by J. S. Cooper
Chapter 23
When people look at me today, they think that I have the perfect life. I’m beautiful, I have enough money to be comfortable, and I have a man who loves me. They don’t know the hell I’ve been through. They don’t know the rot inside of my soul. It’s so easy to look from the outside and think, “Lucky her.” By all appearances, my life is perfect.
But appearances can be as fake as a plastic Barbie. I mean, it’s true that, some days, I’m the happiest person in the world. Some days, I can forget the person I was and still am. Some days, the anxiety and the fear are but a memory, but other days…
Other days are dark and gloomy and I’m just waiting for the ax to fall. I’m just waiting for karma to catch up with me. Sometimes I think it already has.
I know the big question you want to ask. Do I feel bad about the pain I’ve caused? Do I regret sleeping with so many men? I should say yes, right? It would make you like me more. It would make me look like I learned from my mistakes. But that would be lying! I don’t regret a single fuck! Not one.
“You want to talk about it?” Brad’s voice was soft, as if he actually cared about how I felt.
“Nope.” I continued to stare out of the window.
“Do you want to go home or to Natasha’s show?”
“Shouldn’t you be at the show?”
“Yes.” He turned the music down. “But you’re her best friend and I know that she would want me to help you. That’s what she’s always wanted, right? She wants us to be friends.”
“Come on, Brad.” I turned to look at him then. “How can we be friends?”
“I think we can.” He looked at me briefly, and I stared into his blue eyes. “What happened is in the past.”
“It shouldn’t have happened!” I cried out. “You cheated.”
“I didn’t want to go through with the wedding.” His voice was soft. “You know that.”
“I don’t want to talk about this.” My voice cracked as I remembered Brad begging me to give him a chance.
I didn’t want to remember that. I didn’t want to remember how much fun we’d had together. There’s something I didn’t tell you about my night with Brad. It lasted more than one night.
“We don’t have to talk about it.” He turned the music back up. “I’ll just take you home.”
“I don’t want to go home.”
“I meant to my place.”
“We can go to the show.” I wiped my tears and patted my face down. “I want to support Natasha.”
“She’ll be happy to see you.” He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel and then spoke again. “Will your friends be happy to know you left?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I sighed. “Let’s just go to the show.”
I gritted my teeth. I didn’t want to talk to Brad about Dominic and Aiden. I was also sad that Natasha hadn’t told me that she had finally put on an art exhibit. She’d dreamed of this all her life. Even though she was a pharmacist, she’d always been an artist at heart.
“You sure you can come to the show?” Brad looked at me and frowned. “Natasha’s mom and dad are there, and so is her uncle.”
“Of course. I’m fine,” I snapped. “Are you scared to have me around the in-laws? Scared I might say something?”
“Saskia, I wish you would.” His voice dropped to a low monotone. “Maybe then we can stop living this lie.”
“Stop living what lie?” I turned away from him. He couldn’t seriously believe that we were meant to be together, could he?
“You know that, from the first time I met you, I’ve had a thing for you.”
“Bradley.” My voice held a warning. “That’s enough.”
“You can’t pretend that you’ve never thought about what could have been.” He grabbed my leg, and I froze.
“Brad, you’re married to my best friend.”
“That didn’t stop you from fucking me, though.”
“I was testing you and you failed.”
“You failed the test too. No one told you to ride my cock until you came.”
“Brad!” I gasped. “Stop it.”
“Why?” He gave me a look. “You’re not a prude. You’ve banged half of New York.”
“So why do you still want me?”
“I want you because you’re one hell of a bang.” His fingers slid up my inner thighs. “I’ve never come so hard and so urgently before.”
“This is not appropriate.” I shook my head and closed my legs. That had been a mistake. I trapped his fingers next to my pussy and he rubbed me gently. “Stop.” I yanked his arm away. “That’s enough.”
“So, you do care about Natasha?” His voice changed, and he looked at me with narrowed eyes.
“You were testing me?” I frowned.
“I wanted to see if you would sleep with your best friend’s husband again.” He pulled into the parking lot.
“So, you were testing me.” I shook my head and gaped at him. “I thought you were serious there for a moment.” I laughed in relief and got out of the car.
“Nobody said I wasn’t.” He gave me a quick look before closing the door and walked into the building.
I followed behind him, walking slowly. What had he meant by his comment? I was thoroughly confused. Was he interested in me or not?
“Saskia!” Natasha ran towards me as soon as I entered the room.
“How did you know I was here?” I looked at her in surprise as she gave me a hug.
“Brad just told me.” She kissed my cheek. “I’m so glad that the two of you are finally getting along.”
“It just took the worst night of my life,” I joked, and she paused.
“Are you okay? Do you need to talk?”
I looked around the room then and noticed how many people were there. “We can talk later.” I smiled at her gratefully. “This is your night.”
“Okay.” She gave me another quick hug. “Come. I want you to meet my family.” She grabbed my arm, and we walked across the room. “Mom, Dad, this is my best friend, Saskia.”
I stared at the couple in front of me and smiled. Natasha’s mom and dad smiled at me, welcoming me into their circle, and I was appreciative of their openness. We had never met as Natasha and Brad eloped and during college, Natasha had always gone home to visit because her dad could never take off from work.
“Nice to meet you.” I held my hand out and shook hands first with her mom and then her dad.
“Don’t forget me.” Another man ran up to the group and gave me a flirtatious smile. He appeared to be in his forties with dark hair and sparkling brown eyes.
“This is my uncle, Mark.” Natasha laughed. “My dad’s younger brother.”
“Nice to meet you, Uncle Mark.”
“Just call me Mark.” He grinned as he held my hand for a few seconds too long.
“The show looks amazing.” I turned to Natasha. “It’s so packed in here.”
“Yes, it’s going better than I expected.” She smiled as she nodded.
“I’m going to get a drink. Anyone else want one?” Natasha’s dad asked politely, and I nodded.
“I’ll come with you. I’m dying for a drink.”
“Then we must make sure you get one.” He grinned at me, and I realized how similar he and Mark looked. If anything, he was even more handsome and distinguished-looking with his dash of silver hair.
“Yes, we must.” I laughed and grabbed ahold of his extended arm.
“So, Saskia, I’ve heard so much about you. I can’t believe we haven’t met before now.” He looked at me with a gentle smile.
“Uh-oh. What’s Natasha been telling you?” I groaned.
“Nothing.” He paused. “It’s Brad that talks about you all the time.”
“Oh.” I looked at him in surprise and blushed. “That’s surprising.”
“I guess you really made an impression on him.”
“I guess so.” I could feel my face going red.
“Don�
��t worry. He hasn’t said anything bad about you. Rather, he’s been very complimentary.”
“Wow.” I looked around the room and saw Brad in the corner talking on the phone and staring at us. “I didn’t think he liked me much.”
“What’s not to like?” His eyes smiled at me, and I blushed. “By the way, feel free to call me David.”
“I see where Natasha gets her friendly traits from.” I laughed and he grinned.
“Her mom and I are so proud of her.” His voice sounded wistful. “Makes me wish we had more kids.”
“You guys didn’t want more?”
“My wife never really wanted kids. I wanted to have a family the size of the Waltons.”
“Night, John-Boy.” I laughed, and he smiled at me.
“Exactly.” He sighed and turned to the bar. “What would you like to drink?”
“I’ll have a vodka Sprite, please.”
“So polite.” He smiled at me again and placed the order.
I couldn’t help but feel comfortable with David. He had all the charm and friendliness of Natasha and he made me feel right at home. He was the sort of father I wished I’d had growing up. Someone sweet and charming. Someone who pushed me. Someone who would be proud of me. Someone who would love me.
“You okay?” David handed me my drink.
“Yes, sorry. I was just thinking.”
“You’re too pretty to be thinking that hard.”
“Don’t I wish.” I laughed and drank down my drink. All of a sudden my mind was on Dominic and Aiden. What sort of sick fucks were they?
“There you are, brother.” Mark’s booming voice broke me out of my reverie.
“And there you are, Mark.” David’s voice sounded dry, and I looked up.
“My, my, who knew Natasha had such good-looking friends?” Mark looked me over and winked.
“Who knew she had such a good-looking uncle and dad?” I grinned back at him.
“You mean good-looking uncle.” Mark slipped his arm around my waist, and I felt his chest against my side.
“If you say so.” I smiled up at him easily.
“I do.” He licked his lips slowly, and I felt him press himself against me. I didn’t even flinch as I felt his hardness.
“Excuse my brother’s manners. He thinks he’s God’s gift to women.” David rolled his eyes.
“I don’t just think.” Mark chuckled and took a step back. “Excuse me.” He bowed his head as his hand brushed against my breasts. I was pretty confident that his touch hadn’t been an accident.
“Mark.” David frowned and pushed his brother out of the way. “Stop being a pig.”
“Stop being an old fart,” Mark shot back. “I’m just trying to get to know Saskia.”
“Hey.” Brad approached us. “How is everyone doing?” He gave me a gentle smile, and I felt my heart flutter for one brief second.
“We’re fine.” I looked away from him. I didn’t want to notice how blue his eyes looked or how buff his chest was. I didn’t want to remember his hands squeezing my breasts or gripping my waist as he lifted me up and down on his cock.
“Good.” He continued staring at me until I looked up and made eye contact with him. His face looked serious, and I felt slightly panicked. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking, but I didn’t dare.
“I was telling Saskia what a big admirer she had in you,” David said and looked back and forth at us. “My daughter is lucky to have such a great best friend and husband.”
“We both love Natasha.” I beamed at David.
“It’s important to have love in a marriage.” David looked at Brad.
“Yes it is,” Brad agreed. “I don’t know if one should continue in a marriage if there isn’t love.”
“You two old women are boring me,” Mark interrupted them. “Saskia, would you like me to show you around?”
“It’s fine. I’ll show her.” Brad grabbed my arm. “I have to talk to you about something anyway.”
“Okay.” I nodded and followed him to the side of the room.
“What do you think you’re playing at?” He frowned at me, and my jaw dropped at his tone.
“What?” I glared at him.
“You need to stop flirting with Mark.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t tell me. You want to fuck him too.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” My voice rose, and he grabbed my arm. “Where are we going?”
“Just come with me.” He pulled me into a dark corridor and pushed me back against the wall before he kissed me hard on the lips.
I felt his hands reach up to grab my breasts as he pushed his erection against me. I gasped against his lips, my heart thudding as he kissed me passionately. My hands weakly attempted to push him away, but I couldn’t stop myself from kissing him back. He tasted so good. Felt so hot and hard.
His fingers slipped up under my shirt and he pulled the cup of my bra down so he could pinch my nipple. I closed my eyes at his touch and tried to banish the guilt from my mind. His fingers slipped lower, and I felt his fingers slip into my panties before he started to rub my clit. My panties grew wet, and he groaned against my lips.
“I want to fuck you so badly.” He groaned, and it was as if something had hit me in the head.
I pushed him away from me with all my might and we both stood there staring at each other, gasping for air.
“What are you doing?” I groaned and adjusted my bra.
“What we both wanted to happen.” He shrugged, and I watched as he sucked on his fingers.
“Don’t.” I shook my head. “We can’t do this. You’re my best friend’s husband.”
“I want to be with you, Saskia.” He took a step toward me. “I want to make love to you. I want to be with you.”
“You know that’s never going to happen.” I pushed him away from me. “Stop this craziness, Brad.”
“You can’t tell me you don’t want to be with me.”
“I don’t want to be with you.” I bit my lower lip. “Stop it,” I breathed out as he grabbed my hands and pushed them against his crotch. He was harder than before, and he squeezed my fingers together so I could feel him properly.
“You see what you do to me.”
“This is wrong.” My hands grabbed ahold of him and I sighed.
“I want to eat you out and then fuck you hard,” he whispered in my ear. “Meet me in the bathroom tonight.”
“I can’t.” I shook my head and grabbed my hands back. “I have to go back and find Natasha.”
“Think about it, Saskia.” His voice was hoarse. “I’ll be waiting for you. We can make this work. We can be together if that’s what we both want.”
I hurried back into the room and raced over to the bar. I needed another drink. And fast. Then my phone rang.
“Hello,” I gasped into the phone, not even looking at the screen.
“Where are you?” Dominic’s voice was distant.
“I left.”
“Where did you go?”
“Why do you care?”
“Saskia, we need to talk.”
“I know about you and your dad and Jessie.”
“Saskia.” He paused. “It’s not what you think?”
“I saw you, Dominic.”
“It’s over,” he rushed out. “Let me see you.”
“You can’t be serious.” My voice expressed my disdain for him.
“We can be together, Saskia.”
“You’re a sick fuck, Dominic.”
“Let me make this up to you,” he pleaded. “You know the connection we had.”
“Dominic, do you really think I’m going to fuck you and your dad?”
“Why not? It’s not like you haven’t already.” He sounded bitter.
“Don’t call me again.” I hung up the phone and sighed. Could this day get any worse?
Mark walked up to me and smiled. “Want a drink?”
“I won’t say no.” I smil
ed at him gratefully.
“It’s been a long day for you, huh?”
“You can say that again.”
“It’s been a long day for you, huh?” he repeated, and we both laughed.
“Something like that.”
“Let me get you something stiff.” His eyes darkened as he looked at me and leaned toward me. “What would you like?”
“I’m not sure.” I shrugged, not bothering to move away from him as he moved closer to me.
“I think I know.” He grinned and brought his hands up to the bar.
“Oh?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Yes, I know.” His fingers moved forward deliberately, and I felt them brush over my nipples. “They’re hard as rocks.” He smiled at me as he pulled his fingers away. “I think you’re in need of a good fuck.”
“Is that right?” I stood my ground and stared at him with a small smile.
I’m not going to lie. I was horny as hell and Mark was hot. And he was a better option for me than Brad. Though I wasn’t sure that there was a man whose cock could do what Brad’s did to me.
“Yes.” He grinned back at me and gasped as I reached down and squeezed him through his pants. He was hard and reasonably sized. Though he didn’t feel as hard and big as Brad.
“Are you staying at Natasha’s tonight?” I whispered in his ear, and he nodded eagerly. “Then meet me in the bathroom later.” I grinned at him and then walked away.
I knew I was playing with fire. I knew that there was a chance that I’d end up fucking Brad, but part of me didn’t care. I was playing a reckless game of Russian roulette. I was going to fuck someone tonight. Be it Brad or Mark. I knew that I should have told Mark to meet me somewhere else, but I was feeling reckless. Dominic’s call had made me angry, and I knew that I was doing this to hurt him as well. I’d really thought that Dominic and I could have had a future, but he’d been even more screwed up than me. Part of me felt like I had something to prove.
I stared at Natasha across the room, who was smiling at someone, and my heart broke. I couldn’t do this to her. I couldn’t act on my feelings for Brad. I couldn’t break her heart. She deserved better than that. I looked around the room so I could tell Mark to meet me in my room instead.
“Looking for someone?” David appeared at my side and gave me a smile.