31.
The rest of the winter, was indeed unbearable without her, but I managed. When the early signs of spring finally emerged from the depths of the chaos that winter had caused, I was recruited by Clive and Barrett to make simple repairs around the house. As soon as the snow melted and faded into the soil of the ground, I was out and about. I was inhaling the fresh spring air and listening to the breeze as it danced through the Pines.
My greatest and most satisfying duty, was feeding the horses. I had nothing but contentment in my mind and was keeping the thoughts close to my heart. My daily activities were helping me keep my mind off of the slaughter which would occur at the end of the year. It was in an insane thought to think, but Clive and Barrett were treating of me as one of their own.
And as the memories of winter slowly began to fade away, my mind was more occupied on the task at hand. There were vegetable gardens on the side of the house which required tilling, and I gratefully accepted the task. It wasn't easy work, but I much enjoyed the smell of freshly tilled soil in the air rather than being cooped up inside a room.
My hard work finally paid off. And as I finished off the day, Clive walked out and greeted me with an ice cold can of Miller light. As I pulled back the tab, I watched its frothiness slowly ooze its way out of the aluminum God. It was mid spring and the sun was staying up longer and longer. The hues of dark red and purple began to linger a bit longer in sky before the rising of the moon.
Sitting on the steps outside of the kitchen, slowly sipping my beer, I watched as the light slowly faded. The rest of the world was buzzing, going about their daily business, worrying about work and bills, but I, I was relaxing with a cold one, enjoying a sunset, and thinking of the next day's challenges. For a brief moment, I smiled, inhaled, and let my mind yell happiness! As I diminished my can of beer into one last lingering drop, I crushed it with my hand and tossed it behind me. The can hit the side of the house and bounced into the trashcan. Clive, who was grilling at the time saw the toss out of his peripheral view. He turned and looked at me. "Nice one, Lill. There's more cold ones in the fridge, if you like."
"Don't mind if I do, Clive." I said as I stood up and entered the kitchen. Upon entering, I was greeted by Barrett who was sitting at the end of the table. He had his reading glasses on and looked very into what he was doing. He peered up at me as I entered and nodded. I nodded back. As I was grabbing another beer from the fridge, Barrett spoke."
"How's it looking out there, kid?"
I cracked it open and sat down at the table. "Tilling is all done, I'll get the seeds planted tomorrow and we should be good." I said as I took a big swig of my beer afterward.
Barrett nodded and then put down his paperwork. "Good. Looks like we're going to have a very busy summer. It seems the winter storm did plenty of damage on people's houses. Lots of orders came in for kitchen remodels and the whole bunch." Barrett smiled. Even though he wore a full beard now, I couldn't help but to think of him as a child. "Grab me a beer from the fridge, will you kid?"
I did so, happily. I was finally no longer scared, but rather content. Barrett and Clive were no longer on my hit list, for I knew it was not them who created the chaos. They were simply taking orders from the madman themselves. Each of them had something important to lose. And as I finally released my hate and my anger I was finally able to see with an open mind. I was able to see that they were not actually bad guys after all.
It had been at least 2 1/2 months since I'd seen Paige. I hoped that her schooling was going well and that she was passing her classes. I didn't want to be a nuisance, so I never asked Clive or Barrett what her status was. I just hoped and wondered if she was okay.
Since I was let out an able to do actual things with my life, I thought less and less of the turmoil that was my old life. No matter what, I cried nightly for my mom. I wished I could have said goodbye. Even though Paul Bishop had told me she was in a, "car accident" I knew it wasn't true. He took her from me. The day would come when revenge would be served on a cold, cold dish. I would go after my stepfather first and then, Paul. Mercy would not be a virtue in that mission. I would make sure that I gave it to him just as cold as he gave it to me and my mother.
As I picked up my beer and left the table, I joined Clive outside once again. The summer warmth had not set in, yet. The day was almost faded and melted beyond the horizon. The steaks were giving off a warm and juicy succulent smell. As I took another deep draw from my can of beer, I could hear a vehicle rumble its way up the drive. Lowering the can of beer, I saw Paige's bronco drive-up. As I smiled, I asked Clive for cigarette. He tossed me the pack. I pulled out a smoke, quickly lighting it.
Taking a long drag from the cigarette, I walked out to the bronco to meet Paige. I inhaled deeply and gave her a big long hug. "God, have I missed you."
She gave me a big kiss on my cheek and hugged me, again, hard. Our embrace was met underneath the twilight of the slow dancing moon. As I hugged her and held her close, I could hear and feel the sheer pounding of her heart beat. I placed my nose close to her neck and inhaled deeply. God, did I miss her scent. We pulled away and she cupped her hands around my cheeks, trying to get a better look.
"My God, how you have grown." She said kiddingly.
I tilted my head and smiled. I took another swig of my beer and a drag off of my smoke. "Yes I have." I said nodding.
She pointed at the two. "Apparently you have earned your keep around the house, otherwise these two extensions would not be, allowed?"
I placed the beer can upon my lips and took another chug. "You damn right."
It was a wonderful evening and at least on my part, much was accomplished. I was boozed up, filled with cigarette smoke and belly filled with steak, mashed potatoes and french fries. Clive had done an awesome job of making dinner.
The four of us, like an insane and crazy dysfunctional family, sat at the table and talked about random bull shit. "Shooting the shit as my mother use to call it" I was drinking my fourth beer and feeling pleasant. Finishing my meal, I went to the fridge for another beer. Nothing was said. I was just like a normal, functioning person of the family. I cracked open my beer and chugged down more golden happiness.
Much laughter was shared. Paige was recalling our rescue mission with Barrett. With great facial expressions and wide arm movements, Paige explained to Clive how I drunkenly saved the day. It felt good to be described in a Savior manner, rather than my evil half, the Switchblade Mama.
Barrett and Clive began to explain to Paige how useful I was around the house. I was no longer as useless as a turd in a punch bowl as they so called it.
The night was filled with much laughter and booze. And in no time, the clock ticked 12. Way past anybody's bedtime. Clive and Barrett said their good nights. As the boys left the kitchen and went upstairs into their rooms, I buzzing, helped Paige clear the dishes.
When the dishes were done and the kitchen was clean with content, Paige walked me down into my room. I sat down upon my bed, warm and drunk with beer. As I began to pull off my shoes, Paige came in closer and pulled them off for me.
Like a viper, with her arms at the sides of my legs, slowly she slithered them up to my face. She placed her hands over my cheeks and kissed my face softly in various spots. "God, how I have missed you." I softly chuckled and she pulled away, looking into my eyes. "What, and this is funny to you?"
Still smiling, I replied. "Nahh, not funny. Just feels good to have you here." I picked up her hands, leaning back and laying on the bed, I pulled her close. We laid side-by-side, face-to-face.
She put her arm around me, resting her Palm at the back of my head. She began to serenade my lips with hers. I chuckled again and pulled away. Paige gave me another look. "What's the deal? You have sideswiped every pass that I made with you."
Smiling, I said. "Nothing in particular. How was school? Did you pass?"
"Ohhh, so that's what this is about. You want to know about my personal life?"
"Well
, yeah... Isn't that what couples do? Ask each other about their days? I mean, relationships are definitely not just based on sex alone, are they?
Paige sat up. Her hair was down so when she got up quickly, it fluttered around her face in a rebound, slightly hiding her right eye. Of course it was a completely sexy look on her part and I wanted nothing more than to take her where she stood, but I wanted us to be more than that. I knew we could be, for I remembered those nights when Paige held me tight and made all of my nightmares disappear. We had pleasant and fulfilling walks on the beach and of course who couldn't forget our horseback rides. The majority of the ride was bonding, but the remaining was, well, quite exceptional.
Page smiled and began to trace my face with her fingertips. "Who are you?"
I took her hand and I kissed it softly. "Just a woman who is trying to forget her demons with another woman whom she loves dearly. A woman who wants to spend the rest of her life with another woman in at least somewhat of a normal atmosphere."
If Paige was a stick of butter, she melted instantly on the spot. She laid back down next to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. She gave me a long slow kiss on the lips, pulled the covers over our bodies and whispered. "Then, let's lay here together, tonight. I will see you in the morning. By seeing you, I mean lying next to you."
I smiled taking a deep breath. I extended both my arms toward the ceiling and clapped twice loudly. The light in the room shut off.
It was Paige then, who started to chuckle. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me!"
I gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "It's what I got for good behavior. Yay for good behavior!" I happily said I the darkness.
As soon as the spring had dwindled away, summer was creeping up and the business was in full gear. Paige and I had spent every day together, as well as every night. Despite our closeness, I didn't want to give in to the seduction just yet. I kept every day as close to my heart as possible. With every day that had slowly flowered itself, was another day closer that the Switchblade Mama would once again make her stand.
Paige and I answered many house calls. Many tasks small, and some that were rather big. As I was more accomplished with my new trade, I would remodel. I would build cabinets and kitchens and Paige was my right hand man. My mind was occupied, clean. I was happy and content.
Every night was like a night around the round-table with the family. Either Clive grilled, or Paige and I whipped something up the kitchen, but either way, it was the four of us that ate dinner together. I swore to myself that I wouldn't see another year of fighting. I just played it day by day. I cursed the night, every night for overtaking the day, for I knew it would just lead me closer to the inevitable. I knew, if I had another round of fighting, I would completely lose my mind. Nevertheless, I tried so desperately to lose myself in the moment, but in the back of my mind, it was there.
Days became shorter and the nights were cool. The four of us, found ourselves sitting around a bonfire out in the yard, shooting the shit and drinking beers. And as we spoke of various topics, I found myself at times, laughing at my previous life of freedom. How solo and lonely I was indeed. My only comfort was beer, bar and karaoke. Without having to say it, I came to the sad conclusion, that I was completely distant from my mother.
As I thought of her and her loss, I swiftly lowered my head. I breathed in slowly and could see Paige's concerned face from my peripherals, flickering shadows from the fire dancing upon her complexion. I hadn't told her about her death, or what Paul had told me about my stepfather. I needed it for fuel. If I was to leave, I knew I needed something to give me the go.
The night had slowly faded away. Barrett and Clive, happily filled with booze, quickly ascended into the upper bellies of the house, seeking sleep. Paige and I sat quietly around the warm crackling fire. We had spoken not one word since the boys left. I just eased my pain with the warmth of the fire.
Without even looking, I could feel Paige's eyes upon me, through the orange yellowish hues of the fire. I still remained silent. "What's with you?" She asked.
At the moment, silence was my virtue and I said nothing. Finally, I took a deep breath and spoke. "Penny for my thoughts, do you say?"
She nodded and said, "yes."
Still staring at the fire I pursed my lips. I nodded as well. "Let's see. I am a woman who lives in a complex structure. Though I have certain freedoms, I cannot obtain all. At this point in time, I am warm, smoking, drinking and dry. Many factors which should be a subscription for happiness, but despite their upper perks, they are quickly dwindling." It was definitely the alcohol speaking. I wanted to reach out. I wanted to talk about the loss of my mother, and the fear that there was no more need to fight. The thought, that if I took one more step onto the killing floor, I would have no more drive to survive and therefore simply cease to exist, but I could not. I just continued on in a strange rambling manner. "I have carefully constructed my life in a distant manner. I am no longer who I was, but more who I am beginning to be built to be. I have power and I have strength, but yet I am so weak. Matter has nothing over mind. Your whole energy, your power, your entity is placed within your soul. Who you are here and now, is a mere speck within this universe. We are but simple fleshy beings, but our minds, our minds are so much more powerful." I sat back in my chair, warm from the fire and ended my crazy rambling with one last verse. "Ask not what your world can do for you, but what you and your mind can do for your world and your universe."
No matter what, Paige was listening the whole way. She slowly walked up to me, took my half drunken beer from my hands and threw it into the fire. As I began to say something in protest, she pressed her finger to my lips and shooshed me. She firmly took my hand and said, "Let's go to bed."
I gave her crooked smile. "Ain't the first time you grabbed something from my hands and threw it."
I followed her up the concrete steps that led to the kitchen. We entered the house and as I began to turn to go downstairs and into my room, she pulled me with her. I was a bit shocked as she took me upstairs and into her room. It was the first time I had ever seen her room. Quietly as the floor planks below us squeaked, I entered the room cautiously and waited for Paige to turn on the light.
I stood frozen like a statue, nervous. It was almost as if I was a teenager about to lose my virginity for the first time. She turned on the light and I saw her. Beautiful and pure. If God had created an Angel to walk upon the earth, it was Paige.
Her steps were slow and light. She came to me as if she was on a floating cloud. Both of our eyes, locking. She placed her hands upon my arms and slowly slid them up to my shoulders. Paige slowly peeled away my jacket, letting it fall to the floor. My heart began to flutter and pound. As she came closer to me and pressed her body against mine, she slowly came in for that first kiss. Our lips met and the warmth was tremendous.
Paige slowly pulled away from our kiss. She took her hands from around my waist and softly framed my cheeks. Touching foreheads, making her two inches higher more apparent, slowly we looked into each other's eyes. I too, took my hands and cupped her face. My body was trembling beneath her touch as well as hers beneath mine.
It was almost as if it was the calm before the storm. We took a moment just to be with each other, breathe in each other's souls. It was more of an affirmation, the need to know that it wasn't a dream. If we held each other, if we could feel each other, then it was real and not a fantasy.
As the calm began to diminish, the waves became stronger and harsher up against the shoreline. Our lips met once again, this time hungrier and fiercer. Paige began to push me until the back of my legs met her bed. As they buckled, I sat upon the bed and Paige followed, knees at my sides, straddling.
As the kissing briefly subsided, Paige pulled away to unbutton her shirt. I took my gripping her wrists, slowly moving them out of the way. Once again, locking lips, I finished unbuttoning her shirt. Her skin as usual, was pale like the soft moonlight. Her skin was within the parameters of perfection
and virtually, blemish free.
As I undid her bra, I snapped it off and quickly threw it into the corner of the room. Her breasts were beautiful subtle mounds. I slid my hands softly up and over them, making sure I paid close attention to her nipples with my mouth and tongue. As I could feel her tremble beneath my touch, I slowly maneuvered her so that her head rest comfortably upon the bed pillow. I peeled away my shirt as Paige, rose up and removed my bra. She too, tossed it to the side of the room. I took both her hands, and interlocked her fingers with mine, slowly raising her arms above her head, lightly pinning her hands to the pillow.
As our flesh touched and rubbed, a unity was met within our souls, our bodies. I wanted nothing more than to love Paige and I wanted to show her my appreciation. The night was filled with gasps and a feeling of exhilaration. Out of our excitement and the sheer need to be with each other, we tried so desperately to keep the noise down, but when you're in the moment and the passion is hitting you like a diesel truck at seventy-five mph, well, you just go with it.
With the twilight above us and the moon shining its nighttime rays into Paige's room, the cascading light covered us in a serene blanket of bliss. I held Paige tightly in my arms as she slept. My mind was clear and my conscience was happy. I dreaded the very moment when the sun began to make its ascent into the sky, for I knew it was then, that my beloved would be removed from my arms.
I didn't think I slept a wink. Natural, naked, Paige and I laid in the bed, bodies entwined. My eyes wouldn't shut, not because I had nightmares, only because I never wanted to leave the moment. As her head rested on my chest, I could feel the warmth from her breath as she exhaled. I kissed her forehead softly and continued to stare off into the darkened ceiling of the room. I turned my head and looked out through the window. I didn't want trouble in the morning, so as soon as I saw the first morning light of the sun, I slowly unhinged my body from Paige, and removed myself from her bed. I quietly walked downstairs and to my room. I closed the door, hearing the simple clicking, indicating that it was locked. I laid in my bed, palms resting underneath my head. All in all it was a beautiful day. Paige was staying with me on a daily basis in my room, my room. Since the end of winter, Barrett and Clive had been good me. I did not want to jeopardize my good standings. Winter was coming and I had to make my plan. I was ready, I was only waiting for the moment. The right moment to make my escape and avenge my mother.
The Switchblade Mamma Page 30