“I am not. That was straight facts.”
“You’re right though. Candice, you look so beautiful,” Nakita said, making a fuss.
“Thank you, Jenna. I really do. I feel like a princess. Thank you so much.”
“Wait until I doll you up with some makeup and get your hair out of that ponytail. You will really be in awe.”
“Oh, my God. Look at you two. I didn’t even see how beautiful you two looked when I came out of the bathroom.”
Jenna had on a black boat-neck dress with zipper shoulder seams, and it was all leather. Nakita’s dress was just as mind-blowing. She wore a one-sleeved, embellished-waist chiffon dress, and of course it was black.
“Why thank you. I do clean up nicely, don’t I?” Nakita bragged.
“I second the motion.” Jenna gawked.
“You two know you are cousins, right?”
“No one’s doing anything, Candice. I just agreed with her. But it is too bad we’re cousins.”
“You’re nuts, Jenna.”
“I know, and you love it. Now come over here so I can get you all glamourous.”
By the time Jenna finished with us, we couldn’t recognize ourselves.
* * *
We had the time of our lives. I didn’t remember ever having that much fun in my life. I had my first alcoholic beverage and it loosened me up, so much so that they couldn’t pull me off the dance floor. At first I’d been afraid. I didn’t know any of the dance moves, but after watching everyone, I caught on quickly. Nakita and I ordered iced tea and Jenna instructed the bartender to run it by Long Island before she served us. I had no idea what that meant. After a few glasses, I soon found out.
They say all good things must come to an end. The emotions associated with that saying had been making themselves known. The next morning, I threw up twice in an attempt to try to be strong for Nakita. She had been in good spirits. Prayerfully she stayed that way until 7:30 p.m. when we were scheduled to drop her off. Prior to dropping her off, I had an appointment to meet with Teagan Pankowski, the attorney for Ms. Nancy’s estate. I didn’t have any idea why she’d requested to meet with me and my lawyer. Ms. Jasmine had retained Bradford Bartlett, Esquire as our family attorney. She said it was not by chance that she didn’t have children and was fortunate enough to take us in. That woman genuinely believed everything had happened so we could see what the real side of love felt like. She always said she loved us and there wasn’t anything we could do about it. Ms. Jasmine was nothing like Mother or Ms. Nancy. Not only could you see the love she had for us through her actions, but you could feel it. Every night she would knock on our bedroom doors to tell us she loved us and good night. I had never heard that word expressed so freely. Honestly, other than Nakita, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever been told by someone that they loved me. Because of my lack of love, I made sure to pour love onto my children. I’d tell them I loved them every second.
“Thank you for meeting with me on short notice,” Counselor Pankowski acknowledged as she took the seat directly across from me.
“We are a bit curious as to what this is about and why you’ve requested to see Candice,” Ms. Jasmine said.
“We will get to that as soon as your attorney arrives. Speaking of, here he is.” He rose to his feet. “Thank you for coming. It is good to see you.” They shook hands.
“We are ready when you are,” Mr. Bartlett declared.
“You know what this is about already?” Ms. Jasmine looked puzzled.
“Before Ms. Nancy passed, she had some amendments made to her will, which includes this letter that I have here. Do you mind if I read it to you?”
“I believe that’s why you have me here, so please enlighten me.”
He read it aloud:
Dear Candice,
I am certain by now that I am the last person you expect to hear from. First and foremost, I want to apologize to you and ask that you extend my deepest apologies to Nakita, Tracy, Samantha, Simone, and Judith.
I spent so much time trying to help you girls see things differently that it took me getting ill and lying in this hospital room to realize that I was the one who needed to think differently and deal with the thing that was dealing me. I in turn allowed my broken heart to consume me and turn me into a monster. I am so ashamed of the woman I have become.
I kept reminding myself that heartbreaks are hard lessons wrought with frustration. If anyone should have known better, it was me, but I disregarded it, and because of my pain my first instinct was to get back with anger. I was foolish, and I am sorry. I blamed everyone, primarily your father, for my pain, and because of it, I took it out on you girls. I apologize for my cruel actions.
I won’t go on and on, because when you read this, I will be long gone and won’t know if you have a clue as to what I am talking about. Therefore, I will get to the reason why you are here:
I, Nancy McGivney, leave all tangible personal property owned by me at the time of my death, including and without limitation: personal effects, jewelry, furniture, furnishings, household goods, automobiles, together with all insurance policies relating therein to Candice Brown.
Through a fresh face of tears, I babbled, “Her apology is unacceptable. I don’t receive it at all. She just confessed to turning a deaf ear and blind eye while we were raped. We need to be able to do something or sue someone. This is so unfair.”
“Candice, there isn’t a need to take any further legal action at this point. She left everything to you,” Mr. Bartlett clarified.
“Talk about surprises.” Ms. Jasmine became flabbergasted.
“Ms. Brown, the estate’s net worth, excluding the house and cars, is $5.2 million,” Mr. Bartlett informed me.
“She deserves it, plus more,” Ms. Jasmine praised through trembling lips.
Everyone looked like they became filled with joy when Mr. Bartlett announced Ms. Nancy’s net worth. I didn’t flinch. I couldn’t. Was that hush money or a payday to make us forget everything that had been done to us? Well, it did the opposite. It made me feel worse. If my dad hadn’t cheated and left Ms. Nancy, none of what had happened to us would have happened. I just didn’t know how to feel about being left everything. I felt wrong if I accepted it. My mind went into full speed with pros and cons, leaving me more confused and overwhelmed than I had been.
Chapter Thirty-seven
Frenemies: The Love of Money
Candice
Lately, things had been a little rough, but thank God, we’d been making it through it. I was surprised to still have my sanity. Therapy had been a lifesaver to say the least. However, Nakita not being around had been terrible. I’d missed her severely. She had always been like my right arm. How does one continue their usual day-today activities without their other arm? I had been trying my best to keep my head up and accept that fact that we had been transitioning into an almost-normal life. It was hard, but it had also been hard not to see and accept it. Being at Ms. Jasmine’s afforded us the opportunity to see things from the other side of the pain: the rapes, abuse, and the things we’d all undergone in our individual lives before Hope House. No one verbally, mentally, physically, or emotional abused us any longer. We no longer walked around in fear. It actually felt good. I’d been feeling like a better life was actually possible and was in my near future.
I had been struggling with Amiya. She had been having a hard time sleeping at night. She’d been sleeping in the bed with me. I’d had to rock her to sleep most nights to calm her down. After about six months, she began to feel comfortable sleeping alongside Adrianna. They’d become two peas in a pod. Their connection and bond were identical to what Nakita and I had. When Adrianna would grow ill, Amiya wasn’t too far behind her. A few months back, Adrianna began complaining of stomach aches, and because a virus had been going around the house, I assumed she was having trouble getting over it. However, she’d fallen into a pattern where one day she’d be sick and the next she would be perfectly fine. On one the days of feeling better, w
hile on our way downstairs to meet Jenna and head out for breakfast, Amiya complained of being tired. When I looked at her, she looked extremely pale. Something was wrong. I could feel it. When I stared into her eyes, I realized that she didn’t look well. That alarmed me. Because it was a Sunday and her doctor’s office wasn’t open, Jenna took us straight to the emergency room. She wanted to make sure Amiya didn’t require an antibiotic or something. Just thinking about it broke my heart all over again. There was nothing I could do personally to fix it, and it hurt like hell.
“We are going to start off with taking a urine sample along with some additional tests. Amiya, do you think you can go potty in this cup for me?” Dr. Langhorne asked.
“Use your words, Amiya,” I directed as she nodded in response.
“Yes, I can,” she replied, short of breath.
After walking Amiya into the bathroom, I assisted her with peeing in the cup and gave it to the nurse afterward.
“They’re taking forever. Jenna, you work here. Can’t you go and see what’s going on?
“I’ll try.” She stopped in her tracks as Dr. Langhorne entered the room with a look pasted on his face that no mother wanted to see.
“Is everything all right, Dr. Langhorne?”
“It doesn’t look too good. We checked her blood glucose—”
“What doesn’t look good? What are you saying?”
“The monitor reads 338 milligrams per deciliter.”
I immediately broke down into tears. Dr. Langhorne advised that the exact cause of Type 1 diabetes was unknown. Most people with Type 1 diabetes have compromised immune systems. These immune systems have trouble fighting bacteria and viruses, and genetics play a role in the process that triggers the disease.
Because of Amiya’s symptoms and test results, she had been put on an insulin drip to check her glucose.
I was at a breaking point. I hated that I couldn’t fix my daughter. Jenna had been a lifesaver trying to intervene and calm me down when I began to panic. After her confession, I wasn’t sure if she’d been trying to calm down in order to break the news to me or if she was sincere.
“Candice, I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but I texted Alonzo. He is on his way up here.”
“Why would you do that? She is my daughter. I don’t need or want him here.”
“Candice, think about what you’re saying. That is his daughter as well. The daughter he thought he lost. Right now, I believe it is important that he is here with and for her. This is for Amiya, Candice.”
“You have a point, but I raised her alone this long by myself. I don’t need him coming up here trying to play daddy.”
“Now you don’t have to do it alone, Candice. Think about it and allow him to be her dad. Playtime is over.”
Bubbling over on the inside, I fumed. How was it that Jenna was able to detect what my child needed? I was her parent without Alonzo for all of this time. She had no right texting him without consulting with me first. She had overstepped her boundaries with this one. I understood her trying to look out for Alonzo. They had a connection I would never understand. However, Amiya was my daughter and that was a bond she couldn’t understand with her not being a mother.
“Jenna, the next time you decide what’s best for my child, do yourself a favor and consult with me. Please don’t take it upon yourself to decide what I or my child needs. I know you feel you have our best interests at heart. However, I deserve the respect of you talking to me first, Jenna.”
“You’re absolutely right, and I apologize. I just reacted and didn’t think twice before I texted him and Ms. Jasmine.”
“Dear God, what was I thinking? I didn’t even think to call Ms. Jasmine.” I continued cradling and kissing Amiya.
“Is she all right? What happened? What did they say? Why are they admitting her?” Ms. Jasmine blurted, out of breath as she rushed in.
“Please try to catch your breath, Ms. Jasmine,” Jenna suggested.
“I’m fine. Please tell me what’s going on.”
“I don’t know, Ms. Jasmine. They’re saying she has type 1 diabetes and they have to keep her here.”
“Candice, we will pray to God for her healing. She is in great hands here. Isn’t that right, Jenna?”
“Yes. There are some of the best doctors and surgeons here. I say she is under the best care there is right now.”
“Surgeons? She’s going to need surgery? No one mentioned that before, Jenna,” I flipped out. Cradling Amiya tighter, I cried, wrestling with the fear of something so serious affecting Amiya. It had my mind creating awful scenarios. What if something happened to her? What if I lost her? I just couldn’t. I wouldn’t be able to make it. I panicked within. Sitting her on the exam table, I kneeled down in front of her and wept.
“Mommy, Mommy, don’t cry. I’m better.” Amiya rubbed my hair.
Looking up to her and into her eyes, I lost it. “You are so brave. I love you so much. Mommy is sorry you’re not feeling well, baby girl. The doctors are going to help Mommy get you better, okay, baby girl? You’re going to get all better,” I tried to convince myself.
“Please calm down. You’re going to give yourself a stroke if you don’t. Amiya is going to fine, I promise you,” Jenna said.
“I’m trying to relax, but this is extremely difficult. My baby is in here sick and I can’t fix it.”
“Hello, everyone.” Alonzo entered and greeted us all.
“Hey, Alonzo. I am glad you were able to make it,” Jenna replied.
“I was upstairs in labor and delivery on break when I received your text. Thank you for informing me.”
“Excuse my manners. Ms. Jasmine, this is Alonzo.”
“It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Ms. Jasmine. I’ve heard some great things about you.”
“Likewise, Alonzo.” She glanced in my direction.
“Hello, Alonzo. This is Amiya, my sick little princess.” I stood up.
Alonzo had a look painted on his face of exhaustion and terror as well as love in his eyes while he stood in front of Amiya. I could tell he didn’t believe he was actually looking at and standing in front her. For a second, it had felt like he’d always been around. Amiya’s face lit up the moment she laid eyes on him. She kept smiling and touching his hand. I didn’t know what to do or how to take any of it. The scene before me almost became too much for me to digest at one time. Alonzo looked at my baby the same way my dad used to look at me. So many things circled back and forth in my mind as I looked on. I wasn’t sure how any of this might turn out, but at that moment I became all right with him being there. I was no longer upset with Jenna.
Kneeling to look in her eyes, he admired her. “You are so beautiful, just like your mom, Amiya.” He stroked her face. “We will make sure you’re feeling better real soon, princess.”
“I hope so. I cannot take any more.”
“I will make sure of it, Candice. And thank you for allowing me to be here for her.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Candice, I know now isn’t a good time, but I need to speak to you in private,” Ms. Jasmine interrupted as Alonzo picked Amiya up and cradled her.
It was a vision I had never envisioned. He looked so comfortable with her. Although my nerves had been getting the best of me, my heart embraced what had been taking place at that moment, and I allowed it to take place. I wasn’t sure how I should have felt. I knew he was her father, but I didn’t know him. How could I trust her with a man that neither she nor I knew? Yes, he was her father. But after everything that I had been through from people who professed to love me, and my own mother, I knew overall it would be a hurtle I’d have to look into getting over and through.
“If it’s not one thing, it is another. Jenna, do you mind sitting with Amiya for a second?” Ms. Jasmine interrupted.
“Of course I don’t mind. Besides, I don’t think you’re going to be able to pry Alonzo away from her anytime soon.”
Shaking my head, I walked in
to the hallway and was greeted by this concerned, hurtful look pasted across Ms. Jasmine’s face. “What’s going on, Ms. Jasmine? Just spit it out. Right now, whatever it is, it will be what it is. I can honestly say I am tired, tired of everything.”
“Now isn’t the time for this, and the only reason I am bringing it to your attention is because you were served with papers right after you left the house.”
“Served with papers for what?”
“Maybe we should sit down.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t. What is it, Ms. Jasmine?”
“As you know, Samantha wasn’t too thrilled that Ms. Nancy left everything to you when all of you girls went through the same thing.”
“Yeah, and I thought we cleared that up already. I told everyone I would take care of them and give them part of the monies. I should have known something was up when she left dinner without uttering another word.” I shook my head and thought back to that evening.
Before we dropped Nakita off, we had a dinner party, which felt like it was the Last Supper. It was similar to how Jesus had His last meal with the people who had been dear to Him and whom He loved, prior to going and finishing his work on behalf of the Kingdom of God. We had assembled at a table with a spread that would have fed everyone in the neighborhood. Ms. Jasmine prepared all of our favorite dishes: fried chicken, cornbread, macaroni and cheese, green beans, smothered pork chops, and of course a large pineapple pizza, as it was Nakita’s favorite thing to eat. It was Nakita’s last meal before being sent away. It pained us dearly. However, we made the best of it and took advantage of every minute we had.
I hadn’t been myself the entire time during dinner. I had been struggling with how to process what had transpired earlier that day during the meeting at Teagan Pankowski’s office. Ms. Nancy leaving everything to me left a foul taste in my mouth. But I knew I had to share it with the girls. I would not have felt comfortable keeping what transpired from them. Nakita without question side-eyed me throughout dinner. She knew me like the back of her hand, and from the looks that she had been giving me, I knew she felt something had been bothering me.
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