by J. S. Cooper
I screamed as I orgasmed, my body enjoying the release, but mentally, all I could think about was Wednesday. Wednesday would be exciting and fun. Wednesday, I’d get to fuck Dominic again. Wednesday, I’d get to stop the numbness and feel alive.
I froze as I realized that, for the first time in my life, I was actually looking forward to seeing a man.
I should have known then that something was going to go wrong. I should have known that Dominic, with all of his bravado and concern, wouldn’t be able to accept everything. I should have known that no one is immune to love.
If only I’d decided to not text him that Wednesday. If I hadn’t texted him, maybe everything in my life would still be okay. Unfortunately, I messed up, and I did text. In fact, I texted before Wednesday. Those texts marked the beginning of the end for me. And it all started with a simple, “What are you doing?”
Chapter 17
Sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me. I mean, I have to have some sort of psychological problems, right? Unless I’m a sociopath. Though I don’t like blood and the thought of harming someone physically makes me feel sick. So, I suppose that means I can’t be a sociopath, right? No need to answer that. I doubt you know what my problem is, either.
I texted Dominic on Monday all day. I hadn’t meant to. It just sort of happened. I told myself that it was nothing and that I was bored. It’s boring being a kept woman. There are only so many shoes you can buy. Trust me, I know.
I was also feeling nervous—something I didn’t really feel. Aiden had stepped things up a bit. He wanted me to travel with him the next weekend. He said that I would be his assistant. Well, that was the official story. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to have to go anywhere and have to lie, but it wasn’t up to me.
He would pick me up Friday night and we were going to some work event or something. I didn’t care that he wouldn’t introduce me as his girlfriend. I knew why he couldn’t. I knew why and it didn’t matter to me. I guess I’m a cold-hearted bitch like that. Well, I’m starting to think that I’m not so cold-hearted.
Meeting Dominic changed something in me. What can I say about Dominic that doesn’t sound cliché or puke worthy? I guess I could tell you that he makes me laugh. He makes me laugh good, old-fashioned, rip-roaring laughs that make my sides ache and my throat sore. He has a way with words. A way that’s self-deprecating and amusing at the same time. He’s complimentary, but he doesn’t try too hard. It feels natural with him. As natural as anything can feel to me.
And he loves sex. And he’s not ashamed to admit it. I’d never sexted with anyone before. I know, you’re shocked. How can I, queen of liberal sex, not have sexted? Well, I hadn’t. Though now that I know what I was missing, that might change.
The First Time I Sexted
Dominic: What you up to?
Me: What do you care?
Dominic: I’ve been thinking about you.
Me: Oh?
Dominic: The bathroom scene keeps replaying in my mind.
Me: What bathroom scene?
Dominic: The one where I fucked you in Starbucks.
Me: I forgot, sorry.
Dominic: You won’t forget me on the train.
Me: The train?
Dominic: You’ll see.
Me: Will I?
Dominic: I hope so.
Me: Don’t bet on it.
Five minutes passed, and I wondered if he was upset.
Me: You alive?
Dominic: Why?
Me: Just checking.
Dominic: Thinking about me?
Me: Nope, sorry.
Dominic: I’m thinking about you.
Me: Ok.
Dominic: Wanna see?
Me: See what?
Dominic: This {attached image of the head on his cock}
Me: You just been in the shower?
Dominic: Why?
Dominic: Ha ha, funny.
Me: I’m glad you got that before I had to explain.
Dominic: You weren’t complaining about the size when I fucked you.
Me: You’re crude.
Dominic: I’m always crude when I masturbate.
Me: What?
Dominic: Send me a photo.
Me: Photo of what?
Dominic: Your breasts?
Dominic: Your pussy.
Dominic: Your fingers on your pussy.
Dominic: A dildo in your pussy.
Me: I get it.
Dominic: I’m waiting.
Ten minutes passed, and I stared at the phone, wondering if I’d submit to his demand.
Dominic: Did I make you mad?
Dominic: Are you still going to let me fuck you on the train?
Me: You’re obsessed with sex.
Dominic: I don’t think you want to hear me talk about wanting to take you out to dinner.
Me: I’m not good enough for dinner?
Dominic: You’re plenty good enough for dinner.
Me: Perv.
Dominic: Send me a photo of your fingers pinching your nipples.
Me: You wish.
Dominic: Come over.
Me: You’re too handsome to be this desperate.
Dominic: You’re too pretty to be a slut.
I have to admit that my heart stopped for a second then and I looked at the phone in anger. I felt hard and cold. I lay there for a second, confused at myself. I’d never been upset at being called a slut before. The word meant nothing to me. Words like that meant nothing. I knew who I was. And no one could tell me anything different.
Dominic: I’m sorry.
Dominic: Talk to me.
Dominic: Please.
Dominic: Fine, I’ll whack off without your help.
Me: You’re a jerk.
Dominic: You wouldn’t talk to me if I wasn’t.
Me: I have a boyfriend.
Dominic: You don’t love him.
Me: I don’t believe in love.
Dominic: You haven’t dated me as yet :)
Me: Fine {attached photo of my breasts}
Dominic: I just came thinking about sucking your nipples.
Me: Sure.
Dominic: See {attached photo of his cock with cum covering the tip}
Me: Nice.
Dominic: You’re turned on, aren’t you?
Me: No.
Dominic: Touch yourself.
Me: No.
Dominic: Close your eyes and imagine my fingers are there.
Me: No.
Dominic: How does it feel?
Dominic: Stuck in the moment?
Dominic: Wishing it was me playing with you instead?
Dominic: If I was there, I’d have you on all fours and I’d be fucking you from behind.
Dominic: Did you fall asleep?
An hour later.
Dominic: Where did you go?
Me: Sorry, my boyfriend just came over and fucked me. I don’t need to masturbate over the phone.
Dominic: You totally just played with yourself thinking of me, didn’t you?
Dominic: Are you going back for round two?
Dominic: I am! :)
Me: I’ll see you on the train.
Dominic: Don’t wear any panties.
Me: I won’t.
Dominic: So tell me, did you really just fuck or were you thinking of me?
Me: You’ll never know.
I turned off my phone without waiting for a response from him and closed my eyes. I slipped my fingers back into my panties and imagined Dominic on top of me. I moaned softly as I thought about the photo he’d sent me with his large cock. I could imagine it slowly sliding in and out of me. I groaned as I felt my body tensing up again.
I froze as I realized what I was doing. I was fantasizing about a guy. I never did that. Fantasies were never about men I knew. They could never be about men I knew. It was okay to have sex with them. That was real. That was physical. That was instinctive. Fantasies got you in trouble.
I got off of my bed, ran into the bathroom, and t
ook a shower. I didn’t want to think of Dominic. He was absolutely nothing to me. Absolutely nothing.
I suppose now is the time that you’re wondering, Why is Saskia so messed up? Right? You’re wondering, but you don’t really want to know. No one does—not really. You don’t want to know that my father is my uncle! Do you? How fucked up is that, right? My mom slept with her sister’s husband after they were married. Though I can’t say I blamed her. He had been her high school boyfriend. He’d cheated on my mom with her sister. She’d dumped his ass when she’d found out. He then married her sister and then he and my mom started sleeping with each other again. Then she got pregnant.
Everyone found out what had happened. You’d think my dad would be the one who was ostracized, right? Let’s just say that my mom and I found ourselves in Section 8 housing and on food stamps with no one in the family talking to either of us. Not that I knew or cared. I was a baby.
I hate telling my story. Every girl who fucks around has daddy issues. I hate it. I don’t want to be that statistic. I don’t want to be the girl who can’t love because her father is her uncle and her mom sleeps all day and smokes weed all night. Who wants to be that statistic? And to be fair, I’m not that girl. I’m not fucked up because of my parents, though I should be. I’m fucked up for another reason entirely. But I don’t want to talk about that. Not now.
I suppose you’re wondering how I can just sleep around. All these different men, Saskia. Are you judging me? Are you, bitch? I don’t take well to people judging me. Who the fuck cares who I sleep with? So I have a boyfriend, a friend with benefits, a new hookup, and random sex with strangers. What’s it to you?
I know I’m being dumb. Trust me. I worry about getting pregnant all the time. And I worry about STDs. I do.
I know what you’re thinking. How worried can I be if I still have random sex? I ask myself that every time I have a scare. I go to the free clinic every month, though. And I buy condoms. I just don’t always remember to use them.
I know. You can judge me now. I’m dumb as fuck. I’m irresponsible. I’m a health hazard to myself and others. But some days, I just don’t care.
Well, now I do. What made me change? Dominic, of course. It had to be Dominic. Life’s funny like that. It always brings you that one person who changes everything. People call that person the game changer. That’s the man or woman who changes everything you think about love and life. That’s the person who makes you want to be a better person. I suppose it had to happen, right? That’s the beauty of life. We all meet that person. And well, for someone like me, it had to be Dominic. It could only have been Dominic. That’s karma for you!
Wednesday came, and I was excited. It made me nervous being so excited. I mean, I never got excited. Excited means that you care and I don’t care. I never cared. But when Dominic’s text came, I almost squealed.
Dominic: Catch the 1 train at 5 pm from 50th. I’m going to get on at 116th Street. Get into the second car. Don’t look for me. I’ll find you.
Me: Don’t look for you?
Dominic: You’ll feel me before you see me.
Me: I see.
Dominic: Don’t forget, no panties.
Me: Only if you wear no pants.
Dominic: You wish.
Me: It’s only fair.
Dominic: I’m excited to see you.
Me: How excited?
Dominic: I’m harder than stale bread.
I burst out laughing then. No one had ever made me laugh so much before.
Dominic: I hope I didn’t scare you off.
Me: Think before you text.
Dominic: Are we crazy?
Me: What do you think?
Dominic: I think I’m crazy about you.
Me: You don’t know me.
Dominic: Do I need to?
Me: I’ll see you on the train.
Dominic: The hand you feel on your ass will be mine.
Me: It better be. I hate taking trains.
Dominic: Aww, slumming for me?
Me: Slumming with you, yes.
Dominic: I wish I could spend this weekend with you.
Me: I’m going out of town.
Dominic: So am I.
Me: Good for you.
Dominic: My parents wouldn’t approve of you.
Me: And I care because?
Dominic: I don’t care either.
Me: Uh-huh.
Dominic: I’d give up my inheritance for you.
Me: All $10.
Dominic: All $100 Million, yes.
Holy shit! His family was worth a $100 million?
Dominic: Don’t tell me I scared you off because I’m rich.
Me: You can’t scare a gold digger off.
Dominic: You’re not a gold digger, and even if you were, I wouldn’t care.
I turned off my phone then and put it in my handbag. His comments were making me think things I really didn’t want to think. This was about sex. Not cutesy comments and loaded reassurances. It was all about sex, sex, sex. I needed to remind myself of that fact.
“Come here often?” he whispered in my ear as his hand massaged my ass through my skirt.
I didn’t answer him and I didn’t look at him. I could see an old man staring at us, and I just smiled to myself.
“Oh, so we’re playing it as strangers?” he whispered, and I felt his tongue inside my ear.
Once again, I didn’t move, and I could tell that excited him because his breathing was heavy. His hands continued to squeeze my butt, and I pretended that I didn’t feel it.
We stood like that for a few minutes before the train stopped in the tunnel and everything went black.
Some people started complaining, but I found myself grinning as his fingers eagerly lifted up my skirt. He pushed his hands between my legs and started gently rubbing me.
“You’re so wet.” He groaned as he stuck two fingers inside me, and I could feel my body trembling at his touch. “You’re a dirty girl, aren’t you?” He withdrew his fingers and pulled me back toward him.
I felt his hardness pushed up against my ass, and I reached behind and grabbed him. He groaned out loud, and suddenly, it went quiet in the carriage.
“Did you hear that?” one lady spoke in the darkness.
“I think someone is fucking,” a man said crudely.
Dominic’s fingers crept up under my shirt and started playing with my nipples. I rubbed my ass back into him and felt him undoing his zipper and taking his manhood out.
“Bend over,” he spoke loudly, and I flushed in the dark. Now everyone knew that two people were definitely having sex.
“What did you say, Gerry?” an older-sounding lady asked.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Back that ass up,” Dominic said loudly, and I heard someone gasp.
I shivered as I realized what we were doing, but I bent over and backed my ass into him.
“Good girl.” He pulled my hips toward him and I felt his cock enter me with such force that I fell forward slightly.
“Ooh!” I cried out, not bothering to be quiet.
“Omg, someone is definitely fucking,” the man said again.
Dominic paused then and started moving slowly. His cock moved in and out of me, teasing every inch of me, and I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter.
“Go faster!” I gasped.
“What?” I could hear the grin in his voice.
“Go faster!” I shouted, and I heard a collective gasp. I didn’t care though because his cock was slamming into me so hard that I couldn’t even think properly. “I’m going to come!” I screamed and moaned as I felt him coming inside of me as I orgasmed.
The train started moving then, and I felt him withdraw from me. I stood up, pulled my skirt down, and held on to the bar. The lights flickered back on and I could see a look of shock on everyone’s face as they looked around the car, trying to figure out who’d been fucking.
I looked behind me to see if I saw Dominic, but he
was no longer there. I was curious as to where he’d gone, but I didn’t want to be obvious. I knew I was going to get off at the next stop and take a taxi home.
“I hope you had a good fuck,” the old man whispered to me as we got off of the train.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I gave him a puzzled look, and he laughed.
“I’d believe you if I wasn’t staring at your nipple right now.” His eyes glazed over, and I felt his fingers on me before I could stop myself. “If you want seconds, let me know.” He squeezed my right nipple, and I froze in shock.
“Get your hands off of her.”
Out of nowhere, I saw Dominic hitting the man and glaring at him in anger. The man stumbled and looked shocked that he’d been hit. Dominic grabbed my arm and pulled me with him out of the station.
“Are you okay?” He looked at me with concerned eyes, and I nodded. “I could kill that man.”
“It’s okay.” I touched his arm and saw that he was still angry. “Trust me, it’s okay.”
“When I saw him touch you…” He frowned and shook his head.
I stared at him for a moment, wondering what I should do. I was touched by his concern, but I was also worried. I didn’t want him to fall for me. I didn’t want to fall for him.
“Spend the night with me.” He looked into my eyes and ran his hands through his hair. “I know you want to say no, but please, just say yes.”
“I can’t.” I shook my head.
“Yes, you can.” He grabbed my hands. “I promise no talking. Just fucking.”
“Okay. Just fucking,” I agreed reluctantly.
I knew I was playing with fire. I knew I shouldn’t go back to his place. Nothing good could come from us liking each other.
“I’ll even let you give me head.” He grinned, and I laughed.
“Whatever.”
“Shall we go?” He looked calmer now, and I realized that it felt easy with him. Everything about him made me feel calm and relaxed, and it scared me.
“No.” I shook my head. “Let’s go to a club I know.”
“A club?” He frowned.
“It’s a swingers’ club.” I stared at him defiantly. He had to know that this wasn’t going to be anything special.