"I am pregnant, Bram, and it's yours. I wonder what my godfather would think about how you're treating me right now?"
That freaking fucking manipulative bitch.
It’s all I can do to stop myself from throwing the phone across the room. It’s becoming clearer by the second that this is some big elaborate set-up she’s been planning for me, I suppose with the end result of blackmailing me into marrying her. The fact that I now hate her guts doesn’t seem to bother her or derail her plans even a little bit. Well, I won’t be blackmailed, and I won’t be forced into a marriage I don’t want, baby or no baby. And if Thompson Davis pulls out of our agreement over it, so be it.
Tessa will never forgive me if this is true. She’ll hate me and use it as further reason to keep me away from the twins.
I need to think, and I need to deal with Kat. Damn it. I also need to sort things out with Tessa. But as much as I hate to say it, Tessa will have to wait. I have to put a stop to this or anything I try to build with Tessa will collapse the second Kat spouts her lies. I’ve got to go back to New York.
“Don’t do a damn thing, Kat. I’m out of town right now, but I’ll be back in New York tonight. We’ll discuss this then.”
“Of course, Bram. I’ll be waiting for you at the Mansion. Do hurry, darling. I can’t wait to see you.”
The triumph in her voice makes me want to puke.
“Don’t get too excited, Katrina. I’ll be bringing a pregnancy test with me.”
30
Tessa
I’m so glad Mrs. MacThomas is spending the day with us. As much as I love my niece and nephew, they require a lot of attention and I’m so mentally tired. Chasing your thoughts around is as exhausting as it sounds. I know I need to talk to Bram, but my pride is just as hurt as my heart. Rhona seems to think that we can work this out, that our tender feelings for each other can survive this assault, but I’m not so sure.
I can’t even picture what the conversation would be like. Did you really make love to me then go get engaged to another woman the very next day? Or worse, I thought you really cared about me. I’m falling in love with you. Please love me back. No, that’s just pathetic. I’ll be damned if I’m going to beg someone to love me. I spent too many years growing up doing that.
We take the kids to the sprayground and watch them having the time of their lives, squealing and running from the spouts of water that pop up to drench them. There are at least ten other kids here and surprisingly they all play together without any major upsets.
Rhona seems to sense I’m all talked out for now and we sit together comfortably, just watching the kids. It doesn’t take long, though, for the talkative Scotswoman to get bored with that and she ventures over to a nearby bench where a small group of women have gathered together, talking about their kids. I can hear from the wafts of the Scottish accent the breeze brings me that Rhona has taken over the conversation and it makes me smile. The other women seem to be completely involved with whatever she’s talking about, so with my guest otherwise occupied, I pull out my phone and check to see if Jace Beavers has responded to my earlier text or email. He has. There’s an email confirming receipt of mine and offering an appointment tomorrow to go over the details.
I don’t know if this is really what I want to do, but I’m also not sure that I have a choice. So I email back accepting the appointment. By the time I’m done, Rhona has rejoined me on the park bench.
“Are ye all right, love?”
“You know, Rhona, this isn’t the first time I’ve been cheated on. Believe it or not, I was engaged to be married until just a few weeks ago, but I caught him doing his best friend’s wife. It’s crazy to think about that now. I think I just want a family so much that I talked myself into believing I was in love with Mitch. I mean, I cared about him, sure, but I wasn’t really in love with him. And there wasn’t a burning passion. Not like what I feel for Bram. You know, when I wasn’t with Mitch, I hardly ever thought about him, or wished we were together. It was more just that our lives were intertwined. I thought that would be enough.”
I fell silent while I digested the truths I’d only just realized myself. On paper, Mitchell and I seemed perfect. If he hadn’t cheated on me, I probably would have gone ahead and married him, and we would have had kids and maybe everything would have been okay. But things never would have been anything more than okay. More than likely, we both would have been bored, and time and too much togetherness would have exposed the weaknesses in our relationship. We would have grown to hate each other, or at the very least become sick of the sight of the other, and end up divorced. I’m sure of it now. I tell Rhona as much before turning the conversation back to me and Bram.
“It really hurts my heart to think that I’m letting Roman and Mary down. I know they thought we could do this, and even had hopes that Bram and I would find love and a way to be a real family. I want that so badly, but unfortunately, I was right about Bram all along. He’s not a one-woman man, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust him again. Mary must have known that he’s a serial dater. Maybe she thought I could turn him around, but you know, it’s not my job to turn a grown man into a decent human being.”
I can feel my anger starting to overtake my sadness again. It’s been a seesaw of those two emotions all day.
“Enough of this. I can’t just sit and mope. These kids need me to be strong and be there for them. They’re my focus and I need to remember that and stop letting Bram distract me.”
“Aye well, my heart aches for the two of ye. Ye must talk it out, ye ken? I know ye feel ye can’t face him, but better to do it in private for the first time, than in the courtroom or in front of the bairns. Like it or not, they love him, Tessa, and it would be too cruel to them to cut him out of their lives. Ye’ll have to come to terms with him somehow.”
I know she’s right. I do. But I’m not ready yet.
“I know, Rhona, and I will. But it doesn’t have to be today.”
31
Bram
I can’t believe I have to rush back to New York, but I have to confront Kat and find out if this pregnancy is real. Oh God, please don’t let it be real. And if it’s real, don’t let the baby be mine.
I feel like a real shit thinking that, but the truth of the matter is that even though I love kids and know I want to be a father someday, I don’t want to be tied to Katrina Rutherford for the rest of my life. The thought of having babies with Tessa, though, makes me want to shout with happiness. She’ll never even want to see me again if she finds out about this, much less create a family with me. Just when we were getting along so well, and I was about to tell her how I feel about her. This sucks.
One minute I think I should delay my flight back long enough to talk to Tessa and confess everything, and the next I’m positive that would be the biggest mistake I could make. I need some advice. Maybe after having spent the day with Tessa, Mrs. MacThomas will have some insight for me. Can’t hurt to ask.
First, I call Andrew back and tell him of my change in plans. I should probably finish packing before calling Mrs. MacThomas. I’m stalling. Telling Mrs. MacThomas about the possible pregnancy will be almost as awful as confessing it to Tessa. The only saving grace with Mrs. MacThomas is that she is single-minded in her determination to fulfill Mary’s wish that Tessa and I form a family with their children, and for that, I could kiss the old woman smack on the lips.
She answers my call immediately and tells me she’s alone in one of the guest rooms when I ask if she has a minute to talk. Tessa invited her to stay with her, and Mrs. MacThomas accepted, at least for a few days, she told me.
“That’s good, because I have to go back to New York for a few days at least.”
“Do ye now?”
I take a deep breath and start spilling the whole sorry story. She’s quiet throughout, only making a tutting noise of what I suspect is disapproval on occasion, letting me tell the story my way. When I get to the phone call with Kat today, I hear her l
et out a loud gasp when I mention the possible pregnancy, but still, she let me talk myself out.
Finally, I conclude with the fact that I have to go to New York and find out the truth.
“May the Good Lord help us all if she is.”
It’s been years since I’ve been in a church or done any regular praying, but I agree wholeheartedly. I need all the help I can get, whether she’s pregnant or not. The last thing Mrs. MacThomas said to me was to make sure to get back here quickly. “And when ye do come back, make sure ye’ve scraped all the manure off your shoes first, ye ken?”
I assure her I ken completely.
I’m not sure why I was so nervous to tell the nanny except that she’s someone else that I’ve come to feel close to in a short space of time. She’s a wise woman, and clearly loves Abbie and Archie like they’re her own family. Her opinion matters to me, more than I would’ve thought it would. I’m glad she’s fighting in my corner on this. I can use an ally.
Once I get back to the plane at Will Rogers Airport and get settled in, I realize how tired I am. I barely slept on the flight last night. God, was it just last night? It was. Last night I left Kat’s house full of plans to tell Tessa that I love her and want to try to make this work with her and the kids. Now she not only won’t talk to me, but she looks at me like I make her physically sick. I need to try to get some sleep. I need my brain working at full capacity. No telling what other tricks Kat has up her sleeve.
I walk into the master cabin and remember Tessa and the kids here. It hits me hard in the softest part of my heart what I could be losing.
If Kat is really pregnant, and the baby is really mine, I’ll be stuck with her in my life forever. No way will I marry her, I mean, this isn’t the nineteen-fifties for fuck’s sake. But the baby will still be mine to love and take care of, and I will never try to shirk that responsibility. But to ask Tessa to take a back seat while I get that part of my life sorted out is a lot to ask of someone, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Everything we are just starting to feel for each other is so new and fragile. At least, I think she started having feelings for me, before all this happened.
My thoughts swirl in my head like a deadly cyclone. I think I manage to sleep a little, or maybe I just pass out from sheer exhaustion, because the next thing I know one of the cabin crew comes in and tells me we’ll be landing soon.
I get up and wash my face with cold water. I barely recognize the unshaven, hollow-eyed man looking back at me in the mirror. Looking away, I mentally brace myself for the battle to come.
I head straight to Morrison Mansion from LaGuardia, only stopping once to buy a bunch of pregnancy tests. I wasn’t kidding when I told her I’m coming armed with them. One way or another, she’s going to pee on at least one of these damned sticks.
Kat meets me at the door herself, rather than letting one of her many live-in staff answer it. She’s dressed like I’m here to take her on a date. Un-fucking-believable. Just a few weeks ago, before Tessa, I would have looked at Kat and seen a sexy woman I wanted to fuck. Today, there’s nothing about her that attracts me even the tiniest bit. Not her long legs showing from beneath the tight skirt stretched across her ass, not her white-blond hair or her creamy white skin, and especially not her cold blue eyes. The sight of her leaves me wanting a particular small, dark-haired, brown-eyed sweetheart of a woman. I push the thought of Tessa from my mind for now. I need to have a clear head.
“Darling, you look good enough to eat. I love it when you leave your hair down like that, and please, never shave again. That’s sexy as hell.”
I don’t even dignify any of that nonsense with an answer.
“Kat, I know what you’re trying to do, and it won’t work. If you give up this ridiculous shit now, we can just call it a day, and both get on with our lives.” I can see the denial already forming on her ruby red lipstick-covered lips. She’s not going to make this easy. Of course not. “But if you insist on doing this the hard way, I can promise you that you’ll be making an enemy of me for life.”
"Don't be ridiculous, darling. I'm not 'trying to do' anything. The fact of the matter is, we had sex and I got pregnant. It’s simple biology and is happening to someone, somewhere, even as we speak."
I can feel my fists clench. She’s not going to listen to reason. When she touches my chest, as if she has a right to, I know I have to put some distance between us. I’ve never hit a female before and I’m not about to start now, but like everything else this woman does, she’s not going to make it easy for me. She keeps talking her bullshit as I walk to the other side of the room.
"This doesn't have to be the end of the world, Bram. It’s obvious we're compatible in the bedroom. We have all the same friends and hosted a lovely dinner party together just last night, oh, and I have it directly from my godfather that he was extremely impressed with your pitch and he’s looking forward to doing business with you."
Not knowing what’s good for her, she slithers across the floor like the snake she is and puts her arms across my shoulders. Then she clasps her hands together behind my neck. Her face is so close to mine I can smell alcohol on her breath. Not a lot, but she clearly had a bit of something just before I got here. Not good for the baby. If there is one.
"We can formally announce our engagement and then, when the time is right, the good news about the baby. I know my godfather will make sure that your business is at the top of his investment list once he knows you’re going to be family."
It’s that word on her lips. Family. That word conjures up only one image in my brain and it’s so far removed from this woman that it’s not even funny. I don’t even bother to pull back. As a matter of fact, I lean in even closer to her face when I tell her, “The only thing that’s going to happen, Katrina, is you’re going to go pee on this.” I do pull back then and shove one of the kits in front of her face. I fully expect her to refuse. I really don’t believe she’s pregnant, so no way will she want to take this test.
"I'll take the test, but I already know what it's going to say. Don't you think I would have been sure of this before saying anything to you?"
Well, that’s a shocker, but okay. It’ll be good to know for sure. Cut out all this guessing.
If she really is pregnant, I’ll deal with that when and if I have to.
While I’m busy arguing with myself, Kat dutifully takes the test and goes into the nearest bathroom.
I start pacing the floor in what I’m painfully aware is a bizarre parody of what every new dad everywhere does while waiting for his wife to give birth.
This has to be a bluff. Surely, it’s a bluff.
I hear the bathroom door in the hallway open and seconds later, Kat steps back into the room. She’s holding up one of the pregnancy sticks, and fuck me if she doesn’t look thrilled.
“See, I told you. I’m pregnant.”
Then she falls to the floor, which mercifully for her, is thickly carpeted. I get to her just as she hits it. I pick her up and lay her on the couch as I yell my fool head off for one of her staff. Even with all that, though, I still manage to get a good look at the pregnancy test she dropped when she passed out.
It has a plus sign on it, which I’m pretty sure means she’s pregnant.
Question now is, is it mine?
32
Tessa
It’s only been a few days since I last saw Bram, walking away from my house, the despised pictures clutched in his hands. It was only a day before that when I was being held by Bram, safe and happy in his bed in New York. How did things get so screwed, so fast?
I know he’s gone back to New York. I heard Rhona tell the twins when Archie begged to see his uncle at bedtime. The twins miss him so much. I feel so sad for them and so guilty for being the one to keep them separated.
But it’s not my fault. He’s the cheater and liar.
If only I’d been enough for him.
No, it’s not me. He’s the one who can’t settle with one woman. There’s ab
solutely nothing wrong with me. This is all on him.
I keep having these arguments with myself and it’s driving me crazy. I feel myself just going through the motions every day and it’s not fair to the kids, I know that. Thank God Rhona is happy to extend her stay with us. I don’t know what any of us will do when she has to go back to Scotland.
As usual, my thoughts find their way back to Bram. I know I told him that I didn’t want to see him, but I still can’t believe he turned right back around and went back to New York. I torment myself with images of Katrina Rutherford in his apartment, in his bed, in his arms. Right now, I really hate them both. I can’t believe that she’s not the reason Bram’s gone back home.
Rhona is trying her damnedest to convince me that they aren’t lovers. But I saw the pictures. I have trouble believing words over what I saw with my own eyes. Especially after what happened with Mitch. I know how possible it is for a man to tell me he loves me to my face and then screw someone else the second my back’s turned. And Bram has never even pretended that he loves me, so it would be even easier to play around with me while seeing someone else. The fact that Bram has run right back to Kat tells me all I need to know about where I stand with him, and even I have to admit he never made me any promises. He never said he loves me or wants to be with me. I started dreaming that little dream all by myself.
Of course, I’m crying again. I cry at least once an hour, it seems. I’ve tried to keep my sadness from the twins, but children pick up on things, especially poor, sweet Abbie, who worries her little self silly over everyone around her. Archie is fine until he feels Abbie’s distress, then it’s the pair of them worrying over me and my heart breaks. They shouldn’t have to worry about me.
Because of Them: Heartfelt Romance Page 15