by J. S. Cooper
I won’t bore you with the details of the next few weeks. They consisted of me lying in bed, watching TV, and eating junk food. I gained at least ten pounds. And then I started feeling sick. Every morning. And then the sick feeling started turning to throwing up. And then I realized that my weight gain might not be due to junk food. So I went to the bodega on the corner and I got a pregnancy test and pissed on it.
You already know the answer to what the test result said. How could you not? Don’t pretend like you’re shocked or appalled. Where else was my lifestyle going to lead me? However, I’m not you. I was blown away by the results of the test.
After I waited for a few minutes, I stared at the pregnancy test in shock. I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and closed my eyes. I had no idea what I was going to do. I was pregnant, and I had no idea who the father was.
Then I heard a knock on the front door. I got up slowly and walked through the apartment in a daze before opening the door. I didn’t even blink when I saw him standing there. It was as if I was immune to everything. Nothing was out of the ordinary anymore.
“Hi,” he said softly.
“Hi,” I whispered back, staring at him with wide eyes.
“What’s wrong?” He frowned, and I wanted to laugh. How could he ask me what’s wrong so casually? After everything that had happened?
“I’m pregnant.” I stared into his eyes, bleakly. I didn’t care if he knew.
“Then it’s a good thing that I came over.” He stepped into the apartment and shut the door.
“I don’t know if it’s yours.” I gave him a wry smile and took a step back. He started laughing, and I looked at him oddly. He wasn’t reacting the way I expected him to.
“It doesn’t matter. I want to be with you, Saskia. I know that as sure as I know my own name.” He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me to him. I could feel his hardness pressing against my stomach and I swallowed hard. I didn’t know if I wanted to be with him, but I wasn’t sure I had much of a choice. Now that I was pregnant, everything felt different.
“Then come inside.” I grabbed his hand and led him to the bedroom.
There’s one thing you should know. He’s not the one I ended up with. To this day, my husband doesn’t know about that night. I’m not sure I can ever tell him. It’s something I hold deep inside of me. It’s something that I think of when I feel cold and lonely. It’s something I think about when I look at my son. Because yes, my husband is not my son’s father. There’s one secret you still don’t know.
Chapter 25
“Brad, you shouldn’t be here.” I bit my lower lip as I let him into the apartment.
“I had to see you.” He ran his hands through my hair.
“You should go.” I shook my head, but I didn’t move.
“I’ll go if you want me to,” he paused, “but I need you to give me one more night first.”
“You know I can’t do that.” I shook my head and stared at him. “Please, Brad.”
“One more night and if you feel the same, I’ll move on.” He grabbed my hands and pulled me back toward him.
“You said that before.” I looked into his eyes and he frowned.
“That doesn’t count.” He leaned forward and kissed me.
“Why doesn’t it count?”
“You know why.” His teeth nibbled my lower lip softly. “Just give me one more night.”
“Brad.” I groaned and closed my eyes.
There’s something I didn’t tell you about earlier. I didn’t want you to judge me. I know, I know. It’s a bit late for that. I didn’t tell you because I’m ashamed of myself. Because I didn’t stick to my own rules. I had promised myself after I slept with Brad at the bachelor party that I wouldn’t sleep with him again. I’d told myself I would never sleep with him once Natasha married him. But there was one night; there was one night that something crazy happened.
The Night I will Never Forget
First thing you should know is that it wasn’t my idea. I didn’t even know what was going to happen until I arrived at the hotel room. And then, well, how was I supposed to say no?
Tom: Saskia, Meet me at the W hotel. Go up to the penthouse. I have a surprise for you!
I can still remember the text message like it was yesterday. I went, of course. Sex with Tom was a welcome pleasure. We were both as open and as flexible as we could be for each other. That’s what made our situation work so well. Neither one of us felt like we were being used by the other. I caught a cab to the W eagerly. I remember that I’d been having a bad day. Some bills had come due and I didn’t have the money. This was before Aiden had become my sugar daddy. Because you and I both know that’s a more apt name than boyfriend was.
I walked into the suite feeling excited and slightly tired. I yawned slowly as I entered, but quickly stopped, still in shock. There were hundreds of candles lit around the room and all the lights were off. There was music playing on the speaker and I could see Tom standing on the balcony with his back to me.
“Hi,” I whispered breathlessly, walking over to him quickly. “What have you done?” I tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around. “Oh.” The blood drained from my face as I saw Brad. “You.”
“Hi, yourself.” He smiled at me gently. “Look at the view, it’s gorgeous, isn’t it?”
“It’s a million-dollar view,” I agreed softly, though my insides were raging. What was Brad doing here?
“I love New York,” he said.
“It’s a beautiful city.”
“Not as beautiful as you.”
“Brad, what are you doing here?” I finally bit out, excited and scared at the same time.
“I wanted a night with you.”
“So Tom sent a text message for you?” I sighed, angry.
“No.” Brad shook his head and looked into the room. “He sent a text for himself.”
“What?” I frowned, confused.
“He said, I sent the text for myself.” Tom walked onto the balcony, shirtless.
“What’s going on here?” I looked back and forth at the two men and my heart started beating fast. “You guys have me confused.”
“We wanted to give you a special night.” Tom smiled at me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “We wanted to make you feel special.”
“Special?” I looked at him with narrowed eyes. “How?”
“We want to give you a night you will never forget,” Brad whispered in my ear. I could feel the tip of his tongue licking me.
“What does that mean?”
“We want to please you, Saskia.” Tom kissed my neck.
“You mean a threesome?” My voice rose in shock.
“No.” Tom laughed. “We have no interest in doing stuff with each other. We just want to please you.”
“Both of you?” My jaw dropped, and I stared at them in shock. “No way—you’ve got to be joking.”
“Think of it as an adventure.” Brad’s hand crept to my ass. “A sexy, totally awesome adventure.”
“I don’t know.” I nibbled on my lower lip. My senses were running amok, and I wasn’t sure what to do. My body wanted this. This was sending my nerve endings on fire. This was something my body didn’t even know that it craved.
“Come on, Saskia.” Tom’s fingers grazed my breast. “Just imagine, both of us pleasing you, doing whatever you wanted. Our only goal is to satisfy you.”
I’m going to stop there for a minute. What would you have done? It’s easy to say you would just walk away. It’s so easy to say. But think about it. You’re slightly tired. You’re horny. Two gorgeous men want to devour your body. It wasn’t an easy decision for me to make, either. Trust me. I did feel guilty. I did think of Natasha. I wanted to say no so badly. I wanted to slap them for thinking I’d even be interested. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run away. I wanted to do so many things, but I didn’t. There was something about the situation. Both men touching me. Both men showing me how much they wanted me. Both men making me feel so
alive in every fiber of my being. My body took over then. It completely took over my brain. Pleasure and the expectation of even more pleasure to come made up my mind. I didn’t even know how it was going to work. I didn’t even ask.
Brad took one of my hands and Tom took the other and they led me to the big king-sized bed. Brad pushed me down and got down next to me. I felt his lips on mine and I kissed him back eagerly. He was like water to my dehydrated body. It wasn’t until he kissed me that I remembered all those forgotten kisses. I grabbed his hair and ran my fingers through it roughly, pulling at the ends. I wanted to hurt him for doing this to me. I wanted him to feel pain for making me want him. He kissed me back passionately, his tongue slipping into my mouth with ease. My fingers ran to his back, and I ran them up and down, needing to taste him, wanting to erase the guilt that was already starting to build up inside of me.
Then I felt my pants being pulled down. I didn’t think anything of it until I felt the cool air against me as my panties were pulled down as well. Brad shifted to the side as he kissed me and I moaned, not wanting him to pull away completely. That’s when Tom’s tongue met my clit. My body arched at his touch as he started licking me while Brad continued kissing me. It was as if they were in sync with each other, as their tongues moved in and out of two different parts of my body.
I cried out when Tom entered me, his tongue diving into my wetness with ease. It felt surreal to be experiencing so much pleasure at one time. I’m not going to lie, it was divine. Absolutely divine. My body started trembling as Tom’s tongue brought me close to orgasm. Brad pulled back and pulled up my top and quickly unclasped my bra. My breasts lay there in excited anticipation and Brad did not disappoint. His mouth descended on one nipple as his fingers played with the other while Tom continued to eat me as though I were a five-course gourmet meal. I came quickly, my body shaking as Tom licked my juices clean. I wasn’t even sure what happened next, it all seems a bit of a blur. I remember Brad moving down and pulling out his hardness, rubbing it against my clit before entering me with a forceful thrust and moving fast. I cried out as he fucked me hard. This time it was Tom’s turn to fondle my breasts and he sucked on them eagerly, enjoying the look of complete and utter pleasure on my face. There is only one moment that I look back on and squirm. It’s the one moment that made me feel like an object, more than a woman to be desired. It’s that moment that has stopped me from doing anything similar.
Brad fucked me hard and fast and came in me pretty quickly. My body felt spent from his fucking and I was smiling like a Cheshire cat. But then, then Tom rolled me over onto my knees and entered me. This was a minute after Brad had come inside of me. Tom entered me smoothly and gently, increasing his pace after about a minute. He reached around and rubbed my clit as he fucked me. It felt crazy, wonderful, mind-blowing. His cock was slightly thicker than Brad’s and he moved differently. But I remember thinking to myself, they are taking turns with me. One guy just fucked me and the other one didn’t even wait. And I remember staring at Brad’s face as he watched Tom fucking me. He looked hurt, and I felt like a tramp because I was loving it. My orgasm was more intense and I screamed loudly, gripping the sheets as I angled my ass back into him, so I could feel him deeper.
We all left pretty quickly after Tom came. It wasn’t romantic and sweet. We didn’t shower together. We didn’t share a bed together and cuddle. We didn’t talk about becoming one of those couples where they both loved me. We basically had sex and left. And when I left, I cried. I felt used. I felt like a tramp. And I felt like I’d let myself and Natasha down.
I’ve never talked about that night and neither has Brad nor Tom. It’s like we all wanted to forget it.
But now, here he was, in front of me and he wanted one more night. I knew that he wanted one more night so that I could erase the memory of the ménage. He wanted me to remember him as more loving, more caring. He wanted to make me feel more special than I did.
“Brad, you shouldn’t be here.”
“I know you won’t marry me.” He sighed. “I know I’m not the father of your baby. I know you’re never going to give me a chance. So just give me one more night.”
“It wouldn’t be right.” I shook my head.
“My loving you all these years hasn’t been right.” He looked me in the eyes. “But I’ve had to live with it.”
“Brad, please.” I looked away from him.
“I always hoped you would be mine. All these years I hoped. Tom always told me, no Brad, give it up, she’ll never be mine and she’ll never be yours and I never wanted to believe him. I always thought there would be a day where we would get to be together. I still want that, but I don’t think you do.”
“Brad, it’s not about what I want.” I reached out and rubbed his shoulder. “It would never work out for us. It’s too complicated. We’d break Natasha’s heart.”
“I should have dumped her in the beginning.” He sighed. “Maybe then I would have had a real shot.”
“Brad, the past is the past.” I reached up and touched his face. That was a mistake. I shouldn’t have touched his face.
“The only mistake is me not fighting for you.”
“Brad.” I sighed. “Please.”
“I’m not going to give up. Not until I truly know I have no chance left.”
“Brad, you should go home.”
“Being with you feels like home.”
“You’re determined to make this hard, aren’t you? Don’t give Natasha another reason to hate me.”
“Why do you think of her before me?”
“She’s my best friend. She has always been there for me.”
“She’s telling her mom, you know.”
“What!” I exclaimed in shock.
“Yeah, I think David had been after a divorce for a while, if I’m being honest. He won’t be able to survive by himself, though. He needs her.” He shrugged. “But better men than him have fucked up.”
“Who, you?”
“I’d fuck up again if I had to.” He smiled and pulled me in close. “Give me a reason to fuck up again, Saskia.”
“Brad.” I sighed as I leaned into him. “Why do you always make this so hard?”
“Because I love you.”
“Why do you love me?”
“Because you’re beautiful.”
“That’s not a good reason.”
“It’s a reason, though.”
“We can’t do this,” I whispered as he kissed me. We kissed passionately, each of us losing ourselves in the other. I felt his hands on my breasts and I unzipped his pants. We consumed each other as if this were to be our last meal and we wanted to taste every last drop.
“Hold on.” He pulled away slightly. “I’m going to the restroom. I’ll be right back.” He walked away from me and I sighed. How was I ever going to stop this cycle?
My phone rang as soon as Brad walked into the bathroom. I saw the number, and I wasn’t going to pick up, but something inside of me told me this was my out.
“Hey, you.” His voice was deep and full of sorrow.
“Hey,” I replied, not knowing what to say.
“Marry me,” he said softly.
“What?” I gasped, not sure I heard correctly.
“Marry me. Marry me. Let’s move on from everything that’s happened. I want you to marry me.”
“Okay,” I whispered, knowing in my heart that we deserved each other. “Okay.” I hung up then as Brad had returned from the bathroom and hid my phone in my drawer. “Make love to me, Brad.” I reached up and pulled him down to me. “Make love to me.” I reached down to his boxers and squeezed his cock. He was right, I needed to feel him inside of me one last time. I needed to fuck the man I loved before I married the man I didn’t.
Here’s the thing: I wasn’t pregnant before that night. I looked at the test the next day and I’d read it wrong. I got pregnant that night. I had my love child. I know as sure as the sun shines that Brad is the father of my child. Though that’
s one secret I’ll keep with me for the rest of my life.
My husband has no idea. Absolutely no idea. And I plan on keeping it that way. The only problem would be if Brad found out, but that’s a story for another time.
Chapter 26
Have you ever had that moment? The moment where you look back at your life and think, “Oh shit, what have I been doing with my life?” I’m X years old and I feel like I’ve wasted the last ten years of my life. That’s how I felt the night that Brad came over. When he undressed me and threw me down on the bed, all I could think about was how right it felt to be with him. I nearly changed my mind and gave in to him. I nearly changed my fate. I was so close to going with my small piece of a heart. I was so close to saying, “Fuck it, all. Let’s do this.” I was so close, yet I kept my mouth shut.
Most people think that love is the be-all and end-all of life. When I say most people, I’m thinking of women. Men and women have two different ideas in their head. I could lie to you right now and tell you I don’t care about love. You might even believe me, but we’ve been through too much for me to lie right now. I do believe in love. I do want love. I am in love. My husband thinks it’s with him. Ultimately, I know the truth. I love things about him, but he’s not the one who has my heart. Brad has my heart.
I guess you want to know why I ended up with someone else when I love Brad? My first question to you would be, has there ever been anyone in your life you’ve really clicked with? Someone you thought could be it? Someone you’ve loved so hard that even just reading this, your mind has gone to them? Is there anyone who makes you feel just a tinge of regret for how it all ended or went down? Brad’s that person to me. He’s my pea pod and I’m the pea. Only I’m with another pea now. It’s almost the same, but it’s still different enough. Now, I should tell you my husband’s name. I’m sure you’re dying to know. Well, you wouldn’t be the only one to be shocked to know that Dominic is now my husband. Though I suppose you want to know how we got to this place.