The very idea that he would lose her smile forever had left a profound scar over his heart. Even now he felt it; it haunted like a ghost, aching for what he’d almost lost.
But she was alive and now she thought everything a mistake.
There was no mistake. His feelings, the emotions that were ever-growing, could not be denied.
Still, his mind told him that he needed to. He’d been entrusted with something that would only be his for a short time.
She was like an angel. His soul felt free with her.
One look from her and he thought it possible that after so many years of causing pain to others, God had finally forgiven him.
She was a sign of sure deliverance from the darkness.
Surely, there could be no other explanation for her. To have her touch and her kiss…
He wanted her and not just for tonight. Not for the time she’d been sent to be with him.
Even without knowing everything about her, and even knowing what he did, he didn’t care.
He, Avery, and Cass would simply have to have a discussion. He’d retrieved Elisa from Bedlam and had kept her from Alguire. Surely, that was enough to warrant Avery’s debt to the duke.
The duke had already warned Nick that he could not use his golden coin for a favor that would get in the way of the debt owed by Avery.
It was a complicated situation, but he couldn’t help but think of Oliver’s suggestion of marriage a sound one.
Especially since Nick not only wanted her but could probably make her happy.
If she let him.
Yet, she’d decided that their time together had been a mistake. Why? What had changed her mind?
He’d find out, find out everything about her, and then change her mind again.
Men had made marriage decisions based on much less.
∫ ∫ ∫
2 2
* * *
“Are you certain you must go?” Elisa asked Dr. Sparrow in the foyer the next morning.
The handsome doctor grimaced. “I’m afraid I must. I’ve been called away. I must see Lady Van Dero, but I am very glad to have met you, Lady Elisa. Please, do not forget me.” He kissed her hand.
She laughed. “I could never forget you. We are friends, after all.”
He gave her a very warm look.
“Let us know if anything has happened to Lady Van Dero.” Nick moved to stand by Elisa. “I’ll come the moment I get word.”
Dr. Sparrow said, “I’m sure it’s nothing. Lord Van Dero just worries, is all.”
Nick nodded, but his expression said the doctor’s words didn’t comfort him.
Elisa had planned to avoid Nick, but when she’d gotten word that it would be Dr. Sparrow’s final morning, she’d taken breakfast with him, Astger, and Nick in the morning room.
The conversation, strangely, had not been awkward at all. The men spoke in a manner Elisa supposed they always did when she wasn’t around. There was no tension.
Nick managed to get Sparrow to laugh, spoke strategy with Astger, and asked Elisa about her lesson for the day. As he’d spoken to her, he’d watched her with soft blue eyes full of patience and… something else. Something knowing, perhaps?
She’d told him the men were working on word memory and writing. She’d be in the room if they needed help, but she wouldn’t be actively teaching. She’d decided to read one of the books that had been hastily tossed into her trunk.
He hadn’t asked her how she was feeling, and she was glad. The question always seemed to hide so much more.
She gave Sparrow an embrace before he left and then turned to the stairs. “I’ll see how far in the lesson my students have gotten.” Astger would not come this week. The lessons were getting rather difficult for the men and they’d expressed that they did not wish their leader to be present.
Astger had understood their pride.
“I’m going to go check the guards in the courtyard,” the general murmured, likely to Nick.
A second later, someone gripped her elbow and she turned to see it was Nick assisting her up the stairs. “I wanted to show you my library. There may be a book that interests you more than what you have.”
She stared straight ahead. “I’m fine with my book.”
“What’s it about?”
She had to think. The book had actually come from her uncle’s collection. She was struggling to enjoy it, actually. “It’s about a sailor.”
He stopped them in the hall and grabbed her hands. “What happens in this book about a sailor?”
“Well…” His touch was distracting and… strange. Anyone could see them in the hall. One of the soldiers. Astger. “A man goes sailing, of course.”
He laughed, tossing his hair back as he did it. His hands tightened as well. His eyes were like glittering pools of water. So tempting. “It sounds like a wonderful tale, but I’ve something better.” Letting go of one of her hands, he began to lead her away from the music room.
“My lord, I am more than capable of walking wherever you lead me. If you would but point me in the right direction…”
“You think I don’t know what you’re capable of?” He glanced back at her with a humorous gleam in his eyes. “There’s another reason I wish to hold your hand.”
Her stomach fluttered as he pulled her toward a staircase she’d never ventured up. “Where are we going? I’ve seen your library. I know this is not the way.”
“Did I say library? I meant I have a personal collection of books I wish to show you.”
Elisa looked back. Usually one of the guards was always with her. She didn’t see one. Had Nick dismissed him? “Where are you taking me?”
He suddenly turned to her on the step and lowered himself by a few in order to be eye level with her. “Why so many questions?” His face was close.
She placed her hands on her shoulders to keep him back. “I have something I need to do.”
He placed his hands on either side of the exposed stone wall. “You said the men wouldn’t need you and that they’ve already begun their lesson. Is that all true?”
She bit down her tongue. “Yes.”
“Then perhaps you could give me a few minutes of your time.”
She couldn’t help but remember the last time they’d been alone as they were. They’d spoken, yes. It had been one of the best times of her life. He’d been easy to speak to. No question had seemed forbidden her. No inquiry impertinent.
She’d handed him a small portion of her heart, he’d kissed her lips, and she’d offered him the rest of her body.
Did he think to collect?
She wrapped her arms around herself.
“Are you cold? The staircases can get rather drafty.” Joining her on her narrow step, his arms went around her and pulled her in. “Does that feel better?”
She closed her eyes and thought it should have, but his words to Astger rang in her head. With it came pain. “Please, let me go,” she whispered.
He looked down at her. His arms remained at her waist. “Elisa, have I upset you?”
She shook her head and looked away. She was struggling to breathe around the ache in her chest.
He let her go. “After you.” He pointed up the stairs again. He was no longer touching her, but his visage seemed distressed.
The room upstairs was small but beautifully decorated in cool shades of beige and white. A tapestry hung from one wall that she dearly wanted to investigate, but she thought it best to keep her eyes on Nick.
“We should speak about the other day,” she said.
“I agree.” He closed the door behind him. His posture and voice remained normal, but Elisa thought she saw something foreboding in his eyes. “But first, the books.” He walked over to the wall with the small collection and picked one.
Then he walked back over to her. “Here.”
She looked down and then took it. “The Castle of Otranto.” She looked up at him. “I’ve heard of this. Is it good?”
“It
’s entertaining.” He crossed his arms. “My brother read it to me as a child.”
“Your brother used to read to you? Oliver?” She couldn’t see the marquess doing something so… sweet. And yet, he’d been sweet to her yesterday, hadn’t he? He’d helped her back into the castle.
He nodded. “Like your eldest brother, Oliver was always there for me.” He groaned and thinned his lips. “And now that I am a man, he still tries to coddle me.”
Elisa smiled because the words warmed her. “Avery read to me as well, mostly in French. He wanted me to learn it, and quickly. Napoleon had already begun to conquer the Continent. I think he wished to prepare me.”
“How old are you?”
“Twenty-five,” she said.
He frowned. “I thought you were younger.”
“And you? How many years have you lived?” Once again, she realized how easily they’d fallen into a conversation without her realizing it.
“Thirty,” he smirked. “Not too old, am I?”
Her body responded, tightened as though it wished to grasp him and pull him in close.
His eyes changed, baked in the heat of desire. “Now, we can discuss why you’ve decided we are a mistake.”
She backed away until she bumped into a wingback chair and fell into it. Her legs felt weak. Her body felt weak, incomplete. Barely half an hour had passed, and she was already craving him, this man who turned her thoughts inside out.
He leaned against the wall. “Help me envision what a perfect life for you would look like.”
She’d not been prepared for that. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, imagine a world where everything was exactly as you wished it.”
She straightened. She did enjoy musing on such nonsense. When there was no one else to talk to, she thought often. “You mean a world without sickness and starving children?”
He grinned. “I want you to think about yourself first for once. What would the perfect life be like for you?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” She folded her hands onto her lap. “No one has ever asked me that.”
He said nothing. His gaze never wavered. “I am asking.”
She couldn’t understand why. Did he plan to give it to her? It was impossible, as most dreams were.
But he wanted an answer, so Elisa took her time to try and paint a portrait in her mind of a perfect world.
One that featured her.
“I’d be happy,” she said.
“What does that happiness look like?” he asked. “Are you alone?”
She thought again. “No.”
“With someone then?”
“Well… yes.” She could see it now.
A picnic in spring. A boy and a girl sat on the blanket with her, laughing at something she said as they drank lemonade. She was their mother. Elisa didn’t have to wonder why both her offspring had blond hair.
It was because of the man who approached from behind, the man who would love and openly show the world just how much he cared for her.
But such musing would be foolish.
“What if I wanted to make you happy?” Nicholas’ words cut through her thoughts.
Elisa cleared her throat. “As I have already stated, the other day was a lapse in judgment, on both our parts. We both know this is going nowhere.”
“Isn’t it?” he asked.
What did that question mean?
He moved toward her. “Tell me your reasons for this change of heart and we’ll discuss it.” He picked up a chair from the other side of the room and placed it right next to hers.
Elisa gripped the book and pressed it to her chest as though it would protect her. “You said it yourself. You’re going to give me away when my brother comes for me. I see no point in continuing this… farce of a relationship.”
“I see every reason. I’ll start with the fact that I want you.”
She pressed her legs together. She wanted him, too, which she knew was terrible. He’d said horrible things about her in his office. She fought to remember his exact words.
He’d claimed all her experiences in Bedlam were necessary. He was just as cold and unfeeling as the doctors who’d done the work in her opinion.
Her heart raced. With anger. With need.
“I know you want me,” Nick said. “Yet you’re fighting it for some reason. Did someone say something to you?”
She sighed. “No.”
“Was it me? Was it what I said while we were on the battlement?” he asked.
She shook her head but then nodded. “Partly.”
“Tell me about his other part.” He leaned in. “Help me to make this right?”
“What does it matter?” she asked. “You are going to give me away—”
“Not anymore.” His eyes were hard. “I have no intentions of giving you to anyone.”
Elisa’s body was numb. She remained motionless as she tried to understand Nick’s words. “What does that mean?”
“It means you’re mine.”
∫ ∫ ∫
2 3
* * *
Nick saw the panic in Elisa’s eyes.
She dropped the book as she stood. “No. I can’t be. I’m engaged to someone else.”
He rose. “I don’t know who this man is and neither do you.”
“I don’t know you either,” she said.
He grabbed her arm and pulled her flush against him. “And yet you were willing to give me your body the other day.”
She looked away.
He cupped her chin and brought her face back to his. “Have you ever shared a bed with a man?” It didn’t matter. Not really. He’d still want her. She was already his in his mind. His beautiful Elisa. She possessed his every waking thought.
She was so utterly perfect.
“Will you let me go if I say yes?” she asked.
“No,” he said. “The answer doesn’t matter. Either way, I will still be woefully unworthy of you.” She gave hope and understanding to strangers. She gave life to those who witnessed her smile. The brightest star in the sky should be named after her.
Had there been other women who’d inspire the goddesses of ancient times? Nick was starting to believe so.
Shocked again, she remained immobile. Then her eyes hardened. “I will be no man’s kept woman.”
He let her go as though she’d stung him. “Of course not. You’re to be my wife.”
It seemed to be a day of paralysis for Elisa because once again, she resembled more statue and human. But a prettier statue he’d not seen.
Her eyes moved then as she thought.
She lifted a chin. “I do not accept.” She knelt and picked up the book. Then she straightened. “You’ll thank me later for refusing you.”
“Why do you believe so?”
“Because, my mind is broken,” she declared. “I’m mad.” The statement was plain and forceful. A declaration.
“I don’t care,” Nick said just as plainly. “I want you.”
“You must stop this.” She was beginning to look annoyed. “This ends here. We will not marry. You are my protector until my brother gets here. Once I am gone...”
“Never.” He snatched the book out of her hands and tossed it across the room.
“Nicholas!”
He grabbed her face with both his hands. “I’ll not let you go. Do you understand that? I have chosen you. You have chosen me. There is no going back.”
“No, I have not chosen you!” She pushed at his chest. The effort was weak, only done to emphasize her statement. She wasn’t fighting him. Instead, she seemed to be fighting herself. Her breathing became more labored by the minute.
“You did choose me. You offered me your body. I accept on the grounds we wed. So, I suppose you could say you proposed to me first.”
She gasped. “Absolutely not! Do not tell anyone that!”
“I shall tell everyone, including our children. It shall be a very enchanting tale.”
“Oh!” She closed
her eyes and started to shake her head. Again, the motion was weak. “I… can’t do this, Nick.” Tears fell from her eyes. “You’ll regret this.”
Without thought, he lowered his mouth and kissed her. “I will regret nothing. The only thing I could ever regret is letting you get away.”
* * *
They were kissing before Elisa could think to stop it.
Then she realized it wasn’t true. She’d thought about it. She’d told her mouth to tell him to let go, to scream for help. At the feel of his mouth, she’d told her lips not to open for him.
Yet her body disobeyed her mind’s commands and instead listened to her heart.
An undeniable force held them together, strong as unbreakable iron, and shackled them to one another.
His tongue stroked against hers, and Elisa wrapped her arms around his neck.
In for a penny.
She was already kissing him. Might as well enjoy it.
And she could feel just how much he was enjoying it. His hands moved to her lower back and pressed her impossibly closer.
I will regret nothing. The only thing I could ever regret is letting you get away.
What woman was supposed to resist such words? Clearly, a stronger woman than her.
And he’d spoken about their children as though it were the most natural thing.
He truly did want her.
But how long before that changed?
How long before the madness he claimed she had begun to bother him? How long before he was embarrassed to have her for his wife?
She broke the kiss and sighed when his mouth dipped to her chin and throat. His mouth was so soft, warm, and slightly moist. Her body convulsed with need.
“Elisa,” he growled. “I can hardly wait to have you.”
Elisa didn’t want to wait at all. They were alone. No one would see.
Except, she was certain he’d reject her later.
Undoubtedly.
Since the moment they’d met, his feelings for her had been like a flag, blown by a wind that changed directions whenever it wished. He’d been tender then hard, kind and then cruel.
A Knight of Vengeance: (The Valiant Love Regency Romance) (A Historical Romance Book) Page 11