When the tears finally stop and my voice is hoarse, I pull away, looking up into his deep, dark eyes. “What am I going to do?” I whisper.
He brushes the hair out of my eyes. “You need to be strong now, just like the woman I met at the airport. You have so much life in you, so much talent to share with the world, so much goodness in your heart.”
“You know, I thought you were a completely different guy,” I murmur. “A guy who could never be satisfied with someone like me. I wanted to believe I was wrong, but…” I shake my head. “I was afraid to be right. That’s why I pushed you away.”
He grins. “And like a bad penny, I showed up again.”
“Right when I needed you,” I say, my voice shaking.
He sighs, scrubbing a hand down his stubble-peppered face. “Julia, you weren’t wrong about me. I was a different guy…exactly the guy you thought. And ever since I left you that night, I’ve been trying to convince myself that being that guy was great because he had everything he ever wanted.”
I swallow hard. “Did you believe it?”
“No,” he whispers. “I didn’t. I don’t. I only thought I had everything because I never knew what I was missing.”
“And you do now?” I ask, my voice catching.
“I realized it the second we met.” He smiles. “And it scared the hell out of me because I’d never felt anything like it in my life. That’s the truth.”
“Me either,” I whisper.
“That time we spent together…it wasn’t much, but it was enough for me to know it was real. I guess maybe because everything that came before it was so fake. But it suited me. I liked things that way. They were simple. Easy.” He snickers. “I had a feeling you’d be difficult, and damn, was I ever right.”
“High-maintenance as they come.” I giggle again, and Antonio strokes the side of my face with his fingertips. They feel so soft against my skin and my eyes instinctively float closed, forgetting everything except the sensations coursing through me. I want so badly for his lips to graze mine, to give me a new memory that can replace the emptiness, the numbness, and the grief.
For a second, I want to feel light and free and hopeful for the future.
But that desire is short-lived.
And soon enough, the torment overcomes me once more, bloody images wallpapering my mind to the point where my eyes fly open to temporarily release me from my own personal hell.
Because it will always be with me.
A throat clears to our right and I jump, clutching Antonio’s hand.
“Relax,” he murmurs. “We’re fine.” He looks at Doc Milo. “How’s Tommy?”
“Resting,” the doctor answers. “He’ll probably be out until morning. But he was a good patient this time. It was a nice change,” he says with a chuckle.
Antonio rolls his eyes. “It’s probably because he was weak from the blood loss. Note to self.” He snickers and stands, reaching out a hand to me. “Your turn,” he says softly.
“Will you come with me?” I ask. “I know, it’s so weird for me to want you there and I barely know you, but I just…I feel safer with you around.” I bite my lower lip, staring up at him. “And I’m scared. I know what he told me, but what if he was lying? What if something else happened and I just don’t remember?”
He gathers me into his strong arms, pulling me against his chest, a place that, I decide, is preferable to any other one on the planet. “Sure, I’ll come with you. Don’t be scared. We’re going to figure this all out, I promise.”
The doctor takes a step backward toward another open door. “I’ll give you a minute. When you’re ready, come inside. I will prepare the examination table.”
Antonio runs his fingers through my hair and I cringe. “Oh my God,” I whisper, clapping a hand over my face. “I really could use a shower. I don’t know…”
“You’ve never looked more beautiful.” Antonio grins at me. “But once you’re finished with the Doc, you can get cleaned up. He’s full-service provider. You can get your bullet wounds patched up, fresh clothes, booze, gelato…”
“Gelato?”
He shrugs. “Sometimes I prefer mint chocolate chip over a scotch. And he takes care of me.”
“Wow, you’re a real enigma, aren’t you?” I say with a smile.
“Because I have a sweet tooth?”
“No, because you’re exactly the guy I wanted you to be, the guy I was convinced you weren’t.”
“Why? Did you picture me as a cherry vanilla kind of guy?” He smirks.
There’s nothing vanilla about me, babe.”
“No, there isn’t.” I breathe in the faint scent of his cologne. “Nothing at all.”
“Are you ready for this?” he asks.
“No, but…” I sigh. “I need answers.” I pull away slightly. “I also need to talk to my father. Is there any way for me to get to him? I need to hear his voice. I need to know that he’s okay.” My own voice hitches and I grit my teeth, refusing to lose my shit again. It’s time to pull myself together once and for all.
Antonio nods. “We can call him. I’ll take care of it. We’ll lay low here until Tommy is awake and then we’ll figure out our next steps. In the meantime, let’s get you checked out.”
“You know he’s going to need to, ah, examine certain, um, areas.” I chew the inside of my mouth. “Antonio, if he did anything, if he—” My heart thumps in my chest, an unsettled feeling deep in my gut.
Is it really possible Elia didn’t rape me? God Almighty, I pray he wasn’t lying to me when he said he’d never do that, but he’s so twisted, it’s just too hard to believe. And what if the doctor confirms my deepest fear to be true? What if Elia got me pregnant? I have vague recollections of bits and pieces of things he said, and that came through loud and clear. Something about a baby…about using the baby to take over…something?
God, I wish I could remember!
And then at the same time, I’m so grateful I can’t.
Will I ever get clarity?
And if I do, will it haunt me forever?
But more than that…would Antonio still want me?
“Hey,” he whispers, putting a finger to my lips. “We will take care of it, okay? Don’t get upset before you have any confirmation.”
I nod my head, taking a few deep breaths. I know he’s right, but the impending dread of hopping onto that exam table hangs over me like a toxic black cloud. Antonio places a hand on the small of my back and gently guides me into the room. My knees wobble as I get closer to the table. I reach out to hold the side before hopping up, but Antonio takes me into his arms and lifts me onto it.
I flash a quivery smile at him.
My white knight.
The doctor smiles at me. “Why don’t you slide down to the edge of the table and lie back?”
Antonio whispers to the doctor and he nods, patting my feet. “Julia, can you place your feet into these stirrups for me?”
My legs tremble as he opens the sheet. He pulls a box out of a drawer and slides on a pair of latex gloves. Part of me is glad Antonio gave him the directive. I don’t think I could have said the words without cracking. And since my new plan is to hold my shit together, I can use all of the help I can get.
He gently pushes my legs apart. “I’m just going to examine you first, Julia.” He busies himself doing a thorough check of my lower body and is silent for a few moments while Antonio stands by my head, grasping my hands. I clench them tight when the doctor gets to work using his forceps. I wince when the cold steel enters my body, my breaths sharp.
For those few agonizing moments, I brace myself for the news. My eyes are squeezed shut, my pulse throbbing against my neck.
Doctor Milo finally finishes his exam and gathers whatever samples he needs for his testing and sits back on his stool. “Okay, Julia.”
“Yes?” I rasp, my fingers numb from gripping Antonio’s hand so tight.
“Thankfully, there is no physical evidence of forced entry. In cases of r
ape, there are usually tears at the point of entry as well as bruising. I see neither, which is a good sign. I collected some samples to verify whether or not there is semen present and I will need you to give me a urine sample to test for both semen and presence of the drugs he used, but I don’t see any cause for alarm at this time.” He quirks a brow. “Other than that bruise under your eye. Do you remember how you got it?”
My fingers fly up to my face. I have a vague recollection of how it got there. Antonio’s jaw twitches when his eyes narrow at the purplish mark. “The man w-who kidnapped me…Elia…I tried to fight back, to hurt him. But the drugs he gave me were so powerful and I couldn’t keep my balance. I tripped and fell, slamming my face against the corner of a nightstand.” I look up at Antonio. “He never hit me.”
“That makes sense, especially since there is no indication of sexual assault.”
I let out a breath and suck it back in almost as quickly. “But what if I was unconscious? Or in a heavy sleep? He’d given me sedatives for days. Would my body show any signs of rape if I was that relaxed and in a comatose state?”
“Yes, because he would have still had to force himself upon you. Even if you were in a non-responsive state, he wouldn’t have been able to arouse you to the point that you would have been a willing partner, so to speak. And based on what you’re describing about your physical and mental state, it sounds as if he injected you with diazepam, which I will test for as well.” The doctor pats my foot. “I will test these samples to give you some peace of mind, but I believe they will confirm the results of my examination.” He smiles and hands me a cup. “Once you give this back to me, we should have the results in about an hour.”
A smile stretches across my face, the first real one in days. And it feels so amazing. My shoulders sag when I let out a deep sigh of relief. “Thank you so much, Doc.”
He nods. “If you’d like to freshen up, there’s a bathroom with a shower down the hall. The closet has everything you might need — soap, razor, deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrush. Take your time. We’ll also be sure to give you lots of fluids so we can flush your system of any remaining drugs. How long had he been administering them?”
“Since he took me.” I look at Antonio. “Over a week?”
“Yeah,” he says.
Doc nods. “Just be aware that you will be feeling the physical effects, especially if it is the diazepam. I know you’re still in shock right now, but the withdrawal will kick in — nausea, headaches, sweating, cramping. The severity will depend on the amount of the drug he injected. As time goes on, the symptoms will lessen.”
“Okay,” I whisper, my eyes pooling with tears. Well, that explains the bathroom episode. The doctor gathers his supplies and leaves us. Antonio drops a kiss onto the top of my head and envelops me. I throw my arms around his waist. “Thank God he didn’t do…anything,” I murmur.
“Listen, I want you to go and take a nice long shower, okay? We’ll stay here for as long as we need to, and then—”
“Then we call Papa,” I say. “I need to hear his voice. Please, Antonio. I don’t want to cause trouble for anyone, but I have to talk to him.”
He pauses for a second and nods. “Yeah, we’ll call.”
I smile. “Thank you. For everything.”
“Ditto,” he says with a wink.
Chapter Fourteen
Antonio
“So Elia is back in action.” Doc shakes his head and stirs some sugar into his espresso. “That poor girl. Being kidnapped and then held like that after seeing her mother slain in front of her.”
“When I find that motherfucker, I’m gonna tear him apart, limb by limb. And then I’m gonna torture the fuck out of him.”
Doc smirks, raising the cup of steaming liquid to his lips. “You sound just like your father.”
“Yeah, well, I guess the grape doesn’t fall far from the vine, ya know?”
“The sarcasm, too.” Doc sips the espresso. “It’s like he’s right here at my kitchen table.”
My mouth twists. “He wouldn’t have stopped. He’d have dropped his brother off here and kept going until he found the bastard. He never would have let a second pass if he was on the hunt. He didn’t care about who he left behind. What was important to him was getting revenge. It was his personal quest.”
“That’s because he put all of his focus on making people suffer after he lost your mom. It was almost like every bit of torture was repayment for his loss. If she’d been around, he’d have never—”
“He had us,” I interrupt. “I know you guys were closer than brothers, but let’s be real. He neglected us, the family he had left, in search of retribution. Nothing was ever gonna bring her back, but he was on some never-ending quest to get back at the world for taking her away from him. He never thought about the fact that his kids lost their mother. And after she died, we lost him, too.”
“You have to understand how difficult it was on him to have the constant reminder that no matter how much power and money he had at his disposal, it wasn’t nearly enough to stop the tragedy from occurring. He suffered right alongside of her for all of those months.”
“And after that, he was all business. He looked for any excuse to attack anyone who got in his way. It was his twisted way of coming to terms with the loss, of getting revenge on the universe for taking her away,” I say, my tone caustic. “He never cared about salvaging anything with us. He went into his little bubble when she died and gave us everything we wanted except the thing we needed most. Him. He put us at risk plenty of times because he just acted and never thought about consequences. He was dangerous and he got careless. That’s why he got plugged. I am not anything like him, Doc.”
Doc shrugs. “Okay. If you say so. I’m just telling you there is a lot of him that I see in you, Ant.”
I cock an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”
Doc nods. “Other than your shared insatiable appetite for mint chocolate chip gelato, he’d have laid down his life for your mother and you kids. He did everything he could to keep you all safe and free from harm. He wasn’t a warm and fuzzy kind of guy, but he cared for you all very much. All of those people you speak of…the ones he got revenge against…he did it to protect you because he knew it was the only way to eliminate the threats. You do the same for your brothers and sister. You look out for them and you put yourself in the line of fire to keep them safe.” He nods toward the bathroom where Julia is showering. “And even after knowing that girl in there for such a short time, you went up against Elia Fortunato to save her. You did it because you know the dangers that lurk for you all if the Fortunatos aren’t taken out. You went in there for Tommy, for Diego, for Cristian, and for Gianna.”
“They’d do the same for me.”
The Doc nods. “I know that. Maybe it’s something you all share in common.”
“We’ve always taken care of each other. We rely on each other. We’re there for each other because Pop wasn’t.” My stomach clenches. I don’t want to tear open old wounds left by my father, but this war we’re fighting is because of him, because he didn’t think about repercussions. He had a list of enemies a mile long and his sole focus was destroying each and every one of them for trying to take what was his…namely, his shipping business.
His second priority after his wife.
But Diego is really the one who took after him and threw gas into the flames when he went after the men who killed Pop. He let himself get swept up in anger and rage and murdered every last one of the men who were responsible for the hit on Papa. It was because of Diego’s self-imposed manhunt that we ended up on Fortunato’s radar in the first place, something that he finally admitted to after the whole standoff in Palermo when Fortunato had kidnapped his girlfriend Serena and her father Franco.
“You ran into the lion’s den tonight to help a woman you barely know and I see how you look at her, how torn you are because you want to go after Elia, to regain some of the control you lost when he got away, but you also want to stay
by her side, to protect her.”
I lean my head in my hand. “I feel like I’m losing more and more of that control as the hours pass,” I mutter. “Being in control means finding Elia and pummeling his ass for what he did to Julia and her mother, not waiting here like a sitting fucking duck with my thumb up my ass.”
“Being in control means taking a step back and thinking everything through so you make the right decisions,” Doc says, sliding back his chair and heading over to the freezer. He pulls out a tub of gelato and places it in front of me with a bowl and a spoon. “I know you’re tempted to run, but that won’t do anyone any good right now. You have the control right now. Don’t fight it.”
I pull the lid off the tub and scoop gelato into the white porcelain bowl. “What I have is basically nothing. I don’t know where Elia is, I don’t know where Nic is, and my only backup has a bum arm.”
“If you were worried about backup, maybe you shouldn’t have shot him in the first place,” Doc quips.
I roll my eyes and stuff a spoonful of gelato into my mouth, stifling a groan. For a second, things are okay as the sweet minty flavor takes over my mouth.
I think I just associate the flavor with simpler times, when I was young and completely oblivious to the life I would later lead. The gelato brings me back and makes me feel like that carefree little kid again.
Not for long, though.
Only until I swallow.
“Julia wants to see her father. I won’t be able to get her out of Rome until she does. But there’s no way I can make that happen and keep her safe. He’s got plenty of eyes on him right now, and I have no faith that his crew will be able to protect either of them.” I press my fingertips to my temples. This whole thing is a no-win. If I do what she wants and take her to Graziani, someone dies. Fortunato wants his money and he’s lost his leverage. So he’s gonna go right to the source and wait for the bait to come to him.
But how the hell am I going to fight them all off by myself and protect Julia at the same time?
Coveted: Men of Mayhem: Book Two Page 14