by Kells, India
Josie exhaled sharply. “You make it sound so easy. You’d really have a life with two men at the same time?”
Tessa pondered it for a minute. “I enjoyed it at the beginning, but Locke became the center of my world. Deep down I knew I couldn’t continue like that. I never asked Locke for the same loyalty, but he offered it to me. I was lucky, but the rest of my life was great so I was fine either way. Locke was the cherry on top of my own personal sundae. But what I do know is I made up my mind what I wanted, for my life, for myself, at the risk of maybe not having Locke in my life. You may have to do the same thing.”
As Tessa looked at her phone, Josie knew it was sensible advice. Her life had been dictated by everyone else’s decisions for far too long. First her parents, and then her boyfriend turned husband. Now, she was looking at Knox as if he held all the answers to her problems. If she was honest with herself, he moved her deeply, far more than sweet Gage despite the attraction she felt for him, more than anybody else ever had, and maybe that was the cause of her misalignment.
“Good news. I just discovered the reason why Knox is still under. There’s GHB in his system.”
The name sounded familiar to Josie. “I’ve heard about it on the news I think, but I can’t remember what it is.”
“It’s a date-rape drug. It has many effects, but a loss of consciousness is one of them. It also messes with the victim’s memory, makes him clumsy and confused. It seems someone badly wanted to win.”
The image of the bookie came to Josie’s mind. It could have been him, or any of those shady characters for that matter.
“We’ll keep him here a while longer—until he wakes up at least. If the symptoms aren’t too debilitating, and there are no other side effects, he should be able to go home.”
Relief flooded her so strongly, she was glad she was sitting.
Tessa offered her hand, and in an unexpected move, gave her a quick hug. “You don’t know it yet, but you’ll be fine.”
Her smile was genuine, and even if she was a stranger, it settled her doubts enough for her to smile back.
“Now, let’s get back to the men who are probably nervous wrecks on the inside seeing their friend like that.”
With a final wink, the doctor led the way.
Chapter 15
The only thing on Josie’s mind was when she’d be able to get some sleep. Her body was tired, as well as her mind and soul. It had taken several hours for Knox to wake, but in the end, his mesmerizing blue eyes opened, unfocused at first, but soon fixed on hers.
She’d been sitting on a small stool beside his bed, holding his rugged hand in hers for so long, she’d lost track of time. But in that moment of stillness and silence preceding his awakening, with the others talking in another room, Josie had time to reflect. Tessa had been right, she needed to make some decisions. What did she want? The first point of order was to get rid of her husband. She should never have married him but dwelling on the past wasn’t useful and she was a practical woman. Her work at the bakery was what she loved to do—she’d had a fantastic partnership with Tony and missed it. And then there were the two men—Knox and Gage. That decision wasn’t hard to make, but the how remained to be determined. Then he’d opened his eyes and thoughts of the future were put on hold.
For the longest, most surreal moment, Josie had his full attention, unguarded emotions fleeting over his handsome, battered face. A deep longing caught inside her heart as she waited for him to open his mouth and speak, but whatever she’d hoped for dissolved when he’d turned his head to stare at the ceiling. Over and over, she’d asked if he was feeling fine, not that he’d ever answered. It was when she’d finally called for Tessa that he spoke. Like a robot, he answered the doctor’s questions in that deep voice of his. The only emotion she’d seen on his face was when Tessa told him about the GHB in his system. He’d shot down any idea of going after whoever had drugged him though. Refused to name any suspects and when his friends tried to question him he clammed up again.
The pain Josie felt was indescribable, but she didn’t say a word or let it show in her actions. Tessa explained it would be better for Knox to take it easy for a while, but again, her words were received with a dark silence. She looked at Gage trying to understand, but the fighter only shrugged.
The ride back from the city had been gloomy, but Josie hadn’t said a word. At the house, Knox had gone to his bedroom helped by Gage, and closed himself inside, shutting her out. His actions said far more than his words ever could.
Gage grumbled about someone being in a shitty mood, and that he was headed to bed. The statement was clearly an invitation if she wanted to follow him, but she smiled and went to her own bed. She knew her time with Gage was over.
Knox emerged from his room a few days later, ready to go to work. By that time, the swelling had gone down, and the bruises had receded quite a bit. However, it was his glacial attitude toward her that shook her the most.
From the time they’d opened the shop until lunchtime, he hadn’t said a word to her, and barely exchanged more than a few syllables with the others or his customers.
Josie couldn’t remember if he’d eaten that morning and feeling courageous, she knocked on his office door where he’d hidden since he’d finished with his last customer.
The bark that came from the other side of the door would have frightened weaker souls.
“Knox?” She stepped in and saw him behind his computer, ignoring her. “I was planning to get lunch for everybody. What would you like?”
Not even looking up at her he grumbled, “I’m not hungry.”
“You barely ate this weekend, and not at all this morning.”
His tone veered toward a shout. “I’m not hungry.”
“Tessa said…”
“Fuck her! I’ll eat when I damn well please!”
His outburst made her jerk, but Josie nonetheless stood her ground. She’d had to withstand similar shouting matches with her husband. Previously, she’d always cowered or agreed with him. Now, if she wanted the life she longed for, she had to start somewhere when it came to standing up for herself and facing an angry man. “Don’t you dare yell at me. I was just being kind and worrying about your health. But if you’d prefer to starve or drop dead, that’s up to you.”
Turning on her heels, she went for the door, but what he said next stopped her in her tracks.
“Go to Gage if you want to fuss over someone. Or fuck someone for that matter. You won’t get a repeat from me.”
He would never know how much his words hurt her, but it was the rising anger she hung onto instead. “Wow! Who’d ever thought so many blows to your head would make you start thinking with your dick. Or is it because you spent your remaining brain cells on cheap booze and loose women?”
This time, Knox did look at her, and his expression was anything but nice. There was no doubt inside the man lay a very dangerous and dark beast, but she knew he would never hurt her physically. The danger lay in his ability to hurt her on so many other levels and that was far more dangerous.
He pushed himself up from his chair, all tall and domineering, but Josie didn’t move. It was another tactic her ex-husband had used that she wouldn’t fall for anymore. Although staying in position while he advanced was a challenge in itself.
“I never said I was one of the good guys, woman. What you saw at that club is who I am. I came from there. Anything civilized you see in me is a fraud.”
Josie shook her head. Did he really think of himself that way, or was it some sort of plan to trick her into believing it? “Whatever you say.”
And again she turned, but this time, he caught her and pushed her back against the door. His hands on her arms were bruising. For the longest moment he looked at her, his mouth a few inches from her face. Her entire body wanted to move forward, to press itself against him, but her common sense and dignity wouldn’t allow it.
“I told you to stay away from me, and you didn’t. I told you I wasn’t a good
man, and you didn’t listen. I told you I would only end up hurting you, and still you put your body in front of me like an offering. Didn’t you learn your lesson the last time I told you to stay away? Didn’t you seen the bruises on your body? That is me. The real me. Unleashed. I’m no fairytale prince, little girl. And don’t even try to change me. I can be civil, yes, but I can’t be with you anymore. I can’t change who I am. Who I will always be.”
When he pushed himself away, Josie was frozen in place. Knox returned to behind his desk and opened a drawer. Grabbing a piece of paper, he came back and handed it to her.
Josie looked at it and saw a check. Unable to look at the number, her eyes flew up to his. “What is this?”
“Enough for you to reimburse your ex, get your divorce, get a place of your own, and even invest in a business if you like.”
She felt sick, and closed her mouth, unable to say a word.
“You can even find a place big enough for you and Gage if you think that’s a good idea. He’s the next one I’m kicking to the curb. I need my place back and my solitude. Sharing my house was definitely not a good idea.”
Why is he talking about Gage? “Keep your money. I don’t want it. I’m not a whore who sells her body for any form of compensation. What I did with you two was consensual. And you were the one who invited me, no, commanded me to move in with you.”
His hand didn’t waver, neither did his gaze. “And it was a bad idea. I’ll admit that much. This money is for your inconvenience. What you endured at my hands if you like.”
Apart from what he was making her go through at this very moment, he’d never been anything but kind. Even with the gruffness, she’d only ever felt safe with him. “I endured nothing. I’m not taking it. I assume that working here anymore is out of the question too. If you don’t mind, I’ll go back to your place and move my stuff out now.”
“Take the money.”
As if she would ever do that. “No, thank you.” The tears in her throat were stuck there, making it harder to inhale fully. She turned to walk out, but he blocked the door with his arm.
“Take the money, Josie. It’s not an option.”
“I don’t need your money.”
“Yes, you do. Otherwise, you’ll be at the mercy of that ex of yours living in that shack, if you don’t end up freezing to death first.”
Lifting her chin, she was determined to have it her way. “Where I live from now on is none of your concern.” And even with all the strength she could muster, her heart faltered. “Why are you acting this way, Knox? What have I done? I thought you cared about me like I cared about you.”
Something shone in his blue eyes before they turned flat again. “You were mistaken. I do have some sense of decency, and that’s why I took you in and offered you a job. You’re beautiful, so why not fuck you? And offering you to Gage at the same time? That was a nice visual. But again, I’m not a good guy. I want my place back, and I want to be alone. So take that check.”
So detached, so empty.
Josie shook her head and his face turned even harder, almost twisting into a snarl. “Take the money. I swear you’ll take it and cash it by the time I’m done with you.”
There was no way in hell she would ever take or use his money. Not because of where it most probably came from, but because of the way he’d offered it to her. She’d discovered she wanted so much more from him, and it was something he would never give her.
“I’ll accept it on one condition.”
“What?” He was right to be suspicious.
“Do you remember the first time you kissed me? At the front counter?”
He may not acknowledge it, but it was obvious he did remember.
“I want that kiss again. One last time. And then I’ll disappear out of your life for good.”
She could see him tense before her, as if she’d asked him to kill someone for her. After the longest hesitation ever, Knox handed her the check and circled her hips with his arms, bringing her flush against his hard body. His warmth seeped through her in comfort. As he leaned down to take her lips, Josie inhaled his scent one last time before abandoning herself in his kiss.
This was how she’d always remember him—a mix of tensed tenderness and caged violence, all wrapped in the most fascinating and confusing man she would ever meet. Her heart soared when he started kissing her, not only with his mouth, but his entire body. His hands detailed her hips and her back as he tasted her over and over again. Like the first time, the gentleness soon caught flame, and Josie slid her hands under his t-shirt, chasing shivers and quivering muscles.
When he opened his mouth, she did the same, welcoming his tongue in a fiery dance she would never get enough of. He may have made the decision to push her away, but there was truth in the intensity between them, she was certain of it. Many emotions could be played, hidden, or faked, but not this. Never this. Even if Knox would never admit it.
Crunching the check in her hand, Josie let her other caress its way up his side and arm until she cupped his bearded face. Knox followed the same path with both his palms until his rough fingertips mimicked hers.
Out of breath and with a heavy heart, Josie was the first one to step back, breaking contact, and everything inside her at the same time.
Knox stood there, frozen in place, his hands still where her face had been a moment ago.
Without a word, she opened the door, before turning and looking at him one last time. “That was the only thing I ever wanted from you. I love you, Spencer.”
She pulled open the check and tore it in two, letting it fall to the floor, before closing the door behind her.
Chapter 16
Knox felt like he was drowning in the deep end of a dark pool, and would never see daylight again. It had been exactly a week since he’d told Josie to leave the shop, the house, and his life. One week since that kiss in his office.
Her request hadn’t only been a surprise to him, but when she’d said those three words before closing the door, his entire being buckled and he’d fallen to his knees, unable to draw a breath. The pain he’d experienced in his chest was like nothing he’d ever felt in his body, even with all his years of cage fighting. Nonetheless, he knew his decision was for the best. There was no way he could be trusted. He’d told her he’d take care of her, and as he’d known he would, he’d only brought her sorrow and pain. With her, he’d forgotten that a traitor didn’t honor his word. Josie was a woman who deserved the world, and someone who’d give her everything she’d ever dreamed of. He wasn’t that man.
Parking his truck, he sighed when he saw the lights on in the house. For the last week, he’d tried to get rid of Gage, but his friend wouldn’t move an inch. On the contrary, he was making his life a living hell. Telling him over and over again what an idiot he was for pushing Josie away.
Getting out of his truck, he exhaled loudly in the cold air, as snowflakes slowly fell around him. The forecast snowstorm was on its way, and in an hour, they would be engulfed in a sea of white. That meant another evening inside with Gage, who would probably drive him to the brink of madness.
Bracing himself, Knox went inside to see the mess that was still all over the living room and kitchen. Gage was sprawled on the sofa, watching a hockey game on the flat screen. The sound was so loud, he hadn’t heard him come in, despite Knox thumping his boots on the entrance carpet to get rid of the snow.
Knox went to the kitchen searching for something to eat, but food was scarce. He hadn’t bought anything in a long time, and if he remembered correctly, the last time he’d gone grocery shopping was before he’d taken off to the city for those four days after the weekend with Josie.
Once more, her name caused a pang in his heart he tried to rub away. He found half a sub in the fridge and gambled on its expiry date as there was nothing else.
Alcohol was scarce too, as there was only one beer left. He took it, knowing there was still half a bottle of whiskey in his room for emergencies. And from the way
he felt right now, he needed that pain killer like crazy.
“Hey! That’s my last beer. Buy your own. Did you buy food?”
Gage’s whining grated on his nerves, making his jaw twitch. “I told you to get lost a week ago. Why don’t you get the fuck out of my house?”
Knox didn’t notice he’d dropped the sandwich. The cold bottle in his hand felt like a welcome weapon and that thought stunned him. He was angry, but Gage was his friend. What the hell is going on with me?
“I want you out of this house, now. Please, Gage.”
Ignoring his dinner on the floor, he summoned every single ounce of strength that was in him and turned to head for his room. Alcohol would work better on an empty stomach anyway.
“Fuck, Knox. What’s wrong with you?”
Before he could close and lock the door, Gage bolted down the hall and pushed himself inside. “I’m not going anywhere. I don’t know what’s going on in that thick skull of yours, but I won’t be bullied and discarded like you did to Josie.”
At the name, something flared inside his chest, and he reacted. His fist connected to his friend’s jaw.
It felt good, that violence, that pain, at least to replace the one that had been haunting him for an entire week.
Gage didn’t even blink. His head snapped back, and Knox jumped on him. In the small space, the force of their bodies colliding rattled the dresser. Gage finally returned his punch, hitting him hard in the gut.
Air rushed out but he used his downward motion to hit Gage on the leg to bring him down too. But Gage was younger, fitter, an experienced cage fighter, and instead of falling, he twisted, using his motion to switch positions and landed on top of him on the floor.