by Art Burton
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THE POODLE CAPER
I was sitting on the bench watching Constable Bob direct traffic. Constable Bob wasn’t an ordinary policeman, he was a special constable. It said so right on his badge.
SPECIAL
CONSTABLE
Constable Bob helped boys and girls cross the street where the traffic was heavy.
While I watched, a lady with six poodles crossed the street under the watchful eye of Constable Bob.
"Six poodles," I said as they approached. "Just like me. I used to be six, but now I’m eight."
The lady smiled at me and kept on walking.
The day was warm and sunny. I closed my eyes just for a minute to soak up the warmth. The next thing I knew Constable Bob was standing in front of me.
"Emily," he said, "I need your help. The poodles have been dog napped and only you can find the dognappers. Come quick."
Here we go again, I thought. Fighting crime and injustice is what I do in my spare time when I’m not out saving lives. I got up and hurried after Constable Bob. We found the lady further down the street. She was flustered.
"My dogs. My dogs," she said. "Someone has stolen my dogs."
I sat the lady down on a bench and sat beside her. "Tell me what happened. Just the facts, ma’am."
The lady realized I was Emily and immediately felt better. "Oh, Emily. You’ve got to help me. My poor babies."
"There poodles, ma’am. Don’t get carried away." Sometimes you have to make sure people don’t lose perspective.
Constable Bob took out his notebook ready to take down anything important the lady might tell them. I shook my head at him. She would have nothing important to say. I knew the type.
"Which way did the dogs go, ma’am,"
She slowly shook her head. "I don’t know. I was fixing my lipstick in the reflection in this shop window and when I turned back to the street the dogs were gone. Someone must have taken them. They know better than to go away on their own."
I checked her lipstick. Wrong shade. Wrong brand. I would straighten her out later on that score. First we had to find the dogs.
"What do you think?" Constable Bob asked. "The Beagle Boys?"
I shook my head. "Sounds more like the Poodle Girls to me."
"The Poodle Girls? We may need help."
Again I shook my head. "Let’s try it by ourselves first."
There were five Poodle Girls—a blond, a redhead, two brunettes and one with multicolored hair. They all had poodle hair cuts. That has nothing to do with the story. The important thing was there were six dogs and only five girls. One girl would get two dogs. Which one? How would they decide?
The smart thing to do would have been rock, paper, scissors. They weren’t that smart. We only had to listen for the arguing and we would find them. I told this to Constable Bob.
"Great plan, Emily," he said. "The big question is which direction do we go to listen?"
I stuck my finger in my mouth, withdrew it and held it up in the air. "Wind’s from the north," I said, "about 7 knots. We want to go south. That will allow us to hear sound from every direction."
Constable Bob thought about this for a minute then agreed. He’s a man. I forgave him for taking so long to figure it out.
"What are the names of your dogs, ma’am? We may have to call them when we get close."
"Well, let me see," she said. "There’s Fifi with the blue ribbon, Mitzi with the red ribbon, Gigi with the yellow ribbon, Princess with the silver ribbon, Peaches with the peach colored ribbon, or course; and then there’s Poopsie, and well, he wears the brown ribbon."
"Don’t worry," Constable Bob said, "I know the poodles. They use my crosswalk twice a day, everyday. They really hold up traffic as they prance across the road."
We proceeded south down the hill towards the harbour. Faintly at first, and then louder and louder we could hear the voices of the Poodle Girls. They weren't arguing about who would get the extra dog though. They were arguing about men from Pluto.
"Did she say Pluto?" Constable Bob asked me.
I nodded my head. "That’s what I heard"
"The voices are coming from that house across the street."
Again I nodded. We often thought the same thing.
Constable Bob put up his hands and all the traffic stopped. Remember, I told you he was a special constable. He had great powers. We crossed over to where the voices were coming from and looked in the window. Sure enough, there were the Poodle Girls and they were excited.
Constable Bob pounded on the door. "Police," he said.
The door swung open and all five Poodle Girls crowded into the door way.
"Are we ever glad to see you," they squealed. "We’ve just seen some men from Pluto and they stole some poodles." All five girls were talking at once.
This was the information we were looking for.
"How did you know they were from Pluto," I asked when I had a chance to squeeze in a word. They all looked at me like I was the dumb one.
"They had big floppy ears and a black, damp nose," they said. "Where else could they be from."
I had no room to argue with that logic. "Did they say anything?" I asked.
"Yes," said one of the girls. "As they scooped up the poodles, one of them exclaimed ‘Finally, some intelligent life.’ I don’t know what they meant by that."
I nodded. I was on the same wave length as the Plutonians as well, it seemed. "Where did they go?"
All five girls pointed at once: "To the big house on the corner. The one with the green top and orange bottom.."
I looked to where they were pointing. "Good description, girls. I know exactly which house you mean." There aren’t too many green and orange houses in our town, especially with the green on the top.
Constable Bob and I proceeded down the street to the green and orange house. I took my special magic eye glass from my pocket and set it to puppy. When I looked at the house I could see four puppies on the orange level and two more on the green level. We had found the missing dogs.
Constable Bob wanted to break down the door.
"Wait," I said. "Let me try something else first."
I raised my voice two octaves to a level that only dogs could hear and called out their names. "Fifi, Mitzi, Gigi, Princess, Peaches, Poopsie." I raised my special eye glass again to see if I got a reaction. Some of the dogs were looking around confused. Poopsie looked down from the green level.
"Are you talking to me?" he asked.
I nodded. "We are here to rescue you," I said.
"Rescue us from what?" he asked. "We’re here with our friends from space. We don’t need to be rescued."
I looked at Constable Bob. "We’ve got a problem," I said. "The dogs are invited guests. They’re not dog nap victims."
"Guests? What will we do?"
"Give me a minute," I said. He gave me one. At the end of it, I had to have a solution or he would lose faith in me. I reached in my pocket and pulled out some doggie treats. "We’re in luck. The dogs will come for these and we’ll lead them back to their owner. These treats have magic powers."
"Good work," Constable Bob said.
I swelled with pride. Then I felt Poopsie licking my face. I was back on the bench by Constable Bob’s intersection. I looked around, slightly confused. Boy, these treats had real magic power. I didn’t even remember leading the dogs back.
The lady smiled at me. At least she was happy I had rescued her dogs. I gave her a professional nod. There was no reason to embarrass her for her carelessness.
"Get down, Poopsie," she said. "You woke the poor girl from her nap."
Me, napping. I had been too busy for that. Boy, was she in denial.