by Perry Matlin
"Why are you trying to hurt me? You broke up with me remember?" I demand, and he blinks twice, before dropping my hand. I back away, before rounding on him once more.
"What business is it of yours who I date?" I demand, not letting him get a word in, as I let out my anger. I know he doesn't deserve it. I know he's just looking out for me, and I know he isn't wrong, but I don't want to hear it from him.
"Luke, he literally threatened you if you ever told someone. What's changed since I left?" he demands, and I shake my head. I don't want to acknowledge the truth in his biting words. I don't want to believe that he is right. He can't be right.
"Josh. Please just drop it. Let's go in and enjoy the party. I don't want to talk about this right now" I tell him, pleading with him to drop it, and to leave me alone.
He wordlessly leaves me there in his yard. I stand there, not knowing what to do. I feel shattered. I let the tears fall then, but after about five minutes, I wipe them away. I'm not going to let his jealousy ruin this day. That's all this is. Josh is just jealous. Michael doesn't deserve this. I force myself to stop crying then and walk over to Vicky's yard. There are people all gathered in the front yard, and the front door is open. I catch Josh's eye, as he stands with a cute boy with dark curly hair that I've never met. I move my gaze over to Michael. He's over by the porch swing. He's sitting with Sam's boyfriend. They're both smoking a cigarette and laughing. I pass them both and walk right into the open door to find Vicky. I see Coral and Christine as I make my way over to Vicky. She's making mixed drinks at a table filled with every kind of alcohol.
Vicky takes one look at me, and hands me over a red cup. I look into it and smell the contents. Tequila fills my nostrils. I shake my head briefly, before tipping the contents back. I reach down and grab another one, and drink that as well.
"Woah, slow down there killer" she laughs, handing me a third cup. I walk away from her then and look around for anyone else I may know here. Josh has migrated inside, and is talking with Sam. They are laughing and pointing over at a guy and girl over in the corner. They're making out.
"What's up with you?" Vicky asks, coming up behind me, just as I drain the third cup of tequila and sprite. It's quite nasty, but you know, it's whatever. I smile at her, before stealing her own cup, and drinking that too.
"It's just a celebration you know. We gotta celebrate Victoria!" I say lamely, before turning back to the table. I need more alcohol because it's making me feel better.
I grab another drink from the table and turn back to face the party. I know a handful of people, but the rest are complete strangers to me. I see that cute guy with curly hair again, but he's not next to Josh, he's by himself. He's looking at me too. I cross the room, stumbling slightly over someone's leg. I lean against the fridge, next to where he's making himself a drink, and I look up at him. The urge to introduce myself stronger with each sip of my drink. How many cups is this now?
"I keep catching your eye, and for some reason you look so familiar. Do I know you?" It's not my best work, but he smiles, before drinking from his cup. What is he drinking?
"I don't think so. I'm Jesse." He tells me, and his voice it makes everything stop. It's like melted honey. It's like cool water on the hottest day. It's layered with a slight drawl, and it comes from those smiling pink lips of his.
My lips turn up in a smile, as his voice awakens my soul. I look down into my cup, before taking a deep drink to give myself time to answer appropriately.
"I'm Lucas. It's nice to meet you Jesse. Hope you enjoy the party" I leave him there, unable to form coherent words at that point. He must think I'm crazy or stupid.
"Lucas, hey wait for me" Vicky calls behind me, as she runs to catch up. I finish the contents of my seventh cup at that moment. She looks at me, concerned, as I trade her for her full cup.
"What's up?" I ask her, trying not to be short with her, but resisting the urge to throw up at the same time. She looks taken aback, as she points to my cup, before saying her next words with love in her light voice.
"Are you okay? You've had a lot to drink, and I don't think I diluted the drinks very well" she tells me, and I just roll my eyes. I know I may be acting like an ass, but I'm on auto-pilot or something. I can't stop myself.
"Okay mom. Is it my bedtime?" I say too loudly. A girl with short red hair gives me a dirty look, as Vicky looks at me with a hurt look on her face.
"Victoria, I'm just trying to have fun. Lighten up babe" I tell her, and she smiles a bit. I give her a quick hug, before moving away from her. That's when I notice Josh beside me. He's looking down at me with sadness in his eyes.
"What are you looking at Josh-y" I say, smiling at him, as he takes a step back. I can tell he wants to say something, but I don't give him the chance. I turn away from him, and head to the bathroom.
Alone in the bathroom, I sit down on the toilet, and look around. Everything is moving a little slower than usual. I can feel the room spinning a bit, but I don't feel hurt anymore. I feel light like a feather. I feel free. It's such a difference from what I was feeling only seconds ago. I realize then that I'm not going to let this ruin my night. I mentally agree to myself not to drink anymore, and then jump to my feet. The room seems to lag, as I look around. The edges, the detail of my vision seems to move slower than the main shape of it. I feel myself wobble on my feet once more, and then I steady myself. Opening the door, I head back into the ever-growing crowd of people. I look down at my phone and see that it's about eight o'clock already. I then turn back to the crowd. Jesse walks back up to me, a look of humor on his face. I take in his face then.
His face is pale, but with a slight tint to it, like he's on the verge of blushing, but not quite. His eyes, they're blue. A light blue, like those turquoise springs you see in pictures that almost seem to glow with color. They are almond shaped and have flecks of dark grey within their seemingly endless depths. A smile is lighting those eyes; bringing them to life, animating the features on his face, as he takes me in. His smile is earth-shattering. Naturally shining pink lips, pulled up in a one-sided crooked grin, revealing shining white teeth. His face is framed with dark brown facial hair. It's thick around the bottom of his jawline, but fades in an upward curve, as it gives way to a smooth expanse of perfect skin. He has a thin mustache on his upper lip, and a dimpled chin that serves to almost highlight his stunningly flawless jawline.
"Lucas? Are you okay? Did you hear me?" he asks, waving a hand in front of my face. I look away from his hand, and then back to his eyes. I didn't hear a single word he said.
"I'm sorry, it's loud in here. What did you say?" I ask him, trying to play it off, and not make myself look like a fool. He smiles, almost understandingly, before repeating his question.
"Where is your boyfriend?" he asks me. I look around instinctively, but Michael is nowhere to be found. He must be outside still. I wave my hand toward the front door.
"He must be outside still, I should probably go find him" I say, but I stay there. I don't move. I stay rooted to the spot, right before him, as he stares into my eyes. His eyes are squinted slightly, as he smiles at me silently.
"Are you gonna go find him then?" he asks, after I make no effort to pull myself away. Once again, his prompting snaps me into action. I nod again, before turning to leave. I stumble again, and trip on the leg of a table. He grabs ahold of me. The moment his hand touches my arm, and he pulls me up, something inside of me flares to life.
“Thank you. I... I have to..." I leave him then. I race across the room, just slow enough to avoid tripping once more in front of him. I make my way to the door, but just before I flee outside, Josh steps in front of me. His face is apologetic, so I decide to hear what he has to say, before pushing past him.
"Can we talk please? Follow me" he tells me, and I follow wordlessly. I stare at our hands, as he pulls me down the hall. I watch as he drops it, closes the door, and turns to face me.
"Look, I am sorry for the way I acted. I am. I'm just... He's not..
. You deserve so much better. You told me some of the shit he did to you" he explains, and I nod my head. I know what I said. I know the flaws. I know the probability of this ending in anything other than heartbreak is not likely.
"Josh. I know you care. I love you for it. I do, but Michael and I... We decided to give us another... We decided to try again" I tell him, but something has shifted. Something in his brown eyes has changed. He's looking at me in a whole new light. I stop, trying to figure out what he's doing. That's when he kisses me.
I see it coming, just before it happens. He smiles, before leaning right in and kissing me with such passion, such love that I freeze for a moment. When he realizes I'm not kissing back, he pulls away.
"What's wrong?" he asks me, and I smile briefly because that kiss just caused me to have a breakthrough. I see it now. I see that even though nobody who knows us seem to think we will make it, I do. I think we can do it.
"I gotta go" I tell him simply, before running from the room. I'm completely sober now. I just need one thing. I need to see his face. I need to feel his touch.
"Hey Lucas! Wait up" Vicky calls from behind me, grabbing ahold of my shoulder, and whipping me around. There is alarm on her face, and she looks like she's going to cry.
"What is it?" I demand, fear gripping at me already. She shakes her head, just pointing in the direction of her back door, so I follow her. I look down at my phone. It's nine-forty-five now. A little over two hours left.
"What's wrong? I was just going to find..." I stop, when I see the lights. The blue lights flashing all around in her back yard. I follow her outstretched hand to view where she's pointing. There are a ton of lights coming from the house she's pointing at. That's when I realize the cops are at my house.
I take off running, and, and she runs after me. I hop the fence into Josh's yard, and then over his into mine. I run right past the dogs, and then through the yard, and onto the carport. There are two cops standing with my mom, as I skid to a halt. Antonio is sitting in the back of one of the cars, his face has blood pouring down one side.
"We'll be booking him up there, but he is really lucky ma'am" the officer says. I sum up what must've happened. He got into some kind of fight with three guys. I praise God he's being arrested.
After sitting with my mom for a while after the cops leave, Vicky and I leave her there to clean up the mess. We walk down the street instead of jumping fences. We don't talk at first, but then she makes a comment, stepping closer to me, as we near the end of my street. I look down to avoid eye-contact.
"Is it always like this?" she asks simply. I don't speak. I nod my head once. She sighs, as we turn onto her street. "How do they put up with so much? Your mom, my dad?" she asks. I've never heard her talk about her dad before. I reach over and grab ahold of her hand. I squeeze it gently.
"Did your dad... leave?" I ask her, and she shakes her head, before biting her lip and peering out into the darkness. He breath rises in the air, before she says with a shaky breath, filled with unshed tears.
"Nope. He stayed. He stayed through it all, even when it started getting to him. He stayed no matter what she did. Then he went and killed himself" she says, thrusting the words out as if they hurt. I grip her hand tighter, gasping under my breath. She stops walking then, and I turn to her. There are tears running down her face.
"I am so sorry Victoria. I had no idea" I tell her, and she laughs. It's a cold mirthless laugh, but it still lights up her face, but it's a haunted look. It makes her blue eyes look as cold as ice.
"It's not your fault. It's hers. She did it" Vicky glares in the direction of her house. We start walking again, not talking anymore. When we arrive at the front of her house, I see that it's quarter till New Years. I glance over at her and see that she has regained some of the color in her face.
"Let's go inside, and we can..." I begin, but she waves me away, before pulling me into a hug. She pulls away, before holding me at arm's length.
"You go see your man, and I'm gonna go get my drink on if that's okay with you?" she asks, and I smile at her, before letting her go inside. I turn to Michael. He's sitting on the edge of the porch. There is some lawn furniture. He's sitting on the couch, and he's smoking a cigarette, as I walk up to him.
He puts the butt out, and sticks it in his pocket, before turning to me. I sit down beside him and lean into his arms. He kisses my head, as I look up at him. I'm glad we are here, hidden in the backyard, so he can actually hold me. I lay down in his lap, as he begins to run his fingers through my hair.
"Where'd you go?" he asks me, as I look up at his face. The cold is settling down on us, as I feel the warmth from his body on my skin. I close my eyes, before answering.
"The cops were at my house. Arresting Antonio. I needed to check on my mom" I explain shortly. He looks up at the sky, letting a sigh escape his lips.
"I'm sorry babe. I hope this ends for you someday soon. I missed you" he says. I can feel that he is avoiding something, but then I realize he must be still thinking about Josh.
"I had an epiphany while I was inside earlier" I tell him, a smile returning to my face. I look at his watch, as his wrist hangs above my face. We have six minutes. I sit up, turning to him once more, and continuing my sentence.
"Josh kissed me, and I pushed him away. I realized that you are literally everything I could ever ask for. I love you more than life" I tell him, and he smiles again, his entire face lighting up, as he pulls me to his chest. I can feel his chest rise and fall, as he chuckles once, before responding.
"I love you too, but if he ever kisses you again, I'll kick his pansy ass" he warns. I cringe at the word "pansy", before looking up into his eyes. I lay back on his chest, looking at the moon above us, as the minutes drag by.
"Happy New Year" he tells me, gently shaking me awake. I must've dozed off for a minute.
"Just promise me this will be our year. Promise me this whole thing between us is going to stay beautiful. Promise me you'll love me no matter what" he tells me, and in that moment, I mean it when I promise those words, and then he pulls my face to his, and he kisses me on the lips, and in that moment, there is only him and I.
PART III
Tied together with a smile
Chapter 27
Eviction
I walk down the sidewalk on the street behind my house. I have my hood pulled up, blocking out as much of the rain as I possibly can. I’m almost to Vicky’s when the downpour finally arrives.
I make a run for it, crossing the street and running past the remaining houses. Sam is waiting on the porch with her boyfriend. He’s finishing his cigarette, as I make it under the cover of the porch roof.
“Where’s Vicky?” I ask, out of breath from running. Sam motions through the door, which leads me to believe she’s having issues with her mother again. I head inside wearily. I wish she didn’t have to deal with her anymore. I think back to a couple weeks ago, when she informed me of the dark past her family had endured due to her mother’s battle with alcoholism.
“Vick?” I call, making my way into her room. She’s sitting on the edge of her bed, her face in her hands. Vicky’s black hair is fanned out around her, shining with beauty as I make my way over to her.
“What’s going on Vicky?” I ask, sinking down to sit beside her on the bed. She looks up at my voice, and her eyes are filled with tears. Her icy blue eyes are rimmed with red, and tear-tracks are visible down her pale face.
“She’s kicking me out” she exclaims, fresh tears spilling over her cheeks. I look around, and I notice for the first time that there are clothes strewn everywhere. What the hell is happening here?
Apparently, Vicky’s mom went on a drunken rampage, and harassed their neighbors, until the police were called. Vicky told the truth, which incriminated her mother. She was then taken to jail.
She had instructed Vicky to have her stuff out, before she came home from the jail today. Vicky is heartbroken because her mother is all she has left. I remember the talk we
had two weeks ago again. My frown deepens, as I look at my friend.
Her father committed suicide when she was younger, and it still weighs on her because when he left, he left her to care for her mother. It’s been so hard for her, dealing with the demons her mom can’t even seem to deal with.
Sam joins us then, and together we pack up her room. Vicky is sad the whole day, but she knows this will be good for her. We’re just finishing up, when her mom comes through the door. I see a difference immediately.
The first thing I notice is that she’s calm. She looks good. She has on clean clothes, her hair is all done up, and she’s sober. Stone cold sober. It’s a completely different look for her, and it becomes her.
“Victoria, can you have your company leave please? I would like to sit down and have a serious talk between the two of us, if you don’t mind sweetheart” she says, her voice devoid of the usual bitterness.
Vicky gives us the go ahead, so we leave. She reassures me at the door, wrapping her cool arms around me in a loving hug. I leave when she promises to call me if she has any issues. Sam tells her to call if she still needs to crash over at her house, and then we are outside. The door clicks shut behind us, and we’re left alone on the porch. I say goodbye to Sam then, and head home.
I come into view of my house and see that Nana’s car is in the driveway. I pick up my pace and nearly run through the door. She’s just pulling out the groceries for a turkey dinner. I run up and kiss her on the cheek. She smiles up at me lovingly.
Vicky is still on my mind, as I help Nana put the food up, and then we get the turkey ready. I eventually have to push Vicky from my mind, as we begin to season the sides, so they are prepared for later.
“Okay, so put the green bean casserole in the fridge, and you can go relax for a little bit. I’ll let you know when we need you again. I smile at her, giving her another kiss on the cheek and head off to my room.