Swimming Naked

by Laura Branchflower

  “Fine. I’m just trying to save you pain.”

  “It’s too late for that.”

  “Adele said they’d moved to the area.”

  “Yes.”

  “I know you’re upset about it, but my recommendation to you is to reach out and bury the hatchet. It isn’t good for you to hold on to this inner resentment.”

  “I have zero desire to bury anything. I never want to see her,” Lina fumed. “She slept with my husband. She tried to destroy my marriage. And now she’s moved into my neighborhood.”

  Lina’s first thoughts on the morning of her birthday were of Kim and the pictures Kim had sent her exactly one year ago. They would forever be associated with her birthday. She knew she would never be able to enjoy the day in the same way again. Phil had wanted to take her away for a couple of days, but with Liam’s upcoming visit that weekend and her new job starting the following Monday, she had too many loose ends to wrap up.

  “You didn’t have to take the day off,” Lina told Phil when she found him in his study dressed in jeans and a sweater. He’d taken Logan to the bus stop earlier and woke her up with coffee and her favorite pastry. “I’m not even going to be here most of the day.”

  “I will be,” he said, lifting his gaze from his computer display. “I need to finish putting the crib together and hang those shelves you bought.”

  “I’m not afraid of her,” she said, knowing why he’d chosen to take the day off.

  “Good.” He slid the chair back from his desk as she came up beside him, tugging her down into his lap.

  “Did you talk to Megan about Liam?” She began to play with the hair at his nape.

  “I did. She has too much going on to come up for the weekend. She’ll just meet him over Thanksgiving or when she’s home for Christmas. We need to talk to Logan and Katie.”

  “We will tonight. Don’t expect a lot from Logan. He’s already said he isn’t going to be home when Liam comes over. I don’t think we should push—not at first, anyway.” She could see he wanted to argue, but he remained silent, probably because it was her birthday. “You’re getting grayer,” she said, her fingers trailing through the splattering of gray hair at his temples. “There’s a lot right around here.”

  “I’m getting old.”

  “You wear it well,” she said, thinking of how handsome he looked.

  “I wear you well.” He curved his hand around the back of her head.

  ***

  It was after nine when they arrived home from Lina’s birthday dinner. To Phil’s relief, Kim had been silent. Although Lina had claimed not to be afraid of Kim, Phil knew the memory of her previous birthday had weighed on her mind. He’d felt anger at Kim in waves throughout the day as he, too, relived the nightmare from the previous year. It was the anniversary of the night Lina had spent with Nick Drayton, and while he believed her that nothing had happened, the memory of her walking into Drayton’s town house while he stood on the porch still felt like a punch to his stomach.

  “Don’t go anywhere,” Phil said to Logan and Katie when they all came into the house from the garage. “Your mom and I need to talk to the two of you.”

  “You’re not going to tell us you’re getting a divorce again, are you?” Katie asked.

  “No!” Phil and Lina said in unison.

  “Good, because Mom’s birthday would be a really weird time to tell us. Last year it was the day after and—”

  “Katie, enough!” Phil said. “We’re not getting a divorce.”

  “Fine. You don’t have to get angry about it.” She dropped down in a chair beside Logan at the kitchen table. “It wasn’t like it was an unreasonable conclusion.”

  Katie was right. They’d sat them down in the exact same spot a year ago to tell them they were separating. “Let’s do this in the living room,” he said, touching Lina’s arm before she sat down.

  “Wait,” she whispered to him when he began to follow the kids toward the front of the house. “Let me tell them. I think it’s important that they know it’s my idea.”

  “I’m sure you’ve both noticed that your dad and I have been transforming the guest room upstairs into a nursery,” she began. “Dad finished putting the crib together today, which was the final piece. We’re planning to have Liam spend the night this Friday.”

  “I’m not going to be here,” Logan said, getting to his feet.

  “Sit down,” Phil said shortly, anger rushing to his chest.

  Logan hesitated for a fraction of a second before dropping back down onto the couch beside Katie. He was leaning forward with his knees spread wide and his elbows resting on his thighs.

  “He’ll be here from about six Friday until five on Saturday. Nothing is expected of either of you. It would be nice if you could be here, but if you’re not ready that’s your prerogative.”

  “You’re not going to expect me to babysit, are you?” Katie asked. “I want to meet him, but I’m—”

  “No,” Lina interrupted. “No one is asking you to babysit. Dad has a limited time with him, and—”

  “Can I go?” Logan interrupted.

  “Let her finish, Logan,” Phil said.

  Lina touched Phil’s thigh, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “I’m done.”

  Logan jumped up and left the room.

  Phil had to fight the urge to follow him. He was acting like a spoiled child.

  “It’s okay,” Lina said, patting his thigh. “Baby steps.”

  “I think he’s jealous,” Katie said. “He likes being your only son.”

  “I think it may be a little more complicated than that,” Lina said.

  “I don’t,” Katie continued. “If Liam was a girl he’d be fine.”

  “I don’t like that we’re letting him leave,” Phil said to Lina as they got ready for bed. “He’s part of this family. You can’t just pick what parts you like.”

  “I think this situation is a little out of the ordinary, don’t you?”

  “We’re still his family. You’re letting him abandon the family. I’m not sure what kind of message that’s sending him. You don’t just bail when you don’t like a situation. He shouldn’t think it’s an option. We’re teaching him to be man, not a boy.”

  “He’s upset. And I think Katie’s partially right. He feels threatened by Liam’s existence.”

  “That’s ridiculous.” He yanked back the comforter.

  “It doesn’t matter if you think it’s ridiculous,” Lina said, slipping off her robe before getting into bed. “It’s what he’s feeling.”

  “I told him a year ago that no one could ever replace him.”

  “Maybe you need to tell him again. He’s sensitive. You seem to keep forgetting that.”

  “I think you babied him too much.”

  “Now you’re being ridiculous. He isn’t you. Stop expecting him to act the way you think he should act. He’s his own person and a pretty extraordinary person at that.” She rolled over on her side, away from him.

  “Hey. Don’t get mad at me.” He gently cupped her shoulder and tugged her backward. “We’re just talking.”

  “He needs time, Phil,” she said. “It doesn’t have to be a rush. Liam isn’t going anywhere.”

  “How much time?”

  “I don’t know. We’ll just take it one visit at a time. But he has a big heart. He’ll eventually come around.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Lina spent most of Friday in a heightened state of anxiety, unable to think of anything but Liam’s impending visit. She filled out some employment paperwork for Dolmar Enterprises, went to the grocery store and bought way too much baby food, vacuumed the entire house even though the cleaning service had been out the day before, and then attended a midday yoga session, hoping that would calm her nerves. It didn’t. When five o’clock came around, approximately an hour before Phil and Liam were due to arrive, she poured herself a large glass of wine and settled down at the table wit
h a magazine.

  Thirty minutes later her heart began to pound in her chest when she heard the sound of the garage door opening. When it turned out to be Katie instead of Phil, her shoulders sagged with relief.

  “What time are they coming?” Katie asked.

  “Your dad is supposed to pick him up at six, but it could be earlier. So anytime.”

  “Tell me when they get here,” Katie said before heading toward the front of the house.

  “Wait. Where are you going?” Lina asked. She’d been desperate for a distraction and was hoping Katie would provide it.

  “To change out of my uniform,” Katie responded over her shoulder.

  Lina was again flipping through the magazine when the mudroom door opened. This time it was Phil entering with Liam clutched in one arm. “Hi.” She came to her feet. Her gaze zeroed in on the little boy swallowed up in a coat and hat. “Isn’t he hot?”

  “Probably.” Phil tugged the knit cap off his head, revealing a full head of dark silky hair. “The nanny dressed him.”

  She took a tentative step toward them, thankful for the wine in her system. “He’s beautiful,” she whispered as her eyes traveled over his face. Her first thought was that he was a Hunter, with his dark hair and blue eyes, but as she continued to study him she realized how extraordinary his likeness was to Phil. From the shape of his nose and eyes to the curve of his lips and the small cleft in his chin, he was all Phil.

  “Hi, Liam,” she managed over the lump in her throat.

  Liam reached for her.

  She took a step back from him, folding her arms over her chest. “You should probably take his coat off. His cheeks are red.” She crossed to the table and picked up her almost empty wineglass.

  “You were supposed to tell me when he arrived,” Katie said as she came into the kitchen. “Oh my God. He looks just like Logan.”

  “Gaah,” Liam said, giving her a smile.

  “Hi. Hi, Liam,” Katie said in a higher-than-normal pitch. “He’s so cute. He only has six teeth.”

  “Here, help me get off his coat,” Phil said.

  Lina finished the wine in her glass, stealing glances at them as Katie stripped off Liam’s coat. “What time does he normally eat?” Lina asked.

  “He’s squeezing my finger,” Katie said. “Look how little his nails are.”

  “Soon,” Phil said to Lina. “I’m going to take him upstairs with me while I change. When I get back, I’ll feed him.”

  “I’ll come with you,” Katie said, following Phil from the room.

  Lina collapsed into a chair, closing her eyes as pain rocketed through her. It was real. He had a baby with another woman. She covered her mouth, stifling a sob. She needed to get ahold of herself. She considered having another glass of wine to settle the churning in her stomach but decided getting drunk wasn’t a good solution. Instead she threw herself into making dinner.

  ***

  “Dadda…Dadda…up…up.” Liam had pulled himself to a standing position, his arm hooked around Phil’s leg for support. His free hand was yanking on Phil’s pants.

  “Just a second, buddy.” Phil was at the sink, screwing the top onto Liam’s bottle.

  “Dadda!” Liam yelled. “Dadda!” He tugged harder on Phil’s lounge pants. “Up! Up!

  “I think I’m going to go upstairs,” Lina said from behind him.

  Phil scooped Liam up into his arms, handing him his bottle. “What?” he asked Lina.

  “I have a headache. I’m going to go lie down for a minute.”

  “Do you need me to get you anything?”

  “No. I just…I can’t,” Lina whispered before rushing from the room.

  “Katie?” Phil called out as he walked toward the family room. “Katie?”

  “What?” Katie paused the television screen.

  “I need you to watch Liam.” He set him on the couch beside her.

  “What?” Katie retreated to the corner of the couch, her blue eyes opening wider. “No way. I’m not watching him.”

  “I’m not asking.”

  “You said it wouldn’t affect us if you brought him here. I don’t want to be a babysitter. I don’t even like kids.”

  “Watch him,” he said firmly, pointing at Liam. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  Lina had been quiet during dinner, but he’d thought it was going well. He found her sitting on the edge of their bed. “I can’t do it,” she said. “I thought I could, but I can’t. I’m sorry.”

  “It hasn’t even been an hour,” he said after lowering himself beside her.

  “I can’t look at him. I know it’s not his fault, but he’s the result of what you did—a living, breathing reminder.”

  “Lina.” Phil stroked his hand up her back. “It’ll get easier. Once you get to know him, you—”

  “I don’t want to know him.” Her words were like a knife in his heart. She came to her feet and headed toward her wardrobe. “I’ll go to Adele’s or my mom’s for the night.”

  “Fuck.” Phil leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he gripped his head. “You said you would try. Forty-five minutes isn’t trying.” He could hear her walking around the room as she tossed things into a bag, and then she disappeared into the bathroom. He slowly came to his feet, following. He leaned against the doorframe, watching her continue to pack, his stomach sinking.

  “I tried,” she said, not looking at him. “You have no idea how hard.”

  “One night. All I’m asking for is one night.”

  “I can’t.” Lina shook her head.

  “I’ll leave,” he said deeply. “I’ll take him to a hotel.”

  “No. All his things are here. It’ll be easier if I just go to Adele’s.” Lina lifted the bag and turned from the sink.

  “You shouldn’t be the one leaving.”

  “This is the best solution, Phil. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

  He watched her leave the room, his hand clasping the back of his neck. He dropped his head forward, closing his eyes and praying for strength.

  ***

  “I didn’t expect to feel this way,” Lina said. She was at Adele’s, sitting beside her on her family-room couch, sharing a bottle of wine. “It was surreal watching them together. I mean, Liam knows Phil’s his father. He calls him Dadda.”

  “What did you expect? I mean, no offense, but he is his daddy.”

  “I don’t know what I was expecting. Nothing, I guess. Maybe I was living in denial.”

  “Does he look like Phil?”

  Lina grimaced as a vision of Liam flashed in her mind. “Yes. He looks like one of our kids. He reminds me of Logan at that age.” She made a pained expression at the thought of Logan. “I’m such a hypocrite, expecting him to accept Liam when I can’t even handle it.”

  “You left Logan there?”

  “No. He’s at a friend’s. It’s just Phil and Katie. How is this real? How can he have a son that isn’t mine?”

  “He cheated on you.”

  “That was a rhetorical question,” Lina said dryly. “But thanks for the reminder.”

  “I’m not going to say ‘I told you so’ because we both know I did, but seriously, how could you not have a hard time with this?”

  “I thought I’d be bigger. It’s not Liam’s fault. He’s just a baby. I thought when I saw him I would just love him, knowing he’s Phil’s.” She leaned back into the couch. “I couldn’t stop thinking of her. What am I going to do? Phil has him every other weekend.”

  “That’s Phil’s problem.”

  “I don’t want to lose my husband every other weekend.”

  “Well, then you’ll just have to try again. It was the first time. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It will get easier.”

  ***

  Phil rang the doorbell at Kim’s house just before five the following afternoon, Liam cradled in one arm, a diaper bag flung over the shoulder of the other. “He fell asleep on
the drive over,” he said as soon as Kim opened the door. “Where do you want him?” he asked coolly, stepping around her and into the foyer.

  “The nursery,” she answered, closing the door. “It’s upstairs. Second door on the right.”

  Moments later Phil was carefully lowering his son into his crib. The nursery, like the rest of the house, was decorated impeccably, whales and dolphins gracing the walls in what was clearly a nautical theme. He leaned in and brushed his lips against Liam’s forehead.

  “He looks more like you every minute,” Kim said as Phil turned from the crib.

  “He was hungry, so I fed him some applesauce at two,” he said, not pausing as he strode out of the room and toward the staircase. “He had a bottle an hour later. I changed his diaper before I left my house, so he should be okay.”

  “How did it go last night?”

  “Fine,” Phil answered, continuing down the stairs.

  “Phil. Wait.” She placed her hand on his arm as they reached the door. “I think you can give me a little more than ‘fine.’”

  “He was safe and happy. That’s all you have a right to know.” He opened the door.

  “I’m your son’s mother. I would think that would garner me a measure of respect,” she said, her tone matching the coolness of his.

  “Respect?” He paused in the open doorway, turning his head slightly to meet her eyes. “I don’t think you’re in a position to talk to me about respect. You bought a house in my neighborhood despite the fact that you know I don’t want you near my family.”

  “Isn’t Liam your family?” she asked. “This neighborhood is where you chose to raise your other children. Are they more important than him?”

  “This isn’t about Liam. It’s about you. I don’t want you near my wife. She’s been through enough.”

  “She’s been through enough?” Kim laughed. “I’m the single mother with an almost-one-year-old, and it wasn’t due to artificial insemination.”