by Linda Ellen
There had been no reception, either. No cake to cut. No gifts to open. No photographs of the ‘happy’ occasion. No shower of rice to run through. No ‘Just Married’ on the back of the car with crazy things like shoes and cans tied to the bumper. No garter or bouquet to throw.
It had felt more like a business transaction…
And so had…the ‘consummating’.
Shaking, Louise had slipped out of her wedding apparel and into the nightgown she had retrieved from her case, before climbing into the bed. She had waited quite a while for T.J. to finish talking and laughing with his family. From the snippets of conversation she could overhear, it seemed as if they were congratulating him on his conquest. The old man had said some very risqué comments that made Louise blush even in the next room.
When he had finally joined her in the bed, there had been no romancing, no sweet words or loving expressions, and very little kissing, before he had raised her gown and performed the ‘deed’. Being her first time, it had hurt, much more than she had been ready for, and much more than Lilly had haltingly tried to warn her about. She had cried out and tried to push him away, but he had relentlessly continued. When he was finished, he merely rolled off of her without a word and turned on his side to go to sleep.
Hours later, she still felt an ache…and not just physically.
Sniffling quietly, she slipped out of bed and tiptoed to the door of the room. All was quiet, except for the ticking of a clock somewhere in the house.
She crept to the bathroom and with shaking fingers, shut the door and turned on the dim light. A wave of despair suddenly washed over her and she slid down the wooden surface to the floor.
Stifling the force of her cries, she whispered into the lonely space, “Oh Vic…why couldn’t it have been you? It should have been you, my Vic!”
Clamping her hand over her mouth, she gave in to the tears, weeping and shuddering under the load of despair. Her heart was heavy with a crushing sense of foreboding.
*
“I’ll be back in a couple of hours. Try to be ready,” T.J. mumbled as he let Louise out at the curb. She nodded and closed the passenger door, watching as he drove on down the street.
With a sigh, she turned and looked up toward the front door of the place she had called home just the day before. Now, she wasn’t sure where her home would be. T.J. was on his way to see some people he had been told had a room they might rent. She had been instructed to gather all of her things and be ready when he returned for her. However…she felt as bereft as a fish out of water. And she wondered if she…looked different. If she looked as different on the outside as she felt on the inside…
With another sigh, she climbed the steps and entered the building. The hallway seemed so still and quiet, it made her feel conspicuous, and the clacking from the heels of her shoes seemed to echo – or maybe it was her imagination… At the door to her family’s apartment she almost knocked, feeling very much an outsider, but turned the handle and went on in.
Glancing in the bedroom, she saw Edna making up the bed they used to share. Her sister gave her a nod, but didn’t say anything. Lilly was sweeping the floor near the sink. Her brothers were lounging by the radio listening to their favorite Saturday western. Eerily, everything seemed the same. The only thing different is me, she mused sadly.
“Hi everybody…” she murmured.
“Hey Louise,” Billy greeted, barely giving her a glance. Sonny looked her way, but merely nodded without a word, his expression thoughtful. Lilly paused and met her daughter’s eyes for a moment, then quickly returned to sweeping, her lips clamped, and her movements a tad more forceful than needed. In truth, Lilly herself had spent a sleepless night, racked with guilt and thinking about her daughter.
With a soft sigh, Louise turned and entered the bedroom, and stood gazing around at the familiar surroundings. It seemed unreal that this was no longer her home. She’d always pictured that it would be a happy occasion when she finally ‘left the nest’. She didn’t even have a hope chest to take with her…
Edna straightened up from her task and turned, the sisters silently facing one another…so many things said…and unsaid…standing between them. Obviously uncomfortable, Edna cleared her throat and seemed to cast around for something to say. Finally, she asked haltingly, “How, um…how’d it go?”
Thinking back on the multiple disappointments and pain she had endured the previous day and night, Louise grimaced for a moment, willing herself not to let loose with a barrage of complaints and whines. Swallowing, she managed, “It went.”
Edna pressed her lips together, in truth fighting the guilt she felt for the way she had been treating her sister. Once the initial shock and anger had dissipated, she had wondered about Vic’s feelings and intentions toward Louise…especially remembering his expression when he had found out her real age. She wondered why he had left town without even telling her sister goodbye. In a strange twist of the heart, Edna actually felt a sliver of empathy toward Louise that she had been treated in such a way…and that she had been emotionally blackmailed into marrying a man she didn’t love.
From the other room, they both heard their mother’s voice call over to their brother to pick up the throw rugs and take them out for a good shaking, and fussing that she had let the apartment get into ‘such a shape’. Billy whined for a moment that he would miss some of the radio program, but Lilly brushed the argument aside with a sigh and a, “William!”
Edna sank down on the bed and moved her hand slightly in an invitation for Louise to join her. Louise placed her handbag on the dresser and moved closer. As she lowered herself down, she was unable to stop a twinge of discomfort from showing on her face. Edna, ever perceptive, caught it.
“So…did he…” she began, stopping as her blue eyes met her sister’s hazel gaze.
Blinking and telling herself she was NOT going to start crying, especially in front of Edna, she whispered, “Yeah…he did. Twice.” Then at Edna’s raised eyebrow query, she added wryly, “Let’s just say…I know now why Mama calls it the ‘wifely duty’.”
Both sisters looked away for a moment. When Louise looked back toward her sister, she absently noted how much Edna resembled their mother, with their features so similar. She felt a rush of affection for her volatile sibling. Reaching out, she touched Edna’s hand and whispered, “I’m sorry…for all the lies…‘borrowing’ your things without asking…I guess I was just obsessed with Vic. I…lost my good sense for a while,” she added, shaking her head in self-derision. “But he obviously didn’t really care about me.”
Edna let out a soft snort, her lip curling in her characteristic smirk. Thinking of her last boyfriend, a handsome devil-may-care rascal, she cracked, “I been there.”
Just then, they heard Billy’s voice murmur, “Hey…what’s this?” A moment later, he appeared in the doorway. “Hey sis, I think this is yours.”
The world suddenly seemed to slow down as Louise turned toward the door, her eyes falling to the envelope her brother was holding out in her direction. She felt her heart rate begin to speed up. “What is it?” she heard herself ask as she rose to go to him.
He shrugged carelessly. “I dunno. I found it there,” he jerked his head behind him, “under the rug at the door.”
A chill swept through Louise’s entire body when she took the envelope from Billy’s hand and saw the writing on the outside. To Louise From Vic.
Her fingers were shaking and her hands felt numb, with those peculiar pinpricks one feels as the circulation begins to return. She haltingly slid a finger under the flap and opened it. Inside were two folded pieces of paper.
Holding her breath, heart pounding with a mixture of joy and dread, she unfolded the letter. It was dated nearly three weeks previous. Staggeringly, she made her way the few steps to the bed and dropped down, finding her legs were no longer able to support her weight.
The first words brought instant tears to her eyes…
To My Sweet Mary Lou,
I’m writing this letter to beg you to forgive me for the lousy things I said to you when I found out your real age. I reacted like a jerk and I’m sorry. Please forgive me. My only excuse is I was scared and confused. I came by your place tonight to try and see you, to tell you in person, but lost my nerve. Didn’t know what the reception would have been to that.
Girl, you’re always on my mind. There ain’t been a minute since we met that I haven’t wanted to see you, be with you, hear your voice, and hold you in my arms…maybe too much and that scares me too. Since the night of the fight, I’ve missed you something awful.
But Louisville’s a bust for me. Just can’t seem to find a job here. So, I made a decision. I enlisted in the C’s again, a two-year hitch this time. While I’m in, my pay will be sent to my brother in Indiana and he’s going to keep it for me. When I get out, I’ll come back here. By then, you’ll be a few months from eighteen.
What I’m saying is – I love you, and I’m hoping you’ll wait for me. I want to take care of you and give you all the things you’ve always wanted. I’m asking you to marry me.
I don’t want nothing more in this life than for you to be my wife and for us to live, like they say, ‘happily ever after.’ If you’ll have me…
Let Alec know what you’re feeling. He’ll know how to get in touch with me. I’ll be waiting to hear from you. I’m leaving on the 9 AM bus in the morning if you want to come see me off.
All my love forever,
Vic
Barely able to read the last few words past the torrent of tears filling her eyes and spilling down her cheeks, Louise drew in a choked breath and pressed the letter against her chest, whispering, “Oh Vic, what have I done?” Her heart imploding, she burst into sobs.
Alarmed at his sister’s reaction to the letter, Billy called, “Mama! Come quick!”
“Is it from him?” Edna murmured, reaching to pry the letter from Louise’s grip. As Edna quickly scanned the words, Lilly and Sonny hurried into the room. One look at Louise’s face, then the letter, and they both instantly realized what had happened. Lilly felt an instant surge of guilt; Sonny an immediate burst of anger.
“Is that from Vic Matthews?” Sonny demanded, reaching to snatch it from Edna’s hand just as she finished reading the last words.
Lilly lowered herself down onto the bed next to her hysterical daughter and took her in her arms, her own eyes filled with tears. Sonny read the words of the letter out loud, over the sounds of Louise’s mournful wails as Lilly rocked her back and forth and murmured gently, “Ssshh, there now.”
“Well, don’t this beat all,” Edna groused. “Why’d he go and stick this under the door? That was a stupid thing to do!”
“If only we would have seen it sooner…” Lilly commented, her first irrational thought being that it was all her fault…she’d been slacking on her responsibilities…if she would have remembered to shake the rugs sooner…how had things gotten so far out of hand?
“But…” Billy mumbled, not totally understanding the full extent of the problem. In a child’s way of thinking, the solution was simple. “Mr. Vic says he loves you, Louise. Can’t you just write to ‘im and tell him you love him, too?”
Lilly closed her eyes, shaking her head sadly as she cradled her weeping daughter. “It’s not that simple, Billy. Louise is…she’s legally married to T.J. now. She belongs to him. I’m afraid there’s no going back…unless…” she paused, her eyes meeting Edna’s as Louise let out another wail. Edna knew immediately what their mother was thinking, so she shook her head. Louise had just told her the marriage had been consummated. There was no backing out now.
Sonny was angrier with his mother than he had ever been in his life. “Why’d you make her do it?” he exploded.
Lilly immediately reacted, “Don’t you raise your voice to me, young man!”
Sonny ignored her warning and surged on, “You knew she was crazy about Vic, but you made her feel so guilty, and like the only way you’d love her again was if she’d marry this other guy, just ‘cause he’s got a job and a car and his daddy promised to…” he paused as Louise, unable to take anymore, tore herself out of her mother’s arms and ran out of the apartment, ignoring her family’s calls to come back.
Clawing her way up the stairs, stumbling and crying, she reached the second floor bathroom, slammed the door and locked it. Then sinking down in the far corner, she pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs and pressing her forehead to her knees, determined to stay there for the rest of her life.
She sobbed until she had no more tears left.
*
Together, Edna and Lilly carefully packed up all of Louise’s belongings in preparation for the girl to join her husband when he returned to collect her and her things. Edna even put into the worn old suitcase her own newest outfit; one that Louise had admired so much. They pulled Louise’s box of mementos out from under the bed and made sure the string that held it shut was tied tightly.
When all was ready to go, Lilly climbed the stairs to the bathroom, glad that none of the other tenants seemed to be around, and spent many long minutes coaxing her devastated daughter to come out. Finally Louise opened the door, her face tear stained, her eyes and nose red and swollen.
Looking into her mother’s understanding eyes, Louise gasped haltingly, “H…how…how’m I g…gonna…do this? Why did this happen? Why didn’t we find the letter before… I…I can’t stand the thought of…stayin’ married to him. Oh Mama…I want Vic!”
Lilly clamped her lips together, sympathetic, but realistic. “Honey, you’ll just have to grit your teeth and bare it. Lots of women have married men they weren’t in love with, especially in the old days of arranged marriages. You just…” she paused, thinking about moments in her own past. “You just make the best of things.”
Louise pressed the back of her hand against her mouth and turned her head, a fresh surge of tears threatening to surface. Lilly went on, striving to give what comfort she could as she lovingly smoothed strands of her daughter’s hair back from her tear-dampened face. “It won’t be all bad…T.J. has a job, and a car…you won’t have to go to school with no lunch money anymore…”
School… The thought of it made Louise shiver. She opened her eyes and met the concerned gaze of her mother.
“I’m not going back to school.”
For a moment, Lilly wondered what Willis was going to say to all of this when he finally came home. She hadn’t tried to get in touch with him about it, and now, knowing how much he wanted all of his children to get an education, she dreaded the inevitable row when he found out – not to mention how he would react when he found out she had allowed Louise to marry at fifteen…
Nodding silently, she put her arm around her daughter, and together the two descended the stairs.
Louise was sure she would never know a happy moment again for the rest of her life.
‡
CHAPTER 24
Vic…Happy, Until the Bottom Drops Out
Pulling the old truck to a stop in the cleared area near where his crew was busy working on their latest project, Vic moved the gearshift into park and turned off the key.
He had traveled into town on an errand and to retrieve the mail from the post office, which he had quickly looked through and discovered to his dismay that there was nothing for him from the one person with whom he longed to connect. He did, however, receive a letter from Miss Irene and one from Alec. Opening the one from Alec first, he found it was merely a short missive informing him that he would be paying him a visit in a few weeks. That made Vic smile and nod. It would be good to see his best friend again. Besides missing Louise, he had missed the gang, and Louisville…
“Good lettah?” a friendly voice queried, and Vic looked down from the window of the truck to see his new friend Floyd standing with one foot up on the running board, and his customary jovial grin illuminating his face underneath the bill of his cap.
Vic grinn
ed back and nodded. “Yep, from my best pal back in Louisville. Says he’s comin’ here to see me in a few weeks.”
“Now, ‘at’s real nice, Chief,” the young man returned with a nod, using the nickname the guys in their crew had adopted for their manager. “I know’s you’ll have a good visit. Ain’t nothin’ like a visit from a friend.”
“You got that right,” Vic agreed with a happy smile.
“De way you was smilin’, I figured yuh girl done wrote yah a lettah like you been wantin’,” Floyd added guilelessly.
Vic’s smile dimmed a bit, but he gave a shrug. “Nah, not yet. She must be busy with school or…maybe she’s gonna be in another play, who knows,” he added optimistically.
That illusive, and much hoped for letter was a sore subject. It was on Vic’s mind constantly, wondering why Louise hadn’t written, if she was still upset with him, and there was the possibility her folks wouldn’t let her write to him… However, if that were the case, he was sure Fleet would have found a way to help her sneak a message to him. He gave a soft snort as he thought of how Fleet had helped Louise sneak around and do so many things since he had known the two of them – he couldn’t imagine it being any different now. But, that always brought him around again to wondering why no letter. So many probabilities…her mother found his letter and threw it away without letting her see it…her father forbade her to write…she was mad at him…or maybe even something good, perhaps she was planning a surprise for him, or even playing hard to get.
Whatever the case may be, now that Alec was coming for a visit, he knew his time of being totally in the dark was about to come to an end – and he couldn’t wait. Vic had even written Louise another letter and had it stashed with his stuff in his footlocker, just waiting for the go-ahead to send it.