Stay Beautiful

by Perry Matlin

I’m trying to finish eating before the movie actually comes on. I begin to wonder what they might be watching, but before I even get the chance to ask, I see his car pull in.

  I jump up from my chair, leaving my food unattended as I run from the house. Jesse meets me under the edge of the carport. I look up at him, as he makes it undercover. The rain is coming down hard, so his slicked back hair is dripping with rain water.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask him, my face bright with a friendly smile. I still feel like an ass for kissing him the other day. He returns my smile, his blue eyes crinkling with that smile that lights up his entire face.

  “I came to talk to you about that kiss” he tells me, walking to sit on the bench on my carport. I sit beside him, turning my attention to him completely. He looks troubled, sad even.

  “I’m sorry I ran off like that the other day. It just really threw me for a loop, and I haven’t kissed anyone since my ex. I’m over him, but it was hard at first. I felt like I was doing something wrong” he tells me.

  He’s never talked to me about his ex. Vicky told me they were together for three years, and Jesse came out for him, and then he slept with Jesse’s best friend. I remember feeling sorry for him back then, and I frown.

  “I’m sorry Jesse” I tell him, my voice thick with the lump in my throat. He flashes me a smile and reaches to take my hand. He looks as if he thinks I might pull away, but when I don’t move, he smiles.

  “You don’t need to be sorry. It just freaked me out, and I should have handled it better, but I’m here now. I want to make it right. I want to make you smile like that for as long as I can” he tells me. I feel my stomach do a flip.

  “You do?” I ask him softly. My voice sounds as if it may slip away with the lightest of breezes. He beams down at me, so much taller than me. Could someone really want to make me smile? It sounds so far away from what I’ve grown used to.

  “I like you a lot, and the few times we’ve hung out, I’ve really gotten attached to you” he tells me. I smile again, my eyes shining with tears of joy. He likes me? He wants to be with me?

  “You want to be with me?” I ask him, unable to form a more intricate sentence. It sounds dumb in the air. It sounds lame after his elegant words. I am about to say something else, when he speaks again.

  “More than anything honestly. I wish you could see yourself the way I do” he tells me. I’m confused. How does he see me? I’ve been a mess every time we’ve been around each other.

  “What do you mean? The awkward emotional wreck is all anyone sees right?” I ask him, only half joking. He looks at me like I’m crazy. He then realizes it was a jab at myself.

  “How do you not see it? You aren’t awkward. You’re quirky and endearing. You aren’t emotional, you’re passionate and empathetic. You’re not a wreck, you are perfect to me” he tells me. My eyes are swimming with tears at this point. He finds that amusing because he smiles as his light fingers reach out and brush the first tears away. I look as he pulls his hand away. He’s looking at me with such a tender look on his face.

  “You mean that? You really think that about me?” I ask him. He nods, his throat bobbing, as he moves in closer to me. Then his lips are on mine. He kisses me softly.

  It’s not as urgent as the other kiss we shared, but somehow this is more. It’s better. I feel like I’m the center of his universe when he kisses me. I forget to worry about the fact that my family is twenty feet away.

  We stand there kissing, unbroken by time. We are there. The only two people that exist. Space and time mean nothing. The universe doesn’t exist. Our families don’t exist.

  In that moment, I feel my heart mend. It’ll always be scarred. It’ll always twinge with pain at the thought of Michael, but it is no longer bleeding. It’s been sealed shut again. Able to heal. Able to grow, to love again.

  I pull away then. He looks down at me, as our lips pull apart from each other. His smile matches mine, as the rain behind us continues to pour down in buckets. I remember that we’re right outside my house and everyone is home.

  Instinctively, I back away from him. I’m used to Michael freaking out about people seeing us, but Jesse shakes his head. He smiles dangerously, before pulling me close to him.

  My head rests on his chest, and I can smell his scent. It makes me close my eyes and sigh longingly. I put my arms around his torso, and just stand there. He wraps his own arms around me, and even though his clothes are wet and cold, I feel warm.

  We stand there like that, wrapped in each other for a long time. The cars pass us by, oblivious that something had just bloomed before them. Something had just roared to life.

  After another kiss, he leaves me there on the carport, staring after him as he drives away. I didn’t want him to leave, but I’m bound to be missed at any moment. I sigh longingly, as he disappears down the road.

  I feel light, like I could float through the house and sleep in the air. I feel like I’ll never touch the ground again. He made me feel like a different person completely. I saunter inside then.

  Leaving my food forgotten on the table, I head to my room. I can’t concentrate on a movie right now anyway. I have to have some time to think about what just happened. Did I just get a new boyfriend?

  Life is so beautiful right now. A week ago, it was black as night. I was tied together with a smile. I was at risk of coming undone, of falling apart at the seams. I was spiraling.

  Now it’s beautiful. Everything is beautiful again. The world, my life, my mended heart and the face that will grace my dreams every night. Now I just need it to stay beautiful. I need to hold onto this feeling because if I can, then this summer will be even better than last summer. With Jesse, this summer is bound to be amazing.

  Epilogue

  Love is a strange thing. It can hurt worse than being stabbed in the heart. It can be more addictive than the worst drug you can think of. It can and will change someone more than you though possible.

  Love is the most dangerous thing you can have, but it is the most glorious gift to give to someone. It brings people to life and turns around to lead them to their deaths. Look around.

  We read stories, watch movies, and see people fall in love from a very young age. We know what love is supposed to look like. It is right, it is perfect, it is epic. That can all be true.

  What we don’t learn growing up is that not all loves come in the same package. Not everyone falls in love in the same way, or as deeply as others. Not everyone experiences the same feelings.

  We don’t all see our soulmate and know it immediately. Sometimes our soulmate isn’t meant to be with us at all. We have this misconception that love is supposed to be big, passionate and loud.

  Nobody tells the story of the quiet loves. The love that is soft, the love of an elderly couple with absolutely no passion, but more love than you can fathom. That’s love.

  Love is beautiful in every shape and size. It’s the meaning of our lives. It is everything to some people, but nothing to others. I’ve experienced love now. I’ve grown to stare in awe at it and curse it under my breath.

  When we get love, we never know what the package will contain. I’ve had innocent love, passionate love, painful love, infuriating love, lackluster love, and everything in between.

  It’s a journey that we all must take, and it’s one we take alone. Nobody’s path to love is ever the same. Nobody ever has the same story twice because love is much like your fingerprint. It is non-transferrable.

  You just have to grab ahold of it, hang on and appreciate the ride. A roller coaster that throws you off without notice. I’ve felt so much love in the last year, and I’m thankful for every bit of it.

  I can’t bring myself to regret one minute of the love I have experienced because it has shaped me into a new person. It may have ended badly for me this time, but now I feel it blossoming again.

  Maybe this time will be better, maybe it’ll be my happy ending. Maybe it will fall apart and leave me lower than the last time
. It’s a risk I’m willing to take because if you do find the right love it is more than worth the risk.

  It’ll leave you breathless. It’s beauty will shock you and will evolve every day. You can never know love because it changes all the time. I know that all too well. I know the beauty. It doesn’t always stay beautiful, but it shines so bright while it shines. It may be darker than comprehension, when it fades, but when it shines it is the most glorious thing you’ll ever see.

  Acknowledgments

  I’d like to thank so many people in my life. To start, the person who made me decide to be a writer in the first place, Taylor Swift. Thank you for showing me what it is to be creative. Thank you for existing. I love you Taylor. To my brother, who provided my first notepad to write on. To my beautiful fiancée, I love you and your support means everything to me. To my best friend Ally, thank you so much for listening to me vent all the time, and thank you for being there. To my sister Ronnie, I love you and you are the light in my life. I love you. To my parents, thank you for loving me through everything. Thank you for accepting me for who I am. To Amazon, thank you for this opportunity to share my stories with the world.

  The Story continues with

  “Breathe”

  Lost in Love

  Book Two

  Written by

  Perry T. Matlin

  Coming 2020

  About the Author

  Perry T. Matlin is 26 years-old and lives in the panhandle of Florida. With a love of reading and writing, he joins the ranks as a new writer of fiction literature. A cat person with a love of Fantasy novels, Matlin is excited to marry his fiancée this year, and to begin his journey as a published author.