“We never use protection, and she wasn’t pregnant at that—”
“Shut your face right now, Paul. Do you hear yourself? You are a goddamn police officer. They will strip you of everything and throw you behind bars. The only reason we’ve gotten away with this thus far is because of the simple fact that you are a cop. If this gets out, everything will surface, and we won’t ever see the light of day thereafter. Is that what you want?”
“No, and that’s not what I am saying.”
“You have no idea what you’re saying. I’m going to go and take a nap. I suggest you do the same, because you’re freaking delirious and clearly need some sleep so you can come to your senses,” Anthony tossed over his shoulder as he left the room.
Sometimes I wondered if I was really related to Anthony. He could be so cruel at times. Things between us had been stiff in more ways than one for quite some time. Nancy had been in and out of the hospital constantly, and things didn’t seem to be getting any better with her. In the beginning, we kept teasing her, saying she’d been going through menopause because of the significant amount of weight she had lost out of nowhere. Nancy had always been on the lumpy side. She would also go from hot to cold in a matter of minutes. Anthony and I agreed that she was, in fact, going through the change. Sadly, our diagnosis was a little off. Her doctor did confirm menopause was to blame. However, after a few months of things not changing, along with other things that she didn’t go into detail about, it forced her doctors to run additional tests. Nancy was eventually informed she had endometrial adenocarcinoma, also known as uterine cancer.
With Nancy in and out of the hospital, she left me and Anthony in charge while she was gone. Well, I was in charge when I was home, as the job kept me away from the house for most of the day and oftentimes into the evening. Originally Nancy’s illness was sporadic, but then it became more frequent, and it had been that way for the last two years. It hadn’t been too bad, because she wouldn’t be away for long periods of time. Recently, it was a little more difficult, because she hadn’t been around at all for almost six months straight. When she was first diagnosed, she took time off to clear her head, and after a couple weeks of her being gone, Anthony went on a rampage with the girls. I personally couldn’t take much more of it. I was beginning to hate it altogether.
Each time I had a call pertaining to any type of abuse, it ate away at my conscience. How was I locking someone up for the same things I’d done repeatedly, and sadly, enjoyed? I wasn’t sure if I would be able to continue pretending. What I did know was I no longer wanted any part of it. Anthony, on the contrary, became obsessed with Simone and Candice. He just had to have them over the other girls. His newfound fascination with Candice was deeper than it had been with Simone. I couldn’t understand why, or where it was stemming from, but she was all he talked and worried about. When he couldn’t get to her, he’d turn his fixation on Simone.
Anthony had been watching Candice’s room like a hawk. He fumed every time we’d go to the room and couldn’t get in. I didn’t think I could recall the last time he could get his hands on any of them, now that I was thinking about it. They had the upstairs fully protected like Fort Knox. We began staying in Nancy’s room permanently because of it. Anthony wanted to catch Candice slipping. He even went so far as to rig their bedroom toilet instead of repairing it.
Candice made sure to do everything in her power to ensure she wasn’t anywhere near us, no matter what. That angered Anthony into a state I’d never witnessed him in before. Because of it, he now attacked me in my sleep and had brutal intercourse with me. Things were different between the two of us. He rarely talked to me cordially. Everything was in a hateful tone, and I could not understand why. When I attempted to flex my muscle, he used the pictures he had of me with the girls to threaten me.
It had been going on for a few years now. I thought about four or five years because my boys—I mean, the twins—were around that age. All I knew was if it ever turned out that I was those boys’ dad, I wanted to be the father that mine never was to me. Who would have ever thought I’d be a dad? Deep in my heart I knew they were mine, and I was going to do whatever I could to protect them. I had the law behind me, so they’d always be safe. None of it was supposed to happen the way it did. I followed my brother’s lead, but he’d gone too far, and I no longer wanted to be a part of it.
I had been trying to get some alone time with Candice to talk to her. She’d kept her distance along with all the girls. Anytime any of the girls were in any of the rooms in the house other than their own, they were always together. They wouldn’t travel anywhere inside or outside of the house without one another. Because of their alliance, Anthony hadn’t been able to have his way with any of them either.
In any event, I did believe I would get my chance to converse with Candice eventually.
Chapter Nineteen
Confessions: The Awful Truth
Candice
Things had been great between me and Nakita since our heart-to-heart about the twins’ conception. She now loved on them with the same genuine love that she had for me and the girls. I had to calm her down from apologizing every second, because I knew she couldn’t see the boys. Although it hurt originally, I understood the only thing that she could visualize when she laid eyes on them was what happened to me. Ms. Nancy would tell her she was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. All the girls in the house said I’d turned into Ms. Nancy because I took her place in diagnosing everyone. They’d renamed me Nancy Jr. instead of referring to me by my birth name.
Ms. Jasmine was on her way to pick us up. We were all on our way to see Ms. Nancy. Ms. Jasmine offered to continue chauffeuring us around when we needed it, even after all of us received our diplomas. She said she wanted Micah to grow up with our children. She had custody of him, and sadly none of us had seen or heard from Samantha since she left us. We used the love we had for her and poured it on Micah every chance we got. Parts of me understood Samantha’s decision wholeheartedly. I faced the things she couldn’t bear to look at every day. What I had to do was remind myself daily that they were my boys no matter what. I carried them and pushed them out. God was their father. You could call me the Virgin Mary if you wanted because I just turned up pregnant out of nowhere. Nakita laughed when I said those things, but I was serious. So much so that I no longer thought about how they got here or who their father might have been. They were irrelevant nonfactors in our lives.
As far as Ms. Jasmine, I thought she was probably regretting offering her services to us. We phoned her on a regular basis, considering we refused to have anything to do with those monsters. Unfortunately, none of us could drive, so we had to be chauffeured around. Ms. Jasmine had become a close friend to all of us since Ms. Nancy had been in the hospital for the last six months consecutively. She drove Hope House’s ten-passenger van to transport us to make things convenient for everyone.
Prior to phoning Ms. Jasmine, we were informed that Ms. Nancy wasn’t doing well and she had been requesting to see us. The news broke all our hearts. Despite all that I’d endured in Hope House at the hands of those freaks, she was the best thing to come out of it. Sometimes I second-guessed if she was, in fact, the best thing that happened to us. If she had been, we would probably have felt comfortable confiding in her. At times the girls and I expressed mixed feelings toward Ms. Nancy. Parts of us blamed her for Laura’s death and everything that had transpired under her nose while we had been at Hope House. She was appointed to be like a guardian to us and Hope House was supposed to be a refuge for us, and it had been the complete opposite. Living hell.
“Candice, she’s here,” Nakita extracted me from my thoughts.
“Nakita, why are you screaming? I am ten feet away from you.”
“It has to be my nerves. I apologize.”
“How are you girls doing?” Ms. Jasmine inquired as she entered.
“We’re good,” everyone replied in unison.
“Great, let’s get th
is show on the road.”
“Where’s Micah, Ms. Jasmine?”
“I left him with his sitter so I can help you girls out.”
“That was nice of you,” I acknowledged.
“Excuse me, Candice, do you think I can speak with you for a moment before you leave?” Paul interrupted.
“No, you cannot. Now get the hell away from us, Paul,” Nakita spazzed.
“My apologies, I didn’t mean to upset anyone.”
“Oh, now you want to apologize, you bastard,” Nakita fumed.
“We should be on our way,” Ms. Jasmine interjected.
I was able to see and hear what was going on around me. It felt as if everything were moving in fast-forward while I stood motionless in the middle of it all. My brain suddenly short-circuited and needed to be rebooted.
“Candice, what’s wrong with you? Snap out of it. Snap out of it,” Nakita demanded, shaking me until I came to my senses.
“I’m all right. I . . . I’m fine.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, what was all of that about?” Ms. Jasmine investigated immediately as we got settled inside of the car. The dead silence in the car must have scared and alarmed her because tears violently ransacked her face.
“Are you all right, Ms. Jasmine? We didn’t mean to upset you, but so much has transpired over the years, and we have been afraid for our lives.” The words leaked from my lips.
“Candice!”
“What, Nakita? Right now I don’t know what to think. If saying something is right or wrong. But for the first time, it feels right. I am not sure how or why, but enough is enough. Ms. Jasmine’s reaction doesn’t feel tainted. I got the same feeling I had when I spoke to Officer Greg.”
“Please, Candice, tell me what is going on. You can trust me. I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.” Tears continued to bleed through her eyes.
“Nakita, Simone, Tracy, and Judith, are you okay with this?”
In response, the four of them nodded at the same time.
“Girls, please talk to me,” Ms. Jasmine pleaded.
“You might want to pull the car over or wait until we get to the hospital for this one, because it will be difficult for you to drive in the rain with tears blurring your vision,” Nakita chimed in.
“I don’t think I want to wait. Besides, we will be pulling into the parking lot soon, so please explain to me what’s going on.”
“Candice, you might as well finish, since you already started to open this can of worms,” Nakita suggested.
With tearstained eyes, Ms. Jasmine begged, “Can of worms? Candice, please tell me what’s going on, baby.”
Squeezing Nakita’s hand as if I were holding on for dear life as tears covered my face, I started off by admitting to Ms. Jasmine that on my very first night at Hope House, I was raped by two masked men. She trembled violently, questioning why I didn’t tell Ms. Nancy, better yet Paul as he was a police officer. I then proceeded to remind her of the incidents with Laura and Samantha, and she lost it. She couldn’t understand why this was the first time she was hearing of this. The fear and sadness in her eyes conveyed to me that I was making the right decision by opening up to her, so I continued confessing what had been going on in Hope House. As soon as she parked the car, she had to open the door and regurgitate the things that I had force-fed down her throat. I hadn’t even dropped the bomb on her that it’d been Paul and Anthony either.
When I said the heart-rending words, that the cowards who raped me were Anthony and Paul, Ms. Jasmine began gasping for air and whimpering, wondering how and why. She couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that this had been going on at the hands of Paul and Anthony. Especially Paul, considering he was supposed to be an officer of the law.
“I am not sure how or why it happened to me, but for the entire time I have been living at Hope House, I have been raped off and on. In fact, all of us are victims of rape at the hands of Anthony and Paul.”
Looking from me to the girls, Ms. Jasmine begged, “Please stop. I cannot take any more.”
“It is a lot, but that’s not all.”
“How can there be more? They were supposed to protect you girls. Paul is a police officer. How could they?”
“I don’t know, Ms. Jasmine. But what I do know is my boys are the product of rape, and either Paul or Anthony is the sperm donor.”
“Please, God, what has happened to these poor babies?” she wailed.
“And . . . and one more thing.”
“There’s more? This is awful. I am so sorry, girls. I had no idea,” she bawled.
“Samantha left and gave Micah up because he too was conceived through rape.”
“Micah? That can’t be. Sam never . . .”
“Samantha never what, Ms. Jasmine?” Nakita raised her brows.
“Nothing. She just never said anything about it before she left.”
“We know, and to protect everyone, she kept our secrets. We tried on countless occasions to leave, and on each attempt, someone either died or was in on it, so we did what we could do to protect one another in hopes to one day rid ourselves of this ongoing nightmare we’d been living.” Nakita broke down, wiping the tears from her face and using her other hand to wipe mine.
“So, you’re telling me all of you were being abused under my nose, and I didn’t know or pick up on anything? I’ve spent countless days and hours inside and outside of that house with you girls. How could I have not known? I am so sorry. Please forgive me,” she whimpered uncontrollably.
“This isn’t your fault, because you had no idea. We hid it from everyone,” I admitted.
“My heart aches so much for you girls. You’ve endured all of this for all these years. No more. We will put an end to this immediately.”
Chapter Twenty
I’m Sorry: Clearing the Air
Nakita
Sitting in that car listening to Candice, the pain that filled me almost buckled my knees. Placing a hand over my heart, I tried to breathe through the agony, but instead, all the pieces that I’d used to keep myself together began to fall one by one. I guessed what Ms. Nancy taught us about denial was true. It had become my crutch. Actually, that was true for all of us, because we’d refused to accept reality.
Up until today, I’d pushed Paul and Anthony to the back of my mind with Mr. Frankie. When I saw them, or when they would do their business with me, I’d become numb, allowing visions of my and Shakita’s thirteenth birthday replay in my mind. That moment in time was one of the happiest moments of my life. In order to escape the present while they tortured me, my brain would circle back to the moment Aunt Sophia had pizza delivered to the hotel room. That was the only time we’d had takeout or delivery. Mom and Dad couldn’t afford to do anything of the sort, so we pretended to be celebrities while at the hotel with Aunt Sophia. She brought some of her wigs, sunglasses, and a couple pair of her shoes, and the three of us marched around the room, pretending to live that glamorous life we could only dream of. We used a knife and fork to eat our pizza and played Monopoly and checkers, our favorite games. Upon finishing our food, Aunt Sophia took us to the pool area in the hotel where we swam and stuffed our faces with candy and soda.
When Candice said she was raped since the moment she stepped foot inside of Hope House, I heard my words through her voice. It was as if I were having an out-of-body experience. Although she was speaking, I became her and was finally acknowledging what I had been through during my stay at Hope House.
Ms. Jasmine was so upset she stayed in the van with the babies. She didn’t want them anywhere near the hospital or Ms. Nancy. Simone, Judith, and Tracy also decided to stay with her in the car. Ms. Jasmine believed that Ms. Nancy knew, and she said there was no way she didn’t know. She said, “Nancy lived in that house. She isn’t deaf or blind. Nancy is also a very intelligent woman.”
* * *
“Ca . . . Candice?” the nurse questioned as we entered Ms. Nancy’s somber, dimly lit room.
&
nbsp; “Ummm, may I ask who is asking?” I snapped.
“I’m sorry, do I know you?” Candice inquired.
“Is your name Candice Brown?”
“Who are you, reciting her entire government name?”
Refusing to look at me or acknowledge my presence, the nurse repeated, “Are you Candice Brown?”
“She’s starting to get on my nerves.”
“Yes, I am Candice Brown. May I ask who you are?”
“Lord, now is not the time. Candice, why is this girl crying and staring at you like a deer in headlights?”
“My name is Jenna Brown. I’m your sister, Candice. Our father’s name is Dale Brown.”
“Candice?” I asked, puzzled.
“You’re even prettier than the picture we have of you.”
“Candice, do you know her?”
“I believe she’s my little sister. She sort of looks like me, doesn’t she?”
Rolling my eyes and sucking my teeth, I sarcastically replied, “Nope, you’re prettier.”
“Can we go somewhere quiet to sit down and talk?” she asked Candice before grilling me up and down.
“I’ll be right back, Nakita.”
“I’m giving you thirty minutes. If you’re not back in thirty, I’m coming to find you.” I hoped this girl was who she said she was, or she was going to wish she were. I put that on everything.
“Nakita,” Ms. Nancy summoned in a raspy tone.
“Hey, Ms. Nancy, are you all right?” Looking at her frightened me. She had shriveled up to nothing. Cancer really sucks. I could literally see death all over Ms. Nancy. Her skin was a mottled bluish purple, and she’d lost a tremendous amount of weight. Ms. Nancy’s emaciated face made her eyes look larger than ever. It looked as if her skin were stuck to her bones. My stomach churned at the sight of her.
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