“Yeah, if that’s okay?” She sounds so shy asking and there’s no need to be.
“Of course, you don’t have to ask. I’m going to bed, but I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Night Babe, love you.” She says as she gets up from the kitchen table and gives me a hug.
“Night, night Stef. Love you too.”
Chapter Sixteen
It’s been six weeks since that date with Richie and since then we’ve been on loads more. He’s one of the greatest guys I know and I’m starting to care about him a lot. Do I love him, no I don’t and I honestly don’t know if I ever will, but its early days yet so time will tell.
Whenever I’m working he’ll always be there, just to make sure I get home okay. He’s been like that ever since he found out that I was attacked. He’s yet to meet Emme, I think it’s way too early for that and he agrees with me. He has met Stef, Saff and Damien.
I’ve not seen Hunter, and I honestly have only thought about him a few times, it hurts less and less to think about him. I will always be grateful as he gave me my little princess. I think that a part of me will always love him, but he walked away from our daughter, I don’t think I can ever forgive that.
“Bubbles you’re on stage in five.” Damien shouts out, and I smile to Cherry, she’s closing tonight. She closed the week I was off and was a huge hit. So Damien has us sharing the closing act. One week one does it then the other week, the other closes.
It’s working out well as Saffron is hardly working anymore, her and Damien are really serious, hell she’s moved in with him and he’s paid off all her debt. Even though she doesn’t have to work, she still is as she wants to be independent. She doesn’t work the pole, she works behind the bar and not as a waitress.
“You ready love?” Cherry asks me, she’s dressed and ready to go.
“Yeah, I’m good to go. How’s the kids?” I bend and strap my shoes, wanting my bed. It’s December and I feel as though I’m coming down with something.
“Good, Katy took her first step this morning, and Kevin is his usual happy self.” She has a smile on her face and I know how much her kids mean to her, just as much as Emme and the boys mean to me.
The opening bars of ‘Ride’ by Ciara and Ludacris start up and the butterflies start up. It always happens, I always get nervous, but I use those nerves and make it the best dance I can. I walk out on stage and for a Thursday night, it’s kind of quiet, that doesn’t bother me. This would be the best night to try out my new move, the music box. It’s one of the harder ones I’ve done but I love the way it pulls at my muscles.
I go through my routine as normal and as I’m coming to the end, I take a deep breath and let my body take over, I’ve practiced this move so many times now, I know it like the back of my hand. I wrap my body around the pole, one foot wrapped around the bottom and the other one I bring around and up to my head. I’m bent so much, it’s painful, but I hold it for five seconds and then release, going into the carousel spin.
Once the lights go off, I collect my clothes and the money that is strewn across the stage. I run off stage and into the changing room, Cherry is waiting with a smile on her face. “Go get them.” I tell her as I run past her. It doesn’t take me long to get changed into my leggings and a tank top, I just want to go home and go to bed, but I feel bad as I’ve just seen Richie sitting at the bar.
I say goodbye to Cherry who’s finished her routine and is now getting changed, I walk into the bar to see that there is only three people left here other than Saff and Richie. Although they’ll be gone as soon as they finish their drinks.
“Jess, you have to teach me that move. It looks bloody hard and sore, your body was contorted but it looked hot.” Saff tells me as she cleans the top of the bar.
“She’s not wrong there, it looked fucking hot.” The lust in Richie’s voice is clear for everyone to hear.
“Thanks.” I don’t know why I’m embarrassed by him saying that but here I am, heat rising through my cheeks. Changing the subject I look back at Saff who’s watching us with a smile on her face. “Are you still on for Monday?”
“Yes, I’ve been looking forward to it, I’ve been stuck in Damien’s ivory tower for too long now. I need my girls day out. Plus I need to get his presents.” She says, putting the glasses away.
“I’ve told you that I don’t want you getting me anything.” I hear Damien say from behind me and the eye rolling coming from Saff tells me that they’ve had this conversation plenty of times.
“Come on Jess, I’ll take you home.” Richie says taking my hand.
I nod, I really do need to sleep, I feel like shit, my body feels drained and my eyes feel heavy. I say goodbye to Damien and Saff and head toward the exit, saying goodbye to Brian, one of the newest bouncers. He’s really nice, he doesn’t talk very much, just usually says hi and bye. “Bubbles, there is a man waiting outside for you. I’ve told him that he’s not allowed to come inside as we’ve closed and Damien told me he’s not allowed in either.”
“So you do have more to your vocabulary other than hi and bye.” I say laughing, I’ve a feeling I know who’s waiting outside for me, especially since Damien won’t let them inside.
“Yes, I do talk, except I’m here to make sure that you’re all okay. Saying that, there are only three of you that even say hello and goodbye to me, so I don’t really have to talk to anyone.” He tells me and he doesn’t have to name the ones who talk to him as I already know and I’m not surprised. Saff, Cherry and I are polite, the rest, well they don’t give a shit, they’re here hoping to get a sugar daddy.
“Their loss,” I smirk at him, and am lucky that I get a smile back, and I think that this six foot three man usually looks scary as hell, but when he smiles, it reaches his eyes and lights up his whole face.
As we walk out, Richie’s hand goes to the base of my back; I look up at him and see he’s looking straight ahead, eyes narrowed. My eyes shift to where he’s looking and there is Hunter leaning against the wall, looking like he wants to kill Richie. What the hell does he want? I thought I had seen the last of him when he turned his back on Emme.
I don’t acknowledge him, Richie and I walk past him, “Jess can we talk?” His deep voice sets my heart racing.
I’m so mad at him that I whirl around to face him “No you can’t, you lost that right when you walked away yet again.” My heart hurts looking at the sadness in his eyes. I hate that I said it to him. I’m regretting it now. Turning back around I reach behind my back and take a hold of Richie’s hand that’s at the base of my back and grip tightly as I walk away from the man that I loved.
The whole way home Richie doesn’t say a word, and I hate the silent brooding, why on earth do men do that? If they just said whatever was bothering them instead of letting it fester and getting angrier the more they think of it, the easier things would be for everyone.
“So, I take it that was Hunter?” Richie’s voice is quiet and unsure but I hear it quietly through the silence as I get out of his car.
“Yeah.” I’m resigned to the fact that no matter what I do, Hunter will always be there in the background. “How did you know?”
“Your daughter looks like him.” Is his quiet reply, and I forgot that I showed him a picture of Emme and the boys about two weeks ago.
“Yeah she does.” I don’t know what to say to him. For the first time since I met him, it’s awkward.
“What does this mean?” He asks, and I look at him questioningly, “For us, what does it mean for us, now that he’s back?”
“It changes nothing.”
“So you don’t still love him?” He asks, catching me off guard.
“Where is this coming from? You have to understand, a part of me will always love Hunter. He was my first, he’s the father of my child, but am I in love with him? No.” I say the words and they sound convincing and I’m just wondering who I’m trying to convince, Richie or myself.
He walks closer to me, reaching up and brus
hing my cheek, “I’m sorry, it’s just I don’t want to lose you. I love you Jess.” Before I have a chance to answer, his lips are on mine. He brings his hand around to the back of my head and brings me closer to him. It’s intense, yet my heart’s not in it. I’m so messed up, while I’m here kissing Richie all I can think about is kissing Hunter again, wondering how he tastes.
I pull back from the kiss feeling terrible, he’s just told me that he loves me and I don’t feel the same. God, how did this get so messed up, earlier on I was so sure that I was over Hunter and ready to move on with Richie. Now I have no idea what I want.
“You okay Jess?” He asks and I know that he knows that I’m distant, I just don’t know what to do. “You don’t look too good.”
“I don’t think so; I felt off earlier, I think I’m coming down with something. My eyes are heavy and I’m tired.” I’m such a coward, whereas I’m not lying to him, I’m not exactly telling him the truth. I don’t want to lead him along, for him to think that there’s a future between us, when there actually isn’t. I need to decide what I want and quickly.
“Go to bed, get a good night’s sleep, hopefully you’ll feel better in the morning.” He gives me a peck on the cheek, turns and gets back into his car.
I make my way upstairs, thoughts swirling around in my head. None of them make much sense to me right now. I walk straight into the kitchen as I enter the house, I need a cup of tea, I need to think and I need silence.
That however doesn’t happen, “You okay Babe?”
Great, the one person I didn’t want to talk to right now, Stef, I love her to bits but she’s team Richie. “Yeah, just fancied a cuppa, you want one?”
“Nah, I’m good thanks.” I can hear her shuffling behind me, I don’t say anything to her, I’m not in the mood for a lecture on how shit Hunter is and how stupid I am for even contemplating seeing him again.
I make my tea in silence, Stef’s still in the kitchen. I can hear her shuffling around, and I know that she’s not here to listen to my problems, she wants to offload on me. I sit at the table and she follows suit, sitting beside me. “What’s wrong Stef?”
“James.” She says and bursts into tears.
It takes me a while to figure out who James is, then it clicks, he’s the client she slept with. “What about him Chick?”
“God Jess, I’m so flippin’ stupid.” Tears are streaming down her face.
“You slept with him again?” She nods and my heart aches for her, no matter what she says, she loves James. “What about his wife?”
“He’s left her, it’s one of the reasons I’ve been here so often. The crazy bitch found out my address and has been hounding me. She broke my window, along with writing home wrecker on the door.” She shakes her head, “So I called the police and thankfully she hasn’t done it again. Anyway, James came over the other night. Well, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me? And why are you sorry?” I’m confused, if she should apologise to anyone, it’ll be Owen. But they don’t have an exclusive relationship, so there’s no need.
“I pushed you into going out with Richie.” She sounds so upset, but I don’t fully understand why.
“I like Richie.” I do, I just don’t love him.
“I should have told you to go with your heart. I know you, and I know that you still love Hunter. Maybe you should see him again and see what happens?”
Wait…What? She must be coming down with the same thing I am. I don’t say that to her though, instead I opt for the more painful conversation, because let’s face it, I’m gluten for punishment. “I saw Hunter tonight.”
Her eyes grow huge and a smile forms on her face, “And?”
“And nothing, I was with Richie and I walked past him. Why are you so pro Hunter all of a sudden?” She’s making me nervous.
“I’m not pro Hunter, I’m pro you! You should know that I want you to be happy and you and I both know that you won’t be completely happy with Richie.” She reaches over and squeezes my hand. “I’m right aren’t I?”
“Yes, I really do like Richie and I think that he is the most amazing man I’ve ever met, but I love Hunter and especially after seeing him today. I don’t know what to do, because I don’t think that there is any chance of me and Hunter being together and even if there is I don’t know if I would want to. Whereas with Richie, he’s so sweet and loving. He puts a smile on my face.” Just thinking about Richie makes me smile, whereas thinking about Hunter, it makes my heart skip.
“So you’re confused, you don’t know what to do?” I nod, that’s exactly what’s wrong. “Then Babe, there’s only one thing to do. You’ve got to see Hunter.”
She’s right, but is it going to help clear my head or is it going to muddle it up even more? “So, why are you so upset?”
“It’s that time of the month. I’m just hormonal, don’t worry about it.” She’s lying, but there’s nothing I can do, I’m not going to push her to spill her guts, it’ll just make her even more upset. “So are you going to see Hunter tomorrow?”
I stand up, taking out a cigarette, thankful that I’m down to only a few a day, but I smoke more when I’m stressed and right now, I’m more stressed than I have been in a long time. I look at Stef who’s waiting for my answer, “I don’t know, if I do it’ll be tomorrow morning as I’m working tomorrow night.”
“You need to find your happy babe and you need to know which guy, if any, is it.” She tells me as she gets up from the table and gives me a kiss on the cheek before leaving the kitchen.
I go out onto the balcony and light up the cigarette. I don’t know what I want; I’m hoping that I’ll meet with Hunter tomorrow and feel nothing, but I know that I’m just kidding myself.
Chapter Seventeen
I don’t have to wait to see where or if I’ll meet Hunter. Here he is standing at my front door at eight in the morning. Pissing me off before the day has fully started. Now isn’t the time, I’ve to get the kids ready for school. Thankfully whatever I was feeling last night, I’m not feeling this morning. I feel perfectly normal.
“Morning Jess.” His voice deep and he has that wicked smile that has my heart beating. He’s staring at me, or should I say my nipples, as I’m wearing a tank with no bra. I’m in my poxy pyjamas and haven’t had a chance to get changed yet. “Can I come in?”
I open the door fully and let him in; I walk past the kitchen and stick my head in, checking to make sure they’re eating. Emme’s finished her breakfast and is currently eyeing Si’s toast. “Emme, you’re finished, you’re not eating anything else. Go brush your teeth.” I tell her and manage to scare the ever loving shit out of her; she didn’t hear me coming, so she jumped out of her seat.
Her bottom lip starts to quiver and I know what’s about to come, she starts bawling her eyes out, she rushes over to me and I pick her up. “You…Scared…Me….” She cries out.
“I know baby and I’m sorry.” I start to rub her back, trying to calm her down. It doesn’t take long for the shock to wear off, for her to calm down and stop crying. “Are you okay now?” she nods at me, her eyes watery and she looks scared. “Go on and brush your teeth, then you can get dressed for school.” I put her down on the ground and she runs off.
“Um, did I come at the wrong time?” Hunter asks from behind me, sending shivers up my spine.
“Yes you did.” Owen says from the kitchen and I just shake my head, that’s the worst thing about living in a house with so many people, no privacy.
“Yeah, it’s a school morning and I’ve three kids to get fed and make sure they’re dressed and ready to go.” I shrug my shoulders, I’m not sure what he wants, but it must be important if he’s here so early.
“I wanted to see if there was a chance we could talk. I should have realised that the kids would be getting ready for school.” Who is he and where the hell is the Hunter I know?
“I’ll take the kids to school with Owen and you two can sit dow
n and talk.” Stef tells me popping her head around the kitchen door and I can hear Owen grumbling from the kitchen.
“Yay! Steffy’s going to bring me to school.” Emme screams running out of the bathroom. “You’ll pick me up won’t you mummy?”
“Of course baby, now come on and I’ll get you ready.” I’ll also go and get dressed. If I’m staying here with Hunter, I want to be comfortable and I won’t be if he’s looking at my tits most of the time.
Thirty minutes later and I’m sitting in the sitting room with Hunter. I don’t think I’ve ever been on edge as much as I am right now. “What did you want to talk about?”
He sighs, leaning forward putting his elbows on his knees. “I fucked up, Jess. Fuck, I shouldn’t have walked away. I know that, but I’m here because I want to see my daughter.”
“Which time?” It just pops out and even though I didn’t intend to say it, I’m glad that I did. I need to be strong, I know this time I’m a realist.
He winces at my question, “Both, the first time I should have spoken to you from the get go. I never in a million years thought my mum would be a complete bitch. I honestly believed her when she told me that you had an abortion.” He looks so remorseful.
“That’s what I don’t get. Why on earth would you believe that? We spoke the night before, I was so scared, but you reassured me, you told me that you’d be there for the two of us.” Tears spring to my eyes just thinking about it. “YOU lied; you abandoned not only me, but our daughter. Then you waltz back into our lives and find out about Emme, what do you do? You abandon her again.”
He hangs his head in shame. “I know and for that I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to her.”
I don’t get it, why is he here? Why did he leave? I’ve so many questions to ask him. “Why did you leave when you found out about her?”
The Secrets Of Life (The Working Girls Book 1) Page 14