by Jiffy Kate
“Lexie?” I ask, keeping my head forward and walking out of the elevator when the doors open.
“Yeah. I’ve gotta pick up kale on my way home.” He sounds disgusted and maybe confused.
Sebastian does not eat green stuff.
“Kale is kinda like lettuce. You’ll find it in the produce.” I’m kind of teasing, but also helping a brother out, just in case he doesn’t know. “But you do what you want.” I hide the laugh this time, but not the grin. I can’t.
“Shut the fuck up.”
“After you pick up your kale, call me and we’ll grab a beer.”
“I hate you.”
“Enjoy your kale,” I call out over my shoulder as we go our separate ways.
“Fuck you,” he calls back.
We could do this all day. We’re like twelve-year-olds with jobs.
When I reach for the handle on my car door, my pocket buzzes and I’m pretty certain it’s Sebastian. Always needing one last fuck you. If my feelings for Quinn weren’t so raw still, he’d probably even tease me about how he’s getting pussy and I’m not, because that trumps everything… even kale.
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I start my car, trying to think of a good comeback before I open the text message.
But it’s not from Sebastian.
Emergency
Chapter 23
Quinn
“Hey, Brenda, I’m gonna go take a nap. Text me if you need me.”
“No problem, Quinn.”
I quickly make my way down the hall and enter the break room, hoping to find it empty. It’s pretty quiet right now in the ER, and I know Brenda, the nurse practitioner, has things under control, so I should be able to get a somewhat decent nap. Of course, that can all change in a matter of seconds, but I’m so tired I have to try at least.
Sleep is a hot commodity.
As I push open the door to the sleeping area, I’m relieved to find it empty. It’s more of a closet than a room, but it’s dark and quiet, and the bunk beds are pretty comfy. Now, I just have to see if my mind will relax long enough to allow me a few blessed hours of reprieve.
Every time I close my eyes lately, all I see is Jude’s face.
Not the gorgeous face I’d grown accustomed to seeing a few times a week—lustful eyes, a mouth that is equal parts fun-loving smile and cocky-bastard smirk, and a jaw you could cut glass with—but the face he wore when he told me I broke his heart. The look on his face as he put it all out there was heartbreaking. He was so vulnerable, something I’d only caught a glimpse of that day in the park when I told him about Daniel.
I can’t get either of those images out of my brain, and I don’t want to, because I know I deserve it. He said it was all on him, but he’s wrong. He’s not to blame; this is all on me. And I wish I could take it away somehow.
I hate that I hurt him. I never meant to. I never meant for him to have feelings for me. I never meant to have feelings for him. But life is funny that way.
Breaking things off with Jude was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I did what I thought I had to do—for myself, but mostly for Henry. The truth of the matter is that I’d sacrifice everything to give my son what he needs, even my own happiness.
Of course, I can’t deny how foolish I was. I’ve done a lot of foolish things in my life. My number one was assuming Daniel and I would pick up where we left off six years ago. That was very naïve. I wasn’t in love with him back then, and I’m not in love with him now, but I’ve always held on to the hope of maybe.
Maybe he’ll come back.
Maybe he’ll be excited about being a dad.
Maybe we’ll fall in love.
Maybe I’ll finally have the family my father wanted me to have.
My dad loved Daniel. He was the son Quincy Roland never had. When my dad died, Daniel and I sort of fell into each other, using each other for support. I thought it was meant to be, that even from beyond the grave, my father was still somehow orchestrating it all. But then Daniel was gone too.
Should I have told Daniel about the pregnancy? Of course.
Was I scared shitless when I finally did tell him about Henry? Absolutely.
As I roll over onto my side, the memories from the past few weeks flood my mind.
They’ve been full of surprises.
For all of us.
Daniel has always been responsible and trustworthy. It’s something my father admired about him and something I’d always appreciated as well. It’s what made us friends.
So, I banked on that friendship seeing me through as I told him about our son.
More than anything, I wanted to right my wrongs and tell Daniel everything I should’ve told him six years ago. He needed to know the truth and I needed the chance to see if there was anything left between us, even a spark. I owed that to Henry. But I couldn’t, in good conscience, do that while leaving Jude hanging on the side, which is why I had to end things between us. As much as I tried to not fall for him, I was… I did. Had Daniel not come back, who knows what might’ve happened between us—Jude and me, that is.
Because, news flash: there were zero sparks between Daniel and me.
One night after he got back to Dallas, my mom had taken Henry to the movies while Daniel and I caught up over dinner and a bottle of wine. With liquid courage running through my veins, I told him everything.
I told him how I found out I was pregnant a week after he moved away.
I told him I tried to call him many times but usually chickened out and hung up.
I admitted to not wanting him to think I was trapping him and that I also didn’t want to hold him back in his career.
You have a son and he’s the best thing in the world.
After explaining all of it, I apologized profusely for keeping Henry from him, and then I sat back and braced myself for the fallout.
We sat for a few minutes in silence, and with a dazed and confused kind of look on his face, he finally asked to see a picture of Henry. I watched as he scanned the photo, obviously noticing the resemblance, because it’s damn hard to miss. Daniel could try to deny Henry is his, but the darker skin and dimples did not come from me.
As he continued to look at the picture, he started asking questions about him.
Of course, I was thrilled to answer them and before he left, I ended up showing him just about every picture ever taken of Henry—from birth to this past Christmas.
Daniel showed more forgiveness and acceptance than I ever could’ve hoped for.
He was understandably hurt and pissed I’d kept Henry from him all these years, but he said he understood… or that he was trying to, at least, which was all I could ask. He also admitted it was probably best if he wasn’t introduced to Henry that night because he needed to go home and absorb everything, which made me feel nothing but relief. I didn’t want to rush anything with their introduction and was hoping for a little time to talk to Henry by myself first.
When I walked him to the door, with a picture of Henry in hand, he stopped at the first step and said there was something he needed to tell me too.
Turns out, Daniel is gay.
He and his partner, Zach, have been together for five years. Zach is actually the reason Daniel took the cardiac position at Mercy. He’s an IT guy and was recently offered a job at a large oil and gas company in Dallas.
Since that night, we’ve been hanging out a few times a week. Sometimes it’s just the two of us; other times, Henry is with us. Zach has even joined us for dinner a couple of times, and it’s been great seeing Daniel truly happy.
The best part is seeing his love for our son.
I smile as I think about my sweet boy.
“Mom, why is Daniel coming over again? I want Jude to come over instead. He’s never even been here. He can bring Fergie, and she can play with me in my room. I’ll pick my Legos up so she doesn’t eat them. I promise.”
It hurts to disappoint him, especially when he gives me that pouty face that normal
ly would make me giggle, but I have to stand firm. The truth is, I’d much rather have Jude over than Daniel, but tonight’s the night we tell Henry that he’s Daniel’s son, and I can’t be distracted by my other mistakes. I have to try to fix this one first.
“Sweetie, Jude and Fergie can’t come over. We have plans with Daniel. Besides, we’ve already promised Daniel we’d watch Return of the Jedi with him tonight.”
My son rolls his eyes and makes a “tsk” sound. “I can’t believe he hasn’t watched all the Star Wars movies, Mom. I mean, where’d you find this guy? He’s not as cool as Jude.”
My heart sinks at the mention of Jude’s name. Again. To be honest, it’s been hard watching the Star Wars movies since ending things with Jude simply because of that damn Stormtrooper toy he gave Henry. On more than one occasion, I’ve caught myself looking at it and thinking about what he must’ve gone through to get it for Henry, making me smile like a damn loon. The smile soon fades as realization sinks in, and I force myself to get a grip.
Stupid fucking Stormtrooper.
Stupid fucking me.
“Is Daniel your new boyfriend?” Henry’s question catches me off guard, but it’s an easy one to answer.
“No, Henry. He’s not. But he’s very important to our family. I hope you’ll give him a chance. He really is a good guy.”
“Okay, Mom. I’ll try. I still wish Jude was your boyfriend, though.”
Without a reply, I kiss Henry on the top of his head before heading back to the kitchen. What would I say anyway? Jude was never my boyfriend to begin with, and I doubt he wants anything to do with me now. I’ve made a complete mess of my life yet again, but I have to put Henry’s needs before mine.
Daniel and I told Henry the truth later that night, and he took it well. It was almost as if he suspected it all along. The serious moment quickly lightened as soon as Henry exclaimed, “So, that’s where I get my dimples from!”
As I tucked him into bed after Daniel went home, Henry asked again if Daniel was my boyfriend.
“Now will Daniel be your boyfriend?”
“No, baby. Daniel will never be my boyfriend, but he will always be your dad,” I assure him.
“But don’t you want a boyfriend?”
My heart melts at the concerned look on his face. “Maybe one of these days, but right now, I have my hands full with you.” I give his belly a tickle before kissing him good night and closing his door behind me.
Once I’m in bed, I plug my phone into its charger, sadness sinking in again as my screen lights up with only my screen saver, no “emergency” texts from Jude.
I must have dreamed of Jude while I napped because I wake up with the usual throb between my legs. No man has ever made me feel the way he did—in the bedroom or out—and I long to be with him again, to feel his body pressed against mine and watch his face as he enters me.
Squeezing my thighs together, I try to relieve the ache and think of something other than Jude. There’s no way I’m going to rub one out while I’m at work. I have to get my body under control before I start seeing patients.
The sound of a woman’s anguished voice filters through the wall, officially breaking me from my Jude-spell, and I quickly gather myself and run down the hall to see if I can help.
Before I get around the corner, recognition floods my brain at not only the sound of the woman’s voice, but other voices as well.
Holy shit, the Harrises are here.
In my ER.
I peek into the lobby and see Lucy hugging Will before my gaze falls on Jude. He’s heartbreakingly beautiful as he holds his weeping mother, while also listening to… Daniel?
Oh, my God. Keith.
He’s the only one missing from the group, and seeing Daniel standing there, in doctor mode...It can only mean one thing.
Knowing there’s nothing for me to do here, medically, I allow myself to watch Jude a little longer. Seeing him both hurts and heals my heart, and I know I need to leave before I get caught. As I start to back away, Susan leaves Jude’s arms and hugs Daniel.
I’m fascinated by the way Jude’s jaw clenches at that moment, but I force myself to keep retreating until I realize that Susan is now watching me. My eyes widen, and hers soften, causing me to turn around and run back into the staff lounge.
Coward.
I hole up and avoid the hallways as long as possible, worried about Keith but afraid to insert myself into Jude’s family, even though I miss them. It’s only an hour later when Susan finally corners me outside the cafeteria, like she’d been seeking me out.
“Quinn! I’m so happy I ran into you,” she says as she pulls me into a bone-crushing hug.
Giving in to it, I bask in her embrace, hugging her back tightly. “How is Keith? I saw you speaking with D—Dr. Cartwright. Is it his heart? Is he okay?” All of my concerns come flooding out.”
“Oh, he’s fine.” She waves her hand like she’s swatting a bug away. “The man thought he was having a heart attack. Scared us all to death, I swear! Turns out, it was just gas.”
My eyes widen and I practically choke on air. “I’m sorry, what?”
“You heard me,” she says, quirking an eyebrow and shaking her head. “After he was finally in a room, hooked up to every machine possible, he ripped the loudest fart known to man. I’m surprised the hospital is still standing.” Annoyance and amusement are shown equally in her face, but I also recognize the pure love and relief she feels. I can’t help but wonder how Jude is feeling and whether or not he’s still here.
As if she can read my mind, Susan tells me, “Jude is still with him in the ER, you know. I’m sure he’d love to see you.”
“I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t.” I shake my head adamantly. “I don’t know if he’s told you anything about us, but we stopped seeing each other a few months ago.” Most people probably think seeing each other means dating, but I’m confident Susan Harris knows exactly what that means pertaining to me and her son. It’s more tactful and respectful than saying I’m no longer fucking your son. Although it felt like so much more, but that’s something I’ve tried to avoid thinking about and now is definitely not the time.
“He told me, but that doesn’t mean anything. I see his face when he hears your name and I saw you when you were watching him in the lobby. You both need to get your heads out of your asses and talk to each other.”
Don’t hold back, Susan.
My heart clenches at the memory of our interaction at the bar a week ago. “I’ve tried to talk to him...He wouldn’t listen.”
“Well, you’re just gonna have to make him listen.” The way she looks at me, like she’s conspiring with secret forces, causes me to take a step back. “I have the perfect plan,” she says, clapping her hands before grabbing my arm and pulling me to a nearby bench.
“I don’t know,” I say, shaking my head as she forces me down beside her. I’ve only been around Susan a couple of times, but it was long enough to know she’s a force to be reckoned with. Her having a plan makes my stomach twist into a knot.
“You remember how an auction works, right?”
Chapter 24
Jude
ARE YOU ALMOST HERE?
After quickly glancing at the text from my sister, I roll my eyes and toss my phone back in the passenger seat. Lucy obviously has something up her sleeve because she’s been pestering me all week about whether or not I’ll be at this week’s Sunday dinner.
Like I’d miss it.
After Dad’s scare last week, I’m back to making Harris Family Dinners a priority.
My stomach drops just thinking back on that day. When I first got the text, my Quinn-fueled tunnel vision made me only see the word “emergency”. It took me a minute to see the rest of the message, where my sister told me they were taking my dad to Mercy.
In that initial split second, when I thought the message was from Quinn, I felt very conflicted. Part of me was elated to hear from her and was ready to meet her at the hotel, but then my com
mon sense kicked in. I was pissed and hurt that she would think I’d immediately jump into our old arrangement without another thought.
Once my vision cleared and I read the rest of the text, all thoughts of Quinn fell to the wayside, and I headed to the hospital. I hadn’t even thought about being at Quinn’s place of employment until I saw Dr. Cartwright step into the waiting room to talk to my mom. I was less than thrilled to see him but knowing he’s one of the best cardiologists in the state made me relieved he was helping my dad.
My dad, who should be able to tell the difference between a heart attack and gas at his age.
Thinking about the expression on my mom’s face when he ripped the big one, as it is now referred to and will forever be known as, in his room has me chuckling to myself.
I swear, my family is crazy, but I love them.
Once I knew my dad would be okay, I took a little stroll around the ER to see if Quinn was working. Cindy busted me and let me know she was on her dinner break. I never did see her there, but I guess it was for the best.
I said my piece in my drunken state the other night, and I don’t regret it.
Mentally, I kicked myself when I sobered up, wishing I’d just heard her out. I know how it feels to have things you need to say to somebody and I hate that I didn’t just man up and listen to her. When it’s all said and done, I hope one of these days I can see Quinn out somewhere and be cordial. Regardless of everything that’s happened, I still want only the best for her.
Even if that’s Daniel.
But I feel like the ball is in her court now. I can’t keep chasing after her or pining away for her anymore. I have to get my shit together, and if she wants to talk more, she knows where to find me.
When I get to my parent’s house, my mother greets me at the door, and I make sure to squeeze a little bit harder when she hugs me. For as aggravated as she was with my father’s ER fiasco, I know she was worried about him and scared about the what-ifs. She has since put him on a strict diet, just to be safe, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s really her form of punishment for him putting her through so much grief.