“I do,” she laughed, slipping out of his reach. “Mike?”
“No, thanks. I just came over to get some much-needed exercise. Jeanie has a long list of chores I have to get done.”
“Next time.” She turned back to Phil, standing on her tiptoes to brush her lips over his cheek. “Lunch is ready.”
“Things appear to be back on track,” Mike said as Phil walked with him toward his car. “I mean with you and Lina.”
“Yes,” Phil agreed. “Now I need to figure out how to deal with Kim.” He proceeded to confide in him about the receipt Kim had left in his pocket. “If Lina hadn’t stopped me, I don’t know what in the hell I would have done.”
“Jesus,” Mike said, stopping as they reached the driveway. “Is she certifiable? Are you going to find a rabbit boiling on the stove?”
“No. She isn’t crazy. Just delusional. The idea of a man not wanting her is apparently alien to her. I think she actually believed I’d eventually come back to her. And ‘come back’ is a generous term because I was never with her—not in more than a physical sense. It’s always been Lina.”
“You know I never said anything to you after you moved out because I didn’t want to kick you while you were down, but what the fuck were you thinking? I mean Lina? You cheated on Lina?”
“I don’t need a lecture, Mike,” he said, annoyance shooting through him. “I’m more aware than anyone how much I fucked up my life.”
“Sorry,” Mike said. “It’s just…” He trailed off. “It’s just hard to believe.” He looked down at his phone. “Just a second. It’s Jeanie,” he said as he brought his phone to his ear.
Phil clasped the back of his neck, looking out at the woods that flanked his property. Mike was right. It was even hard for him to believe he’d cheated on Lina. He’d been temporarily insane. He thought back to the night it started. He’d been in New York City on business and he’d returned Lina’s call after returning to his hotel room. She’d told him she was giving Katie back her cell phone. He’d taken it away months earlier when he’d caught her doing drugs.
“What in the fuck, Lina? I don’t have a say anymore? This doctor is now making the decisions?”
“He’s the professional. What do you want to do? Ignore the advice we’re paying for?”
“No, not ignore it. We can take it under advisement, but you’re acting like he’s some god—like we have to blindly follow everything he says.”
“What he’s saying is working. She actually talked to me today. And yesterday she came down for dinner without being called. She’s getting better!”
“Don’t raise your voice at me!”
“Why not? Are you the only one who’s allowed to yell?”
“I’m her father. You should be discussing things with me.”
“We are discussing it,” Lina snapped. “We are on the phone right now discussing it. Even though I didn’t want to call you because I knew you would be completely unreasonable about it, I called to discuss it with you.”
“Oh, is that right? You don’t want to talk to me?” His hand tightened on the phone.
“Not about Katie. Because you just can’t accept that you have no idea how to parent her.”
“You won’t let me parent her!”
“I did let you! I let you sever her Internet access and take away her phone. I agreed to that. I didn’t want to, but I did, and look what happened.”
“So now what? It’s my fault? Is that what the good doctor said? That I’m the reason she cut herself?”
Seconds went by before she responded. “Losing access to her friends was probably a contributing factor to her depression.”
“Do whatever the fuck you want with her. I’ll just work and pay the bills.” He hurled his phone across the hotel room, shattering it on the wall. “Fuck!”
“What?” Phil asked, pulling his mind back to the present when he realized Mike was speaking to him.
“I was asking about Kim. Is she actively pursuing you?”
“Actively pursuing me?” Phil repeated, lifting an eyebrow. “Let’s just say she isn’t subtle in letting me know she’d like me to fuck her.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah,” Phil agreed. “It doesn’t matter how many times I rebuff her. Her tenacity is boundless. As an attorney it serves her well. But in this case, I’m seriously considering a restraining order.”
“Wouldn’t that get her disbarred?”
“Probably, but I’m not going to stand by while she torments my wife. Lina has been through enough.”
“She’s just trying to create a rift between the two of you.”
“I realize that, Mike.”
“Driving from Virginia to Baltimore on a weekday to go to that particular store, that took effort. Why give her the satisfaction of thinking it even remotely succeeded? She’s probably waiting for you to show up or call. Let her keep waiting. That receipt could have easily gone undetected. Let her believe it was all for naught. Don’t play into her game.”
Chapter Eleven
“Oh my God,” Adele said the next afternoon after meeting Brian Drayton for the first time. “He looks so much like his father.”
“I know,” Lina said.
They were stretched out on lounge chairs beside the pool, enjoying another picture-perfect day with temperatures hovering in the low eighties. Logan, Brian, and a few of Logan’s other friends had just cut through the pool area on their way to the lacrosse field.
“I thought Phil was taking them to Philadelphia this weekend.”
“He decided to drive up Monday for the championship game,” Lina said. She knew it was because he hadn’t wanted to leave her overnight.
“Have you seen Nick lately?”
“He dropped Brian off yesterday.” Lina felt a flash of anxiety at the memory of the way Phil had treated him. “I wish Phil would stop harboring this hostility toward him.”
“What do you expect? You dated him.”
“It’s not like I slept with him,” Lina said. “He could at least be civil.”
Adele laughed. “Do you know your husband? He’s never going to be civil to Nick Drayton. He’s jealous of him.”
Lina had come to the same conclusion herself. “But there’s no reason for him to be jealous.”
“Nick saved Katie. You say it all the time. Following his advice is what pulled Katie out of her depression. Don’t you think that eats at Phil a little, knowing that another man had to step into your family and help his daughter?”
“Nick is a trained professional. What we were doing wasn’t working. We had no choice but to take her to a psychiatrist.”
“I know. But put yourself in Phil’s shoes for a second. He loves control, and during that time he lost it. Nick was calling the shots when it came to parenting Katie. It bothered him that another man could get through to his daughter when he couldn’t.”
Lina thought of Phil’s words the morning they went through the pictures. He’d said he failed as a father. Her stomach twisted at the memory of the pain she’d seen in his eyes. “We didn’t have a choice,” she repeated, more to herself than to Adele. “He wanted her to get better, too.”
“Of course he did. And I’m sure his ego could have handled the bruising if all Nick did was save Katie. But then he came after you.”
“He wasn’t after me.” She could feel her face heating.
“He told you he had feelings for you when you were still with Phil.”
“He knew we were having problems,” Lina said defensively. “He knew about Kim.”
“That actually makes it worse. And as much as I think Phil is being a hypocrite, I can see why he doesn’t want Nick anywhere near you.”
Adele’s words played in Lina’s head for the remainder of the day. When Phil joined her in their bedroom later that night, she decided to broach the subject. “I need to ask you something, and I want you to answer me honestly regardless of whether or not
you think it will make me angry.”
He was standing before his bureau, taking off his watch. “Are you sure you want to chance getting angry at eleven o’clock at night?”
“It’s bothering me, and I won’t be able to sleep if I keep thinking about it.”
“What is it?”
“Do you feel like I cheated on you emotionally with Nick Drayton?”
He curved his hand around the back of his neck. “Cheated on,” he repeated, his eyes narrowed. “No, I don’t feel that you cheated on me. I think you confided in him too much. Sought out his counsel instead of mine at times. But it wasn’t intentional. He lulled you into doing it. He asked you inappropriate questions about our marriage under the guise of treating Katie. He knew you were desperate to help her and took advantage of the situation because he had feelings for you. He’s the one who crossed the line, not you.”
“Do you think that caused the distance between us?”
“I know he did.”
“And that made room for Kim?”
“If you’re asking if Drayton is responsible for my affair, the answer is no. I’m responsible. We were struggling. Yes, in part it was because of him, but I should have made different choices.”
“But what if he’d never come into our lives?”
“He did come into our lives.” Phil sat down on the edge of the bed. “And I did cheat. Why are we going backward?”
“I was just wondering if the anger you feel toward him is because you blame him for everything.”
“I feel anger toward him because he likes to sit in judgment over me while the truth is he pursued the married mother of one of his patients. He would have had an affair with you if you were willing. You know that, right?”
She hesitated before answering, considering his question. “Not while we were together.”
“You’re not that naive. I saw the way he looked at you. The first time I met him, at Megan’s graduation, I could see his interest.”
She couldn’t deny it. She had noticed the way he’d looked at her that day, too. “He never said anything inappropriate, though, not while we were together.” As soon as she said the words, she remembered Nick had told her both that he was attracted to her and loved her before she separated from Phil.
“That isn’t true.” Phil was watching her closely. “Is it?”
“I’m not interested in him in that way.”
“That isn’t what I asked. But you don’t have to answer because the truth was all over your face.”
Over the next several days, Lina struggled with what to do about Nick. She hadn’t texted him since she got back with Phil, but knowing she had the option brought her comfort. He’d brought Katie back to her, and he had been her counselor and friend during her separation from Phil. It couldn’t remain that way. It wasn’t fair to Nick or to Phil to continue the relationship. She knew that, but severing ties with him filled her with anxiety. He’d been her crutch. She drafted and deleted dozens of texts before finally settling on one.
Nick—I know this message is overdue, and I apologize. It took me longer than it should have to articulate my thoughts. You came into my life at a very difficult time, and your counsel and friendship during that time is something I will always cherish. You brought Katie back to us, and for that I will never be able to thank you enough. I shudder to think where we would be now if you hadn’t agreed to take her on as your patient. Thank you. I also want to apologize for the way Phil has treated you and continues to treat you. He is a complicated man. I know you believe that I have an unhealthy dependence on him, but you’re wrong. He is the love of my life. From the moment I saw him, before words were even spoken, I knew he was my person. Unless you have experienced that kind of connection, I don’t think you can understand what it means. I suppose I’m telling you this so that you’ll understand that there isn’t a doubt in my mind that I’m where I’m supposed to be. For that reason, I have to end our friendship. I don’t expect a response to this message. I wish you the best.
Lina wiped a few tears from her eyes before pressing the send button.
Chapter Twelve
There were more than one hundred and fifty guests gathered to witness the nuptials between Alice and Drew Rayburn. It was an eclectic group, with people dressed in everything from tuxedos and dresses to shorts and jeans. It was like a window into Lina’s childhood, where people from all walks of life, from poets to dishwashers, would have equal access to the Rayburn house. What they did have in common was a belief in the occult and a love for Alice Rayburn, who shared her vast knowledge of astrology with anyone who was interested. And often those who weren’t, spouting out her unorthodox beliefs without filter.
Phil could still remember the first time his parents met Alice Rayburn. His mother had insisted she and his father needed to see where their son was spending so much of his time. Alice agreed that it was time to meet Lina’s future in-laws. She’d done Phil’s astrological chart months earlier and determined, according to her, that they were cosmic soul mates destined to be together not only in their current lifetime but for all lifetimes.
His mother baked a cake, and she, along with Phil and his father, stopped over early on a Sunday afternoon. The first thing Alice said after greeting them was that their son possessed a gold aura, indicating the highest spiritual level a person could attain. At that point the Hunters’ eyes had glossed over and opinions had been formed. Alice Rayburn was eccentric.
Phil’s parents had been noticeably absent from the wedding invitation list. Alice had finally showed her cards, saying without words what Phil had known for years: Alice didn’t like his parents. She’d resented them since they’d taken Lina in when she was sixteen. It didn’t matter that it was Lina’s idea, that she didn’t feel safe after the home invasion unless she was with Phil. Alice felt that the Hunters should have encouraged her to go home. When they didn’t, instead embracing Lina and treating her like one of their own, Alice considered it an affront to her role as Lina’s mother. Normally free-loving and nonjudgmental, Alice had shown up at the Hunter household the day before Lina’s seventeenth birthday and accused them of trying to steal her daughter. Lina, who was present for her mother’s tirade, told Alice she belonged with Phil and was never going to live apart from him again.
Alice left without her daughter that day. It was never spoken of again. Over the ensuing decades, through college graduations, births, and holidays, Alice appeared outwardly friendly to his parents, but it never felt authentic to Phil. Lina reprimanded her mother on more than a few occasions, especially when the children were younger, because Alice would literally pluck the children from Susan’s arms as if she had more rights to them than Susan.
“They’re more mine than hers,” Alice would say. “Everyone knows grandchildren are connected more to their maternal grandparents. It’s just natural. They came from the mother’s body, after all.”
“She’s beautiful,” Lina whispered, pulling Phil’s thoughts back to the wedding.
“She is,” Phil agreed, watching a tuxedo-clad Logan lead his grandmother down the aisle. Alice Rayburn, in a white cocktail-length wedding dress, her hair swept up in a chignon, looked radiant. Today, Alice was a bride.
His thoughts drifted to Lina and how he’d felt twenty-one years earlier, when his father walked her down the aisle to him. He remembered the lump in his throat and how he’d prayed he’d be able to say his vows without crying. He’d somehow managed. He took a deep breath. The twenty-two-year-old him wouldn’t have believed him capable of being with another woman. The forty-three-year-old him could barely conceive it. And yet the proof of his infidelity was now seven months old.
He felt Lina’s fingers slide over his palm before entwining with his. Her lips were turned up in a soft smile as she watched Logan deliver her mother to her father. “You’re actually enjoying this,” he whispered in her ear.
“Shhh,” she chastised him, squeezing his hand.
�
�Are you sure you don’t want my handkerchief?” he teased.
“Yes.”
“Good, because I really think I might cry. The thought of having to endure him at every family function—”
“Phil—stop,” she whispered. She was attempting to frown at him, but he could tell from the twitching at the corners of her lips that she was trying not to laugh.
His focus shifted to Shiloh who was sitting with her husband, Julian, on the groom’s side of the aisle. Julian was an improvement over Shiloh’s first husband, who’d physically abused her, but not by much. Phil had banned him from his house after Julian yelled at Shiloh in a drunken rage at a party. The rest of the family had since forgiven him. Shiloh had been in a car accident a few months earlier and Julian had patiently nursed her back to health. It was enough to redeem him in Alice and Adele’s eyes. Phil wasn’t as forgiving.
***
“Apparently, I’m next,” Adele said after slipping into the chair beside Lina’s at one of several tables surrounding the makeshift dance floor in Alice’s backyard. “According to my solar return, anyway.”
“Next?” Lina pulled her gaze from the dance floor.
“For marriage. Mom said he’s so close she’s surprised I haven’t met him yet.” She lifted her wineglass to her lips.
“Nice.” Lina nodded.
“I’m not getting married again,” Adele said dryly.
“You never know. The right guy could come along and sweep you off your feet.”
“I just wish I could find someone to fuck.”
“Adele!” Lina frowned at her.
“What?” Adele’s eye’s widened. “I do. We both know what you’re doing every night. You’ve been smiling since you got back with him. Why should you be the only one getting action? Do you know how long it’s been for me?”
“No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”
“Six weeks. And after today it’s going to be six weeks and one day, because there is absolutely no one fuckable here.” She looked around at the other guests, who were spread out between the dance area, the tables, and the patio. “I find myself wanting to believe in astrology. I want—no, strike that—I need to find someone. Doesn’t Phil know anyone?”
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