With a screech of tires, Chase peeled out and I grabbed onto the edge of the seat. I was never going to complain about Jeremy’s cautious driving again. I slammed my eyes closed. Of course I wasn’t because I wasn’t going to be driving with him again. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes.
“So where is this all happening?” I asked.
“Warehouse district.” That was an old part of town where they had converted some of the warehouses into bars, shops, and entertainment venues.
I tried to think of something to talk about. “Okay, just so I don’t come off as a fool, tell me how you know something is steampunk.”
“It’s just a world where everything is steam driven. There are even some stories with steam-driven computers. The costuming is usually Victorian, but it can be anything really.”
“Well, in my steampunk world, it’s obviously a short skirt and a lacy top.”
He glanced over. “You look cute.”
It took us a while to find a parking place. The warehouse district was hopping on Saturday night. When Chase parked, he got out of the car and waited on his side. Didn’t come open my door. As I got out, I could see him fairly bouncing on the balls of his feet. This wasn’t how I ever would have thought about spending my Saturday night, but he was excited about it. I was determined to be a good sport and not ruin his fun.
Besides I might have a blast.
We walked along the crowded street until we reached the designated warehouse. People dressed in assorted costumes, many of them with goggles, which seemed to be a staple for steampunk, were mingling around outside. Chase took my hand and a little shock of awareness went through me. It was only a hand, but it felt different, it was different. It wasn’t Jeremy’s. Chase led us through the crush of people to the door where he handed over some money for entrance. The backs of our hands were stamped and inside we went.
It was wildness!
As Chase took my hand again and we wended our way through the crowd, I felt a little out of place with my makeshift costume because obviously most of the people here took their costumes seriously. Some were really elaborate. One guy was dressed in something that looked like a metal skeletal frame. The room was dimly lit, smoke and fog swirling around. Music was blasting. Mechanical gadgets were displayed on various tables.
“Here we go,” Chase said, and he led me farther into the alternative world.
I saw Darla, Tommy Simms, and a couple of other guys from the construction site sitting at the top of a U-shaped couch, a short table in front of them. Darla was wearing a flowing skirt, hiked up on one side, and a wide leather belt with some sort of metallic hooks joining it together. Tommy, Nathaniel, and Ethan only had goggles dangling around their necks. So not everyone was into dressing up elaborately.
Chase sat on the side perpendicular to them and tugged me down beside him, and I suddenly found myself facing Jeremy. I hadn’t even recognized him. He was wearing what looked like a safari hat with goggles perched on it. He looked as uncomfortable as I felt. Nestled up against his side was Jade.
“I’m so glad you came,” she said, but it was obvious she was talking to Chase instead of me. She wore tight leather shorts and a corseted top. It looked so snug that I didn’t know how she could breathe. Her leather boots laced up past her knees. Goggles dangled from her neck. She wore a hat similar to mine but somehow it was more provocative, sexy, maybe because she was comfortable in it, or maybe because she had it at a rakish angle.
From her fingers, she dangled two yellow wristbands. “You have to be wearing one of these to buy alcohol. It means they carded you. I stole a couple from the bartender.” More than a couple, because she was wearing one. So was Jeremy. It seemed so unlike him. We drank at private parties, but we’d never done anything in public. Of course just because we were wearing the wristbands didn’t mean we had to buy or drink.
Without hesitation, Chase held out his arm. Reaching across the table, she wound one around his wrist and secured it. Then she arched a brow at me.
I didn’t want to be seen as a spoilsport. So I stuck out my arm, and Jade attached a condemning wristband.
“Cute outfit,” she said, although her tone was more mocking than complimentary.
Still, I said, “Thanks.”
She settled back onto the sofa, so close to Jeremy that light couldn’t have seeped between their bodies. I wanted to pretend that I was cool with this, seeing them together, even though it was killing me. “I had no idea this went on,” I admitted.
“Yeah, it’s an annual thing,” Jade said. “Last summer was my first time to come. I love it. People who are into steampunk are so cool. Even if you aren’t into it, it can still be fun, especially if we drink up.” She stood and crooked a finger at Chase. “Come on. Your turn to buy.”
“You okay with me going?” Chase asked.
Not really, no. She’d already stolen one guy from me. But again, I wanted to be cool. “Sure.”
Getting up, he followed her into the dark world of automatons. I felt really awkward, wished I wasn’t here. I couldn’t believe Chase had brought me. Had he wanted me to see Jeremy with Jade? Had he wanted to show Jeremy that I was on a date with him? Was he trying to make me face reality? In one way it seemed cruel and yet in another way, he’d given me the chance to prove to Jeremy that I was over him. Or at least pretend I was. The awkwardness thickened. I had to do something.
But before I could think of anything, Jeremy leaned forward. “How’s Bogart?”
He couldn’t have asked anything that would put me more at ease, that would make me stop thinking about the strangeness of sitting here with him when I was no longer with him. “Good. I still walk him every night.” Alone. But that was okay. “Although I’ve had to shorten the distance. Sometimes it’s a struggle for him to make it too far. I think it’s because of the heat.” Or at least that’s what I told myself.
“Your mom still dating Mr. Morris?”
Even though tomorrow would mark a week since our split, he was asking questions like we hadn’t seen each other in years. Was this what it would be like when we ran into each other in the dorm? We’d been so close and now we were practically strangers. “They had a date last night.” Mr. Morris had picked my mom up at the house. I wanted to tell Jeremy how odd but how right it had seemed to see them together. But my feelings were too personal, a part of myself that I couldn’t share with him anymore. At that moment, all that we’d lost hit me harder than it had before.
Over Jeremy’s shoulder, I saw Chase returning. He was holding a tray of drinks. Jade followed along behind him, sipping a pink concoction. She slid onto the sofa and snuggled against Jeremy. Setting the tray on the table, Chase sat beside me and grabbed one of the drinks. It was in a cocktail glass and it looked like fog was rising from its surface. He handed it to me. I took a sip. It was very strawberry but I recognized the kick of something stronger.
“How do they make the fog?” I asked.
“Dry ice,” Chase explained.
“Aren’t you going to try one?”
“No, I’ll stick with club soda since I’m driving.”
Everyone else had helped themselves to a glass. Jeremy downed his as though it were water. I guessed he hadn’t suffered too much after Scooter’s party.
“Who’s your designated driver?” I asked him.
He set the empty glass aside. “I’ll be fine by the time we leave.”
“You’re fine right now,” Jade said with a stupid wiggling of her shoulders. Standing, she took Jeremy’s hand and pulled him to his feet. “Let’s dance.”
Then she led him to an area where people were doing a lot of bobbing up and down.
“That girl has way too much energy,” Darla said.
The three guys from the construction site got up. “We’re going to check out the babes,” Tommy said by way of explanation as the other two wandered away. Then he went after them.
“There was a babe right here,” Darla muttered, before finishing off her dri
nk and reaching for another.
Chase slipped his arm around my shoulders and drew me in. “Sorry if it’s uncomfortable,” he said. “When Jade invited me and Darla, it didn’t occur to me that she’d bring Jeremy. I’m a huge fan of steampunk and I just thought this would be something fun and different.”
“It is, and I’m fine that he’s here,” I lied.
“We can leave if you want.”
“Nah, it’s okay. It’s not like I can avoid him forever, especially with the gun show coming up.”
“Let’s walk around.”
“Okay.” I looked over at Darla. “Do you want to come with us?”
“Nope. Gonna defend our seating area and see that none of the drinks go to waste. But take one with you.”
I did as she suggested. Liquid courage. Chase kept one arm around me so I was nestled up against him, making it easier to move through the crowds. Being this close to him was a little odd, though, because he was a little taller than Jeremy, a little wider. As I drank more of the strawberry whatever, I became more relaxed.
We left my empty glass on the bar and danced for a while. I had to admit that it was fascinating to see all the various costumes and unusual decorations. Small hot-air balloons and zeppelins hung from the ceiling. Then we went back to our table. Ethan and Darla were talking. Jeremy and Jade had also returned and were doing that whole we-could-be-Siamese-twins-because-we-sit-so-close-together thing. I hated it. I should have told Chase I was ready to leave, but I didn’t want to ruin the night for him since this only happened once a year.
Chase and I sat down on one of the couches.
“Any idea how long this party goes on?” Darla asked.
“All night, I think,” Ethan said.
“They have to shut down the bar at two,” Jade said. “Speaking of which: Jeremy, maybe you should go ahead and get us another round of drinks.”
“Sure.”
It was no longer my job to worry about him, but habits are hard to break. He looked so much older tonight with his unshaven jaw, his longer hair. I thought maybe he’d gained a couple of squint lines working in the sun, even with sunglasses. Still, I couldn’t stop myself from saying low, “Are you sure? What if you get busted?”
His lawyer dad would kill him.
“I’ve got this,” Jeremy said.
He got up and I watched until he disappeared in the crowd. But I couldn’t shake off the feeling that this was a bad idea.
Chapter 30
JEREMY
Kendall’s question about the designated driver had struck a nerve. Even now she was striving to control me, although I also recognized that she’d spoken out of concern for my welfare. I might buy the next drinks but I was switching to water.
I really wished I wasn’t here. I especially wished that Kendall wasn’t here with pumped-up Chase. I couldn’t blame the guy for wanting to be with her. Even though she wasn’t dressed up like Jade in something that looked like it could double as a torture device, she looked hot. And really uncomfortable around me.
I hated that.
When Jade asked me to come to this event with her, I’d thought it would be fun. I loved reading steampunk, but it hadn’t occurred to me that Jade might have told several people at the shelter about it. I hadn’t realized I’d have to suffer through watching Kendall with another guy.
I missed her. I would have loved bringing her to this party and walking through the room with her, pointing things out, sharing my passion for steampunk with her in a place where she could actually see so many of the things that appeared in the books I read.
Sharing all this with Jade . . . I didn’t think she was really into steampunk. She just liked wearing the sexy clothes. And drinking alcohol like she was a fish. And breaking all the rules.
I looked at the wristband on my arm. It wasn’t some protective shield. If the bartender asked to see my ID, if the cops raided the place—
What was I doing thinking of buying drinks when I was underage? This wasn’t me. I needed some time to figure out what I wanted tonight, what I was willing to risk.
I decided to take a detour by the restroom. It was at the end of a long hallway. When I came out, I saw someone walking toward me with sure, long strides.
Jade.
I couldn’t believe how provocative her outfit was. Her shoulders and arms were bare. I didn’t know if she was heading to the restroom or just wanted to help me get the drinks.
“Hi,” I started to say, barely getting the word out before she placed both her hands on my shoulders and pushed me back against the wall.
Then her mouth was on mine like she owned it.
It was the first time we’d kissed. While I struggled to enjoy what should have been enjoyable, I was struck by how aggressive she was, like she was trying to conquer something. There wasn’t a lot of giving and taking. It was almost combative. She didn’t sigh softly like Kendall, and back here in the restroom hallway wasn’t the most romantic of places. If I was honest, I’d wanted to be the one to instigate a kiss, maybe when I took her home. Not that I wasn’t flattered by her interest, but the kiss didn’t generate any sparks. For all her enthusiasm, it was without passion. It didn’t make me feel warm, glad, or happy.
Hearing a small gasp, I pulled back. Over Jade’s shoulder, I saw Kendall. My gut knotted up. Because of the dim lighting, I couldn’t be sure, but she appeared to be a little green, like maybe she was about to be sick. Why had Chase brought her here tonight? Why had Jade picked this moment to plant a kiss on me? Why had I let her?
Kendall spun on her heel and ran off.
“Kendall!” I tried to set Jade aside, but she clung to me.
“You don’t need her,” she said.
Only I did.
“I knew things would be great between us,” she continued. She ran her hands over my shoulders with a little purr that almost turned my stomach. “I get you like she never will.”
Only that wasn’t true. No one got me like Kendall did. She got the real me. She’d fallen in love with me when I was just a geek. Jade had never looked at me twice all through senior year. Kendall hadn’t asked me to change the core of who I was. That had happened because I’d let Jade’s flirtation go to my head.
I was an idiot.
Chapter 31
KENDALL
Your fault, your fault, your fault.
My heart was breaking and some stupid little voice in my head was trying to convince me that it was my fault. I’d wanted girls to notice Jeremy. I just hadn’t wanted them to kiss him. Or for him to kiss them back.
With tears blurring my vision, I fought my way through the crowd back to our table. I don’t know what my face looked like, but Chase stood up and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Can we go?” I did not want to sit here and watch Jade making out with Jeremy. She was bold enough that she would do it right there on that couch, in front of us all.
Chase looked around as though he was trying to find the reason for my abrupt need to leave. Then he settled his gaze on me. “Sure.”
I gave a quick little wave to the others as he took my hand and led me out of this crazy place. We didn’t talk as we trudged to the car. He didn’t open the door for me, and I was really glad. I didn’t want him to do anything that reminded me of Jeremy.
I looked out the window at the passing night as we drove into my neighborhood. He pulled into my driveway, slid the gear into PARK, and left the engine idling. Putting his arm along the back of the seat, he turned slightly and studied me.
“I’m sorry for ruining your night,” I said.
“I’m not a genius,” he began, “but I assume you saw Jade and Jeremy up to something when you went to the ladies’ room.”
“She was kissing him. Up against the wall. I turned into the hallway and . . . surprise. I know we’re not together anymore, but I just wasn’t prepared for that. I wanted to be cool about seeing them together, but I couldn’t be.”
“This is on me. I should have gotten y
ou out of there as soon as I saw him with Jade.”
“It’s not your fault. I just need to accept that things are different now.”
Ironic since all summer I’d been searching for something different. But this wasn’t what I’d wanted.
“Maybe tomorrow night we could do something a little more traditional,” he said. “Go to a movie.”
My stomach dropped. “I like you, but I don’t think I’m ready to date. Tonight was—”
“A mistake,” he interrupted. “A bad idea. Stupidity on my part. I thought being around other people would take some of the pressure off. But I’d really like to see you again.”
“Oh, that’s so sweet but I totally ruined tonight.”
“Jade did that. I like you. I’ve wanted to go out with you since I met you. Let’s give it another try tomorrow night. I’ll even sit through a sappy movie.”
Why was I hesitating? Things were obviously so over with Jeremy. He had Jade. “Okay, yeah. I’d like that.”
“Great.” He got out of the car, and I realized the conversation was over. I also realized he wasn’t going to open my door. So I did it and stepped out. We were walking to the front door, when he took my hand, pulled me in, and kissed me.
It was so strange to be kissing someone who wasn’t Jeremy. Had he felt the same when he kissed someone who wasn’t me? Inwardly I groaned. How could I be thinking of him during a moment like this? I should be focusing on Chase, but I couldn’t seem to let Jeremy go.
When Chase pulled back, he gave me an inquisitive look. “You were thinking about him.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Nah, it’s okay. I know it’s difficult at first after a breakup. I’ll just have to work harder to make sure you don’t think about him tomorrow.”
I didn’t know if I’d ever not think about him. Chase said good night and walked back to his car. Jeremy never left without making sure I was safely inside.
I growled. I had to stop comparing. That was what got me here in the first place, what ruined my relationship with Jeremy. Comparing and controlling.
Chase took off, the tires screeching.
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