by Linda Ellen
“Ruth and Earl stood up with us, and we got married in that chapel over in Jeffersonville,” Fleet answered carefully, feeling the pinch of the unspoken questions everyone was trying to hold back.
Louise nodded, unconsciously lifting a hand to her chest attempting to still her suddenly racing heart. Should she ask? Would they tell her?
“Ruth and Earl? That’s good… How are they?” she asked instead, beginning to feel a bit woozy, as it was the first time she had ventured out after her most recent case of tonsillitis. Her thundering heart seemed to zap her small store of energy. Stepping sideways a few paces in order to avoid the direct rays of the sun, she wiped her forehead with the back of her hand.
“Hey…you alright?” Alec asked, instantly concerned at the sight of her suddenly pale countenance.
Fleet drew near, obviously worried. “You don’t look so good…you been sick?”
Louise nodded as she reached inside her pocketbook and took out her handkerchief to wipe her perspiring face. “Been having a lot of sore throats again.”
“Oh man, that’s lousy,” Fleet hummed, exchanging glances with her husband. They both wondered if what they were witnessing was more than just physical weakness.
Suddenly tears threatened, and Louise looked up into her friend’s eyes. “I’m sorry I’ve been so out of touch…at first, Mama and Daddy wouldn’t let me go anywhere but school…then T.J. wouldn’t bring me over to the old neighborhood…I…” she paused, clamping her lips shut and turning her face away.
“Aw honey…we understood…” Fleet began, as her husband soothed, “Your brother told me what happened…” Louise looked back up, tears overflowing past her lashes as she met Alec’s eyes. She couldn’t wait a second more. She had to know…
“How is he?” she asked softly. More than once, she had wondered how Vic had taken the news of her marriage. Knowing how many times in his life he had been hurt and disappointed by those who had professed to love him, it tore at her soul that she had unintentionally joined those ranks.
Alec exchanged another glance with his wife, wondering what to tell Louise. Truthfully, Alec had been quite miffed toward the girl who had broken his best friend’s heart…but now that he had seen her again, he could tell immediately that her life wasn’t the least bit happy. His heart softened and he smiled gently.
“He’s okay. He’s doin’ pretty good in the C’s this time. They made him a crew boss and he gets to order a bunch of seventeen-year-olds around,” he tried to joke.
Louise strived to giggle through her tears, but it came out in more of a strangled gasp. Then after a struggling moment, the dam seemed to burst and she cried out, “Oh Alec! I made such a mess of things! If only I’d seen his letter! If only I’d waited…or tried to get word to one of you…or hadn’t felt so sorry for myself! I…I miss him so much…” she cried as both of her friends wrapped her in their arms. Fleet’s eyes filled with tears as she laid her cheek against Louise’s hair and tried to whisper words that she thought might calm her. Alec closed his eyes, fighting the same malady as he remembered his best friend’s melt down when he had broken the news to him.
Against Alec’s now dampened shirt front, Louise mumbled, “I’ve never stopped loving him, Alec…never. And I never will!”
It was quite some time before Louise was able to get hold of her emotions long enough to pull back and wipe the tears from her face. For the next few minutes, the threesome shared details of one another’s lives since the last time they had all been together and happy. That night of the K.C. dance seemed so long ago.
Then with the promise to keep in touch, and with the assurance that they would let Vic know that she had asked after him, the friends went their separate ways.
*
Summer arrived and seemed to drag on, hot and muggy. It was miserable for everyone, as it seemed that life in the city had been reduced to just trying to survive the long days and even longer nights. Sleeping with the windows open didn’t help much at all, as it only let in uncomfortably warm air and mosquitoes, unless you were lucky enough to have screens on your windows.
The situation did not improve between T.J. and Louise. In fact, after the unexpected meeting with Fleet and Alec, Louise seemed to retreat more and more into a moody shell. T.J. found other places to go after work – and Louise wondered if those places included dins of ‘iniquity’. Truthfully, however, she didn’t much care.
Edna had become involved with a young Filipino man by the name of Gene that she had met when he had come into the delicatessen where she was working. On the spur of the moment and against her parents’ wishes, they had gotten married in a quickie ceremony at the courthouse downtown. Willis and Lilly refused to attend the wedding, leaving it to the groom’s brother and sister-in-law to be their witnesses. However, Lilly did consent to give them a small reception afterwards, though she fussed the whole time that now two of her daughters had married, but neither in a church wedding.
T.J. grudgingly agreed to attend the reception, although he made excuses and insisted that they leave early. That had resulted in their most ferocious fight to date, after which he had slammed out of the apartment and headed off to who knows where, and not returning until nearly dawn.
Louise was glad to see him go. Alone in their apartment, she switched on their radio for some company, and decided to indulge in her secret pastime – reminiscing.
Opening the drawer in her bureau where she kept her under clothes, she removed the treasured jewelry box she had won that magical night of the K.C. dance. Retrieving the key from another drawer, she carefully unlocked the box and lay down on the bed. The mirror inside the cover reflected the soft light in the room as she slowly opened the lid and carefully lowered it back onto the hobnail bedspread. For Louise, this was like stepping inside of a dream world, where she could shut out her miserable existence for a little while as she transported herself back in time, holding the cherished objects.
One by one, she removed the items from her ‘treasure chest’…ticket stubs from the amusement park and the two dances she had gone to with Vic…the clipping of the story with Vic’s photo from the newspaper during the flood, which read, “Hometown Heroes Save Six Lives.”…her copy of the picture of her and Vic engaged in a passionate kiss…a blue velvet bow she had worn in her hair during the play…a Derby pin Vic had given her from the day he worked at the track…one of the 1801 quarters that Vic had given her from his treasure stash… the white knight figurine he had won her at Fontaine Ferry… the velvet box in which her beloved amethyst necklace had been housed… and finally the letter Vic had written where he had told her of his plans, proposed, and asked her to wait for him to return.
She picked up the last item and stared at the envelope, where To Louise, From Vic, was written in Vic’s distinctive left-handed script, and then reverently brought it to her lips. Pressing a soft kiss to its surface, she imagined she could still detect a bit of his scent on the paper.
With tears welling in her eyes, she oh-so-carefully removed the two pieces of treasured paper and read each word, slowly and lovingly as she held the amethyst pendant to her lips… His sweet apology for ‘reacting like a jerk’, his admission that she was always on his mind, his revelation that he was going away to join the C’s again, the treasured three words I love you that she had dreamed of hearing, along with his proposal of marriage. And finally, his salutation – All my love forever…
At that moment, as if by cosmic design, the radio announcer’s nasally voice began to introduce the next song he would play. Louise’s heart sped up and somehow she knew what it would be before he had even said the words, and the familiar strains of Once in A While began to softly fill the room…
Lifting the newspaper clipping with the picture of Vic smiling proudly with his crew, she stared at it, wishing she could make him come alive and step into her universe.
Oh Vic…I miss you so much…do you think of me…do you miss me as much as I miss you? Are we destined to spend the rest
of our lives like this, because of my stupid choice? Wherever you are right now, tonight, I wish you could hear me tell you how much I love you. I pray that somehow, some way, things could be different. If God is merciful…
Pressing the letter and picture to her chest, a miserable Louise curled herself into a ball on her bed and once again cried herself to sleep. Then waking in the wee hours of the morning to the sounds of T.J. cursing loudly as he struggled to get his key to work in the outside door downstairs, she scrambled to place the items back in the box and hide it away again before he stumbled drunkenly up the steps and into the apartment. Managing to feign sleep, she was ever so grateful when he began snoring almost immediately after falling into bed.
Not for the first time, she lay there wondering if this was how the rest of her life was going to be…or if God would punish her very badly if she should somehow find a way to escape. She began to make plans…
However, as fall’s cooler temperatures began to turn the leaves into the breathtaking shades of red, gold, and orange, Louise once again came down with the dreaded infection in her tonsils. For her husband, it was the last straw on the camel’s back, as he had been undergoing more and more stress and aggravation in his work and his life. When she hesitantly informed him of her news upon his return from work that evening, he erupted in anger.
“Great! Just what we need! More bills – and more time of you staying over at your parents’ place!”
Louise had dissolved in tears. “I’m sorry!” I don’t get sick on purpose, you know!”
“Well, why DO you, then?” he bellowed, running a hand through his hair in aggravation.
“I don’t know! But you getting mad at me doesn’t help anything,” she fired back, resulting in a round of coughing and a dash to the bathroom.
When she returned to their rooms, he was staring into the open refrigerator, looking vainly for something he could make himself for supper, since his wife hadn’t felt like cooking or cleaning all day. He cast an angry look at her as she slipped, shaking with fever, into the bed and pulled the covers up to her chin.
“Might as well tell you now…we got too many bills and I ain’t making enough money. The rent’s past due and the landlady wants us out.” He neglected to mention the many and various ways he had been wasting money of late.
“What?” Louise had choked, levering herself up on one elbow. “Why didn’t you tell me we were having trouble?” she demanded, hating that he always seem to spring bad news on her like this.
“Because I’m the man and I take care of the business,” he snapped. Angrily taking a container of leftover soup from the icebox, he unceremoniously dumped the contents into a pot and flipped on the stove’s burner.
She stared at him, her eyes clearly showing her hurt and anger. “So what are we gonna do then?”
“Mom and Dad said we could stay with them until we get back on our feet,” he grumbled, hating the feeling of ‘crawling back home with his tail between his legs’. Louise sighed miserably, and lowered herself back down under the covers, her high fever causing her to shiver in spite of the warmth of the steam-heated room. She hated the thought of moving in with T.J.’s family, in the big home they had rented for them and their six kids – including the snotty and hateful Helen and the aggravating Rory. Louise knew she would never have another minute to herself, and that T.J.’s mother would be forever sticking her nose in their business.
A few minutes went by while T.J. retrieved a bowl and a glass as he made preparations for eating his supper. Glancing her way and seeing tears of misery silently trailing from his wife’s closed eyes, and softening just a bit, he mumbled, “You want anything?”
She shook her head. The mere thought of food made her feel sicker.
He nodded and went about his actions. Then after a few minutes, he mumbled, “I’ll take you over to your mom’s in the morning, and this weekend I’ll get our stuff moved to Mom and Dad’s place.”
With a despondent moan, Louise rolled over and covered her head, wondering if things could get any worse.
*
“Oh honey, come here,” Lilly crooned as she opened the door to T.J.’s knock. He had actually parked the car and walked Louise to the door for once, perhaps feeling guilty over how he had griped at her the previous evening.
Lilly opened her arms as she had done so many times before, allowing Louise to shuffle into them as T.J. placed her bag of necessities on the floor just inside the threshold.
“Gotta run. Hope you get better soon,” he added. Reaching out to lay a hand awkwardly against Louise’s back for a second before nodding to Lilly in what amounted to thanking her for caring for his wife, he then disappeared out the door and down the hall.
“I’m sorry, Mama,” Louise whispered. “I wish I didn’t get sick so much…and I don’t know what I’d do without you!” she added, dissolving into miserable tears.
“There, there, I know, child,” Lilly soothed, leading her stricken daughter into the bedroom and helping her to take off her sweater and shoes and get settled in the bed. “Good thing we decided to keep the extra bed in here,” she mumbled as she fussed with the covers, drawing them up to Louise’s chin. “Edna and that husband of hers didn’t need it, since they mostly stay in hotels or boarding houses. I still can’t believe she married a traveling salesman!” she added with a sniff of disapproval.
“How are they doing?” Louise croaked tiredly.
“I suppose they’re fine. I don’t exactly hear from her much, except when she needs a few dollars.”
“How’s Sonny doing?” Louise whispered as she scooted over and made room for her mother to sit.
For a moment, Lilly’s countenance brightened as she thought of her wonderful son.
“He’s well. He likes the camp, and his new friends there, and says their commanding officer is fair. And oh my, I don’t have to tell you how much the regular money coming in has helped around here,” she added, leaning to get a feel of Louise’s hot forehead. “My lands, child, you’re burning up.”
Getting up, she made her way out to the kitchen and soon returned with a wet cloth, which felt wonderful against Louise’s fevered skin and helped to ease the tonsillitis headache she’d been plagued with since she woke up.
Louise relaxed a tad, enjoying the bit of comfort. “I’m still surprised you really let him join the CCC’s…I know you must worry about him and miss him.”
Lilly pursed her lips thoughtfully. “Yes, I do…but as your father always reminds me, Sonny’s a man now. He’s eighteen and he can take care of himself. I guess he proved that back during the crisis,” she admitted as Louise nodded. “And he writes us regularly, so that helps.”
Louise smiled, thinking of the letters she had also received from her brother. He wrote such wonderful letters; always full of interesting and funny things that were happening at the camp they had sent him to in Virginia.
Suddenly, Louise was hit with a coughing fit, and her mother fretted and hovered until her daughter could finally settle back against the pillows.
“No more talking now, you just lay there and try to rest. I’ll get the doctor,” Lilly murmured as she headed toward the door. “Surely something can be done to stop these attacks.”
While Lilly was downstairs, Louise lay there on her childhood bed in her old room, allowing her eyes to wander over familiar pieces of furniture and pictures on the wall. Her fever quite high, everything seemed to be tinged with a red hue, although she knew that was just an effect of her condition. Oh I wish I could turn back the clock and still be living here, with people who care about me, she lamented, wondering if sickness, misery, and unhappiness would always be her lot in life. I won’t think about that right now, I’ve got to concentrate on getting over this sore throat, she determined as her eyes slowly closed in fatigue. The next thing she knew, the doctor was bending over her and examining her throat.
Lilly had been right, something certainly needed to be done. Once that current bout of infection subsi
ded, the doctor insisted that Louise have the offending organs removed, assuring her that she would feel much better once they were gone. He even hinted that the poison from her often-infected tonsils could be the reason she had not become pregnant. Upon hearing that, T.J.’s father insisted that she have them removed and graciously agreed to pay for the procedure. Privately, however, Louise figured that was less about wanting to care for her and more about helping to begin the production of grandchildren.
The surgery was a horrible experience for Louise. The doctor insisted it would amount to ‘nothing’ and performed the job in his office. However, as he had begun to clamp the diseased organs for removal, they had practically disintegrated and he had been forced to give Louise round after round of ether to keep her sedated.
By the time it was over, her throat was extremely raw and T.J. once again insisted that she recuperate at her parents’ apartment. Her mother took special care of her throughout the ordeal, even purchasing special malted shakes to feed her daughter – the only thing Louise could swallow while her throat healed.
The time spent during her convalescence was a happy interlude in an otherwise bleak existence for the young woman.
*
Three months later, in the converted attic room she shared with her husband, Louise lay on the bed listening to him scream obscenities from the room on the first floor. In frustration, she clamped her hands over her ears, trying to block out the sounds.
Her husband’s behavior had degenerated into a disturbing pendulum. One moment he was verbally lashing out at her over the smallest things. Then the next, he was attempting to be ‘romantic’ as he tried his best to seduce her into submission so that he could assuage his manly needs. She avoided both extremes at all costs, but of necessity at times found herself with no other recourse than to submit to his overtures. During those times, she would lay motionless beneath him as he had his way, with her eyes closed, waiting until he was finished. T.J. never failed to tell her that she was the most unexciting ‘lay’ he had ever had, which hurt, but at the same time, she wasn’t about to try and change his opinion. Over the months of their marriage, she had drifted farther and farther toward active dislike and even hatred of the man to whom she was married.