flavius with as much confidence as a tiger about to sink her teeth into a kill. As much as I wanted to see her in action, I knew that I needed to get inside the room before they did, so I slipped across the polished marble floor, ducked inside the smaller room, and closed the door behind me.
The room was roughly a dozen paces deep and a little less wide, and there were only a few low-burning lamps inside. There was a long couch and a little platform in front of it for private performances, and the only other furniture in the room were a few chairs and serving tables along the side of the chamber.
After I double-checked to make sure that no one else was already inside the room, I got into position right behind the door and waited for Penny to show up with our target. Just when I had started to fidget with a scrap of paint peeling off the wall, I heard someone fumble with the doorknob, and sure enough, just a second later, Penny led Lord Flavius into the private chamber.
I noticed that she was very careful not to let him touch her, and as soon as they were inside, she led him straight toward the couch and pushed him down.
“I’ll fix us a drink,” she said as she moved toward one of the serving tables.
I reached out from the shadows and locked the door, and even though the elven lord seemed perfectly oblivious to the sound, I saw that Penny paused for half a second when she heard the noise, so she knew I was there with her.
“So you just couldn’t wait to get me alone, could you?” Lord Flavius asked.
“You and I have a lot to discuss,” Penny said from the serving table.
“I’m sure we do,” the day elf laughed, “so why don’t you hurry up over here, so we can discuss it?”
I clenched my teeth but forced myself to stay still for just a minute longer. This perfumed, silk-robed elf was already working on my last nerve, but so far, he fit all the criteria that we needed for our frontman here in the Gold City. and if he was less than open to the idea, then we would kill him, and that would just be one less elven noble who was able to oppress the rest of the races.
“Your friend the bouncer said some very interesting things,” Penny said as she carried a tray of drinks back over to the elven noble. “Something about debts and creditors, that sort of thing.”
“Oh, you don’t need to worry your pretty little head about things like money,” Lord Flavius said. “Let the men take care of that business.”
“If you insist,” I said and then stepped forward out from the shadows.
“What the f--” Flavius spluttered as he tried to scramble backward over the couch.
Penny grabbed him by the front of his silken robes, jerked him back down into his seat, and then pressed a knife against his throat.
“No need to shout,” the pixie thief hissed. “We’re just having a private conversation-- you, me, and my boyfriend here.”
“I-I-I don’t have any money, if that’s what you’re after,” the day elf said. “T-t-t-he bouncer’s right-- I owe too much-- er-- I have too many… obligations to too many people to have real money of my own. I’m very… selfless that way.”
“Good to know,” I said as I strode across the room and joined them. “Now, if my friend here lets you go, will you promise to play nice and not try to call for help?”
“A-are you going to k-kill me?” Flavius stammered.
“Not if you don’t make a scene,” Penny said. “We really do just want to talk to you. This was just the only way for us to get you alone, and what we want to talk to you about is--”
“Private,” I finished for her.
“I won’t make a sound, I promise,” the elven lord said. “Just don’t kill me, please. I won’t say anything, I won’t even--”
“Alright, let him go,” I said.
“Fine.” Penny released her grip on his silken robes and then slipped her dagger back into the folds of her dress.
After I pulled over a wide chair to face the couch, I seated myself across from the elven lord, and then I gestured for the pixie to join me. The chair was wide enough to hold us both side by side, but Penny purposefully sat halfway on my lap, and I guessed that was to make it perfectly clear that she was my woman, so Flavius better keep his hands to himself.
“Well, you’ve certainly caught my attention,” the day elf said with a weak smile. “But like I said, if it’s money that you’re after--”
“It’s not,” I interrupted. “But from what I hear, it’s what you need.”
“You’re not some kind of a… a loan shark, are you?” Flavius asked. “Because I’m up to my ears already with that--”
“No, I’m not a loan shark,” I said. “In fact, I’m not interested in giving you a loan at all.”
“You’re not?” the day elf asked and then swallowed.
“I’m more interested in paying you, actually,” I said as I leaned back in my chair. “As long as you do what I ask you to.”
“Now look here, human,” Flavius said, “you can’t just come in here and tell me that I’m supposed to work for you, like I’m not a goddamn noble of the empire, or like--”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Penny interrupted, “but did you not want to pay off all your creditors and then have enough money leftover to throw your weight around town?”
“I never said that,” the day elf replied. “I just meant-- I’m not what you would call a, uh…”
“Hard worker?” I raised an eyebrow. “Yes, I got that impression, but don’t worry-- you barely have to do a thing. We just need your connections, that’s all.”
“Is this some kind of get-rich-quick scheme?” Flavius asked. “What do you mean when you say you need my connections? If you have some shit product that you’re trying to pawn off on all the noble elves in town, then you can just forget about it, because even if I--”
“If you would stop talking for two seconds,” Penny groaned, “maybe we could actually tell you what our propos
al is.”
“Alright,” the day elf sighed. “I’m listening.”
“Good,” I said, “because I’d hate for this meeting to suddenly turn sour.”
Flavius swallowed but didn’t say anything, so I figured that the day elf must be learning.
“So you’re familiar with the temple wine,” I said, “and unless you don’t have any taste buds, then you’ll agree that it tastes like shit.”
The elven lord nodded but stayed silent.
“I have a drink that has stronger effects than elven temple wine,” I said, “but it tastes delicious, and I think even the elves in the Gold City would enjoy it. Have you ever heard of whiskey?”
The day elf nodded again, and I felt Penny bristle beside me.
“You can speak long enough to answer the question, you dumb fuck,” the pixie growled.
“How dare you?” the day elf gasped as his hand went to his chest.
“I will fucking gut ya like a two week old fish,” the redhead seethed. “So pick the next words that come out of your mouth careful like.”
The day elf blinked, and then he stared at both of us.
Penny and I didn’t move.
“It’s a human drink, right?” Flavius finally asked after he cleared his throat. “I’ve never had it, but I know you could find it in almost all the human villages before the prohibition on alcohol. Even the elves were known to buy it from the humans sometimes because it was so good.”
“They bought it, did they?” I smirked.
“Well, maybe they just took it,” the day elf admitted, “but that just goes to show you how good it must have tasted.”
“Yeah, sure, okay,” I said and rolled my eyes.
“Wait!” Flavius glanced back and forth between Penny and me. “Are you telling me that you… you have access to whiskey? And you want me to…”
“To set up connections with elves that you think would buy it,” I said. “Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“Shit,” the day elf murmured. “And you’re saying… you would pay me to do this? To set up meetings, I mean?”