“What the hell are you doing up there?” the barkeep asked.
I threw a hundred euro bill at him. “Turn the music down.”
The barkeep grumbled, but shoved the bill into his dirty apron and reached down behind the counter to mute the volume. In the sudden silence people stopped mid-sentence. All eyes trained on me, and I waited until complete silence reigned.
The moment I had everyone’s attention, I said clearly, “I will pay anyone who has knowledge of a band of men who kidnapped women in the downtown area four months ago. They targeted women from a café and may have had other operations around town.”
My hands curled and I willed myself to continue in a calm voice. “I’ll pay thirty thousand euros to anyone who can give me a name. Totally anonymous. I don’t need to know anything about you. Provide information, and the money is yours.”
Giving incentive, I pulled out a couple hundred euros from my blazer pocket and fanned it out in my hand. “In gratitude for your attention, your dinners and drinks are on me.”
Franco appeared by my feet, looking up with tense awareness. His eyes scanned the room while his hand hovered over his chest holster, ready to pull his gun free in a second. “Time to get down. You’re a sitting duck up there.”
I nodded, saying to the crowd, “I’m sitting at the back. Come find me if you have a name.” I jumped off the bar.
Franco’s eyes bugged out of his head. “What the hell. You were a perfect target up there. Anyone could’ve popped you.”
I brushed my suit and handed the money to the barkeep, whose eyes lit up like a fucking firework. “That’s for everyone’s tabs for tonight, understand?”
He nodded. I doubted he would be trustworthy, but I really didn’t care.
“Someone will squeal, Franco. They always do when money is involved.”
“What if they just kill you expecting to find more than thirty G in your pockets?”
I smirked, brushing past him to go and sit down. “That’s what you’re here for. To keep me alive to do stupid shit like this.”
He huffed and the music increased to deafening decibels yet again.
I moved back to my seat and settled in for my prey to come to me.
*****
Six hours later, the barkeep tried to kick us out.
No one ventured near our table, and there were only so many beers we could drink before our concentration faltered.
We paid off the barman to stay overnight. I didn’t want to move. In my mind, the nugget of information I needed was on the way to me, heralded by the allure of thirty thousand euros. I visualized the news being spread from mouth to mouth, making its way through ghettos and impressive neighbourhoods, passed cousin to cousin. Eventually someone would know. Eventually someone would come to me.
I refused to think otherwise.
By the time morning peeked through the filthy windows, my ass was flat from sitting and my back screamed bloody murder. But a new day had arrived.
The day I found Tess. The day I brought hell on earth to the men who thought they could steal what was mine.
Instead of being desolate and incompetent, I felt eager and on track. This is right. For the first time in days, I was one step closer to finding Tess and putting this entire hellish nightmare behind us.
*****
At ten in the morning, the kitchen staff arrived to prepare for the lunch crowd. By eleven, the doors opened and some early punters trickled in for some pub grub.
Considering I hadn’t slept a wink in over fifty hours, I revved with pent-up energy. My eyes never left the door, and every person that stepped through sent my heart racing.
This was it.
It would work.
Any second.
Any second turned into another fucking hour, and my heart went from racing to thick with fury. It had to work. It was the last chance.
What the hell would I do? Go home and live my life like Tess never existed? Pretend she hadn’t made me a better person or taught me how to be happy?
My mind turned inwards at what my future would mean. I would never go back. Never return home without Tess by my side. I would leave Q Mercer behind and—
“Shit, Q,” Frederick mumbled, his eyes glued behind me. “It fucking worked. I don’t believe it.”
I spun and came face to face with a dirty child who I guessed was about ten or eleven. The little girl had matted dreadlocks down to her waist, and her skin might’ve been clear and innocent but was covered in mud and a nasty scar on one cheek.
I didn’t know how she snuck in without me noticing, but I instantly knew. This was the girl who would lead me to Tess.
My hands twitched to grab and shake her, to demand to know what she knew. But I curled my fingers and kept them out of sight under the table.
It took every conceivable control in my body to smile gently and lean to her level. My voice was gruff and unused, but I kept my tone even. “Bonjour. Did you come to see me?”
She looked toward Franco, who brooded menace, and Frederick, who had a soft smile on his lips. All three of us hadn’t shaved in days, and our eyes were red rimmed and far too intense with grief and anxiety.
Poor kid would be petrified, but I didn’t have time to soothe her.
“We won’t hurt you. Tell us what you know, and I’ll make sure you and your family are looked after for a very long time.”
She bit her lip, shuffling with bare toes on the sticky beer-covered floor. “I know who you want. My mama used to clean over at the warehouse, before they moved, and I used to sneak in for food when the guards weren’t looking.”
My stomach twisted into knots. A warehouse. How many fucking girls did they sell? I wanted to ask so many questions; I wanted to save every single woman.
I swallowed hard, pushing the questions from my head. Only one question mattered here. The rest I could come back for. Tess was mine. She needed me and I would be there for her before the day was out.
“The man scares me, but he gave me candy if I let my mama work in peace and I sat in the corner. But he touched other girls my age. He tried to touch me once, but my mama stopped him.”
Her big black eyes met mine, so innocent, but not naïve. She knew what she was doing by telling me this man’s name. She knew he wasn’t fit to live. Even in her young heart, she smelled the vileness.
“Tell me his name.” I leaned forward, unable to restrain my urgency anymore. It radiated from my pores, bunching my muscles. “Tell me, and I’ll make sure you never have to see him again.”
She dropped her eyes and gulped. Seconds ticked by while she shifted on the spot. Finally, her eyes flickered round the bar and she shuffled closer. Putting her little hand around my ear, her lips brushed my flesh as she whispered, “His name is Smith and he isn’t in the city anymore.”
Smith?
Fucking Smith? The most common name in the entire world. How many dead-ends must I run into?
Rage and satisfaction were two equal counterparts. I had the bastard’s name, but I was no closer to finding him. “That’s very good, ma chèrie.” I smiled, bristling with tension. “Do you know where he lives now?”
She shook her dreadlocked head, mumbling, “I know where he works though.”
I tried so fucking hard to keep my patience, nodding slowly. “Fantastic. Can you tell me? I’ll pay you extra so your mum never has to work again.”
Her eyes popped wide, and once again she cupped my ear. “I heard my mama say he moved to a place called Rio. But I don’t know where that is.”
Rio.
Mother fucking Rio.
Tess was in Brazil.
I couldn’t help myself. I grabbed the child and squeezed her before passing her off to Franco. “Pay the girl and make sure you take her wherever she wants. Buy a house, I don’t care, just repay her.”
The girl squealed as Franco hoisted her into his arms and strode out the bar, heading toward bright sunlight.
At last the sun wasn’t mocking me. It wasn’
t saying life would go on without the woman of my dreams; now it was telling me to go on the final hunt. The final battle to free her.
Striding out the door with Frederick at my heels, I muttered, “You should leave, Roux. You don’t have to be a part of this.”
I planned on having copious amounts of blood on my hands tonight. I would dance in hell for what I would do to motherfucker Smith.
Frederick muttered, “I’m not going anywhere. I want to see you tear this bastard limb from fucking limb.”
My soul burned with the urge to kill. No ounce of humanity existed—tonight it was all about death.
I’m coming for you, you bastard.
And I’d make damn sure he’d fucking cry before I was through.
Save me, enslave me, you will never cave me.
Taunt me, flaunt me, kill what haunts me…
Two days? A week? A month? A Year?
I no longer knew how long I existed in this hell.
It no longer mattered as my body was broken, my mind unrepairable.
I existed in turmoil and grief. I lost weight as I no longer ate. My bones stuck out in stark relief and my mouth was always desiccated. The drugs never granted me a moment’s peace—taking me from a monstrous reality to a nightmare encrusted subconscious. The fog, the smog, kept me from realizing just how close I was to the end.
Leather Jacket kept taunting me—making me hurt the two blonde women until I obeyed without question. If I didn’t hit them, he did.
If I didn’t wallop them with the baseball bat, he did.
If I broke down and cried, he hit them harder, breaking a bone or drawing blood.
I wallowed in drugs and apologized and cried. He laughed and prodded and thrilled to hurt.
He made me hate myself for being alive. He made me doubt everything that I was and all the good things I thought I’d been. There was nothing left.
Who could love me when I was a devil’s protégé?
My mind tortured me with visions of a happier place: of Q’s bed, Suzette’s laugh, and warmth.
I wanted to be home. I wanted to sleep in a patch of sunlight and never be cold again. I’d never been so cold.
Sparrows visited me often in my dreams. At first they helped fly me away, taking me upward and beyond Leather Jacket’s reach, but the longer I tortured and mutilated others the more their black eyes went from condolences to hatred. Now their wings weren’t my salvation. They pecked my flesh with sharp little beaks, hopping around me like tiny vultures.
Every time my thoughts turned to Q, I shut down. The pain was insurmountable, and I couldn’t handle the hard hatred in his eyes.
“Your soul is rotten, esclave. Bound by darkness and I can no longer save you.” He leaned over me, smelling so fresh and citrusy pure. “Je ne suis plus à toi.” I’m no longer yours.
It was those words that unthreaded the rest of my ragged mind. I was no longer Q’s. I was unbelonging once again and instead of old hurt, all I felt was relief. Relief because soon, I wouldn’t exist. Soon I would die, and then I would no longer have to suffer hurting others.
Something shot me back into the present. I looked down at my shuffling feet, my arm braced in Ryan’s meaty grip.
Another block of time. Gone. Never to be recalled or remembered. What was I doing before walking?
Forcing my tongue to work, I mumbled, “Wh—where are you taking…” My strength left and I could no longer remember what I wanted to know.
My mother appeared in front of me, watching with her arms crossed as I shambled closer to her. “Look at you, child. You need a bath. You look like a homeless ragamuffin. How many times did I tell you to eat?” Her concern for my wellbeing felt nice, until she snarled. “If you are all skin and bones, what will be left for the Wolverines at dinner?”
The illusion shattered as Ryan jerked me into a room at the far end of the eternity-long corridor. “Time for your final lesson before you graduate, lovely.” He patted my head like I was his favourite pet. “I’ll miss our fun and games. Your nails are fucking sharp. Loved watching you scratch like a baby kitten.”
I swayed on the spot, mortifyingly enjoying his petting. After so long in the dark with only freezing concrete for company it was heaven to feel the comfort of another’s hand. Even though the same hand had beaten a girl within the inch of her life.
Deep inside, I managed to find the strength to stumble away.
Leather Jacket appeared from nowhere, chuckling. “Still fighting, even after all this time, slut.” He grabbed my face and I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see him and his piercing black gaze.
“Tessie, why did you leave me? For this? You left my kindness and respect for this? To chase a life of pain and ruin?” Brax swirled into being before me; I swallowed hard. Brax represented everything I no longer was.
He was untouched and pure and sweet, and I wasn’t worthy for him to talk to me.
“Don’t look at me! Please.” I buried my face in my hands, but Brax came forward and unpried my fingers to look into my eyes.
His sky-blue gaze rendered me helpless. “I may not understand your decisions, Tessie. But I’ll always be your friend. I’ll always be a safe haven for you.”
Leather Jacket shattered my drug-induced daydream by grabbing my hair and throwing me to the floor.
It hurt. It degraded. I didn’t care; I just lay there.
Someone threw something heavy at me. It bruised my spine before bouncing off and clattering to the floor.
I curled into a ball, wracked with shivers from whatever fever I’d caught. The coughs were getting explosive, and slowly my lungs filled with more and more liquid until I felt as if I floated in an ocean as well as fog.
“Pick it up, puta.” Leather Jacket nudged my hip with his foot. “Now. Don’t make me ask you again. You know what will happen.”
I didn’t think I had the strength to obey, but one moment I was lying, the next I sat on my knees, staring blankly at the cracked floor.
Something cool rested in my hands.
Something heavy and black and sinister.
A gun.
My heart rate peaked for the first time in days, racing fast against the comatose of the drugs. Why am I holding a gun?
“Final lesson.” Leather Jacket pointed at the girl in front of me. The gentle blonde with the small breasts and hummingbird tattoo on her hipbone.
She was gagged and her red-rimmed eyes were dry. She’d stopped crying days ago when Ryan broke her left arm. It was as if her mind had already gone.
I tried to smile at her, both of us locked in this horrible prison, but she just stared blankly at me.
“Kill her, cunt. Or I’ll cut her fingers off and then her toes until she dies slowly.”
The drugs couldn’t hold down my horror. I dropped the gun and crawled away. “No!”
“No,” he chuckled. “Did you just say no?” He stood in front of me, his legs barring my passage. “You really should’ve said yes.” He looked over my head. “Ryan.”
The glass-shattering scream made me retch as Ryan cut off one of the girl’s fingers.
I couldn’t look.
I can’t look.
Don’t look.
“Tessie, leave this place. It isn’t what you want,” Brax murmured.
“Esclave, you’re not one of them. If you even think of giving up and dying, I’ll hunt you for eternity.” Q’s passion shocked me. For days he’d been telling me to die. To give up and let myself go. Was it my mind telling me not to be so weak? Could Q really still care for me after all I’d done?
“Shoot her.” Leather Jacket pushed me backward. “Go on.”
Another moment ticked past and another scream rose.
I kept my eyes downcast, but it didn’t stop me seeing the puddle of blood forming around the girl. Even though she screamed for mercy, she still didn’t cry.
My heart squeezed to death at the thought that she couldn’t even find relief in tears. Her life was gone. Whether I shot her o
r not, her life was over.
She wouldn’t survive.
Save her. Shoot her. Set her free.
“One last time, slut. Shoot her.” Leather Jacket crouched to my eye level, placing the gun in my grip. “Do it.” He stood and backed away.
Every last shred of decency in me imploded. To save a girl from horror, I would steal her life.
With shaking hands, I raised the muzzle and pressed the trigger.
Some divine guidance took hold of the racing bullet, lodging it directly in her forehead. The life in her eyes instantly extinguished and a small smile tugged her lips before she fell sideways into silence.
I did it. I killed a bird that Q would’ve given everything to save. I was truly the devil and I couldn’t live with myself anymore.
Do it again, Tess. You set her free. Set yourself free.
Yes. I could escape everything.
I angled the gun into my mouth, sucked on the sulphur-laced muzzle, and pulled the trigger for the second and final time.
*****
“So, you punched her because she tried to kill herself?”
“Yes, boss. I did as you said and only put one bullet in the gun, but she still tried to swallow a fast one.”
“Good work. You succeeded. A strong bitch would never try to take such a chicken-shit way out.”
The voices weaved and plaited together, making me dizzy.
A steady throb in my temple brought me back from serene blankness to a freezing, emaciated reality.
“She’s coming around. We need to end this tonight. I have no more use for her.”
I cracked my eyes open just as White Man loomed above me. He smiled his crocodile smile. “I hear you tried to put yourself down like a dog, little girl?”
I moaned, reaching for my head. The pain was stronger for some reason, the fog not as thick or syrupy.
The drugs…they were wearing off. Clarity started coming back along with a terrible racking shiver. My jaw locked as I fought the trembles.
“Ah, do you know what that is?” White Man caressed my cheek. My reaction time was quicker and I jerked away. “That’s the first stage of withdrawal. You’re dependant on what we’ve given you. It’s the perfect key for any master to keep you inline.”
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